Xexilia O. Shadows

Thank you to everyone who made it out! Also, remember—don’t trust anyone online trying to lure you into the woods, and don’t trust anyone willing to go WITH you into the woods—it’s a good way to get serial murdered or have your soul stolen and sold on the black market.

So, Thursday at 6PM, I have my live set. Tickets are $10-$15 and the club prefers people purchase them ahead online. If anyone can make it and give my name to the door ticket taker, that would be amazing. Yes, you can take video, photos, and there’s food and alcohol you can order.

Can’t make it? SHARE AND COMMENT, because later you’ll wish you’d been there! Bragging rights for funny and supportive comments.

Richmond FunnyBone is the location. See you tomorrow!

Patton Collette April Garrison Michael Beane Kee Morris Mark Montecalvo Jennifer Bailey Joshua Stearns Carld Braff Tyler Guill Caryn Fuerte Carrie Thorpe Shan Shockley Stephanie Ann Morris Michael Arciero Rustin Dean Dustin Cole Brian C Phillips Christine Fandel Branden Cluka Tylor Guillis Sarah Dakota Maggie Rogers Cory Fusting George Granger Tyler Gwill Holly Austin Jessie Isbell Jacob Bssid Turner Jessica Williams Richard Johnson Jimi Ledraff K. L. Seunnapha Irene Y. Lee Lola Pop Araina Marie Wally Nguyen Brad Quinn Gray Granger Danielle Reynolds Jared Rogers September Roth James Roy Becca Burnett Sarah Dakota Marie Holdness Zachary T Webb Cassandra Walker Zea Webb Xexilia Zajac

Today is officially the twenty year anniversary of the last time I was hospitalized for a su***de attempt. I am sad. I *am* depressed.

But I’ve made it twenty years.

Sold an original piece from the Eternity Concepts collection! Only smaller prints are available from now on; It belongs now to a private collector.

Don’t recognize her? You should—it’s Julians’ little sister, Maria!

Maria was one of THE most stereotypical characters of the film. Her character is the standard girl with an inappropriate attraction, which was a common anime trope. Since I have so many siblings, I refused to give Maria a “brother complex”—and instead, her crush is on Hollow. In the movie there isn’t a huge focus on it or Maria, because frankly. . .it didn’t move the plot. Scenes with Maria seemed to just fill time, nothing less, nothing more. That, and it added some tension for Julian.

In the manga, Maria is 100% different. Firstly, she and Julian look alike, another thing not typical in anime with siblings, so originally, there was no concern for this. Secondly, Maria no longer has a crush or love interest—her character is complex enough and adding in one for her (Which I considered), would have created massive issues (Why does Maria attend a co-ed school while Julian didn’t?, for example.) I worked Maria back into the plot for the manga because, without her, I didn’t see Julian as having enough relationships or bonds to keep him motivated to last as long with his depression as he has to by the *start* of the manga. Maria is born when Julian is 12, and the manga starts with him at 26. Despite the age difference, the two are extremely close (But NOT *that* close, you weirdos.)

But in the film, she’s a side character AT BEST. She was a combination of a lot oversexed females, and her entire purpose was to freak out Julian with her inappropriate behavior, and to freak out Julian as she basically only appears to make advances at Hollow. This was the 90’s, and clearly, anime was kinda different (You could compare this Maria to Rei/Sailormars (90’s), Nanami, and many characters from harem titles.)

I’m working on a novel of Eternity Concepts; Like the film and the manga, the book ALSO will have plot differences, some major, some minor.

They say cats find and adopt YOU.

Been bummed and stressed, and my best friend and I recently celebrated being friends for ten years—bestie suggested a kitten for me as a gift, but I wasn’t feeling like I could care for, nor did I deserve, a kitten. Calypso is still standoffish at times, too, so I worried a kitten would make her feel threatened. At the same time, our other two cats are older and time with them is short. Since my step-father died, I wanted to add a new pet to my life—to add more LIFE than death.
But the stress has been insane.

I also am not someone who ever finds a kitten.

Last night, my bestie showed up, after a quick call. My best friend had parked their car while traveling, and from under it—which they had JUST gotten out of—appears this little, pastel orange kitten. My best friend is perplexed—how the kitten got there, itself, is weird. No one in the area owns cats—in fact, oddly, people kill them. Bestie isn’t sure where the kitten came from, but two things are certain:

1. Besties’ relatives can’t take the kitten. They’re dog people, and have NOTHING for a kitten.
2. This kitten HAS to be relocated—immediately. There’s no time to waste, because locals kill cats—several of which were the cats of besties’ relatives, hence the unwillingness to keep the kitten.

So, today I found myself with a brand new baby kitten. . .right when I was 100% not prepared or in the headspace for a kitten.

It’s been less than 24 hours and we’re inseparable. He, like Calypso, is a mix of both my past loves. I don’t know where this cat came from, but my bestie and I feel like he pulled a Homeward Bound, looking for his family.

And he found us.

Look, it’s another scene clip I can’t discuss AT ALL because it’s a spoiler! AGAIN. This is the same problem with ALL the artwork for Eternity Concepts, even about 90% DETAILS of Eternity Concepts. The most common question I get, hands down, across all groups, is ‘Are Julian and Ezra dating?’ 😶

“I want to write a unique story,” I said. “Totally original!” I said. “Everyone loves the best stuff, and the best stuff is always the ORIGINAL!” Just like how everything I liked and loved best was original!

Which, OF COURSE, it wasn’t. I THOUGHT it was, but I thought a lot of things I have been wrong about.

So, I lucked out in terms of still images, concept art, that kinda stuff. But so far, not even so much as a gif of someone blinking or the wind in their hair (Which, clearly, we liked animating hair movement.) However, enough bits and pieces have been dug up where I could compile a BOOK, given it’s my IP and I directed a lot of the film (Which just means I said ‘I want this to happen while the characters talk’ or such and, we all sat down and made it happen. I think it was just because it was my story—the next one we had picked to do was someone else, and she’d be making those decisions for her own story.)

However, some problems—are the fact some stuff *I want to include SO BAD* but will spoil the series. So, I had some free time and began writing Eternity Concepts *The Novel*.

I’ve always been asked if I’d release it as a novel or been told the storytelling is more like one. Oddly, Ezra originally came from an unrelated novel I never released.

So, I’m thinking if there’s enough interest in the novel, I’ll keep at it. I’ve also been writing a lot lately and it’s time to start using my SubStack. Leave a comment on thoughts of either book.

“Ed Bradley investigates Charter Behavioral Health Systems a chain of psychiatric hospitals and reveals evidence of unsafe conditions, injuries, deaths and cover-ups in hospitals from Massachusetts to California. Season 1, Episode 14, ‘Unsafe Haven’, Episode aired Apr 21, 1999” “. . .the nurse in charge asked him to hold a group session for children. He declined, and another MHT stepped in. She showed the group the movie Independence Day, Afterward, she asked the group if they believed in aliens. Then she asked them a hypothetical question: Given the choice between saving their own life or that of their pet, which would they choose?” “His supervising nurse also told him that she emphasized the negative when writing her evaluations. Why? So that insurance companies would continue to pay for patients' treatment. "Because, that's how they get paid," the nurse told Johnson, as his hidden camera rolled.” "The kids spend all day with the mental health technicians," he says. "They had been working at UPS, at Outback Steakhouse. You're paying a thousand-some dollars a day for an eight-dollar an hour mental health technician to run the group for your kid." “Contrary to Charter's own rules, Johnson was put on the ward with no training.”

From inside the magazine.

**ianime

The reel has the color version.

Newtype, January of 2000. At this time, New Type was an anime staple, but not yet exported to the US. While Hollow is the cover, weirdly it goes unmentioned until the film analysis.

To think how much headache we would have been spared if we’d JUST went ahead and cut this character. I really think, if we’d just NEVER included him, we would have been spared the stress of threatening emails, a handful of small protests, and worried we were on the brink of a lawsuit due to “moral decency”. I won’t say where this happened or get into why, but it ultimately caused the group to lose touch—I think it was so traumatic, a lot of us couldn’t even talk to each other, anymore. 1999 was a different time—and while today no one would blink, at the time the best known scene this guy is in? It evidently was so blind blowing a group of people literally tried to sue us for making it. It was weird and upsetting, as many of us found people we were close to who. . .agreed that the project shouldn’t be released. As I said, nothing came of it—but I debated writing this guy out entirely. I wish I had.

**ianime

The family member of one the now deceased members of the project sent this in, explaining it was something they had found pinned in their office (Unchanged since their su***de in mid-2000.) This character cannot be named, which is why the ads didn’t include it. Familiar?

So, I just now realized I haven’t been updating my pages or groups, as I *wrongly* assumed my posts were instantly shared across all three, and had forgotten the fact it shares from my Instagram—which I haven’t been using much lately. So, that said, some news:

1. Last year, my beloved best friend, Vincent, passed away. I’m still very torn up about her passing, as well as Iggy’s, and my other three cats before them.
2. I turned out to have something called Prolonged Grief Disorder, which is a super fun thing which when someone dies, you grieve for an abnormally long time—and it may never ‘end’ for you (Honestly I had no idea it ever ended for anyone.)
3. My family adopted Calypso, because of my extreme grief over Vincent and Iggy. Calypso has been with me for almost a year, and frequently can be found nearby—she follows me most everywhere.
4. I’ve been diagnosed with ANOTHER chronic illness with no cure and few treatments—fibromyalgia. At this point, my family has purchased a wheelchair. I’ve yet to use it—frankly, I just don’t see myself as bad off enough to—but it turns out I’m. . .kinda blind to how bad my health is. Someone asked me the other day when the pain began, and I started to answer—and then I REALLY thought about it. My reply was, “I thought everyone was in pain, all of the time, since I can remember—it was just something no one ever talked about. My parents would mention aches and pains, so I assumed EVERYONE had daily aches and pains, headaches, whatever, just, no one at school ever talked about it.” The person who asked looked really surprised and exclaimed shock at this, so, uh—I guess that was just me? I *seriously* can’t believe this is abnormal.

And finally:

4. My stepfather died two and a half months ago. He was in my life for 31 years, an abusive addict, and made life suck. I’ve been surprised by having ANY grief for the guy, but I’m finally turned the corner on the intense depression it hit me with.

As a result of his death and new diagnosis, I’ve been VERY abnormal—mainly I was deeply, insanely, intensely angry? I’m one of those people who is very patient and it takes a LOT to get me angry—I think the last time I was angry was over a decade ago, and before that, age 14 or 15? I consider myself as having an anger *problem*, because when I get angry. . .it’s all consuming and I never actually stop BEING angry about whatever event triggered it (I have, but I think that’s because I no longer speak to anyone who made me angry.) As an example of what I typically do, is I just refuse to keep engaging with who or whatever began to until I can recall the event without being emotional—this includes video games (Which if they make me frustrated or angry, I stop playing until the thought of playing them doesn’t remind me of whatever part that frustrated me to this level.) As a result, I’m currently no longer speaking to my biological father or any part of this branch of my family.

I apologize for not updating sooner, I just. . .kinda don’t want to talk about it. I don’t see any value in explaining my day to day state on social media. I’m more prone to blog about my life, and I’ve been promising to make a blog for a year or more, so I guess it’s time to get to that.

Also; The wheelchair was actually purchased for my stepfather, which arrived the day after he died. My family decided not to return it because they feel I need it. Our home was actually built by a man who designed it for his wife—who used a wheelchair—and we had a chairlift installed (Just three days before my stepfather died), so, luckily I. . .live in a home designed for one.
I haven’t used it yet—somehow I keep telling myself I don’t hurt enough to—but evidently I’m not seeing my health for what it is, as we’ve been discussing a trip involving a lot of walking. Since I’m allergic to the sun, I assumed the concern was “Oh, Xexilia can get sick from the sun,” so I pointed out I can bring sunscreen and special clothing to make this not an issue. Turns out the issue was the amount of walking, which confused me—until my best friend gently pointed out how often I need to sit and rest. . .which. . .is more than most, I guess. The idea is, if we go on a trip, the wheelchair will be a part of it.

You can probably guess that I am not into this idea and want to prove I won’t need one—so I’m planning on beginning water therapy just as soon as. . .I have the energy to swim.

So, sorry for the lack of updates. I’m alive. Just have a lot of doctor’s appointments to make and keep.

So, we ran ads in Punchline (RIP), and a few other indie publications for. . .maybe six months or more? Anime still was gaining ground, so since this was an indie project (Made by burning the candle at both ends by THE ENTIRE STAFF, most of us worked or were full time students, and as soon as we were free, we’d work until dawn—most weekends, I worked from Friday afternoon until about 2 to 4AM on Sunday, got two to four hours of sleep, and was up by 6AM for breakfast and the gym), we made it a focus to deliberately advertise in indie publications as a sign of solidarity. One of the animators (Now retired) sent this a few moments ago. This is Ezra—those who saw the film know that his role brought the cyberpunk elements into the film and he wasn’t a priest like in the manga. I’m still hoping we can find some footage or a VHS copy (We’d love to find the sub AND our dub that we did, though most of us used fake names to credit the ‘voice actors’ as. . .well, we weren’t voice actors and for some reason we were all shy about it. I still haven’t ever revealed which roles I did—and never will.) If you have even a CLIP, please DM me. The team scattered after the premier and most of us eventually lost touch, and I’ve discovered at least three have passed away.

#1999

Thanks to the last post, someone sent us another ad we ran before the release! Still hoping someone can upload the film itself; If you have a copy, even on VHS, please slide into the DMs.

Anyone remember the 1999 VHS release? Here’s an old newspaper ad we ran in the free, weekly Punchline Magazine (RIP.)

**ianime

So, this is a two part post. Originally, I wanted to post about as I’ve been living with most of my life—both the clinical kind (no appetite) and the mental illness. I’ve never talked about it publicly because I began the dieting behavior at age 7—I wasn’t aware it was an illness. Over the last several years, I have routinely been under 100lbs and been admitted to emergency care due to repeated malnutrition. I still struggle with it and I sort of don’t care if anyone else sees it as an issue.

Regardless; A few weeks ago I was out of town on a trip with my best friend, when my mother suddenly sent me a text asking when I would be home. I figured she just wanted to ensure I wouldn’t miss a doctors appointment, so I told her I’d be home the day before. Still—something struck me as off about it. She sent the text at 8:32AM, when I know for a fact she’s at work. She’ll reply to texts at work but rarely sends them. Still, I figured it was about the appointment, or perhaps I hadn’t done something while I house sat for her when she and my step dad took an out of town trip to see a sports game.

When I came home, I noticed our cats were meowing—something I haven’t heard them do in a very long time. After giving them lots of pets, I noticed the cat gate was open, as was the door for another cat my step father demanded we keep separated. As I put things in the fridge, I noticed we had cookies. GIANT cookies full of candy and with frosting.

We don’t make cookies often. When we do, we don’t add candy. We’ve NEVER frosted cookies. So—I was confused. I was trying to picture my mother and step father making cookies like this and. . .it didn’t add up. They also aren’t the kind they eat or buy. It may seem small, but these cookies were a major sign that something, my dear reader, was afoot.

My mom came in and waited for me to finish before asking me and my bestie to come and talk with her; I figured I was about to get a lecture on not feeding the cats correctly. Instead, my mom said this:

“Your step father died on Monday.”

That said, please excuse my extended absence from social media.

It’s and I’m getting surgery (Super duper minor surgery) on my toe.

Feels like I’m in the hospital every .

I have four different diseases, all rare or uncommon. I do not list or disclose all of them, but most are familiar with my autoimmune disease ( or ) and my .

Don’t forget tomorrow starts the new Facebook rule where they can use your photos. Don't forget Deadline today!!! It can be used in court cases in litigation against you. Everything you've ever posted becomes public from today Even messages that have been deleted or the photos not allowed. It costs nothing for a simple copy and paste, better safe than sorry. Channel 13 News talked about the change in Facebook's privacy policy. NOTE: Facebook is now a public entity. All members must post a note like this. If you prefer, you can copy and paste this version. If you do not publish a statement at least once it will be tacitly allowing the use of your photos, as well as the information contained in the profile status updates. DO NOT SHARE. Copy and paste.
Their new algorithm chooses the same few people - about 25 - who will read your posts. Therefore,
Hold your finger down anywhere in this post and "copy" will pop up. Click "copy". Then go your page, start a new post and put your finger anywhere in the blank field. "Paste" will pop up and click paste
This will bypass the system.
I DO NOT GIVE FACEBOOK PERMISSION TO SHARE ANYTHING OF MINE., THAT I HAVE PUT ON THEIR SITE, . PICTURES, CURRENT OR PAST POSTS, PHONE NUMBERS OR EMAILS.. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING CAN YOU USE IN ANY DESIRED MANNER WITHOUT MY WRITTEN PERMISSION OR VERBAL CONSENT.

Pages.

**i

My bestie and I went and saw as part of the traveling exhibit. It was transcendent.

Gallery night! I’ll be here until 8!

There are only THREE editions of Eternity Concepts volume 1 left! All are signed, and five contain clues—if you get a special clue book, you are welcome to share the clue as I doubt anyone will solve the puzzle, even with all five clues. Why? Well, no one has solved or even noticed clues in the series!

I apologize to all who came in for a print; I need a way to organize the prints. I’m still unsure of the best method to display them. I may have to take down some of the huge pieces, as the Eternity Concepts collection is made up of pieces that I cannot even lift. Any suggestions?

Tonight I’m here solo as my therapists are encouraging me to socialize, but like most of the display studio artists, I kinda have to stay in my studio to greet and talk to those who wander in.

My hair is the majority of my being, considering how much I have. This is up in a pony tail—a high one—and it’s still past my shoulders.

Gallery Night at yesterday was awesome, and I encourage you to go see the exhibits on display from two local high schools (One I’m an alum of!) I had a lot of fun talking to younger artists and seeing their works!

Vincent, my baby kitty, was put to sleep on Saturday. I’m an emotional mess and devastated.

An old logo design of mine.

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**i **i **i **iedit **ihard **ilove **imanga **imanhwa **imanhwae **imanhwaesit **imanhwaupdate **imanhway**imanga **isex

From left to right, Hollow, Julian, and Ezra from Eternity Concepts. Link in bio.

Originally I had Ezra as a cigarette smoker (As I was one myself for a time, but later quit entirely), but after giving Julian this trait, I didn’t want it common in the cast. Given Ezra’s comedic nature, making him a cannabis user made sense. This was actually kinda risky, since prohibition on cannabis at the time had only been partially repealed in two of the 50 states. A few years ago mine did as well.

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Hollow of Eternity Concepts, link in bio.

This is the first time I depicted a MASSIVE character change to Hollow versus Hollow’s design in the earlier incarnation of the series (Which had another name.)

This is a rare glimpse of Hollow angry and a rare use of it so bluntly in my art. My therapists are fixated on me feeling and expressing anger more often—but I fear that I may be slow to anger, yet also be angry on a level no one can talk me down from, so I’m not into it. How often do people usually get angry and for how long?

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