the_howls_of_the_blackwolf

Fifty Fourth Writing

It's been a long journey.
Since I can remember, you've always walked this road.
Or maybe it wasn't one, but many roads.
Always blinded by me of seeing what's ahead on the road.
And you've always wondered "How much more until it's over?".
I've shown you so many faces... And you've always wondered "How long will they last?".
I've taken you to so many places... And you've always wondered "Where am I going?".
I've made you go through so many many things...
Some wonderful things.
Some horrible things.
And you've always wondered "What's the purpose for all of this!?".
I've answered all your questions... Always with the same answer "I don't know".
Answer that many times you've believed to be a lie...
But It's not that simple.
You've wasted me so many times.
You've taken advantage of me so few times.
I've shaped... I've created what you are now.
But I don't have the answers that you've looking for.
Do you know who I am?
I don't really exist, but I won't last forever.
Do you know I am?
In the end, I am what you made of me... And you are what I made of you.
Do you know who I am?
In seconds, minutes, hours and years you may find me.
In clocks, dates and calendars you may find me...
Do you know who I am?
I am your life, I am your time... Talking to you right now.

Fifty Third Writing

I looked at the sky tonight.
It is such a beautiful night... All because of you, you look stunning as always.
My love... How can it be? How can we be so far away from each other?
I can barely hear your voice, calling for me.
My love... It breaks my heart.
Your voice... So sad, cold, lonely, heartbroken, in pain... And yet it is the sweetest sound.
Your voice, my only consolation.
Your voice, my only semblance of hope.
My love... Lonely moon.
My moon, my forbidden lover... I'm a wolf.
So on my honor I swear to you...
No matter how far we are, as long as I can hear your voice.
I'll keep howling to you.

Fifty Second Writing

Fortune decided that or paths had to cross once again.
In a normal day... A happy coincidence.
In a short small talk... A very special little detail.
But before I go any further... There's a few things I forgot to mention.
I don't believe in fortune or coincidences.
Destiny is not an option either 'cuz I don't believe in it.
As a matter of fact, there's not a lot of things that I believe in nowadays.
However, sometimes some things are worthy to belive in.
In that moment a certain heart decided to belive in that special little detail.
In that moment somebody knew that his heart was not to blame.
Because no heart could resist to such a beautiful smile.
Since that moment, a certain heart just desires to see that over and over again.
Since that moment, a certain heart just desires to create that smile at many times as possible.
Fortune is not to blame, destiny is not to blame... This certain heart is not to blame.
It was your smile... That turned my heart into a believer.

Fifty First Writing.

One day I shall die.
Time is limited, life is fragile and there's not such thing as forever.
Because just a grain in the sands of time we are.
Just a breeze in a hot summer day.
A falling leaf....
A spark, that turns into fire... And eventually it dies.
How meaningless can those things be?
How meaningful can those things be?
Just as meaningless or meaningful as life itself...
One day I shall die...
One day I shall face judgment... Or oblivion.
One day, if I made things right... I might prevail.
Because when that day finally comes... Only trough you I might live forever.
In the memories we created and you'll keep you might always find me.
In your heart, the feelings that we shared might be found, regardless of time.
Maybe through you... One day my life will be as meaningless as a grain in the sands of time or a falling leaf.
Maybe through you, one day my life will be as meaningful as a breeze in a hot summer day or the fire that consumes everything.
One day I shall die... That day I might become immortal.
The day I die... Through you I might shall live forever

Hello my dear readers...
Sorry for being absent, routine is driving me crazy and I needed some time...
Anyway there's a new writing coming and after that in a few days I'll have more time again so I can create more writings for all of you.

Fiftieth Writing.

How I wish you would never end...
Please I beg you to never end.
Please surround me with the calm of your darkness.
So maybe I can forget... At least for a moment.
So maybe I can dream... That my dreams are still alive.
Let me be one with your darkness for eternity.
Let your moon be the only light forever and ever.
Please hug me... Hold me until we become the same.
Please let me disappear into you... So the horrors of daylight will never find me.
Please never leave my side.
Stay with me forever... Because only you can save me.
But I know that you won't last forever...I know that you will abandon me too.
Because I love you... And everything that I love eventually abandons me.
I love you... So I know that the dream of us being together for eternity will die at dawn.
I love you... So I know that you will end.
I love you...
Oh beautiful night...
Oh my salvation... But just as everything I've loved, salvation had also been denied to me
So please... Ohh beautiful night.
End now... Even though I wish that you would never end.

Forty Ninth Writing

Again... That feeling again.
If only words could make justice to that feeling...
But no word can describe so much and so few.
No word is meaningful enough...
Again... That feeling again.
But... What's to lose for trying?
Again... That feeling again.
Absolute darkness around.
A cold that can't be compered to anything else...
It gets until the the deepest of your body.
Trapped inside that cold darkness...
Nothing to feel.
Nothing matters anymore.
Only one thought... Or maybe a realization.
Something' s broken.
Something can't be fixed.
A dead beating heart...
Again... That feeling again.
Sweet cold darkness... Surrounding a dead beating heart.
Painful cold darkness... Surrounding a dead beating heart.
Beautiful cold darkest... Surrounding a dead beating heart...
Again... That feeling again.
My cold darkness... Drowns my dead beating heart.
And again... Even these words are just not enough.

Forty Eight Writing

Once upon a time... A short eternity ago.
In a place that became in many places.
A short story took place... A short story that would last years.
A story of two strangers, that would become soulmates... Just to end up becoming strangers again.
A story in which two souls were always together... Even though their bodies were always apart from one another.
A story...
A story of someone who would have stopped blades and bullets if necessary... Just to protect what he loved.
A story...
A story of someone who never imagined that he would be destroyed by the very same thing that he wanted to protect.
Someone that never imagined that the one he trusted would be the one sticking the knife on his heart.
That the the bullets he would take came from the one that he loved.
A story...
Just one more story that no voice will ever share.
Just one more story to be lost in time.
A story...
Just a story...
That took place once upon a time... A short eternity ago.

My dear readers.

I wanted to apologize to all of you for not posting anything in such a long time...
I was short on time and routine was killing my inspiration.
But I'm back so I hope that you like the new writing and hope to be bring you new writings very soon.

Forty Seventh Writing

Just one word...
Just one thought...
Just one feeling...
Something so familiar to you... Something that you're so used to.
But how can you explain that to someone else?
How can you explain how just one word has shaped you?
How can you explain that one thought that never leaves your mind?
How can you explain that feeling that has never abandon you for the last years?
How can you explain all the feelings comprehended on it?
How can you explain the fear?
How can you explain the pain and the sorrow?
How can you explain the anxiety?
How can you explain the hate?
How can you explain the remorse?
How can you explain the courage?
How can you explain the momentaneous happiness?
How can you explain the calm?
How can you explain the love?
How can you explain the confidence in your actions?
Just one word... War.
Just one thought... War.
Just one feeling... War.
How can you explain... The war inside of you?

Forty Sixth Writing

You stand bravely... Facing what scares you.
Knowing how it could end... How it will probably end.
You know very well what scares you this time.
But you stand bravely... Facing what scares you, as always.
Stubborn as always...Reckless as always.
But you can't go against what you belive.
Loyalty has always been your guide...
So you stand bravely... Facing what scares you.
Facing her eyes.
Facing her smile.
Facing her beauty.
Facing her curiosity.
Facing her desire for knowledge.
Facing her intelligence.
Facing her kindness.
Facing her enthusiasm.
Facing her passion.
Facing that you like her... Facing her.
Stubborn as always...Reckless as always.
But you can't go against what you belive...
"Brave is not the one that doesn't feel fear... Brave is the one that faces the fear he feels."
"Fears only exist to be faced... Sooner or later."
Stubborn as always...Reckless as always.
Maybe it would be wise to stay away.
Knowing how it could end... How it will probably end.
But you stand bravely... Facing her.

Forty Fifth Writing

May I ask you... Where do you wanna go?
Where do you want to go when you are not where you are?
Where do you wanna go when you only want to runaway?
When your thoughts make no sense.
When you are hold immobile by invisible chains.
When the world feels just like a huge jail.
When even your shadow and your reflection seem to be a threat.
When you can tolerate being you...
May I ask you... Where do you wanna go?
How far could you run?
Could you run far enough to leave absolutely everything and everyone behind?
Could you run far enough to get to that place that you don't know where it is?
Could you run far enough to get to that inexistent place?
Could you run far enough to runaway from yourself...?
May I ask you... Where do you wanna go?
When you know that no matter where you go, it won't be far enough.
When you know that there's no place to runaway or hide.
'Cuz the world is a sphere and the end is right where you started.
'Cuz no matter how far you go... You can't escape from yourself.
So...
May I ask you... Where do you wanna go?

Forty Fourth Writing

Light bringing girl...
Today I thought I saw you... But obviously you were not there.
Just after realizing that you weren't there, I realized that I wanted you to be there.
Just after realizing that you weren't there, your name came to my lips... But I'm too proud to pronounce it.
Just after realizing that you weren't there, I wanted to cry for you... But I'm too proud to give you anymore of my tears.
Just after realizing that you weren't there, I realized that I haven't heard your voice in a long time... But I'm too proud to talk to you again.
Just after realizing that you weren't there, my heart slowed down, disappointed but relieved... But I'm too proud to give any importance to it.
Just after realizing that you weren't there, I realized that I've missed you all this time... But I'm too proud to feel anything for you anymore.
Just after realizing that you weren't there, I realized that I still can't forget all the moments that we had together... But I'm too proud to go into those memories.
Just after realizing that you weren't there, I realized that you will never be there again... Because I'm too proud to look for you.
Just after realizing that you weren't there, I realized that I'm sorry.
I'm sorry but... I'm too proud also.
I'm sorry...
I'm too proud...
But somehow my pride just allow me to write about you.
Somehow my pride allow me to write that words that I know I'll never tell you... And that you'll never read.

Forty Third Writing

Once someone said "Home is where your heart is"...
So where is your heart?...
How did your heart came to be so lost?
Where is your broken heart?
Where is your poisoned heart?
Can such a heart find a home? Or is he condemned to wander eternally?
Throughout the last years you've seen the world through nomad's eyes.
Always moving from one place to the other...
You've been in so many places...
And it seems to be useless...
It seems like your heart gets more lost as time passes...
"Home is where the heart is"
You want to find a home, but... Can you find your heart?
Do you really want to find it?
"Home is where the heart is"
But could you really handle it?
Could you tolerate the weight?
Could you really tolerate the weight?...The weight of your own heart.
"Home is where the heart is"
So... Makes sense.
A lost home... For a lost heart.

Forty Second Writing

I'm sorry my dear... There's many things that I don't want you to know.
Maybe because you wouldn't care...
Maybe because of my pride...
I don't want you to know that I still think about you a lot more of what I should.
I don't want you to know that your memory still brings a small smile to my face... Just to reverse it entirely after a few seconds.
I don't want you to know that keeping the promise of being friends is one of the toughest things I've faced.
I don't want you to know that I spent countless nights trying to find a way of getting you to love me again.
I don't want you to know that I still haven't figure out a way to live without the lie of your love.
I don't want you to know that, since you left, I'm indifferent to what the future might bring.
I don't want you to know that my life seems senseless now that you're gone away.
Maybe because you wouldn't care...
Maybe because of my pride... That is the only thing that I have left since I lost you.
Same pride that makes me say that I don't want you to know.
So I hope that you never get to know what I just said.

Forty First Writing

Laying in bed, thoughtful...
Laying in bed, I light up another cigarette.
I take the first smoke, hold it for a few moments... And then I let out the smoke.
Laying in bed, thoughtful, I stare at the smoke...
It is so simple... But it catches my entire attention.
The smoke that comes from my cigarette.
The smoke that comes out of my mouth.
The smoke...
It just last a few moments... Then it disappears.
It just last a few moments... But it moves as it pleases all around.
It just last a few moments... But it dances at it's own rhythm for you before disappearing.
It just last a few moments... Few moments of abstract ethereal existence...
It just last a few moments... Then it disappears.
Then I take another smoke... And it all starts again...
The smoke of my cigarette, just like the thoughts on my mind tonight...
It just last a few moments... Then it disappears.
Just one difference.
The difference is the cigarette will be over...
Eventually the cigarette will light of...
Eventually the cigarette will consumed itself...
And I'll keep laying in bed, thoughtful...
'Cuz the thoughts in my mind will never be over.

Fortieth Writing

Since the very first moment I knew.
Since the moment I met her I knew.
There was something special about her...
Since the very first moment.
Since the moment I met her...
There she was... This girl.
Strange clothes.
Beautiful blonde hair.
Delicate, exquisite body shape... So delicate and yet so strong.
Wonderful big eyes, full of brightness but with quite a story to tell.
Elegant and glamorous face.
Cute smile that showed complete disregard for what others may think or say... A cute smile that just cared about being herself.
She was definitely gorgeous...
But there's a lot of pretty girls out there... That was not what made her special...
I needed to find out what was it...
When I finally found out what made her special... I liked her even more.
It was her mind... What a beautiful intellectual mind she had.
We were complete opposites in every single ideological aspect.
We almost never agreed on anything... We only agreed to disagree.
But our conversations and debates were exquisite.
But what a beautiful mind she had...
It was her mind what I like the most about her.
It was her mind what drived me crazy.
It was her mind what overshadowed any other charms that she had.
It was her mind... What made her special to me.

Thirty Ninth Writing

Don't worry my love, I don't blame you...
I was the one that foolishly believed every word you said.
I was the one that foolishly feel in your trap.
I was the one that foolishly believed in the meaning of the love words we once said.
I was the one that foolishly believed in the promises we made.
I was the one that foolishly believed in the miracle we could have created.
Don't worry my love, I don't blame you...
I was the one that foolishly trusted you like I never trusted anyone before.
I was the one that foolishly thought that you would never leave my side.
I was that one that foolishly gave you his heart without guaranties.
I was the one that foolishly loved you like anyone else could love someone.
Don't worry my love, I don't blame you... It was all my fault.
Because I was the fool.
I was your fool.

Thirty Eighth Writing

Once I had a dream...
The most beautiful dream I've had.
The most horrible dream I've had.
The most vivid dream I've ever had.
Never in my life I hated someone like I hated Morpheus that night.
How did he dared to show me something so beautiful!?
Such a simple dream... But that dream was everything I ever wanted.
The most beautiful dream I've had...
If I close my eyes I still can remember the happiness I felt in that dream...
Never in my life I had been so happy.
The most horrible dream I've had...
Because then I woke up... Back to reality.
First I was in shock... Then I cried, then I screamed.
Wishing I had never woke up... Wishing I had stayed there.
The most vivid dream I've ever had.
If I close my eyes I still can feel every sensation.
Never in my life I had felt something so wonderful.
Once I had a dream...
A dream from wish I wish I had never woke up...
Because if I close my eyes I still can feel the pressure and the warmth of your lips.
If I close my eyes... I still can feel the kiss I was never able to give you.

Thirty Seventh Writing

Night falls...
And as usual... I'm not sleepy.
Night falls...
And as usual... Morpheus refuses to allow me into kingdom.
Night falls...
And as usual... I spend the night between ci******es and thoughts, just remembering that there's a world outside because of the sound of the music.
Night falls...
And as usual... There's nothing to help me to rest.
No tea.
No warm milk.
No wine or whisky.
No pills.
No nothing.
And even if I could have any of those things... Probably it wouldn't make any difference.
Because tonight... I belong to her,
Tonight... Again I belong to her, my faithful partner.
Insomnia... Dear Insomnia, I hate you and I love you so much.
Insomnia... Dear Insomnia, I've lost count of the many nights we've spent together.
Insomnia... Dear Insomnia, What plans do you have for tonight.
Insomnia... Dear Insomnia, What will you bring me tonight?
Will you bring me inspiration?
Will you bring me torment?
Or will we just do nothing together?
Insomnia... Dear Insomnia, I guess it doesn't matter.
Insomnia... Dear Insomnia, tonight I'm yours again.

Thirty Sixth Writing

Writers... We're all writers.
I'm a writer... But not just for the poems that I write for you to read.
You're a writer... Even if you don't know how to write.
It doesn't matter... If you've never wrote a novel, an academic book, an essay, a poem or even a single word in your life, you've been a writer without even knowing.
It doesn't matter... If you're the most successful writer in history, you were already a writer before you started writing.
You can write novels, academic books, essays or poetry but those will be secondary works.
Your primary work will be a story.
Your primary work will be your own story.
Since the moment you we're given consciousness, your story began to be written.
Since the moment you started taking your own decisions...
Since that moment you became a writer.
Probably you won't write the whole story all by yourself.
There will be a co-writer participating in that history.
God? Destiny? Luck? Coincidence? Chaos?
You decide the name.
For sure there will be many parts of that story that you won't like... And some others that you'll hate.
It might be a story but it won't be a fairy tale.
What matters is that you write as much of that story as you can.
Try to write the biggest part that you can.
You can't change what's been written already.
But you can write almost anything that you like for what's left of the story.
Almost infinite possibilities.
You can be the only protagonist... Or you could cross your story with someone else's story.
You can lose many things many times.
You can win many things a few times.
Almost infinite possibilities...
Happiness.
Sadness.
Hate.
Love.
Grief.
Joy.
Horror.
Probably everything on different proportions.
Remember that at some point we will be judge for the story we wrote.
Or even if we're never judged...
Just make it as yours as possible.

Thirty Fifth Writing

Who would have imagined?
We met each other many years ago.
It seemed to be just another day.
Was it a trick a destiny? Or just a happy coincidence?
Such a simple beginning, I just said hello.
I knew nothing about you.
You knew nothing about me.
Just two strangers.
Who would have imagined?...
Who would have imagined that it would be the beginning of a story?
Who would have imagined that the story would last years?
Who would have imagined?...
Who would have imagined that you would become such an important person to me?
Who would have imagined that you would change my life?
Who would have imagined that I would fall for you?
Who would have imagined that I would love you like I never loved anyone before?
Who would have imagined?...
Who would have imagined that your smile would become the most beautiful thing on earth to me?
Who would have imagined that I would lose myself in your eyes?
Who would have imagined that in your kisses I would find the keys to heaven?
Who would have imagined that your body would be my drug?
Who would have imagined that my only wish would be a life with you by my side?
I just said hello...
Who would have imagined?
Who would have imagined that the story wouldn't have a happy ending?
Who would have imagined that the story would end up with me broken and with you like in the beginning being just a stranger?

Thirty Fourth Writing

One night...
One night I said I loved you.
One night you said you loved me.
One night we said we loved each other.
The next day...
The next day I said I loved you.
The next day you said that we had to talk.
The next day you said that you couldn't be with me anymore.
The next day you said that you had to leave.
The next day I couldn't blame you for the decision you took.
It's been many nights since then...
It's been many days since then...
It's been so long since you left... Except that you're still here.
Every single night your memory is still here.
Every single day the feelings I had for you are still here.
Every single night the hopes and dreams I had with you are still here.
Every single day the promises we made but didn't keep are still here.
One night... Many nights ago, we said we loved each other.
The next day... Many days ago, you decided to leave.
It's been many nights since then... But you're still in my mind
It's been many days since then... But you're still in my heart.
Now we're friends... What a lie! What a bad joke!
Now we barely know each other... Now we're just a little bit more than strangers.
So why are you still here?
Why don't you leave definitely?
Why don't you release my heart from its captivity?
Why are you still here?.. If I lost you so long ago?

Thirty Third Writing

Hello Stranger.
Stranger... Oh, stranger! Come and take a look into my eyes.
These lifeless eyes... Oh, these dead eyes!
Stranger... Oh, stranger! Come and take a look into my eyes.
These eyes, once full of brightness... Oh, these eyes! Now filled with the darkness of the new moon night with no stars.
Stranger... Oh, stranger! Come and take a look into my eyes.
These eyes, windows of a poisoned heart... Oh, these eyes! Windows of a broken soul.
Stranger... Oh, stranger! Come and take a look into my eyes.
These eyes, that haven't seen God's eyes in a long time... Oh, these eyes! That stare at the Devil in his eyes every single day.
Stranger... Oh, stranger! Come and take a look into my eyes.
These eyes, that have seen hell freeze... Oh, these eyes! That have seen the world burn countless times.
Stranger... Oh, stranger! Come and take a look into my eyes.
These eyes, now living proof of the suffering that this world has caused me... Oh, these eyes! Now living proof of the hate that has consumed me.
Stranger... Oh, stranger! Come and take a look into my eyes.
These eyes, that used to look at the world with hope... Oh, these eyes! That now look at the world with indifference and disappointment.
Stranger... Oh, stranger! Come and take a look into my eyes.
These eyes, have dropped so many tears... Oh, these eyes! I feel so sorry for these eyes.
Stranger... Oh, stranger! Come and take a look into my eyes. Take a look and you'll see... Oh, you'll see! That we have the same dead eyes.

Thirty Second Writing

You still think about her, don't you?
Yes, I can see it in your eyes... I see it through the windows of your soul.
You make sure nobody sees it... But you can't hide it from me.
Because I am you and you are me.
And let me tell you, I think about her the same way you do.
You face the same uncertainty that I face every single day... Uncertainty about if you won't talk to her ever again, if you won't ever solve things out.
Or maybe it is a certainty that you disguise as an uncertainty... Because you don't want things to end up like this, but you don't see any other way.
And don't worry... Probably she won't know it.
She won't know how you still think about her every single day.
She won't know that you still treasure all the moments that you had together.
She won't know how much she meant to you.
She won't know that she still means something... But you don't know what.
She won't know know how much your mind went through the moments when she hurt you over and over again... Trying to find a reason to hate her, but something unknown wouldn't allow it.
She won't know how much your heart went through the good moments that you had together over and over again... Trying to find a way to forgive here, but something unknown wouldn't allow it.
She won't know... So many things that she just won't know.
But you prefer it that way, don't you?... Don't you?
Because I am you and you are me... I see in your eyes everything that you think about her.
Because I am you and you are me... I know that you see the same thoughts in my eyes.
But no matters how much I look into your eyes, no matters how much you look into my eyes... That answer just isn't there.
Because I am you and you are me...
Do you really prefer it that way?
Do I really prefer it that way?...

Thirty First Writing

In a beautiful silent night, just interrupted by soft music and the sound of a cigarette... Someone fantasizes.
In a beautiful silent night... Someone cries on the inside, for a wish that he'll never see come true.
Someone cries for what could be the childest wish... But for some reason his heart and soul don't care about how childish that wish might be.
In a beautiful silent night... Someone's heart and soul tell him that they wish to be free... Completely free.
In a beautiful silent night, just interrupted by soft music and the sound of a cigarette...
In a beautiful silent night... Someone fantasizes about the wings that he wishes so much, but he doesn't have.
In a beautiful silent night... Someone's heart and soul show to him the wings that they wish so much... But he doesn't have.
Beautiful, big, wings... Made of elegant, delicate looking, but strong black feathers.
Black wings... To fly away
Black wings... To go wherever he wishes, whenever he wishes.
Black wings... To disappear in the night's sky, where he would see everything and everyone, but nothing or anyone would see him... Nothing or anyone would get to him.
Black wings... Such a childish wish, and yet so intense.
So intense that he can't blame his heart and soul for the suffering brought by that wish... So intense that he just gives into it.
In a beautiful silent night, just interrupted by music and the sound of cigarette...
Ina beautiful silent night...Someone gives into a wish, a fantasy that makes him cry on his inside.
Someone heart and soul give into the most beautiful wish... A wish that breaks them.
Beautiful, big, elegant, delicate but strong black wings...
Why do you have to be just that?... Just a wish, just a fantasy.
But please sweet and beautiful wish, please sweet and beautiful fantasy... Don't abandon me tonight.

Thirtieth Writing

Another stormy night...
Another dark, cold, noisy, violent and stormy night.
Another dark of absolute darkness... Illuminated just by the moon, a few little stars and powerful lightnings.
Another cold night that takes you in, surrounding you with her arms, hugging you in such a perfect way... A hug so cold that matches perfectly the cold pain in your soul...
A pain so cold that it can't be evened by any frozen lake on earth.
Another noisy night... So noisy and yet so calmed, when the only noises that you can hear are the noises from storm itself...
Nothing more and nothing less.
Another violent night... Storm showing you it's strength, showing it's power... And you, only capable of watching that it could destroy everything if it wanted.
Another stormy night... Dominated only by wonderful harmonic chaos...Or maybe by chaotic harmony, who knows.
Another dark, cold, noisy, violent and stormy night... And yet such a beautiful night.
A beautiful terror... Or maybe a terrifying beauty.
Another stormy night... Perfect match for your inner storm...
Just a small detail makes the difference.
Your inner storm never stops... And probably never will.