Fernanda Megda/ Counsellor

Imagine this scenario: Your friend, partner, or family member is visibly upset. Instead of telling them to stop being angry, you say, "I can see how angry you are right now." Watch how their expression softens. You've just shown them that their emotions matter, that you care about their feelings. In that moment, you've not only diffused a potentially volatile situation but also deepened your connection.

Now, let's address a common concern: isn't this approach just allowing the person to stay angry? Not at all. Acknowledging their anger doesn't mean you're condoning their behavior. It means you're acknowledging their emotional state while leaving room for a constructive conversation. It's the first step toward resolution.

So, the next time someone you care about is angry, try acknowledging their feelings. Be present with them in that moment. You might be surprised at how this simple act of empathy can transform not only their emotional state but also the dynamics of your relationship.

Practices for Connection

1️⃣ Mindfulness Meditation: Practice stillness to quiet the mind, allowing intuitive whispers to surface.
2️⃣ Body Scan Yoga: Tune into bodily sensations, discerning between fear's tension and intuition's ease.
3️⃣ Journaling: Write down your feelings and reflections, deciphering the source of each emotion.
4️⃣ Nature Connection: Spend time in nature to attune yourself to its rhythms, aligning with your own natural flow.
5️⃣ Breathwork: Deep, intentional breathing clears the mind, making space for intuitive insights to emerge.

The more we drop into the body and allow the sensations to just be, the closer we get to our intuition.

Today in Brazil, we celebrate the children!
As a child I loved the 12th of October because not only was I off school, I used to get presents from my parents and family!

I think it’s so important to celebrate children, not only the ones outside of us such as our children, grandchildren, nephews and nieces, but our inner children!

When we grow up, most of us “exile” our inner children and suppress all the beautiful qualities that we used to possess when younger like curiosity, spontaneity, courage and innocence.

Today, I would like to encourage all of you to get in touch with your inner children and allow them to shine inside of you!!

Love

Fernanda

Often, these two voices within us can be confusing, but learning to discern between them is a powerful tool for self-discovery and growth.

Fear isn't just a mental state; it's a full-body experience. Somatic psychology teaches us that fear manifests physically – in our tightened chests, racing hearts, or knots in the stomach. These sensations are fear’s way of getting our attention, urging caution in the face of perceived threats.

💡 Recognising Fear: Signs & Signals 🚩

✅ Rapid Heartbeat: Fear often quickens the pulse, preparing the body for fight or flight.
✅ Shallow Breathing: Fear constricts the breath, making it rapid and shallow.
✅ Muscle Tension: Fear can tighten muscles, leading to sensations of stiffness or discomfort.
✅ Butterflies in Stomach: Fear might cause a fluttering feeling, often centered in the abdomen.
✅ Mind Racing: Fear can lead to racing thoughts, creating mental chaos and unease.

Intuition, on the other hand, feels like a gentle whisper, a soft pull in a certain direction. It often arises from a place of calm and centeredness. In yoga, this is akin to the quiet space between breaths, where the mind is serene and receptive.

💡 Tuning into Intuition: Signs & Signals 🌟

✨ Feeling Grounded: Intuition often brings a sense of rootedness and inner peace.
✨ Clarity and Calmness: Intuitive insights often arrive when the mind is clear and tranquil.
✨ Gut Feeling: Intuition might manifest as a subtle sensation in the stomach, signaling a truth.
✨ Synchronicities: Intuition sometimes communicates through meaningful coincidences or signs from the universe.
✨ Emotional Alignment: Intuitive decisions often align with a deep sense of emotional resonance and authenticity.

As we navigate the intricate paths of life, let's discern fear's warnings from intuition's guidance. Embracing the stillness within, we unlock the profound wisdom that resides in our hearts. 🌸💖

How do you differentiate between fear and intuition? Share your insights and let's learn from each other's journeys!

Regenerate

I arrived on Australian shores back in 2002, my heart filled with dreams and my spirit infused with hope. Since then, this beautiful land has not just been a home; it's been a warm, welcoming embrace, a sanctuary where dreams have been nurtured friendships have blossomed, and love has been found 💛

After years of calling this place home, I am thrilled and deeply moved to share that I've recently become an Australian citizen! 🇦🇺 This moment is a testament to the love and acceptance I've found here.

While I am extremely grateful for Australia, a land that has not only provided opportunities but has also enriched my life with its diverse culture, my heart remains deeply connected to my Brazilian heritage. 🇧🇷
The rhythm of samba, the taste of feijoada, and the warmth of my family are etched in my soul. I am immensely proud of my origins, for they have shaped me into the person I am today!

The journey of being an immigrant has its share of challenges. Adapting to a new culture, learning a different language, and navigating unfamiliar terrains have tested my resilience. Yet, with every challenge, I've emerged stronger, more understanding, and profoundly appreciative of the diversity that makes our world so beautiful.

This journey has taught me the power of embracing differences, the strength that comes from unity, and the beauty of being part of a global family.

Love,

Fernanda

Today, I want to talk about the fundamental principles of mental well-being in my opinion. Imagine your health as a pyramid, with its stability reliant on its base. Similarly, our mental health thrives when we prioritise these foundational elements first.

🔸 Sleep 💤
Quality sleep is the cornerstone of a healthy mind. It's during our slumber that our brain detoxifies, processes emotions, and consolidates memories. Adequate sleep equips us to face the day with resilience.

🔸 Diet 🍏
Nourishing our body with a balanced diet fuels our brain and body. Nutrient-rich foods provide the energy and focus needed for emotional regulation and mental clarity. A well-fed body supports a well-fed mind.

🔸 Exercise 🏋️‍♀️
Regular physical activity not only enhances our physical health but also boosts our mood. Exercise triggers the release of endorphins, the body's natural stress relievers, promoting a sense of well-being and reducing anxiety.

🔸 Stress Management Skills 🧘‍♂️
Stress is inevitable, but how we manage it makes all the difference. Practicing mindfulness, meditation, or relaxation techniques helps us navigate life's challenges with calmness. Stress management skills build our resilience against emotional turbulence.

🔸Meaningful Relationships 💖
Human connection is a fundamental need. Meaningful relationships provide emotional support, foster a sense of belonging, and offer opportunities for empathy and understanding. Healthy relationships are the bedrock of mental and emotional stability.

🌱 Why Prioritise the Base?

Addressing mental health concerns like anxiety or depression without a stable foundation is like building a house on shaky ground. By strengthening our sleep patterns, diet, exercise routine, stress coping mechanisms, and relationships, we fortify our mental fortress. This foundation equips us with the strength and vitality needed to confront and overcome life's challenges.

So,let's prioritize self-care, nourishing foods, movement, mindfulness, and genuine connections. As we strengthen our foundation, we empower ourselves to face life's complexities with grace and resilience. 🌍💫

I'd love to hear your thoughts on that!

I call it Dharma.
Mine is helping and teaching 💛.

What is yours?

Perfectionism, in the world of IFS, isn't just a drive for flawlessness; it's a protective part trying to shield us from criticism and rejection.

🔍 Understanding Perfectionism in IFS

In IFS, perfectionism is seen as a well-meaning but overzealous protector. This part believes that if we're perfect, we'll avoid pain, criticism, or rejection from others. It strives tirelessly to shield our vulnerable parts, aiming to create a facade of flawlessness.

Making Perfectionism Softer: The IFS Approach

1️⃣ Acknowledge with Compassion: Recognise your perfectionistic part with gentleness. Understand that it emerged to protect you, albeit in a misguided way. Embrace it with love and understanding.

2️⃣ Curiosity Over Criticism: Instead of berating yourself for not being perfect, be curious. Ask your perfectionistic part why it feels the need to strive for unattainable perfection. Understanding its origin can lead to compassion.

3️⃣ Connect with Vulnerability: Acknowledge and embrace your vulnerable parts. Realise that it's okay to make mistakes; they are a natural part of being human. Vulnerability is not a sign of weakness but a testament to your authenticity.

4️⃣ Self-Compassion Practice: Cultivate self-compassion as a counterforce to perfectionism. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a close friend facing a challenge.

5️⃣ Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection: Shift your focus from perfection to progress. Celebrate your efforts, growth, and resilience. Understand that the journey of becoming is filled with beautiful imperfections.

Embracing Imperfection: Your True Essence 💖

By softening the edges of perfectionism with the tools of IFS, you allow your authentic self to shine through. Embracing your imperfections doesn't diminish your worth; it enhances your humanity. It's within the cracks that the light gets in, illuminating the beauty of your uniqueness.

How do you embrace imperfection in your life?

Share your insights and inspire others on their journey to self-compassion!

As a psychologist, I often witness the power of communication in shaping our relationships and well-being.

Scenario 1: "I shouted at you because YOU disrespected me."

In this statement, the focus is on blaming the other person, which can lead to defensiveness and escalation of conflict. It's important to recognize that attributing our reactions solely to others' actions can hinder effective communication.

Scenario 2: "I am sorry I shouted at you. I got triggered by what you said."

This approach acknowledges personal responsibility and vulnerability. It opens the door to a healthier, more empathetic dialogue where both parties can understand and support each other.

Research indicates that taking ownership of our emotions and triggers can lead to:

1️⃣ Improved Conflict Resolution: By expressing our feelings without blame, we encourage a more constructive conversation.

2️⃣ Strengthened Relationships: Vulnerability and accountability foster trust and connection.

3️⃣ Enhanced Emotional Intelligence: Understanding our emotional reactions helps us manage them effectively.

Remember, effective communication is a skill that can be developed. Let's practice empathy, self-awareness, and open dialogue to build healthier connections with ourselves and others.

How we respond to our anxiously attached partners when they express their emotions?

It's easy to dismiss their feelings with a simple "you are overreacting." However, this phrase can unintentionally invalidate their emotions and make them feel unheard and misunderstood. 😔

Instead, try responding with empathy and openness by saying something like, "Let's talk about what's bothering you." This approach acknowledges their feelings and invites them to share their thoughts and concerns.

Anxiously attached individuals often have heightened emotional responses because they deeply care about their relationships. By actively listening and engaging in a conversation, you create a safe space for them to express themselves without judgment.

✨ Remember, open dialogue is the key to building trust and understanding in any relationship. Let's choose our words wisely to foster deeper connections!

I am often asked about the different therapy modalities, so I decided to explore why I'm a firm believer in the transformative potential of experiential approaches over traditional talking therapy.

🔍 Talking Therapy vs. Experiential Therapy (like IFS) 🔍

Talking therapy, like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or psychoanalysis, has long been a cornerstone of mental health treatment. It's all about the power of words, self-reflection, and exploring our conscious thoughts and feelings.

However, there's another dimension to therapy that's often overlooked - the experiential approach. Enter Internal Family Systems (IFS), a prime example of experiential therapy.

🌈 The Difference in Approaches 🌈

🔝 Top-Down Approach:
Talking therapy primarily engages the "thinking" part of our brain – the cognitive, analytical side. It's like trying to understand a puzzle by examining individual pieces without delving into the whole picture.

👇 Bottom-Up Approach (like IFS):
Experiential modalities, such as IFS, take a holistic approach. They tap into our emotions, bodily sensations, and the deeper, subconscious layers of our psyche. It's like exploring the puzzle by stepping back and seeing the entire masterpiece.

🌟 The Power of IFS 🌟

IFS goes a step further in experiential therapy by acknowledging that our minds are like a family system with various "parts." Each part has its unique role, and sometimes, they may clash or create inner conflicts.

Here's why IFS shines:

1️⃣ Self-Exploration: IFS helps us explore and understand these inner parts, giving us insights into our inner dynamics.

2️⃣ Healing from Within: It enables us to heal emotional wounds and reduce internal conflicts by addressing each part's needs.

3️⃣ Empowerment: IFS empowers us to take charge of our mental well-being by fostering self-compassion and self-leadership.

4️⃣ Lasting Transformation: By engaging our inner world, IFS often leads to lasting, profound changes in our lives.

Remember, there's no one-size-fits-all in therapy! It's crucial to find the approach that resonates most with your unique journey.

What are your thoughts on this?

Celebrating 13 Wonderful Years with My Daughter! 🎉

My heart is bursting with pride and love today as my beautiful daughter turns 13! 🎂💖

Being a mother to a teenager is a rollercoaster of emotions. There are moments of pure joy and laughter, where we bond over our favorite vampire series, movies, and inside jokes. I cherish those times more than words can express.

But, like any journey, there are challenges too. The teenage years bring a whirlwind of changes - both physical and emotional. It's a time of discovery, independence, and growth, and it can be tough to navigate at times.

Yet, even in those challenging moments, I see the incredible young woman you're becoming, and I couldn't be more proud. Your determination, kindness, and creativity inspire me every day.

So, to my amazing daughter, on your 13th birthday, I want to say this: You are loved beyond measure. Your journey into the teenage years is just the beginning of a beautiful adventure, and I'll be here every step of the way.

Happy birthday, sweetheart! 🎈🎁 May your year be filled with laughter, love, and endless possibilities.

Presence vs. Reactivity

Imagine a typical scenario: You're having a conversation with your partner, and they say something that triggers you. In a reactive state, you might snap back with a hurtful comment or withdraw emotionally. This knee-jerk reaction often escalates conflicts, leading to misunderstandings and emotional distance.

Presence, on the other hand, is about being fully engaged in the conversation without letting your emotions run the show. It's about listening actively, empathizing with your partner's perspective, and responding thoughtfully rather than reactively. When you're present, you create a space for understanding and connection to flourish.

Why Reactivity Is Harmful to Your Relationships?

Reactivity is like a wildfire in your relationships. It feeds on miscommunication, misunderstanding, and emotional turbulence. Here are a few reasons why it's detrimental:

Escalation: Reactivity can turn a small disagreement into a full-blown argument. It's like pouring gasoline on a spark, making matters worse instead of resolving them.

Communication Breakdown: When you react without thinking, you often say things you later regret. These hurtful words can damage trust and create emotional scars.

Misunderstandings: Reactivity can prevent you from truly understanding your partner's perspective. Instead of listening, you're formulating your response, which can lead to misinterpretations.

Emotional Drain: Constant reactivity can be emotionally exhausting for both you and your partner. It creates a cycle of negativity that's hard to break.

Stay tuned for more on this!

What NOT to say to your anxiously attached partner or friend.

A little phrase that can make a big difference in your relationship: "I need more space." While it may seem harmless, it can be a game-changer when you express your needs with empathy and clarity. 💬

Anxiously attached partners often crave emotional closeness and reassurance. When they hear "I need more space," it can trigger feelings of abandonment and insecurity. 😔 It might leave them wondering if something is wrong or if you're distancing yourself from them.

Instead, try saying something like, "I need some time alone right now, but we'll reconnect later." This approach shows that your need for solitude is about you and your self-care, not a rejection of them. 💆‍♀️💆‍♂️

It's crucial to strike a balance between maintaining your individuality and nurturing your relationship. By communicating your needs thoughtfully, you create a safe space for both partners to grow and thrive.

Have you ever felt triggered or overwhelmed by your emotions, struggling to find inner peace? In those moments, it's crucial to connect with your Self-Energy, a concept rooted in the Internal Family Systems (IFS) theory. Let's explore the 8 Cs of Self-Energy and how to tap into them when triggered:

Curiosity: Start by being curious about your inner world. Instead of reacting immediately, take a moment to explore what's really going on beneath the surface. What emotions, memories, or beliefs are at play?

Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a dear friend. Embrace your feelings without judgment. Remember, it's okay to be human and experience a wide range of emotions.

Creativity: Get creative in how you approach your inner struggles. Seek out novel solutions and coping strategies. Sometimes, a fresh perspective can illuminate the path forward.

Clarity: Gain clarity by delving into the core of your emotions. What's driving your reactions? What unmet needs or desires are surfacing? Understanding the root cause is the first step to healing.

Connectedness: Reconnect with your inner Self-Energy. Beneath the chaos, there's a wellspring of wisdom and strength within you. Tap into that inner core and draw from its resilience.

Confidence: Cultivate confidence in your ability to navigate life's challenges. Remind yourself of past triumphs and moments of resilience. Believe in your capacity to overcome.

Calmness: When triggered, find your center through deep, intentional breathing. Breathe in serenity and release tension with every exhale. Allow your body and mind to relax.

Courage: Embrace the courage to confront your inner conflicts. Facing your triggers head-on is an act of bravery and an opportunity for profound growth.

In moments of emotional turmoil, remember these Cs as your compass back to inner harmony and self-discovery

✨🙏💛

Today we are celebrating R U OK? day and the importance of having difficult conversations with the people around us that might be going through a hard time.
Whether it is your partner, parent, child, friend or colleague, asking the question is NOT enough if you are not ready or prepared to listen.

✨Here are some tips on how to have a difficult conversation:

💛 1.Choose the Right Time and Place: Find a quiet, private, and comfortable setting where both you and the other person can feel at ease and focus on the conversation.

💛2. Express Empathy and Concern: Begin the conversation by expressing genuine care and concern for the person's well-being. You might say, "I've noticed that you seem a bit down lately, and I'm genuinely concerned about how you're feeling."

💛3.Use Open and Non-judgmental Language: Avoid making assumptions or judgments about the person's experience. Use open-ended questions and phrases like, "Can you tell me how you've been feeling?" or "I'm here to listen, and there's no judgment."

💛 4.Listen Actively: Once you've initiated the conversation, focus on being an active listener. Give the person your full attention, maintain eye contact, and use body language that conveys your interest and support.

💛 5. Avoid Giving Unsolicited Advice: Resist the urge to immediately offer solutions or advice. Sometimes, people simply need someone to listen without trying to fix their problems.

💛 6.Validate Their Feelings: Let the person know that their feelings are valid. Phrases like, "It's okay to feel this way," or "I understand that this is tough for you," can be comforting and reassuring.

💛 9.Suggest Professional Help: If you believe the person's mental health concerns require professional assistance, gently suggest seeking help from a mental health professional. Offer to assist in finding a therapist or counselor if they're open to it.

Always remember that a conversation can save a life!

Our response to trauma can be traced back to our primal survival instincts, evolving over time. Let's explore the four trauma responses, from the most primitive to the most modern.

Fight 💥: This is the instinct to confront a threat head-on. Like our ancient ancestors who fought predators, when faced with trauma, some of us become fighters. We become assertive, determined, and often confrontational. While it can be empowering, it may also lead to aggression if unchecked.

Flight ✈️: Think of this as the escape response. Just like animals flee from danger, we may avoid or run away from traumatic situations. It's our way of protecting ourselves, but it can manifest as avoidance, denial, or escapism.

Freeze ❄️: When an animal is caught in a predator's gaze, it may freeze, hoping not to be noticed. Similarly, we might become immobilised when faced with overwhelming trauma. We dissociate or numb ourselves as a way to survive, but this can lead to emotional detachment and feeling stuck.

Fawn 🤝: This is the most modern response, rooted in our complex social interactions. We may become overly accommodating, seeking to please and appease others, just like a prey animal trying to avoid being attacked. Fawning can result in people-pleasing, over-explaining, and sacrificing our own needs.

Understanding these responses is the first step in healing from trauma. It's essential to recognise that these reactions are automatic and often beyond our control. Healing involves finding healthier ways to cope and regain a sense of safety.

We all have unique journeys, and there's no one-size-fits-all approach to healing. Seek support, practice self-compassion, and remember that you're not alone on this path.

💛

What I observe in my practice as a counsellor is that resentment often sneaks in when we consistently prioritise others' needs above our own. It's that simmering frustration that builds when we neglect our boundaries.

Here's the deal: When we struggle to set boundaries, we tend to say "yes" when we want to say "no." This people-pleasing tendency can lead to an imbalance in relationships and inner turmoil.

✨ Why does this happen? ✨

✨ Fear of Rejection: We worry that if we set boundaries, people might not like us or may even leave us.

✨ Guilt: We feel guilty for prioritising our needs over others, even when it's essential for our well-being.

✨ Low Self-Worth: We may tie our self-worth to how much we do for others, making it difficult to say no.

Setting boundaries doesn't mean being selfish; it's about self-care and self-respect. READ THAT AGAIN!!

When we establish clear boundaries:

✨We preserve our energy and mental health.
✨We nurture healthier, more balanced relationships.
✨We teach others how to treat us with respect.

So, how can we bridge the gap between resentment and setting boundaries?

⭐️ Self-Reflection: Understand your own needs, values, and limits.

⭐️ Effective Communication: Practice assertive, honest, and respectful communication.

⭐️ Prioritize Self-Care: Make self-care a non-negotiable part of your routine.

⭐️ Learn to Say No: Saying no is an act of self-love. You don't have to explain or justify your boundaries.

⭐️ Seek Support: Talk to friends, family, or a therapist for guidance and encouragement.

Do you often catch yourself over-explaining, justifying, and bending over backward to please others? You might be stuck in the "Fawning" trauma response, and you're not alone.

Fawning is one of the lesser-known trauma responses, yet it can be just as impactful as the fight, flight, or freeze reactions. It's the instinct to appease and seek validation to avoid conflict or rejection.

While seeking harmony in relationships is healthy, when we're constantly over-explaining ourselves, it can be exhausting and disconnect us from our true selves. So, how do we break free?

✨ Self-Awareness: Recognise the pattern. Awareness is the first step in any transformation.

✨ Self-Compassion: Be gentle with yourself. Understand that this response likely developed as a survival mechanism. You did what you needed to survive, and that's okay.

✨ Set Boundaries: Understand your limits and learn to say no when necessary. Boundaries are crucial for self-care.

✨ Practice Mindfulness: Ground yourself in the present moment. Mindfulness can help you respond instead of react.

✨ Self-Validation: Instead of seeking validation from others, learn to validate yourself. Acknowledge your feelings and needs.

✨ Seek Support: Talk to a counsellor who can help you navigate and heal from trauma responses. I am here to help you!

✨ Authenticity: Embrace your authentic self. Understand that you are enough just as you are. You don't need to over-explain or justify your existence.

Breaking free from the fawning response is a journey, and it's okay to take it one step at a time.

Often, we think of attachment as being all about love, but it's actually more about safety. Here's why:

🧩 Attachment vs. Love: Attachment often gets mistaken for love because it's the glue that binds us to others. It's that warm, fuzzy feeling when you're with someone, that longing when you're apart. But here's the thing: attachment can exist without love, and love can exist without attachment.

💔 The Trap of Unhealthy Attachment: Sometimes, we confuse attachment with love because we've experienced unhealthy attachments in the past. An unhealthy attachment can feel intense, even addictive, like a rollercoaster of emotions. But this isn't love. It's often rooted in insecurity, fear, or dependency. It's thrilling, yes, but it's not sustainable or healthy.

❤️ True Love and Safety: Healthy love is based on trust, respect, and genuine care. It might not always give you that adrenaline rush, but it provides a deep sense of security and contentment. This kind of love is often calm, consistent, and reliable.

🔥 The "Boring" Misconception: Unfortunately, some people think a safe, healthy relationship is dull because it lacks the drama of unhealthy attachments. They mistake the butterflies in their stomach for love, when in reality, it's the chaos that keeps them hooked. Healthy love doesn't need drama to thrive; it thrives on understanding, communication, and shared growth.

💫 Embrace Healthy Love: Don't be fooled by the misconception that a safe relationship is boring. It's where true, lasting love resides. It's where you can be yourself, grow together, and find real happiness. Healthy love might not be a fireworks display, but it's a warm, comforting flame that never goes out. 🔥❤️

Trauma isn't just about the event itself; it's about how we experience it. Often, it's the absence of support that amplifies its effects.

Imagine standing in a storm without shelter. Trauma can be like that storm, unpredictable and overwhelming. But when you have a support system, it's like having a sturdy roof over your head, keeping you safe and dry.

Trauma isn't always a single catastrophic event; it can be the accumulation of painful experiences over time. And how we navigate these challenges depends on the support we receive.

Our nervous system plays a vital role. A regulated nervous system can be our anchor during life's storms, helping us process and heal from traumatic events.

Let's remember that offering support doesn't mean erasing the past, but it can help reshape the future.

Reach out to your loved ones, be there for them, and let them know they're not alone.

And if you've experienced trauma, know that healing is possible!