Enneagram Explained

Are you a type 8 parent?
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What strengths do you have as a parent because of your 8ness? As parents, we often focus on how we are failing but there are many areas where we are excelling and our kids will benefit from our types strengths.
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How would you describe your parenting style?
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Your core projection that your kids might hear/feel is that it's not ok to be vulnerable... because this is your own personal wounding message. Remember this is not true.
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Parenting is stressful! Besides what I've listed, what are some other stressors that you would add to the list?
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Need help knowing what areas to grow in as a parent? That's what the growth work list is for! This list will help you loosen up your "potentially" negative traits. (I say potentially because your type 8 traits are GOOD... but taken too far or too strictly they can become BAD traits)

*Note counter-phobic 6s may related to type 8's post more than type 6's so it may be worth looking into this if you are a CP6

Are you a type 7 parent?
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What strengths do you have as a parent because of your 7ness? As parents, we often focus on how we are failing but there are many areas where we are excelling and our kids will benefit from our types strengths.
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How would you describe your parenting style?
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Your core projection that your kids might hear/feel is that it's not ok to dwell on negatives... because this is your own personal wounding message. Remember this is not true.
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Parenting is stressful! Besides what I've listed, what are some other stressors that you would add to the list?
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Need help knowing what areas to grow in as a parent? That's what the growth work list is for! This list will help you loosen up your "potentially" negative traits. (I say potentially because your type 7 traits are GOOD... but taken too far or too strictly they can become BAD traits)

Are you a type 6 parent?
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What strengths do you have as a parent because of your 6ness? As parents, we often focus on how we are failing but there are many areas where we are excelling and our kids will benefit from our types strengths.
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How would you describe your parenting style?
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Your core projection that your kids might hear/feel is that it's not ok to trust yourself... because this is your own personal wounding message. Remember this is not true.
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Parenting is stressful! Besides what I've listed, what are some other stressors that you would add to the list?
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Need help knowing what areas to grow in as a parent? That's what the growth work list is for! This list will help you loosen up your "potentially" negative traits. (I say potentially because your type 6 traits are GOOD... but taken too far or too strictly they can become BAD traits)

Are you a type 5 parent?
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What strengths do you have as a parent because of your 5ness? As parents, we often focus on how we are failing but there are many areas where we are excelling and our kids will benefit from our types strengths.
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How would you describe your parenting style?
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Your core projection that your kids might hear/feel is that it's not ok to express strong emotions... because this is your own personal wounding message. Remember this is not true. (other projection runners up were "it's not ok to not use your brain, It's not ok to settle for mediocore- particularly with knowledge, it's not ok to ask for help if you could do it yourself")
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Parenting is stressful! Besides what I've listed, what are some other stressors that you would add to the list?
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Need help knowing what areas to grow in as a parent? That's what the growth work list is for! This list will help you loosen up your "potentially" negative traits. (I say potentially because your type 5 traits are GOOD... but taken too far or too strictly they can become BAD traits)

Are you a type 4 parent?
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What strengths do you have as a parent because of your 4ness? As parents, we often focus on how we are failing but there are many areas where we are excelling and our kids will benefit from our types strengths.
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How would you describe your parenting style?
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Your core projection that your kids might hear/feel is that it's not ok to conform... because this is your own personal wounding message. Remember this is not true. (note: 4's you guys were so hard for me to choose a projection. Every 4 I asked had a different answer; your unique even in that! Textbook answer would be "it's not ok to be too functional or too happy" but I wans't feeling that as one you might pass on to kids. Other options were: it's not ok to be mundane/common. It's not ok to not explore emotions fully.
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Parenting is stressful! Besides what I've listed, what are some other stressors that you would add to the list?
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Need help knowing what areas to grow in as a parent? That's what the growth work list is for! This list will help you loosen up your "potentially" negative traits. (I say potentially because your type 4 traits are GOOD... but taken too far or too strictly they can become BAD traits)

Are you a type 3 parent?
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What strengths do you have as a parent because of your 3ness? As parents, we often focus on how we are failing but there are many areas where we are excelling and our kids will benefit from our types strengths.
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How would you describe your parenting style?
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Your core projection that your kids might hear/feel is that it's not ok to fail... because this is your own personal wounding message. Remember this is not true.
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Parenting is stressful! Besides what I've listed, what are some other stressors that you would add to the list?
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Need help knowing what areas to grow in as a parent? That's what the growth work list is for! This list will help you loosen up your "potentially" negative traits. (I say potentially because your type 3 traits are GOOD... but taken too far or too strictly they can become BAD traits)

Are you a type 2 parent?
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What strengths do you have as a parent because of your 2ness? As parents, we often focus on how we are failing but there are many areas where we are excelling and our kids will benefit from our types strengths.
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How would you describe your parenting style?
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Your core projection that your kids might hear/feel is that it's not ok to have your own needs... because this is your own personal wounding message. Remember this is not true.
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Parenting is stressful! Besides what I've listed, what are some other stressors that you would add to the list?
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Need help knowing what areas to grow in as a parent? That's what the growth work list is for! This list will help you loosen up your "potentially" negative traits. (I say potentially because your type 2 traits are GOOD... but taken too far or too strictly they can become BAD traits)

Are you a type 1 parent?
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What strengths do you have as a parent because of your 1ness? As parents, we often focus on how we are failing but there are many areas where we are excelling and our kids will benefit from our types strengths.
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How would you describe your parenting style?
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Your core projection that your kids might hear/feel is that it's not ok to make mistakes... because this is your own personal wounding message. Remember this is not true.
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Parenting is stressful! Besides what I've listed, what are some other stressors that you would add to the list?
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Need help knowing what areas to grow in as a parent? That's what the growth work list is for! This list will help you loosen up your "potentially" negative traits. (I say potentially because your type 1 traits are GOOD... but taken too far or too strictly they can become BAD traits)

I've a confession to make: I do not understand the obsession with Bluey. Perhaps I'm just too old. 😆

But I know so many people love and appreciate it so I'd be remiss if I didn't do Bluey quotes for each enneagram type!

You'll notice the quotes are all attributed to "Bluey" this is the show, not the character... Bluey was not the one to say all of these quotes.

I'm sure you have many favorite Bluey quotes... share them in the comments!

19 years ago today, my husband and I got married!
I'm so thankful that my husband has handled my type 1 "personality" as well as he has. Thankfully, he's a 5 and I feel like that goes wonderfully well with my 1 so we've really had an amazing marriage so far.
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That said, we've definitely learned a lot about each other even pre-enneagram and thankfully the enneagram has made understanding each other even easier.
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It took me years of learning that my husband just needs more recharge time than I do and so him reading in our bedroom isn't lazy or selfish; it's necessary! Where before I'd be silently judging him and getting ticked off, I know can lovingly let him retreat so that he can recharge.
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Similarly, he's had to learn that he doesn't need to "fix" my problems. I'm a verbal processor and as a 1 I know all the things that need to be fix...but I do need him to show me the gray in my otherwise black & white world.
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I also love that we are dominant in what the other person is "repressed" in. I would have never known this without the enneagram but my husband and I are perfect "training wheels" for each other.

I'm "repressed" in my thinking as a 1 and he's dominant in thinking as a 5 so he can help me out of the hamster wheel that is my thinking.

He's "repressed" in his doing as a 5 and I'm dominant in doing as a 1 so I can help him know when it's time to stop thinking and start doing.
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I love that the enneagram has given us the tools and language to better understand and love each other.... almost as much as I love my husband.

What do you do at the beach?

Note: counterphobic 6s, I know you don't always related to these stereotypical memes (I try to play both sides but there just wasn't a lot of room this time. I'd love for you to drop a comment on how you'd be at the beach.

Also note: I know if you are a parent this TOTALLY changes the dynamic. What we'd like to do is not what we get to do.😆

Obviously enneagram memes are built around the stereotypes of the enneagram. Thankfully, we are all more than our stereotypes (the good and bad ones) but enneagram memes will always bring a smile to my face.

As a 9, you try to keep your opinions to yourself (not totally a bad thing as it does mean you are quite an agreeable person)... but the rest of the world wants to know your opinions!

Every morning, think about one opinion you have. It can be totally small and trivial in the beginning if that's what you have to work with. Hold that opinion and share it with one to two people. Repeat daily, ideally selecting new people to share your opinion with. Scary, I know!

Once you become accustomed to this practice reflect on if it's become easier to say what you really think. Are some topics easier to talk about than others? Are some people easier to share with than others?

Growth work adapted from Ginger Lapid-Bogda

As an 8, you dive right in and take action (not totally a bad thing as it means you get things done and others can rely on you)... but you also need to understand why you take action so quickly and how it may affect others.

When you feel the impulse to take action (giving an opinion, suggesting something, demanding something, or just doing something) STOP and think for a bit first. Ask: what is making me want to take action so quickly? What will happen if I don't take action immediately? Hard to do, I know!

By adding this practice to your daily life, it will help balance you and help you take action for only the things that are yours to take action. It will also help soften you to those around you.

Growth work adapted from Ginger Lapid-Bogda

As a 7, you try to keep busy and happy (not totally a bad thing as it keeps you rather upbeat but you do need to be able to focus and sit with all of your emotions and physical sensations).

Once a day (for 30 minutes to an hour) focus on your emotional and physical sensations. Notice just what exactly you are feeling be it comfortable or things you'd rather avoid. Hard to do, I know!

Once you become well acquainted with this practice begin using it on a regular basis especially when you feel anxious or highly stimulated. This will allow you to properly process and react to all your emotions or physical sensations.

Growth work adapted from Ginger Lapid-Bogda

As a 6, you think... you think a lot and you worry a lot (not totally a bad thing as it means you are almost always prepared for almost anything).

Once a day, take a few minutes to list all your uncensored thoughts about what you believe will happen that day. Then at the end of the day, review that list and ask if what you wrote down was insight or just projection (or perhaps a mixture of both). It can be scary seeing them all written out, I know!

As you continue this practice, you can also ask yourself "How can I tell the difference between insight and projection?" You'll eventually develop some useful information to help you limit your projections and thus ease your worries.

Growth work adapted from Ginger Lapid-Bogda

As a 5, you detach from your feelings (not totally a bad thing as it keeps you clear-headed and logical but you also need those feelings).

Once a day, connect with your feelings by asking: what am I feeling right now? Aim for an answer that is longer than just one word. Then go on to ask: what else am I feeling? Hard to do, I know!

You should start this practice at the beginning of the day when you have full energy to focus on it but as you become accustom to this practice, begin using it when you notice yourself becoming detached or too analytical.

Growth work adapted from Ginger Lapid-Bogda

As a 4, you tend to notice all your negatives and continually search for what you must be missing (not a bad thing since aren't prone to being puffed up and it gives you a desire for growth!) but it means you often do not notice or give credit to your positive qualities.

Try noting your positive traits and qualities. Do not add a caveat or but. No, "I'm creative but she's more creative." No, "I encourage others but I'm too self-focused." Just the positives. A tall order, I know!

By focusing on the positives you will learn to have a healthier view of yourself and understand just how special you already are.

Growth work adapted from Ginger Lapid-Bogda

As a 3, you are in the heart/feeling triad but you tend to deny your feelings (you do this to help you achieve which is great but you also need those feelings).

Try taking a few minutes each day to just be and get to know yourself and your feelings. Don't watch tv or go do something, just be. Sit still and think about what you are feeling, how you are feeling, why you are feeling. Hard to do, I know!

Continue this practice so that you can become more aware and in tune with your feelings. This will help keep you grounded in who you actually are and not fade into who you "perform" as.

Growth work adapted from Ginger Lapid-Bogda

As a 2, you are a lover and helper (not a bad thing since there's lots that needs love and help!) but you often do so in order to get something in return.

Make a list of everything you've done for people in the last few days. Now write down what you were hoping for in return next to each one. Scary and humbling, I know!

Continue to use this practice for a few weeks (or forever). You'll probably see your behavior start to shift as you become more aware of you giving in order to get in return..

Growth work adapted from Ginger Lapid-Bogda

As a 1, you tend to notice all the negatives and flaws of this world (not a bad thing since you can help fix them!) but it means you often do not notice or give credit to the positives.

Try noting a positive trait, quality, outcome for each negative that you notice. Tall order, I know!

By adding the positives to the negatives that you always see, it will help balance you and neutralize some of that negativity which can be a negative trait for 1s.

Growth work adapted from Ginger Lapid-Bogda

How we feel is not representative of who we are. That said, we shouldn't just ignore these feelings either.

When you experience these feelings, take the time to remember that what is happening externally is not who you are internally. Also use these feelings as a reminder that it's probably time for some self-care.

When it comes down to it, your enneagram type is determined by your core motivation which includes the core fears... not your actions.

So if you want an easy way of determining your enneagram type (especially if you are torn between two types)... play a game of "worst-case scenario" with the core fears.

If you had to pick just one core fear as the most terrifying, which would you choose?

If you were somehow in a scenario where you would experience all of these fears minus one... which would you want to skip out on?

You can't choose avoiding being wrong AND deprived... You can't choose to avoid being deprived AND being unlovable.... just one, the one you want to avoid at all costs.

Figure out which one terrifies you the most and you've got your enneagram type.

Which core fear resonates with you the most?

At first glance, the enneagram just seems like another fun personality type quiz... and if you just find your number and stop there, that's all it will be.

But the enneagram is so much more! It is such a deep method for growth. You can research it for years and still never reach the extent of all that the enneagram can teach you!

Don't just stop after finding your number. Dig deeper!

Learn your core fears and desires, learn your defense mechanisms, your conflict style, your triad, your stances (all the stances/triads!), learn where you need to move in order to grow, learn your negative traits that you use when stressed...and then, of course, make changes.

And when you get bored with that... learn about the other numbers so you can understand and love those around you even better!

Types 9s - Your core fear is the fear of separation.

Separation can be a vague description so I'll expand it and say that 9s fear separation, fragmentation, being at loss with others, conflict, tension.

Remember that in order to find your actual enneagram type you will need to dig deep and ask "Is this the ultimate reason why I do ___?"

Are you a 9? How do you see the fear of separation result in your life?

Types 8s - Your core fear is the fear of being weak.

Controlled can be a vague description so I'll expand it and say that 8s fear being harmed, controlled, weak, manipulated, powerless, violated.

Remember that in order to find your actual enneagram type you will need to dig deep and ask "Is this the ultimate reason why I do ___?"

Are you an 8? How do you see the fear of being controlled result in your life?

Types 7s - Your core fear is the fear of being deprived.

Deprived can be a vague description so I'll expand it and say that 7s fear being deprived, trapped in pain (particularly emotional pain), bored, limited.

Remember that in order to find your actual enneagram type you will need to dig deep and ask "Is this the ultimate reason why I do ___?"

Are you a 7? How do you see the fear of being deprived result in your life?

Types 6s - Your core fear is the fear of having no support.

No support can be a vague description so I'll expand it and say that 6s fear having no support, no guidance, no counsel, no outside sources to ask questions, no security.

Remember that in order to find your actual enneagram type you will need to dig deep and ask "Is this the ultimate reason why I do ___?"

Are you a 6? How do you see the fear of having no support result in your life?

Types 5s - Your core fear is the fear of being depleted.

Depleted can be a vague description so I'll expand it and say that 5s fear being depleted, overwhelmed, invaded, incompetent, incapable, helpless, unknowledgeable.

Remember that in order to find your actual enneagram type you will need to dig deep and ask "Is this the ultimate reason why I do ___?"

Are you a 5? How do you see the fear of being depleted result in your life?

Types 4s - Your core fear is the fear of having no meaning.

No meaning can be a vague description so I'll expand it and say that 4s fear having no meaning, no identity, no significance, fear of being common, of being flawed.

Remember that in order to find your actual enneagram type you will need to dig deep and ask "Is this the ultimate reason why I do ___?"

Are you a 4? How do you see the fear of having no meaning result in your life?

Types 3s - Your core fear is the fear of being worthless.

Worthless can be a vague description so I'll expand it and say that 3s fear being worthless, a failure, not valued, not admired, not successful.

Remember that in order to find your actual enneagram type you will need to dig deep and ask "Is this the ultimate reason why I do ___?"

Are you a 3? How do you see the fear of being worthless result in your life?