Two and a Half Men Fans

Jake drew a picture of a classmate with big b***s: Barbra 'Boobra' Schmidt. Alan has to see the principal to talk about it. While sitting outside the principle's office, he meets Boobra's mother.

Season 3, episode 2 (Principal Gallagher's Le***an Lover).

Charlie wants Alan to make room for Chelsea. This means that Alan won't be able to sleep in his room or even enter the house.Alan is upset, but that's exactly what Charlie had in mind.

Season 6, episode 22 (Sir Lancelot's Litter Box).

Alan shows Chelsea his butt exercises: mailbox open, mailbox closed. Charlie is freaked out by it.

Season 6, episode 23 (Good Morning, Mrs Butterworth).

Alan raises his self-confidence by spraying a 'hair-like substance' on his head. He takes pills as well. Charlie doesn't think it's a realible product, because there's a monkey on the label (it's actually the inventor).

The song Alan sings while spraying hair on his head, is called 'Blame It on the Bossa Nova', by Eydie Gormé.

Season 7, episode 9 (Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair).

Alan visits Chelsea's father and his partner. His biased image of gay men painfully becomes clear, when he has to bend over to collect some bags of ice cubes.

Season 7, episode 22 (This Is Not Gonna End Well).

Alan moved in with Lyndsay. He finds an old pipe and immediately starts acting like Bing Crosby.

Season 8, episode 3 (A Pudding-Filled Cactus).

When Charlie is out of town for a few days, Alan decides to be Charlie for a while. He acts like Charlie and everything seems to go very subtle...

Season 8, episode 5 (The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel).

When Russell shows up on Evelyn's birthday party with a young woman he has "an arragement" with, Evelyn is feeling down. Alan tries to make conversation, but according to Evelyn, no one cares about his story.

Season 8, episode 8 (Springtime on a Stick).

Alan had trouble finding a birthday gift for Lyndsay. At last, he steals diamond earrings he gave to Judith when they were married. When they go out for a birthday dinner, Judith walks in, so Alan has to hide Lyndsay's ears for her.

Season 8, episode 11 (Dead From the Waist Down).

Walden tries to win back his wife Bridget, while having dinner at Souplantation. He wants to act like a adult, but that goes horribly wrong when a girl starts throwing food at him.

Season 9, episode 3 (Big Girls Don't Throw Food).

Alan thinks he's Charlie and starts acting and talking like him. Walden and Jake are worried.

Season 9, episode 8 (Thank You For The In*******se).

Alan's done being a doormat. It seems like everything and everybody has turned against him. "God, check please?" He attempts to commit su***de, but that fails...

Season 9, episode 9 (Frodo's Headshots).

Alan's girlfriend Lyndsay and Walden's girlfriend Zoey don't get along well. When Zoey tells she understands why Lyndsay doesn't like the opera ("it requires a refined taste and a certain amount of education"), it's on.

Season 9, episode 16 (Sips, Sonnets and So**my).

Alan is still suffering from his heart attack. To get up and down the stairs, Walden bought him his private escalator.

Season 9, episode 23 (The Straw In My Donut Hole).

Alan and Lyndsay decide to spice things up. Alan wants a th*****me, but so does Lyndsay. In her th*****me, it's her, Alan and Walden. Walden accepts the offer and shortly after, Lyndsay's fantasy becomes reality.

Season 10, episode 3 (Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt).

Walden is trying to date someone who loves him for who he is, not for his money. Lyndsay says she knows some girls that are looking for a date, so she sets up a few dinners.

Season 10, episode 5 (That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam).

LYRICS IN SUBTITLES AND BELOW | Walden lied to Kate, his girlfriend, to make sure she wanted him for who he was, not for his money. Now he wonders if he's a bad guy. Then, the 'You're a Do**he Musical' starts.

Season 10, episode 13 (Grab a Feather and Get In Line).

LYRICS
=======
You're a do**he, you're a do**he
You're a big fizzy do**he
You broke that poor girl's heart

You're a do**he, you're a do**he
You're a big fizzy do**he
You should have told the truth right from the start

But my intentions were good
I was no slave to my wood
I wanted her to love me for me

He does have lots of riches
Which attracts a lot of bi***es

Thank you Alan
But you'll never be on Glee
- O, crap

If I may throw in my two cents
Your love was based on a pretense
Your relationship with mother is to blame

You didn't suckle on her bo***es
You self-medicate with doobies
Which explains why you used a made-up name
- Cue the refrain

You're a do**he, you're a do**he
You're a big fizzy do**he
Everything you said was a lie

You're a do**he, you're a do**he
You're a big fizzy do**he
But you're still a really, really handsome guy
- Thank you

Then what am I to do
So I don't always live with you

Wow, that hurts my feelings
But since I live there, beneath your ceilings
I'll bite the pillow like the prison bi***es do
- Ooooh

If she gives me one more chance
We can have a real romance
- If she doesn't we can party in my pants

Excuse me, no disrespect
But I have to interject
What makes you think you can steal the show

'Cause I'm gay
(You're so clearly from L.A.)
Yes I'm gay
(And he will always be that way)
I'm gay
(Or as his Jersey friends would say)
Yo, badda bing, he's a big old mo

Excuse me, but we seem to be digressing
And I find it to be quite distressing
Can we sing about the problem that's at hand
Can Kate get over Sam and love who I am

You're confusing me for someone who gives a damn
- So, bottom line

You're a do**he, you're a do**he
You're a big fizzy do**he
And I'll die sad and alone

You're a do**he, you're a do**he
You're a big fizzy do**he
Hold it everybody - that's my phone

Hello, Kate?
- You're a do**he

Do**he, do**he, do**he, do**he
Do**hey do**he do**he do**he
- Doooouche, you're a do**he - oh, what a do**he

You couldn't say it meaner
I'm a big va**na cleaner
Didn't do what I ought to
I'm vinegar and water

On this we all agree
(Oh yes, we all agree)
Oh good, you finally see
To shining sea

Give me a D O U C H E - do**he
Give me a D O U C H E - do**he
Give me a D O U C H E - do**he
- Drum roll

You're a do**he, you're a do**he
Just a big fizzy do**he
- And that's all I'll ever be

You're a do**he, you're a do**he
You're a big fizzy do**he
And that's all you'll ever be

Do**he!

Jake has been thinking about names for his kid, whenever he gets one. He already came up with a Chinese name, because he heard one out of three babies born is Chinese...

Season 10, episode 15 (Paint It Pierce It or Plug It).

Charlie and Alan go clothes shopping. Jake thinks that's stupid and doesn't want to come with them. Alan says he can't stay home and Jake knows why that is.

Season 1, episode 11 (Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor).

Since Charlie Sheen left Two and a Half Men, Alan and Walden have been referring to him. It started with Alan, laying in a stress clinic, saying "winning" (one of Charlie's catchy terms during his meltdown). Later, in season 10, Walden refers to the messy beach house as "Charlie Sheen's house".

0:00 Season 9, episode 8 (Thank You For the In*******se).
0:23 Season 10, episode 19 (Big Episode. Someone Stole a Spoon).

Alan wants to change his looks, in order to attract more women. Alan goes clothes shopping and Charlie tries to find the right outfit for him. They need to ask a gay guy for help.

Season 1, episode 11 (Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor).

Jake explains his grandma what Spongebob Squarepants is about. Evelyn is not interested.

Season 1, episode 11 (Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor).

Charlie and Alan took Frankie, a crazy woman, in for a few days. She won't tell anything about herself and let Alan guess. Alan knows the same trick, when she asks him about his life.

Season 1, episode 15 (Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick).

Charlie shows Alan a picture of Jill, an ex-girlfriend. When Alan analyzes the picture, he suddenly realizes who Jill is.

Season 1, episode 18 (An Old Flame with a New Wick).

Jake looks a little depressed and Alan and Judith send him to a psychiatrist. She has a session with Jake and after that, she wants to talk to the parents.

Season 1, episode 20 (Hey, I Can P*e Outside in the Dark).

Alan behaves very strange lately and Charlie decides to take him to a therapist. In therapy, Alan has to deal with his suppressed feelings towards Judith. Charlie plays Judith's stand-in.

Season 1, episode 22 (My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet).

Lyndsay wants a th*****me with Alan and Walden. Walden agrees and the three of them are discussing the ground rules and preparing the th*****me at the dinner table.

Season 10, episode 3 (Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt).

Evelyn tries to find out why Charlie hates her. She interrogates him together with Berta and Rose.

Season 2, episode 2 (Enjoy Those Garlic Balls).

Charlie finds a very expensive bra in his car, after Evelyn borrowed it. The bra freaks Alan out and Charlie confronts his mother with the "sexy little item".

Season 2, episode 4 (Go Get Mommy's Bra).

Jake gave the bird to his teacher, miss Pasternak. While Alan and Judith are arguing about who's fault it is, Charlie tries to make Jake apologize.

Season 2, episode 3 (A Bag Full of Jawea).

Evelyn asks Jake if he has eaten venison before. Jake doesn't understand. Dear? Deer?

Season 2, episode 6 (The Price of Healthy Gums is Eternal Vigilance).

Charlie tells Jake he stole the silly putty and let Alan be the mule. Jake wants to know everything about his strategy.

Season 2, episode 6 (The Price of Healthy Gums is Eternal Vigilance).

Jake's attitude towards Judith is very disrespectful lately. She asks Alan if he has been bad mouthing her.

Season 2, episode 7 (A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana).

Berta and her sister Daisy are the caterers for Evelyn's party in Charlie's house. The two sisters are having a little disagreement in Charlie's bedroom.

Season 2, episode 7 (A Kosher Slaughterhouse out in Fontana).

Lisa asks Charlie to throw away a dirty diaper. Charlie has no idea where to put it...

Season 2, episode 9 (Yes, Monsignor).

Season 2, episode 9 (Yes, Monsignor).

Charlie discovers a website that's devoted to trashing him. Although Alan thinks the website is very funny, Charlie wants to know how to delete the whole thing.

Season 2, episode 11 (Last Chance to See Those Tattoos).

Charlie and Alan had dinner with a woman Alan used to go to school with. They set up a date ("so don't be late") for tomorrow and say goodbye.

Season 2, episode 12 (A Lungful of Alan).