Peeing Alone:A Mother's View From Her Throne
Just a mom, with a job, who is always doing it all wrong...and just wants to be able to p*e alone.
09/11/2023
For all of you that have fellow Roblox junkies…stock up at Target today for the Holidays!
Probably nicer than I’ve looked since my last date night with the hubs…in February. So had to take a selfie to commemorate. If only the doc had seen me the day before…she would have seen my usual hot mess express heading her way…in more ways than one. 😜
*eingaloneamothersviewfromherthrone
Nothing fazes this chick while she’s eating. And yes, she’s eating the burnt pieces off the crust. *eingaloneamothersviewfromherthrone
02/05/2023
PSA: Don’t do it. All the tears made the treadmill slippery and literally almost fell off.
21/04/2023
19/04/2023
And he’s the sweetest. Not sure how to tell him this may not be the most appropriate name😜.
My grandmother always told me I’d get worms from eating the grated Locatelli. 44 years later and no worms. And now here is my daughter doing the same…well she eats the whole block. 😜
12/04/2023
Mother’s View From Her Throne on Instagram: "Makeup-ing. So glad she picked a tinted lip balm instead of the red gloss. #makeuptoddler #funnytoddler #josephineemma" April 12, 2023 - 0 likes, 0 comments - Mother’s View From Her Throne () on Instagram: "Makeup-ing. So glad she picked a tinted lip balm instead of the red gloss. ..."
31/03/2023
And then bought more snacks when we arrived 🤦🏻♀️😜🤣
Little faker 😜
Anchovy after school snack with a mustache. 😜
20/03/2023
Happy first day of spring everyone!
Don’t forget the sunblock!
The leprechaun traps🤦🏻♀️. I forgot…like totally forgot. On Amazon trying to order gold coins on the evening of the 15th so we’d have them for the morning of the 17th...all I could get were dreidels filled with gold coins. Ordered and waited…for the shipping delay that came late night on the 16th.
Let’s not mention that hubs totally forgot to set the trap 🙄 and I had two kids clearing out cabinets and household decorations the morning of the 17th…trying to find find where the tiny leprechaun could have hidden their chocolate filled coins. Which did not exist. Like anywhere bc Hubs fell asleep and forgot. 😜
Today they finally arrived and they opened the package.
G asked, is this where the leprechauns live? And Joey, see video.
18/03/2023
Driving back from lunch with the hubs.
Hubs: You know how we keep looking for the perfect family car and can never find it?
Me: Half listening, face buried in my phone. Yeah.
Hubs: I think I’ve finally found the perfect vehicle.
Me: Face still buried in my phone. Yeah, it’s not a great time to buy a new vehicle.
Hubs: Can you imagine pulling up and opening that back door and all the kids come piling out?
Me: Super curious and looks up.
Hubs: Out of that. We can totally afford that!
Me: 🙄
Hubs: What are you doing?
Me: Running the dishwasher before I forget.
Hubs: Aren’t our two kids in the tub?
Me: Yea, they are fine. Door is open and I’ll only be a minute. Plus didn’t you just bring them back from swim lessons? Didn’t they learn anything?
Hubs: Well, they learned stuff, but no where near what they are doing?
Me: Swimming under water?
Hubs: No, they are using those sq**rt animals to clean each others butt holes.
Me: You’re joking!?!?
Hubs: Go see, I took them to swim lessons you’re up…I think the dishwasher can wait.
5 YO: Mom, you said that girls have a va**na. But that’s not what Josephine has.
Me: What? What does she have?
5 YO: She has a tiny wiener inside her va**na skin.
Me: Trying to hold back laughter. That’s not a wiener.
5 YO: Do you have a tiny wiener in your va**na skin?
Me: No! And I just said, it’s not a wiener.
5 YO: Then what is it?
Me: Thinking to myself, do I want to get into a full anatomy class at 7PM? F**k, fine it’s a wiener. Let’s get ready for bed.
When you’re trying to cheer up your son by scaring him and and you ask your husband if we have a trash bag that you can fit in and his response is full body or fetal position? Nevermind, I have both in the bed of my truck just in case. 😳 🤣
What do you do with all the stuff that comes home from school? I have a solution for you
Out to dinner last night and Garrett had to use the bathroom.
Garrett: Mom, you sure you don’t have a wiener?
Me: I’m sure.
Garrett: So you have a “gina”.
Me: Yup, last time I checked.
Garrett: Can I check?
Me: No.
Garrett: Do you think Shrek has a wiener?
Me: I’m sure he does. Because he has an outhouse bathroom.
Garrett: How big do you think it is? Is it my size or big like daddy’s?
Me: 🙄
Garrett: Do you think it’s green or pink like mine?
Me: I’d assume it’s green.
Garrett: How can we find out for sure?
Me: I don’t know.
We exit the stall only to find our waitress exiting the one right next to us. 🤣🤦🏻♀️🙄
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