The Self Set: Self Care, Self Love and Self Improvement

🎉 It's here 🎉

So excited to announce the launch of The Self Set Podcast!

On The Self Set, get ready to re-think traditional self-help advice. We're cutting out the shame and adding self-compassion to self-improvement.

This podcast offers unique perspectives and psychology strategies designed to help us be a little kinder to ourselves and learn to be our own best friend.

Drop a "❤️" below and I'll send you the link to the episode.

It's almost October!

Here are 3 Journal prompts to start the new month on the right track.

Getting comfortable with the uncomfortable

I've been itching to go outside my comfort zone. I've been wanting to try new things.

This month, I'm going to challenge myself to do one thing outside my comfort zone each day - big or small.

Maybe something like...
- host a meet-up event
- send a genuine compliment to someone I admire
- speak on stage
- do an IGLive

I'm ready to get outside my comfort zone and do the things that scare me. I'm ready to freakin' live.

Join me! What's something outside your comfort zone you'd want to try?

Note to self: quit saying sorry so much.⁣
⁣
Do you have a habit of saying sorry when you don't need to? Sometimes we don't even notice we're apologizing, it just comes out automatically.⁣
⁣
Like have you apologized when a stranger has bumped into YOU?⁣
⁣
Or have you apologized for disagreeing with a coworker?⁣
⁣
The problem with saying sorry like this is that it convinces yourself and others that your voice, actions, and existence is worthy of remorse. ⁣
⁣
Stop apologizing for being human. ⁣
⁣
In 2021, I want to take responsibility for who I am and what I do. Taking ownership of myself with no shame. Sure I'll apologize if I make a mistake or if I hurt someone, but I'm no longer going to apologize for living. I hope you do the same.⁣

The Problem with "Toxic Positivity" (a thread)

I've noticed in the last few years that I've abandoned my need to suppress any "bad" emotions I feel. ⁣
⁣
If I'm feeling anxious, I'm gonna say it.⁣
If I'm feeling sad, I'm gonna really feel it.⁣

Let's cut the "just grin and bear it" crap so that we can finally actually heal.⁣

Hey look ma, I made (this)
⁣⁣⁣
Ummm I self-published a guided journal on Amazon... what?⁣⁣⁣
⁣⁣⁣
The amount of support I've gotten around this has been overwhelming.⁣⁣⁣
⁣⁣⁣
As much as I absolutely love this journal, it still makes me a little nervous to know that it's out in the world right now.⁣⁣⁣
⁣⁣⁣
What are people gonna think? What if it doesnt meet their expectations?⁣⁣⁣
⁣⁣⁣
I need to take a step back and remember why I created this journal in the first place.⁣⁣⁣
⁣⁣⁣
I didnt make this for everyone, I made this for the person I was 5 years ago.⁣⁣⁣
⁣⁣⁣
I wanted to take the process that made such a big impact in my life and lay it out in practical way so that other people can work through their insecurities over time.⁣⁣⁣
⁣⁣⁣
As scary as it is to put it out for everyone to see, I'm really glad I made it.⁣⁣⁣
⁣⁣⁣
If you havent already, I encourage you to check out the Create Your Confidence Guided Journal.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B087CRQGL7?ref_=pe_3052080_397514860

IT'S FINALLY HERE

The Create Your Confidence Guided Journal is now available on Amazon!

A psychology-backed guide that helps you work through your toughest insecurities and retrain your brain to build more confidence over time.

This has been such a passion project for me being able to take a concept that made such an impact in my life and be able to break it down into a practical form for you. I'm so excited to get this in your hands.

Order your copy below:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B087CRQGL7

Create Your Confidence Guided Journal: A 60-Day Guide to Overcoming Insecurities and Learning to Love Your Body Create Your Confidence Guided Journal: A 60-Day Guide to Overcoming Insecurities and Learning to Love Your Body

Find the fun (even if you have to look really freaking hard for it)⁣
⁣
Throwback to when I hosted a photo meetup with local business owners. It was such a fun and memorable experience. Something I would have been too afraid to even consider doing a few years ago.⁣
⁣
There are 3 things I 100% believe have helped me get to where I am now emotionally/mentally:⁣
⁣
🔷️ Actively doing things outside my comfort zone - like going to networking events, hosting meetups, or self-publishing a guided journal.⁣
⁣
🔷️ Surrounding myself with the right people (including all of you). Ambitious, caring people who aren't quick to judge and who care about peoples' wellbeing.⁣
⁣
🔷️ Getting intentional with both my thoughts and my actions. Not being so hard on myself and not spending too much time playing the comparison game (although I admit I still fall victim of it time to time)⁣
⁣
What has helped you build confidence? What helped you get to where you are today?⁣
⁣ @ Denver, Colorado

I'm a little sick of the double-standard.⁣
⁣
Be honest and authentic... but not too much, you're being dramatic.⁣
⁣
It's okay to feel bad... but you're overreacting and you need to move on already.⁣
⁣
Love your body... but here's a bunch of diet pills and ab workouts to get rid of all your disgusting fat.⁣
⁣
If you feel great, great! If you love yourself fully, that's wonderful!⁣
⁣
But if you don't, that's good too! ⁣
⁣
You're human. ⁣
⁣
I just think it's about time we stop setting expectations for how other people are supposed to feel. ⁣
⁣

Psych-nerd alert!⁣
⁣
Seriously, I think psychology is fascinating. I love any opportunity to learn more about myself and what the heck is going on in my head.⁣
⁣
No wonder my shelf is full of self-help, nonfiction, and psychology books.⁣
⁣
If you're curious, here's a few of my psych book reccomendations:⁣
⁣
✔ Mindset by Dr. Carol Dweck⁣
(About growth mindset versus fixed mindset)⁣
⁣
✔ I Thought It Was Just Me by Dr. Brene Brown⁣
(About shame)⁣
⁣
✔ Blink by Malcolm Gladwell⁣
(About decision-making)⁣
⁣
✔ Insight by Tasha Eurich⁣
(About self-awareness)⁣
⁣
✔ Quiet by Susan Cain⁣
(About introverts and extroverts)⁣
⁣
What are some of your favorites?

There's about 6372836372 things I don't like about this photo⁣
⁣
Nostrils flaring⁣
Zipper showing⁣
Awkward hand placement⁣
⁣
But you know what I do like about this picture? I was laughing with my best friend. Not thinking about looking "good" or wondering how many likes I was gonna get. I was just goofing around having fun, dancing and making silly poses.⁣
⁣
I'm sharing this as a reminder to myself to stop focusing on keeping things perfect and instead focus on keeping things real.

Sitting, waiting, wishing⁣
(Jack Johnson, anyone?)⁣
⁣
Have you been staying busy or taking things slow?⁣
⁣
It's been a little bit of both for me. Some days I'm "go go go!" And other days I give myself permission to relax.⁣
⁣
Everyone copes differently. Some people want to feel productive during this unusual period, others need time for themselves.⁣
⁣
Take this as a reminder to do what's right for you. No one can tell you how you should or shouldn't cope. ⁣
⁣
Do you. ⁣
⁣ @ Santa Fe Arts District

Instagram vs reality⁣
⁣
⁣
I feel like a hypocrite. I started on here because I wanted to share real, honest talk on topics of insecurity, self-acceptance, self-care, and mental health. ⁣
⁣
⁣
But when I look back on my Instagram feed, all I see is posed/ planned photos. I talk about wanting to bring authenticity to social media while I post photos with my hair and makeup done, cute shots from a photoshoot.⁣
⁣
⁣
And, sure, I share a real look into my life on my IG stories from time to time. Many of you have probably seen me show up there with no makeup, chatting about introvert problems. ⁣
⁣
⁣
But I want to get really real with you. I want to stop contributing to social media's illusions of reality. I don't want to pick-and-choose cute shots just to match my aesthetic anymore.⁣
⁣
⁣
Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with posed shots, planned content, or stylized branding sometimes. Your social media account is your form of self-expression and you can dress it up or down as much as you like.⁣
⁣
⁣
All I'm saying is that I think it's time I add a little more realness to this highlight-reel. ⁣
⁣
Want to do the same?⁣
⁣
⁣

During this stressful time, it's easy to get overwhelmed by uncertainty.⁠
⁠
You know what is certain right now? ⁠
✔️ You have technology that allows you to connect with others, even in isolation.⁠
✔️ You're breathing.⁠
✔️ You have blood flowing through your veins.⁠
✔️ You're alive.⁠
⁠
It's natural to worry about money and the future, especially at times like this. I know I've spent a lot of time this week feeling anxious and unsure what to do.⁠
⁠
But when we're facing so much stress and hardship, it's important to step back and really look at the big picture. Your life means so much more than your monetary stresses. Things will work out as time goes on as long as you keep moving.⁠
⁠
Let's just take a second to celebrate the fact that we get to experience all the good, bad, stressful, uncertain, wonderful things together while we're still here.⁠
⁠

"What's so bad about being shy?"⁣
⁣
My therapist asked me halfway through our first meeting. I stopped.⁣
⁣
I'd spent a good part of middle school, high school, and college loathing the term "shy" and all the assumptions that went along with it.⁣
⁣
Shy people are timid⁣
Shy people are anti-social⁣
Shy people are boring⁣
⁣
I thought my reserved nature was something I was judged for. Something to be ashamed of. ⁣
⁣
But whether you're an introvert or an extrovert, quiet or loud, you are you. Theres nothing wrong with being you. ⁣
⁣
If you're feeling a little insecure about it, check in with yourself. ⁣
Are you spending time with the right people? Are you doing things you enjoy?⁣
⁣
Sometimes we forget that being true to ourselves isnt so bad.⁣

In case no one has told you today...⁣
⁣
You are smart enough⁣
You are pretty enough⁣
You are strong enough⁣
You are enough, right here right now.⁣
⁣
No need to seek approval anywhere else.⁣
⁣

Some of the most important moments in my life have felt "uncomfortable."⁠
⁠
Don't you agree?⁠
⁠
Think about it: ⁠
The fitness class you were nervous about trying ended up helping you be a little healthier.⁠
That hard conversation with your friend ended up helping your relationship.⁠
Getting on camera and sharing your feelings helped others feel less alone.⁠
⁠
I used to ignore cliches like "nothing worth having comes easy" because I didn't want it to be true.⁠
⁠
I wanted to skate by and avoid anything that made me feel anxious or uneasy.⁠
⁠
But once we accept that the "uncomfortable" feeling is not a red-flag or a reason to run for the hills, we can embrace the uncertain and actually live our freaking lives. ⁠
⁠

Four steps for opening yourself up to a more radical life.⁣
⁣
A page from Heart Talk by the amazing
⁣
This month, I've been getting to know myself and loving myself as I am.⁣
Self discovery and self love is a life-long process. Enjoy it as you go.

You do you, boo boo⁠
⁠
I'll be the first to admit that I can get a little too concerned about what others think of me. ⁠
⁠
I'll often worry about saying the right thing⁠
Or fitting in with the group.⁠
⁠
Acting "right" can take up so much of my focus, I end up not even acting like myself- just a timid, awkward version of me.⁠
⁠
My old college roommate used to say "you do you, boo boo" all the time, especially when someone was doing something embarrassing.⁠
It's like saying "hey, do your thing, I'm not judging."⁠
⁠
Sometimes you need a reminder to just "do you." ⁠
Be who you are and do what you want.⁠
⁠
Ultimately this is our one life and we might as well spend it being authentically us.⁠
⁠

I went through a nonfiction kick these last couple years and found a few gems that really helped me discover things about myself I never knew before.

Why do we think what we think?
Why do we like what we like?
How can we improve our confidence and our relationships with other people?
How can we let go of unhealthy habits and make changes in our lives each day?

So many questions answered in these books.

What nonfiction books have taught you things about yourself? Tell us your suggestions below.

https://theselfset.com/books-learn-about-yourself/

Five Books That Will Help You Learn More About Yourself - The Self Set Here are five fascinating books with knowledge on human behavior and pschology to help you learn more about yourself and discover things you never knew

I'm considering this my affirmation of 2020.

It gives you motivation to push yourself farther, do more, and take chances. Also, it acts as a little f-you to you inner-critic. You are capable of so much more.

What's your favorite affirmation?

Going into 2020 with more laughter and self-love
-
I'll admit I'm nowhere near where I thought I'd be at this point.
-
I'm still not sure where my career is going to go. I'm still unhappy with some of my unhealthy habits. I'm still experiencing my "quarter-life crisis."
-
But I think it's important that we each reflect on our growth this year.
-
I have more confidence now than ever before. I got out of my comfort zone and chased the opportunities that excited me. I met so many awesome people who have inspired me to do more.
-
Even if things aren't perfect, I can still be proud of what I've done and excited for what's to come. @ Denver, Colorado

Whether you’re a mosaic of flaws,
broken and bruised,
lost and confused,
or just feel like you’re not good enough, take a moment to acknowledge the fact that you’re not a finished product yet.

A work-of-art takes time and effort.

Oh hey, didn't see you there.

I was just leaning against this brick wall... totally not posing...

I feel like I often post on here trying to share inspiration or words of wisdom, but I end up sounding like a rejected hallmark card.

With social media, it's so easy to be consumed by what other people think of us.

"Does this photo look too posed?"
"Is my caption too cheesy?"
"Oh man another selfie, are they gonna think I'm conceited?"

Your Instagram account is YOURS. It doesn't matter what people think of your posts.

Post what you like.
Say what you want to say.

Let your social media be an outlet for self-expression and an avenue for connection. Don't let it be a tool for insecurity.