Girl Interrupted

It's lovely, how we are all at different stages of life. Sometimes life can feel so heavy, so overwhelming, feeling like there is no way out. It's okay to go through those feelings, yell and swear and talk about how life isn't fair. We can't control the things that happen around us, more so just how we react to them, how we chose to handle them.
The more I say it, the more real it becomes, Life stops for no one. We can pout, or feel like giving up, or just do nothing. Just don't forget, that life stops for no one! Feel how you feel, go through what you need to. Then do something. Do anything, no matter how small no matter how insignificant. No one will reach a goal overnight, and no one just gets somewhere without the travel. Sometimes it's a beautiful drive with your favorite tunes on a sunny day with smiles plastered across your face. Sometimes it's being at an airport, while facing delays, and missed layovers. It's trying to find somewhere comfortable to lay your head and grab a little sleep, while making sure your belongings are still okay.
Just don't give up, even on the worst travel days of our lives. Just make it through the day, Tomorrow might suck too, but at least you get to face it with a break from what yesterday was. Yesterday is gone, why be upset about something that happened, is gone, you will never be able to live that day again and have anything at all go differently.
Today I remind you once again, time stops for nobody. Get up and do something. Drink a glass of water, take an extra hot shower or bath. Apply for a new job since the one you currently have you don't enjoy. Have that conversation with your partner, it's okay to tell them you aren't happy. Tell them what you need, and listen to what they need. Plan that trip that you think you can't afford, it's crazy what you can accomplish when you set your mind to it.

I remember the night I drank my very last sip of beer, the craziest part is I never actually expected to be here.
In the ten and a half months that I have not consumed alcohol, my life has changed in ways I only once hoped, and most times could never even expect.
Allow me to reintroduce myself;
Anna Kayy- I just turned 35, I am in the best shape of my life I have ever been. Physically, mentally, emotionally! I just up and moved to Vermont after I accepted a job virtually, moving to a town that I've never been to, in a state I visited one time years ago.
Since my sobriety began, I have gone through many changes that led up to this move. I started to feel things, really feel things that I've never felt before. Think of what it would be like if a deaf person was suddenly able to hear or a blind person was suddenly able to see. As amazing as it would be to restore those senses, in the same instant I could only imagine what would come with it. Imagine a world of silence, abruptly coming to an end and the rush of every sound around coming in. How overpowering it would be to try to take in all of it at once, no way to turn it down or to stop it. Or what it's like when you walk inside from outside and your eyes go through that adjustment trying to focus. Imagine a world of darkness, and then everything is bright. The strain I feel like it would put on your eyes, how long it would take to adjust or adapt to all the colors, all the sights, everything you were unable to see.
I feel like that's what getting sober is like, how all a sudden a rush of things you never felt before, never experienced before, or dealt with before come rushing in as you stand there trying to take them all on. Trying to adapt, maintain, adjust, discover, uncover, relearn.
During this time, I literally feel as though I have been become a whole brand new person. Like this girl that I wake up and look at every morning in the mirror, is someone I have never seen before. I don't walk the same, talk the same, I don't feel the same. Instead I feel every single thing. It's not masked or covered, I can't just deal with the parts I choose to ignore the other parts. I've gone through a breakup during this time, and we were able to maintain our friendship that has soared for years beyond our relationship. That person I will forever owe something to, she saved my life. She helped me get the greatest gift I have ever been given. Me the chance to see what life could be like, to know that she saw so much more in me than the years of alcohol my body carried. She knew there was more, and she fought to get me here. She stayed for times she shouldn't have, but no matter what she never ever stopped pushing for me to get sober. To be honest, I eventually did because I got sick of "hearing her bitch about it." Now, I get to carry the greatest gift I ever received, my sobriety! The chance that I could show myself that I can genuinely be me. How a drink didn't actually make me likable, or how I thought I would never be able to get over past traumas. How I thought my anxiety would cripple me to death without a drink, or how I didn't even know how to function.
I never understood why addicts recover so out loudly, why they have to be so bold about it. I'll tell you why, because the way I feel could not be taken from me. I choose this, I choose to be happy, to be sober, to be me. I chose to take on the biggest task of my life to date, and I accomplished it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not done growing, Oh I never will be. There will always be more to discover, more to absorb, more to stand back and just watch and learn.
I intend to start blogging more, to really be putting this energy out there. I'm manifesting for you just as I did for myself that there is better to come, that you don't need to be held back or defined by your situation around you. That mindset really is a thing, and we can all make excuses as much as we want, but anything is really obtainable. Are you strong enough to move the things that hold you back to the side, are you brave enough to take a leap for something that may be new and scary but may be just what you need? You are one decision away from a brand new life, and only you have the control. We get so comfortable and feel as though we end up stuck, with no other options. Don't forget my friend, time stops for no one. Life will keep going with or without you, take control, take charge, take on your next chapter with your favorite pen and the biggest imagination.

Check out my newest writing. It’s called I got your text ❤️❤️ let me know what you think!!

Annak on TikTok Im backkkk

It's been so long, but here I am.
On March 5th, I will be two months sober from alcohol. I've attempted this a few times before, but this time I know is different. Even my whole mindset has changed, as I anxiously look forward to the future and what it has for me. I can't wait to continue to discover about myself, I drank my whole life, I became who I was when I was drunk.
Who am I sober? What do I like to do? What would be fun? What kind of people would I choose to be around? How would I act?
I'm not sure I can answer all those questions right now, and with every passing day I'm sure more and more questions will start to fill the list. I can't wait to start answering them, to dust off this beautiful soul that I have hidden for so long. Between being a le***an, my mental health and my drinking I struggled my whole adult life. This is a brand new aspiration about myself, the things I'm capable of, the things I will do, the things I will accomplish. Each day I'm setting personal goals for myself, each and every day seems brighter than the last. This clear sound mind I have, It's so amazing.
This is a one day at a time journey, but I plan to document it here, while also writing poetry (that I will also share with you all), and starting a book. My inspiration has sky rocketed and my sober mind has prepared so many amazing thoughts to flow, for the words to just come, to know that things are going to be okay!
Here's a poem I wrote about getting sober. I hope you all enjoy, and remember a positive mindset can design a life of happiness!

I remember the night it was all over
The night I said I was getting sober
No matter what I had to do or think
I knew I was done with the drink
This time was different, I knew right away
I would become a better person that day
I’ve learned so much more than the bottle
I’m so sorry to everyone that it took me a while
I want nothing but brighter days ahead
That old me is thankfully dead.
When I decided that night, it was just drinking
That’s really all I was thinking
Since then I’ve changed so much
Mentally, physically, emotionally, and such
I’ve put down my v**e
It’s no longer an escape.
It’s the golden hour, time to shine
Everything I’m starting to find
Is feeling so divine
All the happiness in the world, I want it to be mine
I want to find who I am without being a drunk
Aspire to be my best, not stuck in a funk.
Being sober pulls you away from some people
Sometimes you both need time to heal
I’m proud of where I am, and also where I’m going
I’m really starting to love who I’m becoming

It’s been a while sit I’ve sat down and wrote
Chasing the words stuck in my throat
Seasons change right before our eyes
The days are long but the years fly by
What we have in front of us can always be held back
Stuck in the mistakes you’ve made in your past
We have to find ways to be better though
Follow the path, and let it show
Show the person you can be when you really try
Without negativity, just positive vibes.
We will never make it, we can always be better
Maybe it’s time I finally send out that letter
I want to be the best version of myself
I never want to be stuck In doubt
Making changes is hard to do
We’ve been through it, me and you
Some days the sun shines all day long
Or sometimes it’s hindered my clouds and fog
At night the stars shine again
With our hearts ready to mend

It’s almost the end, right?
We’ve been living through a pandemic for over a year now.
Crazy to think isn’t it?
Oh how much of our lives have changed. We adapted so quickly, we changed everything the way we knew. We found ways to solve problems, and learned so much about ourselves...and others!
We planned a two week shut down, it would all be over quickly. Or so we thought. The more days that passed the more things that changed.
Jobs started shutting down more abruptly, stores had arrows and restaurants were take out only. We found masks to cover our faces, and continued to buy them. We became teachers, and pushed our kids to push through work they didn’t understand because their whole way or learning changed overnight. We rushed to stores hoping they wouldn’t be out of toilet paper and cleaning supplies, like the 5 stores before were. We wondered how we would pay bills or how we would keep up, because overnight our lives changed as well. Many families have been affected, many deaths have happened. We’ve managed to have holidays and birthday parties without so much as passing a hug, while a line of cars drove by or you ate a meal via video chat.
Things are starting to open back up, restaurant capacities are up, many states are starting to lift their mandatory mask policy.
What will life be like after we’ve lived through a pandemic, what will normal look like after all we’ve encountered this year?

🙌🏻💪🏻

💪🏻 Goooood Morningggggg

😊😊🙌🏻🙌🏻

Chasing dreams, Making them a reality
I never realized what had been taken from me
Making space and becoming new
I didn’t know I had so much work to do
I feel different, I remember things
Noticing others are starting to see
Our journeys are all so different
Our paths light up, we start to glisten
Hand in hand we move through life
Pushing through all the anger and strife
Every choice leads us to where we are
We always come back, no matter how far
Find something to look forward to
Like Starting a new goal or two
You can always build from exactly where you are
Search the skies for your shooting star

☺️☺️Have a wonderful evening!!

We take pictures and hold onto memories
We cherish moments and their history.
We want to travel and do amazing things
Along the way take in all the dents and dings.
We don’t always make it to a family event
Long flights, yearning to rest.
We watch as children grow
Never missing an event or show.
All these little things
Turn into big things.
We remember others the way we choose
No matter what they might have done to you
We wait for the weather to become nice
So we can get out as a family, go for a walk, ride a bike.
We find laughter under the sunshine
We smile at others, with words so kind.
We will look back and laugh at these memories
We remember friends that turned into enemies.
We crave the quiet, and as soon as we get it we miss the noise
Miss the kids arguing, fighting over toys.
We are all bonded in one way or another
There is always someone to offer a shoulder.
Let’s remember we are all on a journey
We all have a yearning.
Travel the world, so many sights to see
Take pictures to share your trip with me.
Live larger, and let the rest work itself out
Don’t continue to live in doubt.
There is so much to be seen, so much that still exists
There are so many opportunities you should try not to miss.
You will look back and be so thankful you did
All the memories from when you were a kid.
So many different cultures, and things to learn
Don’t be afraid to take a wrong turn.

Shattered. Torn apart. Ripped to shreds.
We often continue to give to others. We trust others enough to tell them our secrets. We let them in, and just expect they will hold our most vulnerable moments with the upmost trust.
We’ve been hurt over and over. By so many people, from so many realms of life. We just pick our head up and move on, yet we trail through life knowing how much of ourselves we have shared with others. Others who are now strangers, but some of these strangers know our deepest failures, our hardest falls, our biggest worry. It’s crazy to think about how many people have been in our lives, how many left peacefully...just disappeared. Many others who went out with a bang, and had to be the loudest one on the way out. We faintly remember memories, but when they pop up we, in that moment miss that person. We miss the person in that memory, we remember all the events of the day, we smile and think about reaching out to them. Then out of fear, you lock up, put your phone down and continue with the day as the memory fades into the distance.
There are so many strangers we will remember, those who’s name we never even knew. We will remember their kind words, and gracious gestures. We will remember the impact these people have had on our lives both good and bad. On the daily we come across so many new people. We look for the next one we can trust. We can confide in. We simply crave someone to be there.
Don’t forget the impact you have on others lives without even knowing it. People are watching you.
Two examples of my own from recently are this;
One precious lady- her name was Barb. I will never ever forget her. She worked at McDonald’s, that’s how I knew her. That’s how I was in contact with her. She always made me smile, I could be having the worst possible day and somehow she always could change my whole day. One night she even gave me her number and said her and her granddaughter would come drink with us sometime. She never did, but I will always remember her. And then one day she passed unexpectedly and it was heartbreaking. Then I realized something it wasn’t just me she affected, she had such an impact on the community that the employees made posters full of pictures of Barb. They were both in uniform and not in uniform. Her life was beautiful but I never knew her besides those quick interactions but I will surely never forget her.
Another one is a couple that walks their dogs down my road. See we live in the country, and every morning and every night this couple walks their two dogs up and down the road. They are in full gear, with vests, and reflectors, and flash lights, and the dogs were always in reflective gear as well. They were so cautious- they would stop and hold their place when a car was approaching and would stay there until the car safely passed. I’ve never met these people. I don’t know their names or their story. I know nothing about their dogs. But every single day when I drive down my road at the time they would be walking I think of them. I wonder what happened to them. Why are they not out anymore, are they sick, did something happen to them, did something happen to the dogs. I’ll probably never know, but I’ll think of them always.
You just never know who’s watching you, you never know the impact your having on others. It can be good or bad, we all know that. Just remember someone is always watching, someone is always curious to what you will do next.
Be the best you, for you and for others.
Life can be so beautiful when we take the time to appreciate all the people who have been in our life and impacted us in one way or another to be where we are now.

Welllll? What’s yours?!

Don’t forget your journey, that makes your story!
The things that have happened to us, the things that we have lived through, the demons we have overcome, the pain we have suffered.
Every tid bit of our lives bring us to be the person we are today. It’s okay to feel hurt because people have pained us. It’s okay to build boundaries because at one point someone made you realize you had to. It’s okay to cry and kick and scream, because someone made you question your sanity.
All these things that we go through, every single time we have found ourselves sitting away just rubbing at our temples because it’s so much. All the times we craved an escape, and pushed others away.
We stand strong though, through it all, no matter what, we always make it to the other side. These things build us up, they make us proud of the person we are. No matter what the outcome, we can honestly say we have been through some s**t. Sometimes we feel alone in a room full of people. Fighting at our own thoughts, picking at our own feelings.
Oh how we crave a break from it all, how we wish we could just go to sleep and wake up and it would just be gone. We wish there was a way that we didn’t allow others to validate our feelings.
I’m proud of you, I’m proud of what you’ve accomplished. I’m proud of me. We always make it through, and for that I know you are so strong. When we feel swept away and at our end, when we feel like there is no one. Just remember you are not alone and we are all battling! We are all facing something, we are all craving to write a beautiful story.
What will the next chapter of your life look like?

It can be simple, it doesn't always need to be extreme.
Here we are, almost a year in the pandemic and we are still waiting for things to return-for the nonsense to stop.
It's Valentines day- looking back at memories it's exciting to see each plan from each year. Remembering each time, and the feeling that came along with the days.
This year though?
I'm not sure about you but it was harder to plan. With restaurants following different guidelines- and let's be honest they are always over packed anyways on this given holiday. To other establishments unable to be open at this time. Gifts are easy- flowers, cards, and candy.
Time is important- thoughtful gifts. One year I was unable to get my girlfriend anything. I had to think of something else- I wrote her a poem and added it to a slideshow of our photos. That was probably one of her favorite gifts she has ever received from me.
Simple is okay. You don't need to out do the next person on facebook. This isn't a competition.This isn't a race, or a battle. It's about sharing something special with your love.
How special is this specific holiday anyways? A day that everyone shares their love on the same day? That's not how life works. What about the bad days, what about work schedules, or kids. That's like saying a year from now I expect you to be in a good mood because we are celebrating our love. No we do that everyday, we fight for our relationship when times get hard. We look forward to this person we can talk to, plan things with. I don't need a day to share my love. I'll run to the store any day that my girl is craving a certain snack. I'll get her flowers on a random day. I'll rub her feet and back when I know her body is hurting. I'm mindful of the things she has on her plate each day, and I find ways that I can make it easier for her.
This day is cute, and fun. This is not the day of love though, it's nights when you wake up and your partner is sick and you stay up with them. It's the days you just hold the other person because life has came in like a tornado and taken it's toll. It's getting gas so she won't have to do it. It's listening to her- maybe it's just buying a candle that she's been talking about. Love and relationships don't look the same to everyone.
Today was so simple- we ordered Chinese, played our game together, talked and spent time together. There wasn't any big agenda or even gifts. There were hugs and kisses though. There wasn't a fancy restaurant, but there was laughter at the table as we ate our meal. I didn't get another teddy bear to add to the collection of stuffed animals, but I reminded her how much I love her. Earlier in the week- I came home one day with a yellow rose just because. I didn't realize a yellow rose symbolized friendship. When she told me though, I smiled at her. Well, good then because friendship is an extremely important part of a relationship. One day this week I wasn't feeling well and she came home with medicine, my favorite candy bars, and a cute stuffed skunk with a cute saying. I went in to the store one night to grab dinner while she was in the car- I found beautiful chocolate covered strawberries there. I got 6. We ate them on the way home, and they were gone before we got to the house.
These little things all week reminded me of one thing- we didn't need a day. We often find little things we can do for each other that mean so much. Like my medicine- my girlfriend always fills my medicine container. I don't ask her too, it's not her responsibility but she just does it. We do things for each other, so during this "holiday of love" please remember that simple is okay too. You don't need the best gift, or need to get more than Suzie did. Appreciate what you have, cherish each other, don't do things in the hopes that you did something for them so they owe you. Build each other up. Grow together. Keep it simple. Love is a feeling, an action- you cannot buy love with money.
Happy Valentines Day 🥰

For anyone struggling with addiction or recovery, please feel free to check out my tik tok, much inspirational and uplifting videos!
It’s open to anyone, I’m just here to remind everyone that we are not alone, we are in this together, let’s grow together 🖤🤗

Anna Kurtz on TikTok 1138 Followers, 1271 Following, 2680 Likes - Watch awesome short videos created by Anna Kurtz

We live in fear of others, of ourselves.
Did we make the right choice, could we have done better.
We are constantly criticizing every decision we make.
We worry we are not enough, we feel as though we fail much more than we succeed.
We write checklist of things that we never get done. We go to bed so exhausted from the day, just to wake up tired again tomorrow.
We search for change, for happiness, for something else.
We strive to find something that makes us better.
What do we have to do to get our significant other to look at us more, how can we hold onto these friendships that are slowly becoming more distant.
How do we get a better job, or ever become financially able.
I'm here to tell you, that you are worth it.
The pain you go through, the days when it's just to much..
it will get better, Just wait and see!
You are enough, and you do matter.
It's so easy for others to bring us down, it's easy to believe and listen to their words. We are strong enough, we are capable, we are going to succeed.

I know this pandemic has us all in all sorts of ruts, hardships. Failures to see family members, or friends. I know money is tight, I know bills are adding up, I know the remote days for the kids are just piling onto everything else you have going on.
We will get through this, even on the worse days, we know we will smile again.

Words take us so far;
They hold so much power.
They lack to fulfill our spoken broken promises.
They spill out our biggest secrets.
They calm a storm, with tenderness
And they break another down as fast as they are spoken.
Our words define us;
We look to gain trust through our words.
We speak of love and romance through our words.
We carry ourselves through with our words, our actions right behind proving if those words were validated or not.
We speak highly of ourselves
While also knocking ourselves down.
All with our words, with our pitiful actions.
Our word means so much, when you give someone your word your offering them your trust.
Only you can decide if you are trustworthy, if you can follow through.
Stand tall, and speak your words loud, and stand by them!
Be you, be the best you, use your words like they are a weapon- because they are-they can be.
Think, then speak. Be prepared to back up your words, because then is when others will see you for who you are.
🖤🖤🖤🖤

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJngt6gX/

Anna Kurtz on TikTok

Share your favorite part of the holidays

All the wrapping paper has been torn, shredded, and thrown away. Parents all around stayed up late, were woken up early, and haven't stopped moving all day long. Our backs hurt from wrapping, our arms are exhausted from cooking. We've heard screaming all.day.long! The kids have been racing room to room playing with all their new toys, chasing after the next thing that excites them. We've put toys together, watched our teenage girls spend all day blow drying, and straightening their hair. Followed by trying their new pallets and lip gloss.
Our traditions have changed a little this year, maybe we created new ones due to lack of seeing family like normal. We've eaten meals that were different, or maybe just the same with too many leftovers. We've presented our gifts to loved ones, and with every single reaction we saw, with every single priceless face, we sit back right now and think it was all worth it. We've sat on Facetime calls and watched others open gifts. We have scrolled through facebook when we got the chance and were able to share this special day with others while we looked through their photos too.
This day has been exhausting! To say the least it was, it just took it's toll on us. These memories we'll always have,these moments we share, the way this time of year brings us close to those we love (in one way or another). The gifts have been put away, the outfits have been tried on, and we've joked about how soon until the Christmas tree comes down. We have one week until we bring in the new year. Crazy to think right? 2021 is coming, in less than 7 days. At midnight we will kiss our loved ones, we will leave 2020 behind us and we will hope the best is yet to come. That this will be the year we appreciate the things that were taken away from us this year, will hopefully be restored in days ahead.
Merry Christmas from my family to yours!

Merry Christmas 🎄

Merry Christmas Eve to all you beautiful people ❤️

❤️

Happy Tuesday, supporting you all from here ❤️