Sandton_smpu

Game Day, !! And we are back !!

Wayne Skiethom Kylander

Is best described as a young Forrest Gump that can keep a bit, apparently he was a decent cricketer back in his day applying his trade for the MCC , not the original Maboebaskloof Cricket Club, but the other one in London.

Wayne makes keeping with one leg look easy. when asked who is his perfect batting partner , without hesitation the first name on the list was no two Lu.

The bookies will be opening soon to take bets on the much anticipated running race of the Kylanders With Mnr Kylander the favourite over his two sons.

Tafadzwa AJ Chihota
You would be well within your rights to mistake AJ with his tighty whities on a saturday for a Gazelle roaming the plains of the serengeti.

The long legs do not equal speed though as AJ joins our band of military medium pace. He more than makes up for this with bowling accuracy. The only thing more consistent than AJ’s batting is him dodging a beer after the game.

Having AJ play LMS for us is a bit like having your parents pay your mortgage. We know we do not deserve it, and the resources could be better spent elsewhere, but we will continue abusing it for as long as we can.

Richard Ricky Louw Muzhange

Our latest import flying under the radar of the zim national cricket team as well as the south african deportation department by posting 500 gym selfies a day.

Some say that Richard has a message on his phone to Heath Streak that reads “ please do not be fooled by the hairline I am only 23 years old and still eligible for the next world cup”

Richard is most well known for his blistering bouncers and toe crunching yorkers - fortunately for the batsman these are mostly aimed at our hapless wicket keepers and not the actual opposition batsmen.

Richard apparently has a slingy action - unconfirmed yet as Wendywood has no official showers

Victor Vic Chaitezvi

Our very own Burton Francis playing for everyone , having been recruited when his team dissolved on a free transfer, Vic has now become a fully fledged Smack My Pitch Up player,

It is a wonder Vic is still walking, we had some rare insight to the fact that his wife sent him 100 whatsapps and Vic read 0 of them. We have also not heard from Vic after this so please share so that the pink ladies can see this just in case.

Vic has recently become a father and now is doing his utmost to play every week for some peace , when Vic is not avoiding his what's apps he is our main scout, our instructions to our scouts are simple... International or first class cricketer and Vic delivered on both.

We hope to see that white helmet on the fields of Wendywood for seasons to come once he has appointed a PA to assess the filth on his phone and reply to messages during working hours

Jared Jigga Noah

Like Lu Jigga is a true lefty , with one slight difference Jigga shops in the kiddies section and goes sleeveless at every opportunity,

Jigga is one of the few guys who applies his trade on a Sunday as well , playing 50over games. And the odd Saturday game which sometimes crosses over with his main focus which is SSMPU luckily he chooses wisely.

You would be excused to be surprised to hear that Jigga is not a lumberjack and his bat is not the results of deforestation , even with the size of his bat Jigga does have a nack of getting bowled.

Jigga is one of our front line seamers, with some deadly swing and pace, often compared to a knock off Mitchell Starc.

Wesley Wezza Keudel-Schaffer .

An overseas pro now, Wezza a founding member of SSMPU, applies his trade in Mauritius . A huge loss to the meat eating community of our team.

When Wezza plays you can count on one of three or all three outcomes to come fruition

1. A 50 with only one shot
2. One of the last to leave the fines meeting
3. Will sort brandy out next week

We hope that Wez has his kit with him , as we may need to flying him out for a game if a tour reaches Mauritius.

We unfortunately did not get the chance to have a farewell game for Wez, but we hope that he keeps both drinking and cricket fit.

Luyanda Lu Tole

Ooooooo Liewe Lu Lu sal jy vanaand by my kom Doo Doo . Our Kolpack player who is considering making his switch permanent,

A true lefty who absolutely muscles everything even his t -shirts when they have sleeves . Like most left handers Lu is extremely fond of hitting over cow however it is more often him being hit over mid-wicket.

Lu can be compared to Rafa Benitez, whilst he plays for another team he is most definitely an agent for SSMPU.

A avid rugby follower , who has been trying to convince us he is a centre... The jury is still out on that one.

Jonathan "Jono "Meyer

A man who appears from no where, it's been said he choose Sandton Smack My Pitch Up and not the other way around. A team man through and through,

Part of touring party to Cape town, hit his first 6 over cover , making us mere mortels look as though the sweet cover drive is as easy as finding water on a golf course.

When asked to explain his role in on field Jono had this to say, " the ball rolls to me, I pick it up and throw it in " shrugging of the extreme difficulty of boundary riding

Gentlemen and a squire in a fines meeting

Semi's action shots

Semi finals action

Best supporters

In motion

Up close and personal

Some action for day

Jarred “Wors” Scott

One of the original founders of Sandton Smack my pitchup. Although Jarred cannot go on most rides at gold reef city, don’t be fooled the man is a big hitter extraordinaire.

He has helped us out of many tricky spots with the bat and can hold his own with the ball.

He forms one half of the slow inswinging brothers club.

Jason "Keanu" Scott

The other half of the slow inswing brothers.

Apparently the better brother...

You cannot miss the galloping run up of Pocahontas gracing the pitches of wendywood and terrorizing batsmen with toe crunching inswinging yorkers.

Also more than handy with the bat. the shots he plays look more at home on the greens of Lords than the back streets of Cape Town where he currently plies his trade.

Bert Dirty Bertie Jansen Van Rensburg

Only resident evenvale hunter, a man who lives up to his name, whether it is putting his body on the turf for the team , or putting his body on the line on a Saturday night in the vale, Bertie has fast become a front line bowler and working his way up the Batting order.

His strike rate is well into the 100s both on and off the field and in the vale.

Bertie was once reported missing and a case was opened, only for him too rock up on the saturday asking why we have too many players

An absolute joy at fines meetings with glorious songs and unsurpassed banter

Nikolas “NikNak” Gernetzky.

Our resident “anything that looks like a beer but tastes softer” drinker and long standing hall of famer. We have retired the TFC award in his honour.

Kepler Wessels is honoured is to be meantioned in same breath as Nik

Always good for one cover drive with a 1882 piece of plank that was reconstructed from Jan Van Riebeeck’s dromedaris.

Lock him in for leaving a catch because the bowlers do not work hard enough

Neil (Notorious) Kylander

Our TC (Techincal Cricketer) hailing from sunny Rustenburg, is one part of our opening batting partnership a right hand batsman who knows his role , and will definitely give you a reason or two fine him for his innings , Notorious is also known to be handy behind the wicket once he finally gets his fingers into the gloves.

Stacy (Ace ) Smith

Our highest ranked player, Mr reliable with both the bat and ball , Especially with the new ball up front , normally getting us into the game early with wickets. Ace is never shy to have a word with the batsman either , and backs it up with his batting if needed , a right hand batsman who sends the ball over the fence on a regular basis

Pieter Fig Jam Kalis

One of the original founders of Sandton Smack My Pitch Up, a quality left hand batsman when he does play, probably the best Keeper in our side and will make sure to tell you so, does turn the arm every now and then and makes our front line bowlers look like they trying to hard by taking wickets with s**t balls especially on the Kalis Oval

Match Day 3 Report,

https://www.lastmanstands.com/leagues/scorecard/match-info?fixtureid=338493

Jeff “fa fa fa” Bruwer

Jeff has laid claim to being our fastest bowler. Economy is not his strength.

Jeff also has a 2nd team which he plays for because he would much rather pay 7 other okes to play than live in the shadow of Figjam.

Jeff also heads up our international recruitment wing, although he has not brought in any Pavel Florin’s yet he has managed to find himself a wife.

MatchDay 2 , fine of the day goes to our left hand !! Jas.. " You're simply the left ... photo cred