Samuel Temiloluwa Oyedokun

LEADERSHIP, A CONTINUUM THAT IS A MUST FOR SUCCESS.

I was driven by passion to write about leadership for sometimes now.

However, I've been met with constructive and open criticism that I am labeling Africa or Nigeria as a failed state to raise leaders.

Constructive criticism is good, cruelous critics are also OK by me, it helps us to look inward and do better.

The points I opined lately is that we raise more of autocratic leaders who have little or nothing to offer. Most leaders we have are driven by self gain and only want to ma******te themselves in the corridor of power for as long as possible.

In developed countries, leaders resign honorably when things are not going towards the direction they project.

A typical Nigerian would not resign even if a million people dies on the streets for protest.
That thirst, hunger and desperation has plunged us into many disaster.

They don't care in Nigeria, all they want is power no matter the price.

However, I stand by my perception that we have bad and dysfunctional leaders in all speres in Nigeria.

READ THIS ARTICLE WITH AN OPEN MIND.

Before anyone could be labeled to be a good leader, he must build structures, and structures are built on behavioral values of a nation or organization as the case may be.

Before leadership could be labeled to be good, it must stand the test of time, new innovations and so on.

Hence, good leadership is a continuum of a certain process and functionality of a workable system.

Now let me come back to practical examples of how this affects us directly.

Have you ever wondered why companies like APPLE, IBM, VOLVO, NESTLE, COCACOLA, MERCEDES e.t.c all outlived their owners and still thrives today even after their owners passed on over a hundred years and are still performing?

Now can anyone name just four companies built by a Nigerian in Nigeria that has stood for more than 20 years after the owner passed on? ( I will be waiting).

I studied vividly and noticed that in western world, almost all government institutions are working, laws are there to preserve whatever they do.

They also replicate their innovations in people around them, they invest in human capital and this helps and improves their country.

Again, can anyone tell me any government institution that functions up to ninety five percent effectively for the past ten years in Nigeria? Sports, transportation, power? (I will be waiting).

When a Nigerian is put in a position in an organization, especially unmonitored, they would run the company down by selfish decisions, all for self gain.

They reduce the salary of workers and enslave them, all these is to silent them so he can gain absolute control.
After a while, they steal and run the organization aground, that is the mentality of a typical Nigerian ( exception of some Nigerian who uphold their integrity in high esteem).

These are realistic examples that affects our day to day activities.
Even in our immediate homes where leadership starts from, are we not lacking?

With these few examples I'll draw the curtain for this series 😂.



©TEMI SAM 2023

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE SPIRIT OF DOMINANCE AND THE SPIRIT OF LEADERSHIP.

Matthew 6:10
In the beginning of creation, God's utmost aim was to replecate his kingdom on earth.

God's original project was to make earth his sacred colony of heaven. Remember Jesus prayed in Matthew 6:10 KJV... Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven....

Here we would deduce that God was interested in replicating his kingdom on earth before man rebelled in Eden.

God knew man cannot lead because he had so many flaws.

Remember, God never wanted a king in Israel, it was the lascivious mindset of the Israelites that made them ask for a king and it led them into memorial destruction.

The imputation of man's configuration cannot handle power.
God said in Gen 1:26 talking to some celestials, he opined that they make man to dominate.

The spirit of dominon is ruling the earth under the influence of God's spirit.

Dominion is the ability to influence, enforce and control a certain territory.

Finally, let me put dominion in our modern day perspective.

The British colonized Nigeria, they brought their food, clothes, language, education and told us it's the best.

Seventy years down the line, they gave us independence but we are still under their influence and control.

That is dominon.

However have we been able to replicate their style of leadership? No.

You can be a leader and not be able to influence.
Leadership is for a set time while dominion goes beyond generations.

I have opined severally
that we cannot trust a man when he doesn't have either money and power or both.

Power and money can intoxicate.

Only a few who can control the influence of money and power are real leaders.

There is nothing as elusive as leadership.

Money can make you rich, and power can make you strong, but
these things can never make you a leader.

You can inherit wealth but never leadership. Yet there is no greater need
in our twenty-first century world to be driven by effective leadership. Our greatest challenge is that we lack people who have the vacuum of leadership.

The number one need all over the globe today is
not money, social programs, or even new governments. It is
quality, moral, disciplined, principle-centered leadership.
We need true leaders in our governments, businesses, schools, civic institutions, religious organizations, homes,
including the disciplines of law, medicine, sciences and sports. Yet the search for genuine leaders is
becoming more difficult.

Dominion on the other hand is a spiritual force and mechanism of territories. It is the contention for control and he who has the greatest power rules a territory.

Dominion is birth out of territorial alignment.

Putting things in the right place, Dominance and leadership is quite different.

In all of these, we still lack good leaders in our hemispheres.




©TEMI SAM 2023

LOYALTY IN COMMITMENT (2)



In every relationship, COMMITMENT is key.

It takes commitment is to INVEST In a relationship.

Emotional investment is usually the most effective investment in a relationship.

It gives a relationship meaning and direction it needed.

However, today I'll be talking more on LOYALTY.

Loyalty is having an unwavering, continuous support or allegiance towards someone or something even if it would take your life.

Most people enters into relationships just for the gains and not for the love.

ANY type of love that is not based on loyalty is not LOVE.

Sadly, in our world of today loyalty is a very expensive commodity in most relationships.
In every investments of emotions and love we claim to have, loyalty is dead.

A loyal friend would never lie, backstab or snitch on another.

In our world of today, we've seen people betray trust or loyalty for money.

Some even betray their friends because of jobs.

COMMITMENT comes with understanding, it makes you shelve every irrational emotions that makes you think about yourself first.

Loyalty is key in every relationship.

Can you stand in for your friends or loved ones when they need you?

Are you loyal to yourself and people around you.

Remember, LOYALTY is an expensive commodity that builds relationships.

I then was sad to see that we as Africans could not as Individual nations thrive in a competition like this.

Not only France. Teams like England and USA had a good numbers of African decent in the teams too.

Millions of questions started popping up.
"why do Africans do better when they get to Europe or the rest of the world"?

Is it because there's a curse in Africa?
Is it because we lack facilities to train and enhance sports?
Is it that we don't have passion for our countries?

After those thoughts, I began to have a wider picture of how Nigerians also go for educational tourism abroad and break records. An average student in Nigeria would outperform some of their students in the rest of the world.

It happens in education, military, music and in almost all spheres.

And one thing I was able to conclude was that we have been LEADERSHIP starved in Africa.
It all boils down to leadership.

Kylan Mpape the golden boot winner of the world cup has a Cameroonian heritage and decided to play for them but they demanded for money.

Most Nigerian footballers too in time past alleged that they were asked for money before they can be in the list of major tournaments.

Deficiency of leadership is what we are in Africa especially in Nigeria.

We keep doing things based on sentiments, tribal differences, religion and so on which have limited our national investments.

When will we start to think critically for national change?

When is the time?

VALUES OVER RULES.

The world generally has evolved.

From tradition, to religion to even the mental and environmental factors of raising children.

A decade ago, mental health awareness was very low. R**e, child abuse and or assault are underreported.

Technology through social media has been a major factor that drives all these.

In every situation, human is always thrown into a choice of good and bad of every Breakthrough (technology, religion and so on) I won't want to say here that social media has had more negative implications on our present day children than otherwise.

Before asking who is at fault.

Normally, in saner climes they put in measures to curb the negative implications of everything they do to the minimal.
That is why you see Parental Guide (PG) in most movies, cartoons and even on toys.

Even on smartphones, there is a provision to monitor children so as to checkmate them.

But here in Africa, we claim WOKENESS and throw every caution into the wind.
Correcting your neighbors child is now a taboo.

Are parents to be blame for the current trend in juvenile delinquency?

As technology and every of our environmental influences around us as changed, have parents of this generation also evolved in parenting their children?

This is a question for another day.

Most often than not, we focus more on setting rules for children.
We focus more on correcting them based on their actions.

However the most important rudiment we need to impact in children is value.

Values gets them ready and individually sets a path of virtue in their minds.

Value are important than rules because they outlive rules.
Raules are meant to prevent things from happening, why value shapes and organize the mind of children.
It draws a framework of cultural or shared orientations in their minds.

Values creates a kind of character that could influence.

Values cannot be outlived, rules can be changed and outlived.
Value is an identity, rule is a mask of threat.

When rules are set, it could be broken. It only brings carefulness and not value.

A lot of parents today do not instill values in children, instead they instill rules that births fear.

We need to start instilling value

COMMITMENT, ATTACHMENT and CONNECTION "CAC" the basic tool to end emotional drought and gap in today's world.

After enough observations, experience in the teenage ministry and our social life, I have come to realize these three Ingredients (commitment, attachment and CONNECTION CAC) as the most important to possess in other to successfully train children, teens and even to maintain any relationship on earth.

All other criteria to maintain a perfect relationship are summed up under these three. Be it communication, attention, availability and so on.

In real sense, I've seen teenagers gone into a relationship ( boyfriend and girlfriend) because the gap they felt they needed to close in their heart.

Most of the teenage relationships today are avoidable and unnecessary, sadly this derail them in their academics, social and spiritual life.

Whenever a teen approaches me that they want a relationship of which they already made up their mind, I have never stopped any of them, I only give them advice that would help, of which after just a week 80% of them opts out because of the basic knowledge I give them.

I don't try to stop them. NEVER object a teen not to love. They see love differently. You won't hear anything from them again. You can only help them realize their decisions based on your diplomatic questions.

In teenage years, children are trying to cope with social life which place a lot of them under societal pressure hence, the need for emotional connection and attachment.

At this stage they are transiting and needs more CAC. When they can't find this in their immediate environment, they look elsewhere.

One thing every parent must have is the capacity to be present In their children's life and be in the center of decision making.

Once your child isn't free with you, or can't tell you anything maybe because they feel you are not emotionally capable of handling the information or because you'd overreact, there's definitely a problem.

In coming days, I will be breaking down the implications of CAC in children and teens.

Till then, keep watching this space.

©TEMI SAM

DISCIPLINE OR OVER SENSITIVITY?

One thing parents and the society must understand is that our children are not improved generally by gifts and provisions we give to them

IT IS NOT WHAT YOU GIVE TO A CHILD THAT MATTERS. IT IS WHAT YOU PUT IN THEM THAT REALLY COUNTS.

A Lot of parents becomes restless when their children is about to transit into the university. After so many years of denying their children access to mingle or go out at all in the bid to protect them.

This doesn't help the children in most cases as their orientation is to gain "FREEDOM" immediately they get to school which might likely affect their decisions as everything they understand at that piont of going to school as a "PRISON BREAKOUT".

The best thing we can do is to train them how to make choices and tell them the implications of any of their actions either good or bad!

Our parents needs to start teaching our children societal value rather than caging them, because there would be a time they will not be there when their kids are to make certain decisions that would shape their future.

"My mum and I leave under same roof, but we are far away from each other."

"My parents thinks money is all I need, I want them to be close to me".

"I would prefer to go to a school in another state from where my parents can control me".

These are statements I hear children and teens say to me on a regular basis. Most use exact same words, others express theirs differently with same message.

As parents theirs a need to communicate rightly with our children as this gap could affect their emotions and they react in odd manners.

There's a cognitive parallax that Most African or busy parents have that makes them far away from their children though they live together.

Children and adolescents needs reassurance that they are not just loved, but cherished with quality time, trust and respect.

When parents or adult enforce things on children, they interpret it differently.
Enforcing things on children wrongly would cause more harm than good because they would bottle up their feelings and react in different ways. Disobedience, hate, greive, disrespect and so on.

Mostly, children would do more harder roles and do the unimaginable when you give them persuasive roles iced with love and good communication.

One thing parents should understand is that the role, advice or discipline you give them isn't what matters. What matters is the way and manner it is being passed.

In recent years, when most parents calls to report their children or teens to me. I've been able to disclipline them harder than their parents which they do without protesting or grumbling because I've found a way to punish them via persuasive ways and right communication. Sometimes, most parents calls in to plead because even if I'm not present, those children would carry out their punishment with joy.

If there is one thing parents need to understand, it is children behaviors.

Lastly, know that God Almighty gave mankind the free WILL, also know that children have their own little WILLS which could be corrected and managed properly if parents could handle them in persuasive manners.

©TEMI SAM

BEHAVIORAL EVALUATION IN CHILDREN (1)

Behavior is communication and understanding the message in a child’s behavior is key to changing those behaviors. A lot of factors are aligned towards behavior.

External factors, internal factors, emotional factors, psychological factors e.t.c

Something is always behind or underneath uncalled behavior triggering, motivating and or strengthening it. Those hidden drivers are usually unmet needs of some kind, or a gap in communication and availability the right principles.

When parents, adults, coaches can identify what those gaps are, they typically find that those underlying needs are needs they want to and can support.

Children generally needs attention, care and reassurance of these.

Children who are acting in unloving ways are often feeling unloved, unwanted, incapable, powerless, or hurt. They might feel this way in response to issues with family, friendships, academics, emotions and career.

More often than not, the answer they need isn’t punishment, criticism or control, they need understanding, compassion, support and most importantly trust.

Often times, we expected kids to act exactly like adults and those who do are labeled, “good kids,” while those who don’t are labeled “bad kids.” It’s important to remember that kids are just an empty vacuum that needs to be filled.

They need our time and attention, even if they don’t know how to ask for it appropriately, they silently do crave for it.

It’s our job to teach children how to understand and compass their feelings most of the times.

The GREAT!

Build your mind for power and build your vision with hunger.

Don't give up for nothing

Champions are not built, champions are built.

Eyes on the price.

Winners are not built, winners are made.