Juicy Marbles

“Those who do not want to imitate anything produce nothing.” - Salvador Dali

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Having a food company with quotes from Hamlet on the packaging - CHECK ✅

it continues 😭

Many have asked us, “How did you manage to create such a succulent, meat-like texture, all while keeping the ingredient count so low, the label so clean and nutritious, and at the same time manage to stay so achingly sexy and good-looking?” Word-for-word, this is what they ask us. I don’t know the answer, but this is what people are wondering nowadays.

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🚨 INTRODUCING: BABY RIBS 🚨

Hear ye, hear ye, eaters of many-a-creed; we come to thee with a new product that may seem to some of you like we simply made an older product undergo a transformation from “big” to what is sometimes referred to as “small.” However, the difference is much deeper as this transformation cometh from within.

Allow me to elaborate and provide context...
.. in 2023, we hath released the world’s first plant-based ribs with bones. Thousands of ye praiseth and/or spanketh us with thy comments. But the sentiment be achingly clear: you wanted a recipe with no thickeners or binders, more essential micronutrients, and that same signature, sublime tenderness.

And so we toiled, drudged, and sweat in order to create our cleanest, most nutrient-dense recipe ever to leave the Surreal Kitchen. A recipe as clean as a baby’s soul. And with hella protein.

Thank you for your continuous support and ability to put your taste buds on the line.

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You may get Baby Ribs on juicymarbles.com

They’ll call you crazy. They’ll laugh at you. They’ll talk behind your back. They’ll hope you fail. But you know you can do it. You know it’s achievable. You know it’s not just a dream. You know a “Crocodi-loin Wellington” is more than just possible. It’s edible.

thank you for this

"My culinary "activistic tendencies" have also softened and gotten more nuanced thanks to meeting more people in 2 years than I have met in the previous 30. People on all parts of the “veg spectrum.” It taught me, quite viscerally, that the internet is not a good indicator of what people are actually like. Reading online commentary, one could easily assume that all vegans are militant extremists and all who eat meat are raging Neanderthals. But that is not the case, I can say with a sigh of relief."

🤓 READ THE LATEST BLOG POST HERE: https://shorturl.at/cpCIS

🇬🇧 A royal message for the admirable people of the United Kingdom 📯

For some reason, an information that we are no longer listed in started circulating, and I have been sent by the lords of sales to publicly rectify this most egregious falsehood. Truth is... we ARE in Tesco. And also in and

Ah yes, but which ones, you ask? A most admirable question.

We’ve moved the store locator from the hellish pits of our website footer into the heavens of our menu, so one may find Marble with less hassle. As proof of these statements, I’ve attached two images for the jury to consider.

I hope this helps and I once again thank you for all the support.

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I’ll be honest (and ashamed), I haven’t heard of steak & eggs for breakfast until Lizzo (yes, that Lizzo) had Juicy Marbles with eggs on TikTok. But being a protein slt of the nastiest proportions, of course I incorporated them into my life. Now, Lizzo used the pea-based “Just Egg,” but I like the tofu scramble a bit more, albeit it does take a few minutes longer to prepare. Tofu scramble recipes often turn out dry, but we have figured out a hack after toiling for years in the kitchen. And yes, that’s what we’re cooking in this recipe. This one is dedicated to all the protein enthusiasts out there, who also dabble in healthy fats. And my mom.

Find the recipe on juicymarbles.com

PS: on the second image we may observe our chef posing as the dish, testing the plate and feeling the light, just moments before we laid down the meats.

thinking of renaming the company to “Succulent Deception” to honor this t-shirt we gone made. 😜

the shirt is a limited edish design, one of 100, super duper exclusive.
only a few remain, if you’d be interested in decieving succulently.
available in ALL THE SIZES on juicymarbles.com

ribs with a Mediterranean flavor bouquet - figs, sage, lime, pear, red peppercorns, thyme, garlic, olive oil, pine nuts. 1 hour marination, 15min oven action. absolutely mental.

The giveaway is over and MERCH IS NOW OFFICIALY LIVE!!! 🥹

Congratulations to _shinkagbr for being chosen by a random insta comment picker I googled a few minutes ago. A huge thanks to everyone who participated ❤️

if anyone missed it, we have a massive once-in-lifetime GIGA-protein giveaway going and there’s just one more day to enter. see pinned post on our instagram for deets.

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The main prize of the giveaway (see pinned post) is of course the sweatshirt. The graphic is a colored scan of the original Mr. Marbles pencil illustration from 2021. It’s a soft sweater with a unbrushed fleece interior (french terry) and gentle herringbone neckline. It features a relaxed, unisex fit giving you a laid-back silhouette. And if you find yourself wondering “wait a minute, that color isn’t white, it’s washed ivory,” you are right. Good catch!

☝️ .uk & 🫶

There’s still till the end of day left to enter our little giveaway and win yourself:

🥩A whole stash of Juicy Marbles steaks
🥓A big bundle of smokin’ La Vie bacon
💰A nice juicy £100 Tesco voucher

To enter, go to the pinned post on our profile🤞

136G OF PROTEIN PER LOG 🫦

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It’s still stew season so allow me to introduce you to another staple from our motherland, Slovenia. Jota has been around me all my life, and much like all things close to me, I took it for granted. Until the foolishness of youth hath finally dissolveth and alloweth me to see the light. I don’t know how Jota manages to be perfectly hearty and pleasantly sour at the same time. The sauerkraut adds just the perfect amount of acidity, making one salivate for each bite as if it’s their last. Eaten warm, it’s a comforting companion for cold winter days. Let it cool, and it will refresh you in the most apocalyptically hot days of summer. She can do it all. I suggest serving it with some lightly toasted seedy bread. Ok, I don’t suggest it. I DEMAND IT.

As always, recipe on juicymarbles.com 🫶

PS: The exploration of Slovenian culinary traditions was inspired by a kind sir, seen on image number two. Yes, this is all out of spite.

I just want to give a gargantuan shout out to , the man behind most of our illustrations. I was just browsing through our old design archive, and found these beautiful illustrations he made when we were still prototyping the packaging. He’s also the author of the illustration of Mr. Marbles in the deli, which is the one that actually made it to the final packaging we have today. And Mr.Marbles riding a dinosaur is also his work (a hidden gem if you scroll past the footer on our website.) All these are now hung on a wall in our office, our little museum of past designs (and memories)😭

I couldn’t imagine Juicy Marbles without his art (or without art in general.)
Forgive me, for I hath become sentimental.

Allow me to make a bold statement. Mashed potatoes can be even better. I know, I know. Please, hold back your rage. But mash them taters with beans, and you will never look back. “Matevž” is a traditional Slovenian dish, that looks like “sad”, but tastes like “happy”. It’s depressingly delicious, and a great way of adding some fiber & protein to the mashed staple of our hearts.

Seen here paired with harissa-crusted ribs and some ferments… oy vey! This is the epitome of elevated simplicity, my friends.

As per usual, the recipe lives rent-free on our website.

the whole-cut loin in its natural habitat, seconds away from becoming a french steak sandwich

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man, ribs do be ugly 😂

🇺🇸 also a reminder for the good folks in the US and A. These ribs are currently only available in our thick and throbbing seasonal meat bundle, which is suggest ordering today, unless you wanna gamble with postal anxiety and such. People get angry at companies this time of year, but tis the season when everybody sends stuff soooo…. you know, delivery times are wack. I dont want this to ruin our relationship 🥺

f it, it’s december, steak burgers

⚠️ 🇺🇸 PLEASE place your order by December 12th if you’re planning a holiday feast. Due to the shipping schedule of frozen goods and holiday postal carnage, orders may get delayed.

🇺🇸 Dear America, the holidays fast approacheth. And with them, the group gatherings where one is inclined to express one’s love and gratitude through culinary gestures of delightfully excessive proportions. Thus, we hath assembled meat bundles of great magnitude. This considerably thick, more-than-adequately gigantic, and quite shockingly succulent collection of plant-flesh has been perfectly proportioned to allow for maximum distribution of love, glee, and yes, juice, to thine nearest and dearest of kin.

⚠️ PLEASE place your order by December 12th if you’re planning a holiday feast. Due to the shipping schedule of frozen goods and holiday postal carnage, orders may get delayed.

ribs with maple-bourbon glaze 🥃 the perfect seasonal coping mechanism.

also 🇺🇸, the ribs will soon be available once more via our upcoming thick, throbbing seasonal meat bundles. I would also like to add that the feedback from all of you who have tried the ribs was absolutely invaluable. We have been hard at work to implement it, so expect ribs 2.0 in 2024. 🙏

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TL:DR; For too long have we ignored Canada. And by “ignored” I mean there was too much work logistically. And by “Canada” I mean the 5 people (-ish) who left comments under our photos. That’s why we took 500 loins and 1000 filets from our strategic reserves and sent them to Canada, just in time for Christmas.

🧐 I AM CANADA, HOW DO I GET THEM?
Follow this link: http://juicymarbles.com/pages/canada
Due to scarce quantities, we have created a “notify me” email list. You must sign up to be notified when we drop them. Only the people who sign up will receive the purchase link.

Now, we know, like, 5 Canadians, so if you could maybe help us spread the word, by either sharing this, tagging a fellow Canuck, or simply telling us where some Canadians may be found, we’d be SUPER grateful 🥹

Love, Marbles

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hey 🇨🇦, not to get all mysterious and shet, but we’re gonna make an announcement soon. something will happen. something of undefined proportions and a grandiosity that may only be speculated. if you know any Canadians, please share. bring them to us. tell them of Mr. Marbles. of his fables, trials and tribulations.

i can’t do this anymore…

If you’re looking for some inspy this , we’ve uploaded 5 new recipes, specifically designed for gatherings where one is implored to express gratitude for one’s loves and havings. Yes, it includes a meat recipe. It also includes a never before seen technique of cutting the loin into multiple meat logs, now known as meat logging. People, we have so much to be grateful for!