The Grieving Daughter

We’re into the last couple of days to order grief inspired cards for Mother’s Day in the UK ❤️

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My Etsy shop is linked in my bio ❤️ please place any orders by Sunday night (March 20th) so I can try to get them out to you on Monday at the latest!

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Again thank you so much to everyone for your support ❤️ I hope you love them when they arrive and that they bring you comfort on the day!

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Between my day job and card making I’ve barely been online 😂 - Normal griefy posts resuming soon ❤️

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In the meantime, I’ll be spending this weekend making cards and getting them all dispatched before Monday.

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Lots of love to you all xx

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Still in love with Birthday Cake by .

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She wrote this song as an encouragement to her friend whose mum died when they were both very young.

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We often talk about how frustrating it can be when people say ‘your mum/dad/sister/partner wouldn’t want you to be sad’ because it can feel like they’re trying to brush aside valid emotions, make you ‘cheer up’ when you need to time to break down and process, or like they’re trying to speak for someone they can’t possibly speak for. Well, for me, these lyrics bring another perspective to that.

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This is about someone who knew your person and genuinely loves you saying ‘your person was amazing, this is going to hurt forever 💔 no matter how much it hurts and how much you cry, your person would also want you to truly live and deeply love’.

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All of a sudden it feels like someone being willing to sit in the sad seasons with you whilst also reminding you that life is worth living and that, living it well (sadness, joy, hope and heartbreak included), is a beautiful way to honour your person.

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What do you think?

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For my mum and all our loved ones in heaven ❤️ Happy Valentines Day.

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It’s always heartbreaking seeing dad without mum. And Today I’m praying in particular for those whose partners have died. Days like this can feel like salt in a wound! Sending you all so much love ❤️

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I say this every year: mum, on a day dedicated to the celebration of love, of course I’m thinking about you ❤️❤️❤️

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It can get a little lonely under the clouds. Knowing that there is someone who has been and will be with you through anything can make a huge difference.

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Sending you all lots of love this Sunday ❤️ and praying that you’re surrounded by people who will stand by you in every season xx

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We are a beautiful echo of the amazing people who came before us.

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I am so grateful for my mum today.

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She was discerning and patient. Wise and loving. Firm but caring. She could be slow to forgive (and sometimes slow to apologise 👀). But she was quick to laugh and dance and love!

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People who didn’t know her well sometimes couldn’t see past a frosty exterior but people who did were blessed with true warmth, light and humour.

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Mum was protective to a fault, more confident than anyone I’ve known and more beautiful than you can imagine. The kind of beauty that shines from inside a person.

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She was flawed but she knew it and she taught me how to be truly good and show the love of jesus from a place of humility and honesty.

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The world truly lost a light when she died on this day 3 years ago. But heaven exploded with fireworks as she was welcomed home.

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Mum you are loved and remembered, always and forever # # # I’ll miss you for the rest of my life but I’ll do my best to live a good one. I can’t wait for you to welcome me home at the end of it x

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Some very ‘January’ thoughts. I’m not sure why I wrote them in the past tense 😂

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Sometimes survival mode is necessary ❤️ and I have to accept that, at least for now, I can only do ‘x’ amount and everything else will have to wait.

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If you’re stretching yourself too thin I hope this will remind you to let a few things go 💔 it’s not always easy to do but we weren’t built to carry everything all the time.

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Sending love ❤️

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Mum, I miss you in a way that touches everything 💔

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January has wiped me out.

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I haven’t posted since December but I’m still here, still grieving. I’m just not coping very well with those January blues 😵‍💫

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In the almost three years since mum died I don’t remember ever having a January quite as emotionally difficult as this one and I have no idea why this year has been so much worse.

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All I can think about is mums death anniversary in February, followed by Mother’s Day in March combined with the endless English cold and dark 🥴 my mind can become a very self critical and hopeless sort of place in seasons like this.

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I’m just holding on to the knowledge that seasons are temporary, change always comes, it won’t feel this way forever (no matter how permanent it seems right now). You’ve hit 100 seemingly inescapable lows and in between them, 100 seemingly unattainable highs. The sun will shine again. It will be ok.

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In the meantime, I’m doing what I can and trying not to beat myself up over the things I can’t manage. I’m placing hard boundaries in front of anything or anyone that makes me feel worse.

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Anyway, if you’re struggling too, I hope this quote encourages you like it has done me. Something hopeful to think of when it all feels too dark and heavy.

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Sending love x

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In the midst of all the pain and confusion of grief during the holidays, amongst the joy and sadness, I hope you find the love ❤️

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Thinking of you this Christmas ❤️

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I’m triggered, crying out to heaven and bringing anger, tears and anxiety to the pity party 🥂 what are you bringing?!

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I hope this 12 days of Christmas parody makes you smile (even if it’s a sad smile) and makes you feel less lonely.

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Christmas is HARD. We’ve got grief and covid cooking up the perfect storm.

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Even with how difficult things are I’m trying to remain hopeful and grateful. I’m grasping at little moments of joy and holding onto them tight.

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I miss mum. That’s really all there is to it. The anger, sadness, confusion, nostalgia, happy memories, grateful moments and bittersweet traditions are all wrapped up in grief.

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In my story I asked how you’re all holding up; 6 hours and a lot of responses later 19% of you are doing ok ❤️ and 81% aren’t doing so great 💔

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I’m so glad that so many people in this space are doing ok 😭❤️ . It’s inspiring and encouraging 🙌🏾 it makes me feel like every year won’t be so bad. It makes me feel hopeful ❤️

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And to the majority of people, who aren’t doing so great 💔 I’m with you. None of us are alone. Sometimes there’s a little comfort just in knowing that ❤️

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Sending lots of love to you all! I hope we all find joy alongside sadness and light in the dark this christmas x

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Tissues will be provided!

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I often walk into my sisters room and see a particular expression on her face; a sad, tired expression. I ask her if she’s ok and she says ‘I’m fine, just having a pity party, pull up a chair!’ So I do and we talk about how we’re feeling, sit with sadness together, cry a little, laugh a little, reminisce about mum a LOT.

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We sometimes curl up with blankets and no background sound, just silent processing and quiet exchanges. Sometimes we get snacks and watch our favourite comedy. Either way, by the time the pity party is over some of that emotional weight is just a bit more manageable.

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We take it as a period of time to just let life suck. No silver linings, no platitudes. It’s a shared space for acknowledging that life is hard, loss is almost unbearable and sometimes you have to pause and let yourself feel it without trying to dull the edges.

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When one pauses, the other pulls up a chair, grabs some tissues and joins in. Sometimes our dad will be passing by and see that there’s a party going on, so he’ll take a moment to pause too.

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If you pass by and see us paused, while life is rushing on around us and people are getting swept up in Christmas, please pull up a chair. There are plenty of tissues for everyone and there’s always a space for you.

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Sometimes the term ‘pity party’ carries negative connotations. It can be seen as ‘wallowing’ and ‘self indulgent’. My sister and I see it more as ‘self care’.

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What are your thoughts on pity parties? How are you feeling today?

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Mum, you were the queen of the pity party! You believed it was important to give your feelings space and TLC regularly so that they didn’t burn you out in the long run. You showed us how to let ourselves feel it all without judgement, recharge and then get up and carry on. So that’s what we do! Thanks mum ❤️ miss you xx

It sounds better if you sing it 💃🏾

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I’m embarrassed to admit that I only recently found out that the ‘12 days’ relates to the time between Christmas Day and Epiphany on January 6th and has nothing to do with the lead up to Christmas 🤦🏾‍♀️ please tell me I’m not alone?!

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Anyway, moving swiftly on! I have written a griefy parody of the 12 days of Christmas song. I think it’s kind of funny and definitely true, my husband thinks it’s depressing 🤷🏾‍♀️😂

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I’ll share it one day at a time on my story (Instagram) so you can let me know what you think! 12 days from now (completely ignoring the official calendar) I’ll post the whole thing here.

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Does anyone else feel the anxiety in their chest? For me it’s like a tightness, a sort of ‘ouch, this can’t be real’ that presses down right over my heart.

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I’m taking a LOT of deep breaths as the season goes on. And finding snippets of joy in strange things, like writing parodies 🤷🏾‍♀️

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How are you feeling today? What “gifts🙄” from bereavement do you think should be/might be included in the next 11 days of this song?

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Mum, I think this song would have made you giggle 🥰 miss you always xx

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It’s a roller coaster isn’t it?

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Over the last few days I got really sad buying Christmas decorations, then had so much fun putting them up! Then fell into a black hole of ‘I can’t believe she’s not here’ 😩 then got cosy by the fire and enjoyed all the fairy lights…before crying over mums favourite Christmas film 🤷🏾‍♀️ and the roller coaster continues!

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It’s complicated and bittersweet and different for everyone 💔 and right now, the Christmas season feels inescapable. So I’m just embracing the tears as and when they come and milking every happy moment for all it’s worth.

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How are you holding up?

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Miss you mum ❤️ I really think you’d approve of my decorations! They were inspired by yours ❤️

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Having a mopey day.

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I had some weird news and I’m not sure how to process it without being able to talk to mum.

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It might sound strange coming from someone who posts their thoughts online but I’m a very private person.

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For me, trusting someone enough to talk to them about things that I haven’t processed yet is a big act of love. That act of trusting, speaking, making myself vulnerable and then listening to advice on my inner most concerns is a way that I show love.

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I miss being able to show mum love in that way. And I miss the way she showed me love by never judging me and always making time for me.

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This caption could have been about 1000 different acts of love that you can’t do for or with someone who isn’t here.

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On a good day, I might tell you that even though they aren’t here, we can show love by honouring them in the way we live and in all those little ways that we keep them close. Hopefully tomorrow is a better day.

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If you’re having a rough day, I hope tomorrow is better for you too ❤️

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Miss you mum

Xx

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In the midst of all the pain and confusion of grief during the holidays, amongst the joy and sadness, I hope you found the love ❤️

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Wishing you a gentle Thanksgiving ❤️

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This is from a book called Prayer in the Night by

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I picked up the book not really knowing what to expect but I’ve been absolutely blown away by how beautifully and powerfully the author speaks about prayer, faith, pain, suffering, joy, love and grief 💔 .

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I don’t know how many other Christians are here in this space but if, like mine, your prayer life was absolutely rocked by your losses I’d definitely recommend reading this. I’ve never thought about prayer and God and grief from quite this perspective before and it changes everything.

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The quote in the image is one from the book that I think we can all relate to; Grief can’t be ignored and it doesn’t go away! I’m so grateful for spaces that allow us to feel it and don’t ask us to tuck it away and make ourselves more ‘socially acceptable’. Grateful for spaces and people that remind us to feel our grief and not suppress it ❤️

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I hope we can all give ourselves and each other the time and space and freedom needed to really grieve 💔 it’s not easy but it is healing ❤️

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Mum I think you’d have liked this book! I’m dying to ask you your thoughts on it ❤️ love you, miss you xx

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Hey, I’ve been thinking about you today ❤️ sending lots of love xx

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I was looking at a picture of mum today. Admiring how beautiful she is ❤️ and thinking how strange it is that we’ll never know what she would have looked like as an old lady! She never had a chance to grow old 💔

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Short caption today! The post says it all really ❤️ I hope that I’m lucky enough to live longer than my mum did, but wow it will be strange. And of course, I’ll think of her always.

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Age is a strange and confusing thing in grief isn’t it?

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Mum, you’d have been beautiful at any age 🥰

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I can’t imagine that Grief as we know it exists in heaven. I would hate the thought of mum somewhere painfully grieving the loss of her family and her life 💔

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We often talk about our loved ones being ‘proud’ of us, ‘smiling’ down on us and ‘watching over’ us (which I absolutely believe to be true!) but we rarely talk about them missing us. Perhaps because the feeling of missing someone is often associated with deep sadness?

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Sometimes, I miss mum in a way that doesn’t hurt. I’m filled with love for her and gratitude for all she was. I feel a gentle, bittersweet ache softened by the knowledge that I’ll see her again one day.

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I hope she misses us like that; in a way that’s all love, warmth and hope without pain ❤️

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Miss you mum xx

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Hey,

I’m thinking of you ❤️

I’m here for you

I love you

xx

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It’s both comforting and sad to think that she would never have left us if she’d had a choice.

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Sometimes grieving people feel a sense of anger towards their person for leaving them 💔 it can be a very confusing flood of emotions that swing through sadness, anger, abandonment and guilt. It’s all part of grief and, as awful as it feels, it’s normal.

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In those early days, whenever I felt frustrated with mum for ‘leaving’ I’d repeat to myself ‘I know you would have stayed if you could’ and that frustration would shift away from mum and onto the circumstances instead which I found much more manageable.

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Everybody grieves differently! But I hope this brings you comfort ❤️

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Mum, I know you would have stayed if you could ❤️

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Hey, I hope you’re ok ❤️

I’m thinking about you. I know you don’t really want to talk right now but I’m here anyway

Love you

Xx

I think part of the problem is that when the video ends my mind struggles to understand why she won’t say any more. Why it’s just the same words on repeat. If she can look at someone and smile in the video, why can’t she look at me?

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Maybe it’s something to do with the technology we use every day!

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Videos of mum make me feel like I’m on FaceTime to her but someone’s hit my mute button and hidden by camera so she can’t hear or see me. She’s right there and I’m trying to get her attention when suddenly, it all disconnects.

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In the part of my mind that loves a bit of denial, she’s in a room somewhere carrying on with life and just hopelessly useless at using FaceTime properly 🤷🏾‍♀️ .

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What do you think? Videos; comforting or confusing?

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Mum, as much as I find videos of you confusing, I’m still annoyed that you hated to be on camera. I wish I had more videos!

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Sometimes it isn’t just wishing she were here, but knowing how much she would have loved to be here, that makes my chest tight.

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There have been so many moments since the wedding that I know mum would have loved! That I know would have been all the richer for her presence. But instead there’s just this brief, tight constricting in my chest that leaves as quickly as it arrives, as it hits me again that she’s missing out on the things that she prayed for.

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It’s all very bittersweet isn’t it?

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Mum, I’m happy but I miss you. And I’m so sorry that your journey was cut short before you could see so many of the things you were dreaming about become a reality.

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It’s a comforting thought ❤️

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It doesn’t stop the pain of missing them but it can sometimes soften the edge just a little ❤️

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I believe in heaven. Mum believed in heaven too ❤️ and I believe we’ll all see each other again one day.

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Whatever you believe, I hope it brings you peace and comfort on the days when your heart is really hurting 💔

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Thanks for all the birthday love ❤️

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It was bittersweet but I laughed far more than I cried and mum was right at the heart of the whole day ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

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I wore the first proper watch she bought for me and the last ever perfume she bought for me and kept her close all day ❤️

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My sister outdid herself; making the day beautiful in a way only her and mum ever could ❤️

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My fiancé (😂 still sounds funny) swept me off my feet for the evening 🥂

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And all of my friends and family sent me so many messages of love that i’m still working my way through them all ❤️❤️❤️❤️

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THANKS EVERYONE!

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It’s so hard celebrating without those we’ve lost 💔 but sometimes we get really lucky and the grief lifts just enough for us to be able to see all the other people that we love and see how much they love us. All whilst honouring, remembering, loving and missing our angels ❤️

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Miss you mum! Last time you saw me I was 25 years old 💔 I wonder how old I’ll be when we finally see each other again?!

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