Keeping it Real

A balanced mind can navigate life effortlessly and peacefully. However many times we are out of balance, believing that we are not enough, instead of just enough for the life we have. We look up to people, wishing we could be like them, or down at people thinking we are better than them. We go through life believing we are cursed or that someone put some evil spell on our life, which is why everything is happening to us, rather than knowing that we are being moulded by every experience and in retrospect we will see how it’s all been happening for us. When we are going after something, we see the first obstacle as in our way and we stop pursuing it , instead of seeing that it might be something on our way to where we’re going, something that will help us once we reach our goal. Approach life with these balanced thoughts and find your freedom, instead of being controlled by an outside world who lives by a set of fake measurements, that tells you what’s enough, who is of value and who isn’t, what you deserve and what you don’t. Create a balanced mind and experience a balance life.

Change is a verb, nothing can change without an action to create it. People spend hours researching how to change but no actions. Knowledge without application is meaningless. We must apply what we learn.
There is no greater action you can take than exercise, I’m not talking a gentle walk in the ocean, I’m talking a run, a high intensity work out, something that gets your heart rate up, something that says “I want this” all your negative energy sits in you waiting to explode into an even bigger ball of negativity, use the energy before you explode, run until your anger subsides, until you break in to tears if you must, feel the release, feel your heart pumping, push yourself, a winning mindset comes from falling and getting back up, exceeding your own expectations, it comes from knowing you got this! Donot under estimate the value of exercise and positive reinforcement through the words we use to describe ourselves and the people we choose to surround ourselves with. Change is a decision. It. Is your decision, if you can’t keep your word to yourself , why should anyone keep their word to you ? The greater the change you wish to see in yourself , the greater the action you must be willing to take !

This post is An extract from my new book coming soon …. “How to be a ‘bad’ parent and raise ‘good’ children ….. 😊

I push myself daily, I don’t accept mediocre from myself, I don’t do bare minimum, I do more than required. When I put my mind to something, I’m like a bull seeing a red flag, I run after it. Yes there’s times I’ve been through challenges that had me feeling beat and falling to my knees, but I remind myself that it’s not how many times I fall that defines me, it’s how many times I get back up that does, so I get back up. I find the blessings in the challenge and see the hidden gifts in it and I say Thank you 🙏

People are running after a quick fix, buying stuff with short term satisfaction and long term regret. Others are holding themselves hostage to a story that they tell themselves, “if only this did not happen, I would be different”, living with the illusion that what happened changed them, when in fact they haven’t changed , which is the problem. The same person that went through it is the same person who is still angry and hurt today, there has been no growth. The world has moved forward but they are still in a continuous loop of their experiences. The more we tell the story, the more we live the same old experience. When we believe that the problem lies outside of us, we have no control over changing it, we can only control what is within ourselves, if we want our lives or circumstances to change, we must start from within, the mind is a great place to start !

I Love this poem “Our Deepest Fear” , it is a reminder of how powerful words can be. Some might recognize it from The movie Coach Carter.
From the first time I heard it, it impacted me in a positive way. For a long time I believed it was wrong to be talkative and bubbly because it made people say “you’re an attention seeker” but it turned out that this is “light” I believed that if you stood up for things, you are seen as a know it all, turns out this is light, I saw, accepting a compliment as egotistical, turns out this is light. I never fully understood the power of our light, which can also be seen as our character, our talents , our purpose. All of these are light, and used in the world, spreads light. People sometimes says things like “you light up a room” “you are infectious” “I Love being around you”. And I try to figure out what I did or said to make them see this but then I learned that the beauty of light, is that we are not even aware that it’s shining , darkness is over powering, light is powerful . Light will only make people uncomfortable because they feel forced to dim theirs.
Shine brightly, (especially in South Africa with all the loadshedding 😂, you really could use it to brighten up our country)

I don’t do indefinite coaching and anyone that does is making a lot of money out of your pain, and your lack of clarity. Coaching is the ability to help you get started, to guide you with something you already know you want to achieve or to help you build the courage and confidence to admit what it is you want. It is not your vehicle to the life you want, You are the vehicle, your mind is the fuel and your why is your inspiration that will drive you there. Goals Require specific steps and a specific time period to be achieved, if you don’t have this , you don’t have a goal, you have a dream. A dream requires nothing but your imagination because that’s exactly where it stays 😊

I feel strongly about good character, I think it should be a standard that we measure ourselves by. Parents are often watching how their kids dress, how many friends they do or don’t have but not bothered about what kind of human beings they are. Do they show empathy, do they keep their word, are they honest, loyal, kind. As adults we measure people based on what they do or don’t have, where they shop, the clothes they wear, their hair type etc. good character is found In both rich and poor alike as is bad character. Money or lack of it has nothing to do with it. Money only showcases your greed, selfish ways or your nature of giving and grace. It is not the root cause of any of it. Let’s Take time each day to beautify our character and let’s start today ❤️

So many people say all they want is to live peacefully but their actions and words prove differently. We cannot be peaceful and argumentative, we cannot be peaceful and rude nor can we be peaceful and start wars. So many people are so willing to trade peace for the short term gratification of being right, which some how gives a fake feeling of superiority and this small insignificant feeling of a win. When in actually fact nothing is truly won when peace is lost.
When we are getting involved in everyone’s arguments and up in everyone’s business, we lose peace, when we create arguments and bad blood between people , we lose peace. When we are constantly trying to outsmart others, we lose peace. Each time you are tempted to argue or fight over anything, ask yourself, will this help me to keep my peace or will it strip my peace? At the beginning of your day, rate your level of inner peace and by the end rate it again, if it went down, account for where you lost it, who did you give it to and was it worth it ? Keep doing this and you will get to a point where you start to realize that the value of your peace and you will stop giving it away so easily ❤️

It can be frustrating to us, when we know we need to change but don’t , the thing is we are creatures of habit and comfort. As long as we are comfortable, irrespective of whether it serves us or not, we will not change and we will continue on with the same habits that’s holding us back in life. When the present comfort becomes uncomfortable enough, it is when we change. Many stay in relationships that does not serve them because there’s a payoff, either there is financial gain (dependent on another for a specific lifestyle or need) , material gain (a house, a car) or emotional gain (not wanting anyone else to have him or her or not to feel like a failure to others), and as long as the person cannot see how they can take care of themselves, or have their own home, find other means of transport, or find another life partner, they will stay, no matter how challenging it is, because the challenge to do it for themselves outweighs the current challenge. If we don’t have a job , but have a comfortable place to live, with parents that are still seeing to us, we won’t feel an urgency to find one. If you really want to change, you need to find the reasons why you want to change and how this will be good for you, these answers needs to have enough weight to push you forward if it doesn’t, you won’t move.
I must change or my partner will leave me, not a good enough reason to have sustainable change, my parents will stop speaking to me, not a reason, my friends won’t accept me anymore, not compelling. To change , we must do it for ourselves, we must see what the change will bring to our own lives, if we only see how it will make others happy, it will build resentment and we will go back to the behavior. Find compelling reasons to change, write it down, read it every day, until it sinks in and you do it for you ❤️

There are sleepless nights for many, livelihoods feeling threatened, relationships being tested, a holiday season coming with many people stranded in countries around the world, away from families. There’s uncertainty for businesses and families alike wondering if they can weather another storm. It is easy to walk around miserable and angry, it’s easy to get caught up in the negative talk , please don’t , instead can we refocus on what serves us? Can we show some compassion to one another, every persons problem is valid to them, let’s not undermine each other’s experiences. Instead can we show kindness to each other and be there for one other ?

Life is a journey not a destination ❤️
If you always believe you have tomorrow, you’ll never do the things you need to do. Create awareness in your life, be aware of what and who you are spending your time on. Is it worthy of what could be the last minutes of your life ?

Be someone who is happy for others to join but not dependent on others to join in order to do what you want . Be someone who invites people but don’t not enjoy yourself based on someone’s attendance. Be someone who is as happy alone as you are with people.

So many people love living in the past, telling everyone how thin they once was, the trip they once took, the person that once hurt them, the childhood they didn’t have, not realizing that this is not the route to your future. when we don’t know where we are going there’s no reason to wake up each day, when we don’t create a vision for our life and set goals to achieve our vision, we use the time to reminisce about the pleasures of our past or feel sorry for ourselves due to the pains of our past. We keep saying I wish I could go back to that time or I wish that never happened. Instead of using that mind power to create the future you want, you use it to keep you stuck in the past. There’s no going back, time keeps moving forward, you can choose to waste it on what was or use for what could be, be wise and let the vision for your future out weigh the pleasures or pains of your past and you will start feeling progress in te present ❤️

Most times the reason we are fighting the world is because we are fighting with our selves. When we don’t have the ability to control our mind , it controls us. Many times we are living according to the ideas and ideals of others, which often does not sit well with our soul. We take on the belief systems of those around us , this is not only religious beliefs , but beliefs about life, relationships, business, money… many think there’s a one size fits all solution to these areas of life, so they pursue what their belief system tells them it is suppose to be like, “work suppose to be hard” relationships are suppose to be complicated , Money is evil or money is the only solution. None of these are facts but to the mind a belief that has been emotionalized is a fact and it takes time to change and break the beliefs that holds us back in our lives. Until we breakthrough our fears and negative belief systems, we will always be at war with the world, because our answer to everything is what’s right not what’s best ? Sometimes what we believe is fighting for what’s right is not what’s best , but if our belief system is fighting for what’s right, we fight everything and everyone , even if it’s not best. Take control of your mind and the war on the outside will end 💕

The word toxic has become overused and not properly understood. I hear often how people are simply cutting people out of their lives who are “toxic” and honestly speaking, people are always going to challenge you, it’s part of your growth, simply cutting people out of your life, doesn’t make the challenge go away, it will simply be replaced in another form until you receive the growth and lessons you were meant to receive. This does not mean you stay with those who continually hurt you but you must confront the situation, speak your truth kindly and with self respect, let the person know that if they wish to be in your life then the specific behavior must stop. Don’t simply stop talking, visiting or inviting the person. Speak up it’s much better to be honest and confront than to be coward and hide. Don’t go speaking about the person to others in aid of making yourself feel better about your decision. We live in an age where people think they know you, because they follow you on social media, they talk about you like they spend time with you, if you really want to know someone, ask them to meet up for coffee and get to know them, donot claim to know someone you’ve never met or haven’t seen for years. Let us learn to communicate our feelings to the right person, let us learn to solve problems, not add fuel to a fire. Let’s get talking to one another 💕

Some people pull their hair out of frustration when they are trying to help someone, yet the person doesn’t want it. They can see someone’s potential but the person does not want to change. It is not your responsibility to try and change someone else and more importantly not worth the energy. Spend your energy on yourself and becoming the person you want to be and having the life you’d like to have ❤️

When you get to a point where you are doing well and I don’t mean only financially but a point where you are genuinely happy and good at what you’re doing, there are people that might tell you, “those beatings or all that shouting worked” there will be some who says “I gave you that start, I made you who you are today. Please know differently. Abuse of any form especially to a child, takes years to work through, the success you have in your life is not about where you’re at but the journey you’ve been on that got you here. Don’t apologize for your success, hide it or feel the need to play it down. Know that there were people who helped and made a difference to your life, know that the abuse only showed you who you didn’t want to be, it didn’t make you who you are. That’s a choice you made, it was actions you chose to take and cycles you were willing to break. Be Proud of who you’ve become inspite of what you’ve been through ❤️

Saying thank you for what hurt you might seem crazy, however it’s not as crazy as hanging on to the hurt for so long that it keeps you from growing and glowing. Remember we are thankful not for the actions that led to the hurt but for the change that the hurt ignited in us. What we perceive as negative can lead to the most positive outcomes of our lives and what we perceive as positive can also lead to the most negative outcomes in our lives. Spoil a child and feel good that you are a parent who does everything for your kids, but don’t be surprised when that child becomes a lazy adult that you left taking care of for the rest of your life. Be thankful for the challenges and the hurt you’ve experienced in your life, for the people that wasn’t there, the things that you had to do on your own, the teacher who gave you a hard time, the spouse who cheated on you, the ones who gossiped about you, the money you lost, the jobs you were retrenched from, the house that was almost repossessed, the business that went down. Say thank you. There is so much that you can learn from all this, so much growth you can experience, so many new people you can have in your life, so many old friends can return, so much new opportunities can come your way, all when you are ready to see the benefits and not just the drawbacks of your situation . ❤️

The person we disappoint most when we don’t keep our word, is ourselves, the person it affects most when we don’t keep our words is ourselves. Every time you don’t keep your word, your self worth decreases, every time you say you will do something knowing that you won’t, you lose your sense of integrity, every time you blame others for your broken promises, you lose your credibility . Every time you tell someone they are too sensitive because of their disappointment in you not showing up, doing what you said you would, you lose your sense of empathy. By not keeping your word, your personal loss is so much more than the person you perceive you disappointed. Your mind will not forget that you lied, and manipulated others and you will keep attracting the same into your own life and your behavior will hold you back in more ways than you can imagine.
If you are wanting to change, be honest, keep your word and stop with the excuses 🙏 start with you, if you say you will exercise, do it, if you say you will get up earlier, do it, if you say you will work harder, do it! If you say you want to change , Do it!!

No matter what you are trying to achieve in your life, be it independence from an ex, leaving a job and going after your own business, starting to study at 45yrs old , embarking on a a journey of weight loss or pursuing your dream of moving countries or leaving. Business and entering the workforce, what ever it may be, there will always be the naysayers, asking you why you are bothering to do this, that you can’t do it, but if it is something you truly want, they will be speaking to deaf ears. Pursuing your goals are not easy and can quite frankly get really lonely, often we have more people that won’t support us than those who will, however if the value of going after what you want is more than the value in staying where you’re at, you will pursue it passionately but if there’s more value to you staying where you’re at, you will give up the first chance you get. We become fearless when we are hungry for change, and fearful when we’re not ❤️ have a fearless Friday ❤️

So many people don’t understand the concept of caring for your well being when you are going through difficulties, many opt to lie in bed sleeping, others mope around eating junk food , some keep talking about it to everyone, none of these are helpful. To get yourself out of a rut, you must push yourself to do things that helps you out of it and when you feel miserable , this is more reason to push harder. It’s easier at challenging times to lay around feeling sorry for yourself but this has never changed anyone’s state. No new ideas are born and no solutions are found in this state. Finding a solution is like trying to find your keys, when you not looking, you’ll find it, so stop yourself from focusing on the problem and go out, do things that bring you joy and just maybe you will find a solution or at the least you will find peace and find yourself 💕 be gentle on yourself but Not Easy !!!

If you want your life to change, make your circle bigger and more diverse. Stop playing it safe with only those you know, this is not how you grow. Give of yourself to others, show that you care , be purposeful with your life, use all you know and all you are to make a difference. Stop sulking and sitting around wasting time thinking about what was and start being excited about what is and what can be , because that’s all that matters 💕

When things end, make sure you end it in the best possible manner 💕 No harsh words will lessen the pain, nor will emotional wars heal the broken heart, it will just make things worse. Please know that you are not weak when you choose peace over war, even if every person around you thinks you should go to war, don’t , you are wasting valuable time and energy on something that is more valuable to those needing the entertainment than it will ever serve you or the life you could have 💕 Walk away gracefully and gratefully and you will reap the benefits of it. 🙏

When we don’t recognize the power of our mind, it can control the outcomes of our lives. So many people are walking around trigger happy, any one thing could set them off. For loved ones it can be particularly confusing , feeling the need to walk on eggs because they are afraid of not knowing what will trigger someone into a huge argument or a violent outburst or sometimes the person just leaving for days on end or sleeping for long periods of time. It does not have to be this way, you can learn coping mechanisms that will over ride the current pattern of behavior but first you must build awareness of the triggers and the reactive nature of your triggers. All hope is not lost, a beautiful life awaits the courageous who can face their past and rise from it ❤️

I live life in this way, I teach only what I myself am doing. Don’t be a preacher of things that you don’t live up to. Don’t teach things that you won’t do and Live the words that you speak. Authenticity is the corner stone to a fulfilling life 💕

Many people talk about what they want but not many are willing to take the actions required to get it. It’s not money , it’s not kids, it’s not married life, it’s not friends standing in your way, it’s YOU! What ever you are putting your time into is what’s more important than what you want, where ever your energy goes, is the direction your life will flow.
If you want something badly enough, you will go on and fight for it, work day and night for it, give up your eat and your sleep to pursue it. Nothing and no one will stand in your way of getting it. If what you want is simply a dream not a goal, then it will always stay as a figment of your imagination, but if you set a goal, you will pursue it passionately. So what do you want? What are you putting off ? What are you afraid of ?

Too many copies in this world, to many followers and not enough leaders. To make a difference in the world , we are bound to tramp on toes, we can go back centuries in history and find that those who we speak of with admiration, those who made a big difference in the world, had to endure the harsh criticism of others. They were ostracized for simply being true to themselves💕 Yet they didn’t give up, they didn’t change because it made others more comfortable.
We don’t change because it makes others uncomfortable, remember their discomfort might help them change.
Be You, Do You as long as it does not infringe on the rights of others being themselves 💕 live free and if the only price you pay is people’s criticisms, some pushing you away, it’s worth it , because your truth is worth so much more than the lie they wish for you to live 💕

People are so afraid of making the wrong decision in their life, they fail to make any. Which is a decision too. And if you decide to make no decision, you are choosing to not move forward but to stay back in life. Making a decision to stay married or get divorced, get married or stay single, start a business or get a job, accept a new opportunity or or stay where you at, each of these decisions are important, but if you keep being afraid to make them, you don’t ever move from where you’re at. Indecisiveness, is a thief of our time. No matter the decision once made, you can make significant strides in the direction you choose because you can use all your energy to push yourself forward instead of using all your energy in holding yourself back . Decide. Nothing has to be permanent, you can choose another path if you don’t like the one you’re on. Choose! , we don’t grow by staying in one place, we grow by moving ❤️

As it is women’s day, and we acknowledge the women who lost their lives for the many freedoms we experience. We give thanks. But thanks alone is not enough. We are to do better . We are to stop the inequalities not from the top only but from the ground up. It starts from with in our homes, raising our children with equality, expecting both daughters and sons to help in the kitchen and the garage, letting our daughters be part of the major decisions as we do our sons, we are to raise both to respect each other, to hear each other out and to know that both of them matter. We are to stop hiding and excusing the behavior of our husbands and sons when they ill treat their wives/sisters/daughters. We are to rectify their behavior not encourage it. Let us stand together and make a difference , one child at a time ❤️

When someone decides who you are, defending it is pointless, the day they change and meet you at their strongest and most confident is when they will see you differently and you will probably become really good friends. Until then, pray for their strength and go about your life in peace. Don’t feed their need for drama, feed your soul with Peace instead and walk away gently 💕

Many people, max out credit cards, go into huge amounts of debt to project a successful life, leaving them fearful of losing it, because they did not have a natural progression in achieving it. Many would rather pay for a new flat screen TV than to pay to learn something that will allow them to navigate life successfully instead of only navigating TV channels.
When we are accumulating stuff without our own progression in life, We are actually more invested in the lives of others than ourselves. Because, as long as others can see success from the outside, we don’t care what’s happening on the inside. There’s an old saying “Blink Kant Bo” Shiny side up, things look great from the outside but chaos is on the inside. Live your life in a way that is an honest depiction of how far you’ve come. Your progress will take you through life, your possessions won’t. Be obsessed with progression not possessions ❤️

Women’s month special edition 💕🌸
There are too many expectations we as women put on ourselves, trying to be too much for too many people. It is tiring. The sad thing is, that it is mostly woman looking down on other woman. Finding fault with each other. Bringing each other down to raise themselves up. It is not necessary. If you see someone as fake , it is most likely because you are not being real. If you have a problem with someone’s dress-code then you probably have a problem with yours. If you think another women is looking for attention then perhaps you are secretly craving it. Be real so that you are less judge mental and more accepting of others. Your life becomes easier as You become more comfortable with yourself 💕 let’s better our selves so that we can see the best in each other 💕

How anyone sees you , what they say about you and what they think about you, is honestly NOT YOUR BUSINESS. It is the greatest thief of peace. Peace is the most valuable feeling we can have. Don’t give it a way because of something someone said about you, it is much more valuable than this 💕

Your relationship can only be as strong as the two people in it. If there are past unresolved issues it affects the strength of your relationship. Many people don’t understand the importance of healing and strengthening ourselves before entering a relationship, many believe the person they are with MAKES them happy and strong, which is why when the person no longer wants to be in a relationship, they fall apart. A building is only as strong as it’s foundation. If you are already in a relationship and you feel this post speaks to you, keep your love attached but detach your life from the person you are with by finding your own purpose and relieving your partner from the responsibility of keeping you happy and instead create your own happiness through your life’s purpose. Rebuild yourself, you came into the world alone and will leave alone, so don’t become one with someone, love being two people, two people can make a bigger difference to the world and can be stronger side by side ❤️

When our happiness comes from external sources, we will be miserable when we are alone, if we are only as strong as our partner, we are weak on on our own, if we walk with confidence because of who’s beside us, we don’t have any when that person is not around.
If you think you’re not enough, you’ll be treated like you’re not. Learn to stand tall, believe in yourself, acknowledge your strength, value your inner happiness and be confident. You are everything you believe about yourself, so start believing the best about you and it will be reflected by the people surrounding you 💕

If you are looking at someone and saying “they are way too relaxed” perhaps you are working too hard and need to learn how to relax. If you think someone is doing charitable work for attention, perhaps it is bothering you that you are not doing anything.
Everything we think or say are clues to what we want more of in our life or what we need to do or stop doing. If someone’s laughter irritates you, maybe you are secretly wishing you could laugh that freely. If it bothers you that someone dresses up and looks good all the time and you saying “I don’t know where he/she gets the time to dress up or It must be tiring to dress “ then maybe you secretly would love to dress up but afraid of what those around you might say.
Often people say to me “you need to slow down” you are doing too much” I listen and ask myself is this true, or not for me 💕 sometimes it’s true but it’s also not just about me and other times it’s just not for me 💕 when I am the one being opinionated about others openly or secretly , I check in with myself and listen to what I’m saying because most times I think “wow 😮 , that’s exactly what I needed to hear “💕 Often when I’m being opinionated with my kids (who I taught all this to) they will tell me “mummy, this is really about you not me” and most times they are spot on ! It’s hard at first for most people to really listen to their opinions and advice, and to swallow the bitter pill of my life needs improving but with practice, you’ll realize the value in it ❤️ and there is such wisdom in this ❤️