Mystiqueen
Contact information, map and directions, contact form, opening hours, services, ratings, photos, videos and announcements from Mystiqueen, Alternative & holistic health service, .
I help people help themselves by giving them permission to look within and empower themselves through tools like Magick, Tarot cards, Astrology, Numerology & more.
What if I told you that glamour magik wasn’t all about the glam?
Like, I know it’s literally in the name, but the word glamour has a much deeper meaning, and this type of work can be SO much richer & more fulfilling than it may seem.
The problem here is that as a society, we’ve associated the word & concept of “glamour” with beauty, status, gender, and vanity. (Check the formal definition in the slides.)
BUT ITS SO MUCH MORE🤩
Personally, as a glamour witch myself; I like to think of glamour magik as ✨emBODYment magik✨
Enchanting yourself/world/energy/clothes/etc. (literally whatever you want) with the energy of something/someone you’d like to attract or embody for your own benefit, or the benefit of others.
And it’s this very idea; that glamour magik is purely about emBODYment, that has allowed me to take my glamour magik practice to the next level and really start radically changing my life.
It also allowed me to step out of my “pretty fat girl” box, too.
Glamour was my thing even before magik, I’ve always been an artist, and self-expression through aesthetic has always been one of my favorite ways to create and become art. So it just makes sense. And, I got really fu***ng good at it.
But, I also got really dependent on others’ reactions to my glamour as a means to make myself feel worthy and good enough— which ultimately became a box I had to stay inside of in order to be palatable & perfect- or really just “enough” period.
So I reframed it. I alchemized that pain into power and decided to emBODY rather than “trick” and it’s literally changed my life.
Check out the slides above for some simple ways to practice emBODYment through glamour magik❤️🔥
⚡️ARE WE A MATCH BB?!⚡️
Let’s talk about it…
❤️🔥I’m DEFINITELY the witch for you if:
🔥You’re ready to take accountability
🔥You’re willing to hear the truth- no candy coating happening here, babe
🔥You’re a real LGBTQ+ & BIPOC ally & activist
🔥You’re a s*x positive, fat positive, SW+, anti-racist, anti-bigot, proLGBTQ+ leftist ready to embrace your magik & change the fu***ng world
🔥You’re ready to let go of dogmatic, religious conditioning & embrace the Dark Side (we alllll have it, repression of the shadow creates the most corruption, bb)
❤️🔥AND I’m def NOT the witch for you if:
🔥You need a hand-holding, gentle “light worker” to be really soft with you & tell you what you wanna hear
🔥You have right-leaning, bigoted, racist, homophobic, transphobic, or otherwise intolerant views & beliefs
🔥You still believe that Satan is an evil dark entity whispering in your ear trying to convince you to “sin”
🔥You want answers or quick “fixes” without committing to your journey
BTW MY BOOKS ARE OPEN FOR:
⚡️Boss The F**k Up Sessions (hear the truth about your situation & get real actionable advice, affirmations, and Voxer support)
🔌Cord Removal (get rid of that as***le in your life or crusty dusty energy)
💋MAGNETIZE Sessions ( your personal glamour magik & magnetism prescription carefully curated just for you with specially formulated spells, affirmations, and Voxer support)
🥀1:1 Deep-Soul-Diving Shadow Integration packages (to go DEEP and make friends with those demons you keep shoving to the pit of your stomach)
❤️🔥I AM COMMITTED TO STAYING AFFORDABLE AND AVAILABLE❤️🔥
I offer BIPOC reparations pricing as well as discounts for qualifying LGBTQ+ & I am always willing to create specialty payment plans & for all my services- you just gotta ask babe, my door is always open!
Hit up the link in my b!0 for these fu***ng magikal offerings, click here to teleport ⬇️
***ngtaylor
Prompt created by the amazing & incredible .online for
❤️🔥An Ode To My Double Chin❤️🔥
Hail to thee, glorious grip of jiggling joy. She rests beneath my grinning chin.
Of which, I longed for— so long for, not call any attention.
Of which I hid under angles and shadows cast (out) by ill-usion
Of which I wished, would sharpen like an axe on the heel of my need to be chiseled and trim.
Leaving nothing but rememberings of my bitter yet sweet double chin.
But alas she remains; bold and unwavering; resting and dancing and romancing your gaze
Calling your eye to dance along the curves of my smile, in the glow of the moon and the night-sky-haze.
She laughs and she grins, jiggly and wiggly and joyous; unhinged- never burdened by your lack of v-I-s-I-o-n.
She dances in glances of all alike, thiccer & thin.
Teaching and preaching a message of reverent rebellion and sin:
“Thou shalt not be ashamed for I hold beauty in my ways, for never have I ever, belonged to their gaze.”
“Thou shalt rejoice in my image, let me be honorably displayed, for I have always served and supported and belonged to your reign.”
“Thou shalt recognize my power my beauty and never disdain; for I have always laid claim on your joyous exclaim- repulsing & pulsing your enemies flame.”
So here I lay, amazed and re-framed- in joy I reclaim.
“HAIL Thee, my Glorious dame, the biggest and baddest, a stake to my fame. My beautiful roll of juicy acclaim, I exclaim!
HAIL TO THE DOUBLE CHIN; I leave this offering of my devilish grin, an outcry, and as***ce antigen- the symbol of a most noble rebellion.
The person who cut you off on the freeway.
The dirty looks you got walking into the store.
The smirks & whispers coming from the booth across you in the diner.
Its not about you babe— it’s about them.
Stop letting disempowered people take away your power & full your shine.
“It’s not about you” make this your mantra & go on about your day being the empowered fu***ng icon you are🥀💋❤️🔥
Time for a little ✨(re)introduction✨
I’m Sydnee F**king Taylor (hey😘) & I’m your fave left-hand S*x & Glamour Empowerment Witch🕯💋🤤
I help bb’s step into their power, become the Ruler of their kINGDOMs, & take control of their own magik, magnetism, mind, and manifestations🔥
I’m THE witch on the hill in the haunted castle that you come to for insight & guidance; but also for magikal workings, readings, and HUGE level-ups🥀
3 reasons I’m 🔥THAT🔥 fu***ng witch:
❤️🔥 RADICAL HONESTY is the name of my game. I’m not gonna sugarcoat anything for you, EVER babe- but rest assured I’ll deliver the juice with tact & compassion none the less; leaving you room to cry on my shoulder for a sec when you need a breather before you get the f**k up & tackle that beast🔥
❤️🔥VISIONARY RECOGNIZES VISIONARY babe, I can fu***ng SEE you okay? ALL those magikal talents & tools you hide under your sleeve, afraid they’ll never be fully appreciated. Alllll that power you keep stuffed inside the cracks & corners of your being, just fu***ng WAITING to break through & EXPLODE💥 The potential you keep locked up, protecting it from being shattered again because you “just can’t.” ALL the glory you can & will have when you decide to step into your power & out of shadow💫
❤️🔥LEADERS LEAD BY EXAMPLE- I’m in it too, babe. Sometimes REAL deep. And I’m fu***ng honest about it, too. Because I refuse to participate in the LIE that mastery or leadership has to come with perfection. Because I know that mental health and inner peace are FAR more important than worldly success or fitting into boxes. Because I emBODY all that I teach, and I walk my path of truth every fu***ng day. Because I’ve been to HELL & crawled my way back up to the surface, bringing survivors & a little fire in my soul along with me😈
I have so much more to offer and I’m SO excited that you’re here in my spooky like corner of the web🕸🕷 stick around for a bit and enjoy the view from up here🏰
Hit up the l!nk in my b!0 for your ticket inside, or DM me to learn about custom offerings🔥
Prompt by .online
🔥STOP CORD CUTTING🔥
Soooo… we’ve all seen the viral cord cutting ritual that started on tiktok right?
The truth is; it didn’t really start on tiktok (this tool has been around for a WHILE) but ALSO there are a ton of different methods out there.
And… not to toot my own horn (since we mentioned it though I will so, toot toot bb💋) but I find mine to be the best😎
Call me the “Queen of Cutting a Bitch Out” because I do not f**k around. When a relationship, situationship, or energy feels icky and sticky (not in the good way) I let it the f**k go🔥 (ty aqua moon🥰)
Anytime I feel someone or something is toxic for me, keeping me small, dimming my light, watering me down, or disempowering me in ANY way, I’m quick to assess & address the problem and find a fu***ng solution.
Sometimes that solution is to cut it the f**k out🔪
You can say (obvi) I’ve been around the cord cutting block a time or two.
And what I have found to be the most effective is actually cord REMOVAL in the ✨astral plane✨ ENHANCED with some candle🕯magick & energy work❤️🔥
The truth is, I’ve actually been offering this service for quite a while on the low key, and thanks to word-of-mouth; it’s been one of my most popular offers recently SO I decided to share it here with ya & give you the opportunity to sweep up some of this fu***ng rad Ice Queen magick for yourselves❄️
Cord removal doesn’t leave any tangly-wangly energy threads justa hanging around with the potential to reconnect or attach to something else with a similar vibe.
It leaves no room for error.
No room for second guessing.
And no room for reattachment.
The result is pretty hard-core, so please only apply if you can fly with *actually* letting the f**k go, and moving the f**k on.
NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART, no wishy-washy energy please, serious Witches & Bi***es only💋
Catch the l!Nk in my bye-oh, click here to teleport➡️ ***ngtaylor
Can’t wait to do this magick together & watch you transfu***ngform🦋
See you soon bb🥀❤️🔥💋
🔥LETS TALK TWIN FLAMES- OPINIONS WANTED🔥
Okay, can we like, talk about the whole “twin flames” thing for a sec?
Like literally— let’s have a conversation in the comments.
I wanna know your thoughts and opinions on twin flames. This is an open discussion. ALL OPINIONS are welcome.
Rules:
1. Don’t be an ass.
2. No hate speech.
3. Others can have different opinions than you.
4. If you can’t debate without being offensive, G**O.
5. Obvi, don’t attack anyone or imma have to deal with ya.
6. Leaving my opinion out for now to keep it neutral.
I really wanna hear it y’all. Give me all your thoughts/feelings/experiences/opinions, etc.
Because I’m struggling over here coping with the idea that I’ve meandered my way into one of these things (the cards don’t lie and they won’t shut the f**k up) and y’all are all brilliant. So please, let me fu***ng hear it⬇️❤️🔥
🔥PUT YOUR NAME IN FOR A SPOT🔥
That’s right, I’m finally opening my group spell castings back up publicly and this one is going to be SO POWERFUL.
This full moon in Aquarius is actually quite rare, because we have TWO full moons in Aquarius this year, back to back.
Which meanssssss(!!!) there’s going to be a si(ni)ster spell to intensify this one on the Aqua full moon next month August 22nd, with of course, a new moon ritual in between🖤
This spell is all about fully realizing, releasing, and stepping into our power as the Remarkable, Rare, and Rad Bi***es & witches that we *know* we are!
You said you wanted to be a visionary.
You said you wanted to start a revolution.
So DO it. Step into your power and allow it to take you over.
Happens tonight, you don’t have to do anything but drop your name below and be open.
Tips are highly appreciated but def not required. Tip link is in bio, just click on “tip me for moon magic group castings” on my LinkTree and pay what you want. Click here to teleport to the link➡️ ***ngtaylor
🔥ALL-ABOARD, HOT MESS EXPRESS🔥
Hey Bi***es, how we hanging in?
I’m coming at you today post-breakdown from my heart (in the forest) with yesterday’s makeup & breakfast shmears on my skirt.
Idk about y’all, but this Chiron Rx is really doing me dirty.
My Chiron is in Virgo, 10H🤮
This basically means I’m a perfectionist to a fault, like *highkey*
Such a perfectionist that most of my ideas stay in my head where they can remain faultless.
And when I do execute, it doesn’t get finished, OR it takes about 456,363,737 years to complete because I over-obsess on the details.
And even when it’s perfect (after 48 hours of no-sleep-caffeine-jamming, microscope level detailing, hyperanalyzing & freaking tf out) It’s still not good enough.
I do this with EVERYTHING.
My appearance, my ideas, my art, my words…
And ESPECIALLY my work & career. (10H, remember?)
I just can’t have people knowing I’m not perfect for some fu***ng reason (lol I actually know you know I’m not perfect but, ya know, brains are weird)
So I start criticizing and analyzing and shutting the f**k down.
And then my big ideas stay small.
The words screaming to get out of my head go unspoken
My needs get swept up & stored in a box in the attic.
All because I’m afraid it’s not perfect.
It’s exhausting & unHOLY f**k, I’m so. F**king. Done.
What about you, are you ready to be fu***ng done with the bs too?
This is a wake up call for you, perfectionist.
I’m calling you (and me) tf out!
What are you holding in that needs to be expressed in a messy ass fu***ng way?
What are you hiding from the world because it’s imperfect?
What brilliant fu***ng ideas are you stuffing into the tiny little corners in your brain because you are afraid someone else will shatter them?
I want you to take a second and just verbal vomit all the f**k over this post.
Get it the f**k out so it stops threatening to take you hostage.
Let me hear it, tell me below about something you f**ked up this week
Or
Something you decided not to do out of fear or fu***ng up
Or
Literally anything you feel ashamed of or need to get tf off your chest.
Love you💋🥀
Dropping in for a few hours to do some card pulls because I miss y’all & it just felt right.
You know the drill.
Drop your Q below & get a one card response when I get to you.
Please remember that these are free readings & to have patience. I will get to you when I do, and if I don’t you’ll have plenty of opportunities moving forward. I must honor my own energy in order to do things like this for y’all. Love you💋
“I’m fine” I say with a cool exterior. Meanwhile I’m spiraling inside; a cyclone of emotions and insecurities spinning viciously, energy so heavy I could probably hit the ground from outer space.
How many times have I uttered “I’m fine” when I’m falling apart in order to spare others from having to “deal” with me?
“Why can’t I just be ‘normal’ and communicate freely?”
This is a little piece of what it’s like to feel like an alien in a human suit.
To look at other mere mortals and wonder how they can just freely communicate and express their feelings in a deeply vulnerable way without *literally* combusting.
To be “that person” everyone trusts & confides in, but never having your own person or anyone when the pendulum swings the other way.
To understand everything but never feel understood.
To make yourself so big in order to hold space for others, that no one has even close to enough space to hold you.
To *know* that you’re speaking the same language but still somehow everything is being lost in translation…
Ring a bell, any of it? Okay, so maybe you’re an alien, too. (Hiii👽🤚🏻)
But now that you’re here let’s really talk about it- what’s the truth? Are we really so insanely unique & quirky that like, no one gets it?
Or do we get off on not being got?
Are we still hanging on to old survival coping mechanisms and calling it a personality?
Do others make us feel alienated or are we alienating ourselves? Cuz it’s safer right? And easier too?
What would that mean about us, the way we operate, our personalities, and perspectives- if someone could ACTUALLY unwind it all and see it for what it is?
Or should we just keep adding to the gargantuan collection of garbage we’ve slowly built up in outer(head)space, holding on for dear life as if it’s all we have?
What if we trusted others and their abilities/capacities enough to crawl inside that safe space when it’s offered to us?
So we can finally unravel & unwind all the stories we’ve been holding onto & telling ourselves in order to stay so tightly wound we never have to ever fully let anyone in?
How would that feel? Journal it out👽
Let’s move forward.
Stay Magickal bb’s🌙🥀✨💋
🔥IT’S ALL ABOUT TO BURN🔥
I want to destroy it all⚡️ all the systems, all the standards, all the hate, all the noise— everything that is meant to trap, and take, and ruin and suck the energy right out of our veins.
Everything designed to bind freedom of authentic expression.
Everything barring our right to living whatever fu***ng life we want to (so long as we’re not harming anyone, obvs.)
The Tower moment is coming and I’m here to help lead the pack. I’m here to show truly radical self love & authentic expression.
I am loving & embracing all the parts of me that were sent away to hide in the deep dark forest of my heart.
I am Sydnee fu***ng Taylor. I am HERE.
I am multifaceted. I am a mirror. I am love and light, deep and dark. Carnal. ALL the things I fu***ng want to be and the world tried to stop me from becoming.
I am the Outlaw & the Magician. I am liminal and palpable. I am Divine Destruction and Holy Chaos. I am god and the Devil.
I am stepping into my final form of shadow integration. I am about to explode. And I’m putting it all on display for the world to witness. I’m creating a space for those of us ready to step into the muck and get weird & f**k s**t up. And I can’t fu***ng wait to take you with me🥀
✨VIBE SET 4/4/21-4/10/21✨
“CRZY” by Kehlani🥀
Shufflemancy is one of my hidden gifts that I’m pulling out of the shadows and into the spotlight with me so- expect more. We’ll get deeper into the message a little bit later this week with some more lyrics but for this weekend, it’s pretty simple. Here’s the sauce:
If you standing in your truth and owning your power makes you a bitch, then baby be the BADDEST bitch out there🤷🏻♀️
Insecure & in-the-box-thinking people are always gonna find a way to do what they do, and make you the bad guy, or the “enemy,” the evil one- whatever- so fu***ng let them.
If standing in your truth and owning your power triggers someone to paint you as (insert shadow projection here) then let ‘em eat the fu***ng cake they ordered🤷🏻♀️
✨EXTENDED PRE-SALE✨
I up and decided to rebrand right in the middle of this launch so I’m extending the pre-sale as a thank you to all you beautiful peeps for your valuable input over on fb about my new vibe.
These are probably my favorite product I’ve ever made or even used (no shame in the claim🤩✨) they are pretty mild effects-wise, just very relaxing really. One of my favorite things about the babies is that you can smoke a whole pre-roll without having to worry about over-consuming and being in a state of mind you weren’t prepared for.
My goal is to hit 7 sales today, Help me hit my goal & you’ll get an extra goodie in your order, One down, only six to go🥰
DM if you have any questions about the pre-rolls, their effects, and the ingredients or really, anything.
xoxo Stay Magickal 🌙 @ Casper, Wyoming
✨GETTING PAID IS SACRED✨
For too long I’ve been ashamed of selling. Scared to step into my power and claim my worth. Sitting back and watching. Afraid to be seen & felt & heard & successful & PAID.
But honestly, f**k that. Right?
I’m leveling up and leaving the broke-babe mentality behind. I deserve to be paid and so do you, Love🖤
Cheers, fellow future rich witches🥂
🔥Scrying into my heart🔥
Have you ever used a black mirror? Last night I went through a portal directly into my own heart.
I learned in my last reiki session with .amber.oracle (she’s fu***ng amazing btw) that my heart is a dark creepy forest. Green. Misty. Mysterious.
I told her this is funny because one of the meditations I downloaded from my higher self is a walk in the deep dark forest, I sometimes fall asleep to it.
She told me to do it when I wasn’t intending on falling asleep to explore and discover. So I did, and here’s what I found:
The fire of my heart. A giant cauldron, ripping with hot fire, flames reaching far higher than any I’ve ever laid eyes on.
And, me. The highest version of me. A 100-foot-tall shadowy beast. Carnal. Unashamed. Untamed. Here to f**k s**t up. I am an outlaw. The Divine Goddess of Destruction. An epic destroyer. Conquerer of fear. Killer of all who seek to destroy sovereignty and freedom.
I am what I’ve always been afraid of. A beast. Divine chaos and blissful balance in one body. And I’m ready to step into her power and absolutely ravage & rage. Who’s ready?🔥
Next portal into my heart is directly through the flames with fire scrying. Cant wait to take you on this adventure with me🖤 @ Casper, Wyoming
✨HERBAL PRE-ROLLS✨
A little sneak peak at what’s dropping next on 🔥 AND, and, and...
A GIVEAWAY & pre-launch sale with my favorite blend so far: “Witch Better Have My Money” (yes, it’s a money blend wrapped in $100 bill paper😍 these are the only ones available for presale atm)
💫 get these for $7.80/single, $19.50/3-pack, and $39/6-pack (22% off full price) if you purchase before April 1st. Slide into the DM’s to grab yours.
These will come in many different varieties for different intentions. All filled with 100% sustainably sourced high quality herbs. Rolled in the best unbleached h**p paper W/soy ink.
Probably my favorite thing I’ve ever made and are formulated to be used for many things:
⚡️incense
⚡️smoke cleansing stick (externally & internally for your space, aura, and body)
⚡️tea (open the tip and pour into your tea ball)
⚡️bath soak
⚡️smoking
⚡️in ritual & spell work
⚡️however the f**k you want
Haven’t come up with a name yet (not talking about this specific blend, she already has a name- we need a name for the entire line) & I need your help!
Calling them “Herbal Pre-Rolls” just feels a little basic, right? So we’re gonna have a little giveaway and EVERYONE who participates wins⬇️🌟
Comment a name for this line below and automatically win an additional 11% off your first order (totals to 33% off so that’s $6.70/single, $16.75/3-pack, $33.5/6-pack)
The person who comes up with my favorite name will get a full set (6-pack) of these 100% FREE! Don’t even have to pay shipping, and your name (if you want) in the product description on my website😘 @ Casper, Wyoming
⚡️Authenticity is a double edged blade⚡️
You have to be willing to lose your comfort and knock down all the walls you’ve been tirelessly building your entire life. The walls that make you feel safe and “comfortable” (it’s not really comfortable living within the walls if we’re being totally honest, is it?)
Authenticity requires sacrifice.
It requires honesty.
Boldness.
Courage.
And the two scariest words...
Vulnerability
&
Softness✨
Yes authenticity is TERRIFYING but it’s also fu***ng incredible and liberating and everything you’ve ever wished for.
Authenticity is the yellow brick road that leads you to your dream life and your dream-you.
Stop following people. Stop following trends. Stop shoving yourself into the parameters that society built for you and follow your authenticity instead⚡️
xoxo Stay Magickal 🌙
I’ve been avoiding posting this for a week because it makes me feel vulnerable. The singing faces. The imperfections. The too much-ness.
I wanted to capture my raw emotion, like a little snapshot in my emotional timeline of existing; and it felt a little too raw. A little too much. A little too real. Too “cringe.” Hate that word.
Pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone is hard. It’s fu***ng uncomfortable, but it’s supposed to be, right?
My entire life is changing. Radically & rapidly shifting, actually. Be back soon with some updates. Love all of y’all🖤
xoxo Stay Magickal 🌙
TW: mental health, grief, death, murder
I’ve been quiet for about a week, so I want to let y’all in, let you know that I’m okay- I’m just processing.
I’m struggling with mental health stuff, grief, and guilt at the moment. I’ve been focused less on work and more on creating a huge cocoon of healing. Just to allow me some space to feel through s**t, express myself artistically, and love on myself.
Some of you know this; my best friend in the whole world was tragically murdered in December. It's finally really catching up to me. I mean, it’s been hard the whole time. But for a short time after she died, I felt a sense of peace for her.
She was no longer drowning in her grief, misery, and addiction. No longer looking over her shoulder every second of the day.
She was my person. She saw my pain. One of only two people in the entire world (other is my hubby) who saw ALL of me. She believed in me with every cell of her being. It was truly a once-in-a-lifetime friendship. And now she’s gone.
After she died, I could feel & hear her everywhere. In my energy field, in my dreams, in my mediations. Replying to my thoughts and actions.
I stopped feeling her two weeks ago. Right when I needed to be picked back up, she was gone.
I’m an aqua moon- I would so much rather detach, shove it down, and bury it all by nature. That would be easy. But I didn’t take the shadow-witch-bad-bitch path of ascension because it was easy.
Someday soon I’ll talk about why I feel so guilty for her murder, and the last couple of years of my life before her death but I’m not ready to talk about that yet.
I just wanted to let y’all in on the process instead of isolating & dropping off. I no longer have to blow things up while I heal & then start over. The growth I’ve had, even in the last year is huge. My circle is shifting. My peers are revolutionary badasses. And I’m next. I’m so fu***ng thrilled to know & feel that.
So thank you all for supporting me on this journey, and for listening to what I have to say. For engaging and growing with me. I have met so many incredible colleagues & friends in this space. I’m so grateful for where I’m going. Love y’all🖤
A reminder for us all, including myself✨
“I used to think you were a bitch before I knew you.” And “You’re so intimidating.” Better yet, “You’re so unapproachable.”
Uttered by every friend I’ve ever made, like ever. But I get it. I have a first house (1H) Scorpio stellium, for goodness sake.
Monotone lower-registry speaking voice. Resting bitch face like a m**o. Very direct communication. Radical honesty. My energy is a lot. My look is a lot. I AM a lot. I take up a lot of space both physically and energetically. My energy shifts the feeling and vibration of entire rooms and conversations. It’s intense, even for me.
Actually, ESPECIALLY for me.
All eyes on me as soon as I enter, anywhere. Eyeballs crawling all over my body, every single second I’m in public. Pouring over my every nook & cranny seeking, and searching, and theorizing. Whispers slip from tightly pursed lips. “Who IS she?” And “Why does she look like that?” Or “Who does she think she is?” My presence is triggering.
And it’s even worse if I’m in my element. If I’m doing my thing, doing something I excel at- people either drink it up or try to stomp me out. There’s really no in between.
Before I understood things about energy and all the “woo” stuff that y’all know & love me for- it would fu***ng KILL me.
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Why are people so disgusted by me?”
“When will I ever belong?”
“My presence is a burden.”
“I’m unlikeable and unloveable. Unworthy.”
“Everyone is better off if I just hide, or maybe even disappear.”
Here’s something I haven’t told many:
I was borderline agoraphobic- and I’m not saying that lightly or playfully. Even opening my curtains or going outside was a challenge for me. (I’m sure my 12H sun doesn’t help either.)
I still struggle with it, but it’s shifting and my struggles with it are different.
Before it was “I don’t want to be seen, and no one wants to see me.” Now it’s more like “I don’t have the desire to waste time and energy explaining my presence.”
But the truth is- I don’t HAVE to explain s**t. And neither do you. The way that people react to us is not our business, nor is it our problem.
It’s time to stop hiding✨
Lonely.
A simple word. Kind of beautiful honestly, the way it just sort of slips off your tongue.
I don’t know if people realize how following your heart and doing YOU feels fu***ng lonely sometimes unless they’re in it too. And for a long time I thought it was just me, because nobody was talking about it. But like, let’s be honest.
And by the way, none of this work means s**t at the end of the day if we are not being honest.
Loneliness is a feeling for me that’s almost impenetrable. I can “mindset” and “coach” my way to the bottom of almost anything and work my way back out - but loneliness? That’s a whole other story.
Loneliness is the reminder that no matter what we do in this world, what we create. or who we meet; all we ever really have is ourselves and the present. Which is honestly empowering but DAMN, we never talk about the other side of that coin.
Loneliness is getting to the bottom of the cup and realizing there will always be more. And maybe that doesn’t make sense right away, but try to imagine this; you’re sitting in a familiar but unrecognizable room, all alone, and there’s this beautiful chalice full of a silky-smooth black liquid sitting in front of you, taunting you.
You know what it is & you know that it isn’t going anywhere until you deal with it. So you dip your head back and pour it straight down your gullet. Swallow hard. It was rough and you almost choke on it but you do it, and now it’s over right? But then you open your eyes and it’s full again. And the room feels even bigger, and colder, and emptier.
So you just sit in this cycle. Swallowing this poison over & over hoping it will disappear until you realize that the lesson here is that not everything can be shooed away with enough intention, coaching, willpower, what-have-you, and so on.
Sometimes ugly things are here to be our muse. Painful things to be our teachers. Empty things to show us how to refill ourselves. Sometimes things just are. And that’s fu***ng okay too.
Let it teach you. Entertain it. Stop shoving and stuffing and journal prompting for a fu***ng second, and just FEEL.
Not everything has to be conquered.