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Family

When you see my head tilt to the side and I start to stare into space. I would run. The voices inside my head just gave me a brilliant idea. Be very afraid!

When John meets Jacob, he was drinking Red Bull , Who was drinking Red Bull?

You cant change how people treat you or what they
say about you. All you can do is change how you
react to it.

Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a
conversation.
One of them kept complaining about family problems.
Finally the other man said, "you think you have family
problems? Listen to my situation."
"A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown up
daughter and we got married. Later my father married
my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter my
stepmother and my father became my stepson.
Also my wife became mother in law of her father in
law.
Then the daughter of my wife, my stepmother had a
son. This boy was my half brother because he was my
father's son but he was also the son of my wife's
daughter, which made him my wife's grandson. That
made me the grandfather of my half brother.
This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now
the half sister of my son, my stepmother is also the
grandmother. This makes my father the brother in law
of my child, whose step sister is my fathers wife. Thus
I am my stepmother's brother in law, my wife is her
own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I'm
my own grandfather.
And you think you have family problems?
If you're not confused like myself, try reading this
again.

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father,
“Dad, how many kinds of b***s are there?” The father,
surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through
three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like
melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are
like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are
like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see
them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife
and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many
different kinds of wi***es are there?” The mother smiles
and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases
also. In his 20s, his w***y is like an oak tree, mighty and
hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but
reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A
Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from
the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

IF HE IS NOT WORKING, DO THESE THINGS IN YOUR
RELATIONSHIP
1. When you visit your boyfriend, make sure you got
skaftin, I mean a lunch box..., if you feel like you can't
bring your own food, you better be on a fasting prayer
girl. Avoid coming with purses that are full of
everything but no food in them, put some pap and
chicken feet.
2. Well, for those who love those flavoured condoms, I
guess you'll have to chill , choice condom is the only
choice now, allow yourself to smell some burnt tyres
nyana once in your life . Then you'll go back to your
flavoured condoms when he works, burning session is
now. Smell that choice, is not his choice mooz.
Understand and Be grateful.
3. On whatsApp or any other social network, Just ask
how he is doing, avoid long conversation with him,
you'll chat nicely with him ka When he's employed, for
now chill nyana... Data and airtime are expensive. As
long as he's doing good, cut the convo. You chawing
his data kadi "nyweee nywee nywee blah blah" . Aowa
he's unemployed brika
4. Don't wear clothes that are expensive more than his
, that's just too disrespectful manner , if he wear tomy,
lewena reka di tomy , stop kadi nikes and adidas . Be in
sanamaTommy relationship with your bae . Take pics
doing relationship goals kadi pictures . HIS & HERS .
5. Ema nyana kadi "please call weave", "please call BIS
fnshd"....do not send your boyfriend those kinda call
back messages if he's unemployed . Stop stressing a
poor guy . He is already stressed , don't stress him
more ...
6. If he sends you "please call k lv u" , please
understand, be grateful, be loyal, and appreciate him ,
at least he's sending something . He ain't working
akere , Please call back messages should be allowed in
your relationships. The main thing is love not what he
can do while he has money . One day he will be rich
and y'all will be fine . Accept him for now
7. So he's nunuky is misbehaving these days? Oh well,
understand bubu, its not only a month of broke, it's a
sleepy month as well, if his nunu is not strong, then
oska wara, this month is not good at all...nunuky is
broken as well, nunu is broke, he will be back next
month akere.. Be sanamapatient and be loyal. It's
obvious if you didn't eat, le nunu can't be strong
hoaw..its common sense.
8. If he's broke , your hearts are going to be broken as
well . if he is cheating, oska wara, he's just doing it
because he's too stressed to be loyal. So ladies chill,
your man is going to be your only man when he's
working.
9. Please shave your hair and rock some chiskop, be
sanamachiskop chikita to avoid asking money for
weaves , be supportive to your partner . Be his natural
black woman . Men needs girls who always on their
sides ...
10. You are not allowed to talk about marriage with
him , lobola is expensive . If you want to be with him ,
negotiate with your parents and let them give you for
sanamafree. Love shouldn't be costly . Love is free .
ACCEPT YOUR EMPLOYED MEN AND SUPPORT THEM
LADIES .

Thank You...

Don't rush things. Anything worth having is worth
waiting for.

Goodnight People

Girls things that you should never do during s*x
1.Do not ask this question"Is it in?"Please don't,that's a
turn off,and sometimes it gives us "boys" the thought
of you being a hoe,if you can't feel it ,then pretend like
you are feeling it.because you might be a problem of
having too deep thingy,And imagine if it is already in
but you are asking if it is in already,What will he say?
that's just too embarrassing.
…
2.Stop beating Up -I understand the feeling is good and
all that,but beating your boyfriend on his ass as a sort
of encouragement to push harder is not cool,we feel
pain as human
beings,and it is not funny at all,stop being aggressive
and violent during s*x
…
3.Limit the "Talkings",Talking to your boyfriend during
s*x is kinda cool,all those"Baby you love me?""Baby
will you marry me?"questions are fine,but you should
know and understand that as guys,we really have to
concentrate on what we are doing not on what you are
saying.Stop disturbing our peace of monate.Limit your
questions,Moaning is very cool,just moan .
…
4.Do not answer your phone -just like anywhere,at
school, church,at work and etc,Phones are very
destructive.No one wants
to be disturbed.I am requesting you girls on behalf of
all the ni**as that before s*x,switch off your phone or
keep them silenced.imagine"pulling out" his dickson in
the middle of the hot game only to find out that the
person who's calling you is a guy who stole your
numbers on facebook!!..Just imagine.Killed the vibe
5. Stop Farting -This is very disgusting,Always make
sure that before you can even plan to have s*x with
your boy ,you ate healthy foods,Do not eat beans ,
peanuts or boiled eggs on the "making love day" , OK
WELL,if ever you feel like farting in the middle of a
game,Hold your fart in,you'll fart after.just like eating
food and someone farts,its not ayoba.let him chaw with
no struggle of breathing some fresh air
6.Be strong ,Stop being weak -There have to be a clear
understanding here,if you are too weak for s*x then do
not do it. If your n***a can push 5 rounds,its okay,if he
can push 8 rounds,it is still okay,Stop saying you are
tired.Who's actually doing the magics?if it is him then
why do you get tired like that?
7. Do not Over-do your tricks -if you can shake, then
that's a "wow",do it , guys love that.but if you over-do
it,you'll kill the
vibe,Slow,smooth and relaxed is always the best.Stop
shaking like a headless pig,just like anything,A dick can
get broken,think about
this,if a heart can be broken,Why can't a dick get
broken too.
8. Stop being stiff - Be flexible ,Lols if he tries to carry
or lift you up,then be liftable,oska ba strong like a
Wrestling lady,there's nothing that bore us like a very
strong lady on a bed,No one is trying to prove
braveness or strength here. Be mobile please,Girls
things that you should never do during s*x!

Dear ex girlfriend...
You told me i should not flirt with other girls , and i
gave up my social networks as i know i can't handle it,
i did it for you because i considered your feelings
before mine. At the exact time, you were cheating on
me, not flirting .
Remember you told me i should wait until we get
married for s*x? and you even quoted " S*x before
marriage is a sin", guess what, i considered that and i
respected your decision even though i wasn't sure we
gonna get married. At the exact time, you were
sleeping around, Well aint sure about that , but i am
sure you are not a virgin.
I wasn't perfect , and you were not perfect either , But
regardless of perfection , i stood for what makes me
complete, which was you. I swallowed my pride after
every disagreement or conflict and i apologised. You
took advantage over my kindness and you always
blame me for all your wrongs , You cheated once, i
apologized , You cheated for the second time, i
apologized. Why me? , Because i want to be with you.
You pressurized me with your own insecurity, Every
time i missed you calls , i always used to pray that you
don't get mad at me before i call you back. You could
tell me i'm cheating on you, whereas i was busy
working for us. That was all you could think of.
My friends warned me about you, and they said many
thing which i didn't even consider or take them serious,
they said you are a bitch , and i always used to say "
she is my bitch" , Still even after this , i don't think you
are a bitch.
You can see i am using too many past tense words
here, Like "was, respected, considered etc" You know
why? , Is because presently we are no longer together
because you decided to dump me for whatsoever
reason you have. Oh you dumped because you are
insecure . Great
I regret i mistook all our laugh, long nights , sweet
texts and jokes as you are caring..i will think twice
before i waste my time again. lastly after every piece
of sacrifice , is this the reward i deserve?
My heart is broken , i am incomplete , i am not happy........
Sincerely
Your ex boyfriend :*

Guys sometimes when a girl says " I love you" during
s*x , she's not really talking to you..she's talking to
your dick , so yekelani ukuphapha "I love you too" ya
masimba lol

I am not rude..
°You see that he is ignoring yout texts,he cheated on
you,he ignores the calls that are coming on his
Phones.He acts weird on you this days.He changed
after you gave him the Dish..You are the one following
him.
You try so hard to show him love but he is not
there..he moved on,lwena okgona go bona gore ga
saofa Attention like before..You have eyes..You can
see.
You can see gore He is no longer Interested in you..You
can see gore this guy ga sanrata.But you keep fighting
over that busted.You keep hurting yourself..You keep
asking Advices gore odireng ka ena.You keep breaking
your heart with the things you see ka ena.
Why are you so blind mara?..Cant you just see gore
that guy ga sao rata?..Is it difficult to move on?..N0!.
It is not..wena kwena odirang gore bophelo bagao bo
be difficult Stop punishing yourself over a guy,stop
making your life hard for someone who doesnt give a
rat ass about you.Stop needing Advices.
You the one who is going to regret at the end..I am
always here,I give a Story like this one then at the end
I inspire you but you keep following them then say"Its
hard,Its hard to move on"..If it is hard then why dont
you hang on there,move on even when its hard?
Do you enjoy crying everytime?..Do you enjoy being hurt
alwasys?...Do you enjoy running after someone who
doesnt run after you?..Who runs after Girls?..Do you
enjoy that Relationship Treatment?
Love is not blind..You the one who is blind..Keep your
head up dear..No one will Advice you If wena your
heart is still on that wrong person.Stop being
played,stop being made a fool,stop being a second
best.
If wabona gore gao sa ratiwa,etswa mo bona..tlogela
go gapeletsa motho gore ao rate..If only you want
Happiness and a great life then replace people who
hurt you.Replace them! Dont be a fool for love...
Stop trying to change people..If they cheated,they will
Always cheat..Etswa mo bona. If they broke your
heart,let them go.stop hanging with them again.
Tlogela go nyaka le di Advice mo dilong tse Straight..If
you see gore lerato le fedile..Just Move on..Stop
seeking for Advices.
You deserve Better Hey..You deserve to smile not to
always cry.
I'm Dissapointed and Down by this Girls.
They see gore ba tshameka kabona but they keep
trying so hard to change this Busteds.Move on and
Stop being Played?
Show some love like this page No chill in Mzansi

Sometimes the best way to solve a problem is to stop caring