Spilledmilkmamma

Would have been 7 years.

But it’s not. 🖤

One more milestone that’s a dagger to the heart.

Whether you’re years from it or remarried or whatever it may be….Some days it’s still so heavy.
How can I keep going forward when my legs are stuck in sand?
I’m raking away grief like it’s the ocean tide. It’s no use.

So I’ll sit in it today. Maybe take a swim. Make a stupid sandcastle.

But tomorrow the beach is closed.
And I’ll go home. ❤️‍🩹

Cartoons & Lunchables for dinner after an evening of tag and backyard t ball 💕
Sometimes it really is easier than we make it 🤷🏼‍♀️

Celebrating my birthday this year with a New Mom Giveaway!🎉

I partnered with some of my favorite brands to give one mama ALL of these amazing gifts for you and your little one!

✨ - New Baby Sleep Sack, Onesies $150 value
✨ - XC+ Luxury Stroller Wagon ($849.99 value)
✨ - Swaddle, Crib Sheet, Receiving Gown & Little Sunsuit ($175 value)
✨ - 3 bottles of 100% Mineral Moisturizing SPF 30 Sunscreen ($150 value)
✨ - $150 Gift Card!
✨ - Free Pregnancy and Postpartum Virtual Workout Program ($500 value)

Over $1,900 worth of must haves PLUS my first book ‘Why Did the Snowman Have to Melt?’!!⛄️

HERE is how to enter:
💓Like this post
💓Make sure you are following me
💓Tag a mama in the comments who would love this too! (Each mama you tag is another entry!)

*This giveaway is in no way associated with Instagram. Giveaway will end on March 4th at 11:59 pm EST. Random winner will be chosen on March 5th and contacted. The winner MUST be following all accounts.

That third baby just really wants to make herself known early 🤷🏼‍♀️💃🏼

Thankful for a sweet husband who keeps telling me I look amazing even though I’m concerned they got the ultrasounds mixed up and its a whole litter in there

💕

Not me just now realizing that ironically this song is used in a movie where the parents die ❤️‍🩹

Anyways… international preorders are now a Go on 🥹🙏🏼

*preorders will run until February 6 (my late husband’s birthday)

Link here and in my saved stories:
https://amzn.to/3H7gf9G

One more day of Christmas break!
We’ve almost made it!

By the hair on our chinny chin chin 💃🏼🙏🏼✊🏼

I would like to personally thank , marshmallows, and our washing machine for keeping us afloat during this special time in our lives.

**also my sweet husband who definitely loved this version of a honeymoon FOR SURE 🫠😂

Blessings,
two very tired grown-ups

This past year I had simple goals.
It’s hard for me to plan too much of the future after what I’ve been through (story for another time🤪)

But I wanted to accomplish two things…

•I wanted to travel and enjoy life again
•I wanted to be a present and kind mother

and I realized…as I began to slowly accomplish these goals.. that everything else followed suit.

But even if it didn’t…nothing else mattered.

Health and happiness IS ACTUALLY all that matters.
And maybe that’s one of those lessons I was meant to learn.

Completely random photo from the Italy archives because I can’t sleep, I’m translucently pale, and I cut off all my hair 🫠😂

I have a lot of DMs asking how to survive the first Christmas in this new world.

I honestly wish I had better advice…but everyone’s journey is different. Everyone grieves different. The only thing that helped me (and still does) is not tip toeing around it.
Lean in. Ask for support. Cry. Sleep. Pray.

It WILL get better.
Not today. Not tomorrow.
But it will.

Thinking of everyone struggling this holiday season…may you find peace and joy in the little gaps of grief ❤️‍🩹

Recently, I’ve immersed myself in motherhood more than ever before.

That may sound silly considering I was a solo parent for over two years, but I was drowning and barely surviving. Parenting while healing yourself is close to impossible.
I was at full capacity and continuously overstimulated 24/7.

The past couple months… I’m playing with them. Actual time set aside to just play. We go on dates. We switch days off who gets to run errands with me. We have races and dance parties and we talk at night about what’s good and maybe what’s not so happy of that day…we tickle and make up songs and I’ve slowed down as much as possible to be present with them.

I think…this is how I would have always been. This kind of patient, creative, energetic mom..

There are no words for the relief and joy and pride I feel that I’m back for them. I hope i continue to be happy mommy for a long long time 💕

“This is a season and it shall pass.”

Such bittersweet words to a young mother…we want it to pass so badly..we yearn for long hot showers and full nights of sleep and meals sitting down, and a clean house.

But oh man how they cling to me when they are hurt or sick..how they need me to see and hear everything they do. How they cry for me at night because I am their protector and the one they rely on to feel safe. How they tell me “mommy you’re the most specialist and your my best friend” because please don’t let that end but also I’m exhausted to my bones and I forgot what my friends look like but Oh She’s doing that cute dance again but oh I need to do the dishes but first one more hug….ok one more kiss 💕

So yes…this too shall pass….but…this.too…shall pass🥺

I don’t remember who gave this to me but I remember reading it over and over again.

Year one.
The worst one.
No matter what they say…

For me it was less than 3 months in. This letter gave me such peace. I’ve heard from so many that the music and singing up there is *quite literally* out of this world and that man sure did love his Christmas songs.

I hope this letter gives you the peace you deserve this season ❤️

*song choosen because Angel Daddy sang it to his baby girl every single night while he was still with us. It was the only song that would sooth her as a newborn. A December baby through and through ✨

Happy *almost* birthday baby girl 🥹💕

This year mama wrote you a book 🙏🏼

“Why Did the Snowman Have to Melt”
Pre launch in ONE WEEK!!! 🎉🥂😭🙏🏼💃🏼

In my mom era ✨

As we head into another holiday season, please remember they aren’t “the most wonderful time of the year” for everyone.

Be patient, kind, and thoughtful to those who might be struggling.

And if one of those people is you -
One hour at a time.
Give yourself grace, and then some more.
Turn off your phone and step outside.
Breathe in a out…this too shall pass. It won’t always be this hard ❤️‍🩹

Sitting here *not casually* sobbing because it all finally hit me.

I made it through the storm…like ACTUALLY MADE IT THROUGH.

The deepest darkest places I never thought I’d crawl out of and the light I’d never thought I’d see and the excruciating torture of some days that I kept pushing through even thought everything in my body wanted to stop… “I’ll get there, I’ll get there, keep going I HAVE TO get there.”

The nights I went out laughing but came home and crumbled for days, barely making it to carpool because my body and brain couldn’t function, faking it until I made it….

It was all worth it. The fight was oh so worth it.

I’m free ✨

See you on the other side ya’ll this happy lady is gettin hitched tomorrow 😭💃🏼🥂🫠💕🤯🔥🙏🏼💍🥳

Hi I’m Julie💕

If you’re new here, a LOT has happened in the past three years. A good scroll (and maybe a glass of wine while you do it) might catch you up a bit.

But today I’m talking about today.

This week…yes THIS week. I finally feel like the weight of the world isn’t on my shoulders.

I’ve been faking it until I make it. I knew I’d make it. But I wasn’t quite there…
A new relationship or therapy or whatever it might be that you think will make you better…Im sorry to break it to you but it won’t.

I’ve worked HARD and TIRELESSLY to heal and find peace. Yesterday I swear I felt and heard God Say…ok...enough…You can breathe now. 🥹

MATTHEW 11:28
‘Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”’

Oh. And I get married in one week so it’s damn good timing there Big Man 🙏🏼

My tinybigboylovenuggetsquishmellowsnackmonstercomedianmamasboy

May you never change 💙

You. Will. Not. Be. Forever. In. The. Dark.

Here’s your sign to get a sitter (or grandparents) and have a day date 🕺🏼

🕺🏼Groovin soon💃🏼

I wanted a claw foot tub ever since I knew what one was.

“I’ll get you one” Charles said all the time.

Two people could barely fit in my last bathroom (real bonding moments there 😂)

Then Shawn saw me talk about this claw foot tub and how I used to love baths but I haven’t had the space or time to take one in years…

So he got me one.

So meet my favorite 5 square feet in the whole world 🙏🏼🥹

S/O to for the most perfect rug to go with it!

All I ever wanted was a claw foot tub.

Well that sounds silly now…definitely have a lot on the list before that now 😂but that’s what I used to tell Charles. I love baths. I haven’t taken one for myself in over a year…?

Two people couldn’t even fit in our bathroom at my other house.

And Shawn got me a claw foot tub. 🥹🙏🏼

And I love it. I really just love it.

My baby boy is in a big boy bed tonight.

I think that’s emotional for any mama, but this spilledtearsmamma is…

See…the first night I put him in a crib, I cried and texted my husband I was proud of myself for “cutting the cord” of this last little baby.

And then my late husband never responded.

So Charlie got back in bed with me.
For months.
And in my arms and my families arms and my friends arms and night nurses arms.
And finally….back in the crib❤️‍🩹

But a bed?
And tiny khakis and polos?

This group ain’t ready for it. 😭

I could add a million photos to a reel about how this house has changed.

How everything has changed.

But I don’t have to.

After the past couple months of my life I feel even more compelled to show how grief and joy are not mutually exclusive.

I am SO excited about my new beginnings and house and marriage..like is this real life?! 🙏🏼

At the exact same time, I deeply mourn my previous life and husband.

I’m so happy that so many of you are confused by it. That means you haven’t had to go through it.

But incase you do… or someone you know does…just know… beautiful joy and deep grief can and will coexist. Sent check on them. Take care of them. And you. Forever and always ❤️‍🩹

Turns out, you can have two fairy tales happen in one life time 💫🙏🏼

Happiest of birthdays to the man who decided to keep us 💙

You are kinder and more patient and more loving than you will ever realize. I’m so grateful we found you. 🙏🏼

I love you and can’t wait to see where life takes us next!

2 years ago we spent the last Sunday with my late husband.

It took me over a year to remember what we did that Sunday. I had some sort of block.

I take a ton of videos and pictures so I can remember experiences…but I had this feeling that day that I wanted to be super present with my new little family of 4 and put my phone away.

We played outside and watched football on the deck and grilled out and and I drank this spiked capri sun that I kept from a 90s themed party when I was 9 months pregnant and kept it in the freezer until I could try it 😂

It’s the only photo of that day, because I sent it to the birthday girl to let her know I had smuggled it in my diaper bag for a special occasion.

Now I look back so happy I was present.
Maybe that’s why I hated Sundays for so long and didn’t know why….

It was a beautiful day. ☀️💙

Have a great day with your people today everyone.