Fuq McJelq

An American Muslim and a Welsh Pagan interpreting christianity toward fundamental brazilian jiu jitsu conditioning was not on my radar for the day but im glad it happened

Ever since i got my schizophrenia diagnosis my p**s been tasting different

I GOT ON ONE HAND TO COUNT THANGS I CAN COUNT ON (SHARIA IS ONE OF EM)

Man i bought a harbor freigh welding kit and started tig welding s**t around town and im just sayin no ones noticed yet

Discus throwing rusty brake rotors at the unsuspecting citizens of puerto vallarta

HUGE shoutout to Dollar Shave Club for sending me a poorly sawed off shotgun with a note saying "SHAVE WITH THIS, F**KSTICK"

I did not survive this many years just to get taken out by a tiffany blue R***r .22

One of my jiu jitsu homies told me he thought my fb was hilarious but i didnt have the heart to tell him about my s**tposting page where i talk about regicide

The sound of gunfire awakes me from my drunken slumber

I crack open my crusted eyes and immediately reach for the closest bottle of spirits and quickly down it,

reactivating the alcoholic monstrosity I laid to rest just 3 hours before

I check my phone, “Tuesday, 8:37 AM”

I QUICKLY light up a Winston 100 and dart for the volume k**b on my JBL PartyBox 1000, CRANKED

Fat Bottomed Girls by Queen has now become a 133 decibel alarm clock for all inhabitants in my apartment complex

OOOHHHH WONT YOU TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT I manage to belt out before falling all the way to the kitchen

4 soldiers (beers) are all the company left, along with 1 bottle of Patron and two red balloons LOADED full of laughing gas (nitrous oxide)

After completing breakfast, (nitrous oxide, 4 beers)
I stumble out of my apartment and climb into my 359 Peter-built and head south

I am (im pretty sure) a 26 year old male i reserve the right to play freebird as loud as i want at 11pm in the county

It is 11pm time for some god damn freebird

I told the hoes that i was going to bed but really im just gettin warmed up

Make no mistake i am only alive because none of you f***s have figured out a way to k**l me yet😎😎🍾🍾🥂🥂

Roommate: hey trash needs to go out

Me who has eaten a handful of ambien at 2am for no good reason: do you believe in dragon fruit

About to get high as t**s on an airplane and watch "smile" wish me luck

What I said: there is no ethical consumption of po*******hy. The s*x slave trade aside, women tarnishing their beauty souly for the carnal pleasures of men is inherently patriarchal regardless your stance in its "empowerment"

What i meant: K**L THE POOOOOOOOOOOOPE K**L THE POOOOPE K**L TH

Hello ladys 😎 (I am immune to .380 rounds)

Badminton

Of course, officer my regestraion is just in my glove bIAMBLINDLYFIRING

ANNOUNCEMENT: I will be hosting an estate sale December 3rd 2022 everything is free (i will be defending the free items with guns and liquor)

F**k yeah ill p**s on that

For all intents and purposes i have been to afghanistan.

Lemme get uhhhh 2 whoppers and if i got change, 3 marlboro lights

Okay google play lil jon get low kalimba remix

Aight all ima do is check my sights rq THATS JUST IT I SEear😅🤷‍♂️✅️😊

Alright bois this is the "frog-stacle course". Like an ordinary obstacle course, except a crank gatling gun fires frogs at you throughout. Probably 1 maybe 2 aligator pitfalls.

I have defeated ska music

Being Albanian

3D printed chainmail c**k ring buy now