Bayernisms

*Discussing Peevyhouse v. Garland Coal & Mining co*

“Let’s look up a picture of strip mining. Oh, this is a risky search. But this one time a student asked me to look up dickered terms — that was a riskier search.”

“When you were a kid, did you think you’d be driving around burning up the remains of dead dinosaurs everyday?”

“Class time is about a dollar a second, so I’ve just thrown away about $25. It’s like you can hear it disappearing.”

*Talking about drugs*

“I haven’t done anything stronger than chocolate.”

“Say 10 years from now you become a successful transaction lawyer and you decide to buy me a house. Sorry, I didn’t mean for the story to become so self serving so quickly”

When I was 12 I happened to run into a bankruptcy attorney and I asked him why one has to declare bankruptcy, like what is that an alternative too? And he looked at me with a straight face and said — su***de.

"I don't spend a lot of my time thinking about dead teenagers."

Also, apropos of nothing, and just as an attempt to brighten up your Sunday afternoon, I've attached a sound recording I more or less accidentally produced this weekend of an electronic synthesizer being coerced to say "tortious interference" in melancholic, almost regretful robotic harmony.

“The average jury member is less intelligent than the average member of society, because the average member of society knows how to get out of jury duty.”

There was a technical issue...That's a lie. I was trying to avoid my office because my assistant was still sick.

"I drank that water with such perfect, dramatic timing."

*discussing goods*

Let's say I agree to purchase carpet for my house. I don't know why you would, that's a terrible idea. Carpet's not a good. It's a bad.

“I read every case like it’s a suspense novel. Kind of how I get through the day.”

"Lawyers are dazzled by math and science."

I saw my shadow this morning and you know what that means...

nine more weeks of Contracts.

The perfect hand gives you eternal joy.

“What is the legal age for drinking alcohol? I don’t even know”

"To this day, I can successfully defend myself against an 8-year-old"

"Something just flew out of my mouth"

"Scissors are not defective just because someone uses them as a murder weapon"

“Someone lights the cigar, it’s explodes *p**f* and blows someone’s head off. We just say, look…don’t do that.”

I was once a college student, too. Although I didn't play much twister.

" 'You've made your bed and now you have to lie in it' Is that a threat? That sounds lovely"

"I feel weirdly nasal today"

"Rubber ducks don't pose a risk. Well, I guess they do pose SOME risk."

Just a friendly tip as finals approach!

Bayernisms once again needs some new writers. Send a message if you are interested.

I've never been very good at bubbling in scantrons, its just not one of my strong suits.

Some people just aren't meant to yell... Even at children.

His bush is an illegal bush. Its an overgrown bush.

So I did a little research on the little boy Re*****on from our case the other day. It turns out he's 18, and he grew up to be kind of a dick.

I have never shot quail... I barely go outside.

Student: This case is really sad.
Bayern: It is really sad, although the kid's name is Re*****on...

I don’t have any babies, that I know of.

Of all of my colleagues that have their pets painted on rocks, 100% of them came from my aunt.