New Zealand Aerial Installs

I'm fu**in' w**kered! Heres a fun game to play with the whole whanau. The first 6 words you find is what your getting for your birthday. Enjoy!

There are 41 words hidden and they forwards, backwards, up and down. F**k, I'm going to hell for this.

Cheers, Herbert.

It's always a good day when your balls are empty, you're sinking p**s and you're done and dusted before 1pm on a bloody Friday.

As you know I got an offer I couldn't refuse before. Some bird told me she needed a new Freeview box and that she could pay with well, her box. I fu**ing jumped at the opportunity and Jimmy and I jumped in the van and raced over.

We got there and she came out and opened the gate. She didn't look like her NZ Girls profile, she was wearing an oversized red and black Swanndri and some Red Band gumboots. Still she didn't look too shabby for some worn-out 40 som**hing year old.

Anyways, got the apprentice to install the decoder and I jumped straight into her room. Pull off her trackies and I am greeted with a beared hatchet wound! As most of you know, I love getting hair between me teeth and nothing is more s*xy than a woman rocking a full thatch.

I start working downstairs. I must of looked like a staffordshire bull terrier x labrador slobbering on a hairy Furby doll. I ate that raw prawn sarny like it was my last meal before being executed on an electric chair. She tasted like a mix of Johnsons Baby Wipes and salt. 2 minutes later, I'm done.

I walk out to the lounge and tell Jimmy to go have a turn. Reminded me a bit of Stone Cold Steve Austin tagging in Triple H. We still were in credit about 45 minutes. You gotta remember too, I buy the Freeview decoders off AliExpress for $23.00 so it was a fu**ing bargain to say the least!

3 minutes later she is fu**ing screaming. Jimmy is making the house shake. Pictures of grandma are looking like they are going to fall off the wall. The dog outside is howling. They are absolutely going for it. At 21 years old the young man has the stamina of a stallion. She is screaming his name. He is screaming hers.

They just kept going so I yell out to Jimmy and let him know that I would meet him at the Puhoi Pub. So here I am sinking p**s on a Friday while me worker is giving some farmer f***y an absolute ploughing. Thank God its fu**ing Friday!

Cheers, Herbert.

I fu**in' love ma job! Was doing a few things at the bank this morning when I got this message with an offer I couldn't refuse. Hopefully I should have a field report in a few hours. Might head to the Puhoi Pub afterwards if anyone feels like a beer or 30.

Cheers, Herbert.

How times change...

Back in my days we used to have competition's with the lads to see how many sheilas we could pull. We would get extra points if the women had real hairy thatches.

Me grandson showed me a video of some young Aussie bloke Willem Powerfish who dresses up in tight ball-hugging outfits and is apparently a world record holder in fishing. Anyways, this bloke has this catch phrase and runs all these male brothels where you can go and get serviced by men. I guess in 2020 the more blokes ya pull, the more beers you get brought by ya mates at the pub.

The closest I ever got to pulling a bloke was in Thailand in 1998 after a handful of va**um and about 50 drinks, when I picked up a Thai girl by name the of Jess who said she had her period. I smashed in the back door like an early morning police raid. I asked her for her number and she wrote it on the back of a photograph and left it on the bedside table.

The next day I woke up with a massive hang over and a s**t covered condom on the end of the bed, I read the note that she left and it said Jeff. Still unsure if it was a bloke or not, but it sure felt the same.

Cheers, Herbert.

Howick.

Pull me finger and call me Bruce Lee! I got a late night call last night from some Chinese bloke with who owns a block of 6 units in Howick who needed to get new aerials put up and tuned. They would supply absolutely everything and wanted us champions to install the s**t. We knew it wouldn't be too difficult as we use 'Made in China' junk for all our installs - it just gives us ongoing work 5 years later when it f***s out.

Anyways, we leave the beautiful north at 5.30 am on the dot. I was still feeling a wee bit dusty from lasts night effort when I drank half a bottle of tequila following the Lion Red during the day. I open up a big bott of Lion red and once it was finished, I was feeling right as rain. Hang over disappeared. F**king magic! Abracadabra c***s!

We pull into the drive way of the place. Almost every single car in the place was dented up. Not sure why, maybe they were learner drivers? Anyways, a little old Asian man with a ciggie in his mouth runs over to me and points to the aerials and points to the roof and tells us to install the s**t. 3 hours later all the aerials we were done.

I go find the old Asian man to collect payment. I find him sitting out the back with a 26-year-old white sheila sitting on his lap. I was shocked! It's normally the other way around with old rich white men with young Asian wives who haven't developed t**s or a l***a majora yet.

Anyways, he walks inside and he comes out with my payment and hands he an envelope. Inside there was only $250.00! He was short $150.00. I told the c**t to pay up and he laughs and says 'haha worth a try' - in perfect english. He then walks back inside and comes out with a carton of Marlboro ci******es, bag of rice, a calculator and a box of Chinese Tsingtao beer. To sweeten the deal he told me ran a brothel in Epsom and he would give me a free hour any time I needed relief. What a fu**ing deal!

Now I'm back home sinking this Chinese p**s while the boys do a few local jobs! Told the boys to knock off early today and pick me up from home so we can sink p**s and they can be me sober driver. F**king winning!

Cheers, Herbert.

Ranui.

F**k me sideways and call me Engelbert Humperdinck! We just finished off two early back-to-back Kainga Ora jobs out in Ranui. Like all government funded jobs, I overcharged the c***s like a female prisoner trying to smuggle 4 x 50 gram pouches of to***co into her unit.

You know when you drive into Rotorua you smell s**t? Well it's a little different out west Auckland. You're greeted with the smell of synthetics wafting through the air, rotting corpses in the Waitakere Ranges, pork bone boil up and the sweet smell of teenage pregnancy.

Before we even got into Ranui I saw a large group of Maori and Pakeha hoodrats all dressed in blue, running around like they hadn't slept for 3-days holding handmade protest signs and yelling at the cars that went past. At first I thought it was the Black Power having a fight with themselves again but as we got closer we noticed that the 'm**hed-out-mob' were not actually Crip gang members...

They were actually loyal, uneducated, unemployed disciples of that sleezy Billy Te Kahika fullah. You know, the one from Advance NZ / NZPP who doesn't pay his ticks, wears a tinfoil hat, gropes women after his shows, calls himself a Christian to amass hundreds of thousands dollars worth of 'donations', thinks international assassins are after him, thinks 5G causes COVID-19, thinks Jacinda Ardern is a socialist (OK he is right, she is), thinks the government is doing full-term abortions so that they can manufacture more adrenochrome for the global elite and thinks Bill Gates wants to wipe everyone out with his vaccine - when actually he just wants to make a few extra billion dollars.

Anyways, as we stop at the picket line I start to study the people standing there. So many different things came to mind - unemployment, Work and Income, food grants, Housing NZ, Uncle Wiremu who is locked up in Mt Eden for beating his misses, bad dental hygiene, Budget® Fizzy and 2-Minute Noodles for tea, smoking a dirty stem 2 days before dole day, counterfeit Gucci and Louis Vuitton, fading trampstamps, domestic violence and tinned corn beef. Honestly, out of the 30 or so people standing there I only noticed about 14 teeth.

Some of the signs read - "Increase da benefut by $500 a week 4 solo mumz", "Billy TK tellz da trooth!", "f**k da government but plz dont cut my dole!", "f**k da UN and NWO!", "FREE BLAZE!", "My Benefit, My Choice!", "REAL EYEZ REALIZE REAL LIEZ", "F**K U JACINDA", "No GST on Corn Beef!", "No Snitching!", "Legalize M**h!".

Anyways, we went over to complete the two UHF mini aerial installs which were at the same block of flats and now were in the van heading to visit a nice Thai girl I know in Birkenhead who does a great $60 special. I'm already 8 x 7% Woodstocks down and just had a few codeine so wish me luck that me old fullah stands at attention.

Cheers, Herbert.

I just wanna say a big fu**in' cheers to all our 3000 followers. I didn't think New Zealand's best aerial installer would ever get a few thousand followers on good ol' social media. I think my next thing on the bucket list is to start an OnlyFans account. I follow my grand daughter on there and pay a premium subscription she is making a few dollars from what I hear and so she should, she is a bitta of a looker!

Anyways, I'm taking a break from the Lion Red tonight and going to sink 4.5L of Barry's home brew. Might even spike me own drink with GHB in the hope that I wake up again with my pants around me ankles and an empty sack!

Cheers, Herbert!

A few of me loyal customers have been asking about the KFC incident that happened in 2004. A lot of people know this story as it gets told quite a bit at the pub and it's a bit of Whangarei folk legend that gets around quite a bit. The funny thing is, a similar thing happened a few years after my stunt at some KFC in Orewa.

Now, I was a bit reluctant to tell the yarn because I would hate to loose business... then again I'm already 4 beers deep at 9am on a Monday and the boys are out doing all the work today, so I'm just gonna sink p**s and take a few trammys. I tried to find the original news article but couldn't, I am going to actually try call the Northern Advocate and NZ Herald and see if they have it in their achieves. I might even see if I can find the statement of facts from NZ Police.

So it was just before Christmas back in 2004, I had already downed a few too many bottles of Lion Red. It was about 7pm at night. I ended up walking into KFC Whangarei with a bottle and some Maori girl behind the counter told me to tip out the waipiro. I had no fu**ing idea what waipiro was and I started getting mouthy as usual.

Anyways, I put the bottle outside and ordered a feed. The workers out the back who were all probably on $8.90 an hour back then couldn't stop staring at me and were talking about me. I got my food, grabbed my bottle from outside and sat down for a succulent Kentucky Fried Chicken meal. I didn't realise the s**t that would come next (literally).

About 2 minutes in the overweight manager noticed me drinking my p**s and she comes over and starts yelling at me to leave the store. She was like Hone Heke and I was the flagpole - but not on my watch sweetheart. I told the bitch that I was finishing my meal and then I would leave. She then said she would call the police and report me for drink driving and walked away.

I felt a sudden urge to s**t. I needed to get rid of the coleslaw, chicken and potato and gravy to make room for some more quart bottles of Lion Red for the drive back to Mangawhai. This lady kept going on and members of the public were even telling me to leave.

As I stood up, Lion Red in hand I sharted. It wasn't the usual shart where a little bit of watery manure comes out, I fu**ing shat me pants! Me jocks literally had a semi-heavy turd in there. I think because of the oily KFC it worked as lubricant on my sphincter and it just fell out. This cable was sitting between me as***le and 2 day's unwashed Active Intent un**es.

No one noticed that I shat myself and customers and staff were telling me to f**k off. The manager at this stage was on her Nokia 3310 calling the police to get me removed from the store. I had enough, I already had enough s**t in my pants and didn't need to deal with the police.

Without thinking, I reach behind me and grab the f***l log that came out my bumhole and loudly yell "FIRE IN THE HOLE!!" and toss the s**t like a German solider in WW2 throwing a stielhandgranate at the enemy. It lands splatted across the menu board for the bucket meals.

Woman are screaming. Kids are crying. Tough guys stand up and start yelling at me. At this point I thought I was going to get my head punched in. So I grabbed more s**t from my as***le and held it in both hands and threatened them with it and they backed the f**k off. Now I'm not the best at fighting but I'll tell ya what, the man who has human s**t in his hand has all the power.

I end up walking back quite quickly to me white ute, wipe my hands on it to clean off the KFC infused excrement. It kinda looked like I had just been out four wheel driving but only got the back tray muddy.

Absolutely all the staff and customers are ushered out of the building to the fire evacuation zone in the carpark and I'm sitting in my Mazda Bounty ready to drive off into the sunset, some are yelling and swearing at me. Some even brought their buckets out and are just casually eating it while watching the commotion, without giving a care in the world - they just wanted to eat their K-FRY before their obese cousin Manu eats it all.

Anyways, I leave the carpark and head straight for State Highway 1. I managed to get all the way back to Mangawhai that night without getting pulled over. I would have probably blown a good 600 micrograms if I did get caught. Went home, had a fufu and went to sleep.

2 days later I get pulled over up the road in Waipu (pun not intended) and I get arrested on the spot. I go to court in Whangarei and the judge decided to hold me in custody, I was in Northland Correctional Facility for fu**ing 3 months before sentencing as I pleaded guilty. When I was sentenced the judge gave me 6 months, because of time time served I didn't have to go back to prison.

I left the court house and went straight to WINZ and grabbed my Steps to Freedom cheque of $350.00 and cashed it at the Westpac. Went to the Super Liquor, grabbed a 12 box of Lion Red cans and hitched all the way back to Mangawhai p**sed as a 93-year-old ladies un**es who has a bad case of incontinence and is suffering from dementia.

Cheers, Herbert!

* NEW ZEALAND AERIALS OFFICIAL STATEMENT *

Some of you bastards know I was arrested a few months ago and thrown in the slammer for being parked up comotosed at the beach with my keys in the ignition. What I didn't tell ya was that the police made up lies about me having a danger w**k at the carpark.

Today Stuff wrote an article about me and my sentencing at the Whangarei District Court on Friday.

Alright here is the yarn. It was bloody hard yakka that day and I headed to the Mangawhai Tavern for a few beers after work with the apprentice. I ended up almost having a punch up with Barry because the c**t accidentally ashed in me jug of Lion Red. Anyways after about 7 jugs I headed to the local wholesalers brought 2 x 24 boxes of Lion Red and drove to the beach.

I then started pulverising the cans and about 2 hours later I was as p**sed as my 6 month old grandsons Jacobs nappy. Anyways, at some point of the night while parked up I got itchy balls and pulled down my pants for a good old fashioned scratch. It wasn't just me balls that were sweaty and itchy, but the shaft of me old fullah too. I then fall asleep with me pants down around me ankles with everything hanging out.

The next thing I know I am waking up a shaking mess with DT's in the cells at the Mangawhai Police Station. The sargent comes over and gives me a recap and tells me that I blew over 1300 micrograms of alcohol and that they were opposing bail. As you know, I went for a wee holiday for a couple of months.

Half the story is bulls**t, half of it is true. I ended up getting a few years of supervision, didn't even get any community work! Hey. at least I'm not sitting in a prison cell up at Nga Wha w**king over Ellen DeGeneres at 12pm each weekday using my cell mates Dove body wash as lubricant.

I am just happy that I am able to write this from the comfort of my home while sinking an ice cold bottle of Lion Red, while tugging myself off to vintage f***y flicks and have more prescription medication than a dodgy electrician who has faked a back injury for the last 4 years on ACC.

Cheers, Herbert.

Good install from the new apprentice aka my sober driver. Now f**k off while I drink my p**s! Cheers, Herbert.

The difference between New Zealand Aerial Installs and other companies is we get s**t done. We don't need to travel 57km just to write a report to your insurance company saying your TV is beyond economical repair and fu**ed. We will literally write a report for you, for $160.00 cash.

For an extra $350.00 we'll tell the insurance company your TV was a LG 65" Nano 95 8K LED. That way you can get yourself a brand new $7000 TV.

This is just one of the many reasons why we are the best digital installers in New Zealand.

1. You pay us $160.00
2. We write you a report.
3. You send report to Insurance Company.
4. You pay your excess.
5. You get a brand new TV.

Cheers, Herbert.

F**k it's been a while ay. But f**k me side ways and call me Uncle Herb, I have some bloody good stories to tell in the next few days. I got locked up for my 7th drink driving charge and the c***s remanded me in custody up at Ngawha Prison. Got out yesterday afternoon and was picked up by Sheryl, who had an ice cold crate of Lion Red waiting for me just outside the prison gates.

From NgaWha back home its about a 2 hour drive. Sunk the p**s like the champion within an hour or so. I'll tell ya what, Lion Red has never tasted so good. Stopped on the way and started slaughtering myself on some 7% Woodstocks. Back in my day the can was bigger and they were 8%'s - I was well and truly s**t faced by the time we got back into town.

Sheryl ended up coming in and staying the night, but like all good alcoholics me pe**er wouldn't work but not to worry, I still had a good time getting some 61-year-old hairy beaver and flossing my teeth with her luscious locks.

Jesus, f**k I got some stories to tell. At 63-years-old I didn't think I would ever see the inside of a prison. I will tell a few in the next few days. It looks like I'm going to loose my license indefinitely and me lawyer reckons no chance of an interlock alcohol thingy-me-bob or a work license.

When they got me I blew 1300 micrograms of alcohol asleep at the beach with my keys in the ignition but it was turned off. Big fu**ing deal. Anyways chaps, hope you have been good while Herbies been locked up. I have a driver sorted for the aerial installs but for the next week, it's time to sink some p**s and pull some f***y.

Cheers,

Herbert.

Just did a job in Takapuna. You know what that bloody means... rich white folk.

Pulled in the driveway at some yuppie c***s place in Takapuna. From the Mercedes G-Class and Audi soccer mom's car in the driveway, I already knew I would overcharge the c**t like a packed re**um after being sentenced to a lag. Looked into the backyard and some rock-spider looking, short short wearing, Lovely Bones p**o looking, glasses wearing middle aged man is chasing kids around the backyard flicking them with a towel. He saw me and told the kids to f**k off home, real quick.

He comes over shows us the broken aerial. Told him that because of the steep roof we would need a cherry picker - we didn't but its just another $400 to add to the invoice. He OK'd it and we had the picker onsite within 3 hours - cheers Hirepool Ltd ya pack of maggots!

Anyways, the cherry picker arrived and we started erecting it. Went past a bedroom window and what do I bloody see, the same virgin looking, impotent blank shooting, freckle faced bloke trying to do the Haka while following along to the 2015 Rugby World Cup replay on his 80" Samsung TV wearing nothing but a traditional grass skirt with a hibiscus flower in his hair. I was glad the kids weren't there anymore or any bloody animals for that matter.

Anyways, did the aerial. Charged the c**t $1230.56 for a $59 aerial and he paid in cash upfront and went on my merry way to the sports bar in Taka for a cheeky Lion Red and a lunchtime fap.

Cheers, Herbert!

Just imagine being a small business owner and taking the time to contact the Ministry of Social Development, Kainga Ora, Northland District Council, Chorus and the media because you were offended by some stereotypical s**tpost you found on what you thought was a Facebook business page only to find out that you got trolled and wasted hours of your time.

Sorry about the late update, I've been sick since Friday. The boys and I headed off in the morning to Mt. Roskill for a simple aerial install. I was already two Lion Red big botts down by this stage and I was fizzing to knock off early to head to the brothel. We pulled in the driveway and there was a Toyota Prius and a Nissan Leaf, both with Uber stickers on the door and one had a taxi sign on the roof. The boys started getting s**t out of the van and I went to he door.

I was greeted by some IT looking geeky Indian bloke with a big black beard and a towel on his head like he had just got out of the shower, but it was actually a turban. He started talking to me and his head was swaying side to side exactly like my jaw does after a night on good Dutch M**A. I could hardly understand a word what he was saying, but I pointed to the roof and he started swaying his head up and down like he was nodding - so thought that must mean yes.

Anyways, the boys climbed up on the roof and started to mount the telescopic pole. Dale was hungover from 'Thirsty Thursday' and drilled two holes too many in the roof. We didn't have any silicone to fix the c***s, so we just plugged em' up with some Wrigleys® PK gum. Worked a bloody treat.

I went inside the house, it smelt like I had just entered the village on Slumdog Millionaire. F**king shrines everywhere and two little ankle biters praying to a fu**ing cow. Anyways, the blokes kid said that they were going out and that the dad had left money in an envelope on the bench. He packed the kids in the car and off they went. I started tuning the TV.

While it was tuning in, I accidentally went to HDMI 3 which is connected up to his computer. It landed on a Facebook message to some pretty white girl saying - show bobs, show vagene, do milk, hello dare, show big bob I trade goat. Had no idea what the f**k that was about so went back to HDMI 1.

Went to the kitchen to grab my money and I saw a big pot of curry on the bench. Thought I would grab myself a quick bowl with some rice that was there. F**k me what a good curry! I am not sure what was in it, but it was a goodie. Cleaned up my mess and grabbed the cash. I opened up the envelope and it was $40 short and there was note that said "Disc**t 4 cash thnk u sir". Don't think the bastard realise i don't pay tax in the first place but gave him points for trying.

Anyways, I got home that night and had the s**ts for 3 days. The c**t put som**hing in that curry, he knew I was going to touch it. F**k honestly, it was the worst food poisoning I had ever had. I went on Google to find out what it was and they reckon it was Delhi belly. I immediately went down the road and brought a 12 box of Kingfisher Indian Lager and what do you know? After I smashed the box I started feeling better. Better fu**ing work stories.

Cheers, Herbert.

I don't really get into politics but after seeing this picture, David Seymour from the ACT party has just gained my vote!

Getting pretty sick and tired of being called a racist all the time.
If I was racist do you think I would have a black doll?

Listen here Stuff, I'm busy sinking p**s and installing aerials. After the 3 Tramadols I just popped, I'm in no state for an interview... unless you pay us in 2 crates of Lion Red and shout old Herb an hour with Coco at Femme Fatale. Cheers, Herbert.

Just finished a UHF/Dish combo at some South Africans place in Browns Bay.

Before the boys even got in the door it sounded like a 1990’s Japanese p***o, all they could hear was this high pitched screaming coming from inside. They reckon it sounded exactly like hyenas when they are ripping apart a baby wildebeest on a David Attenborough documentary. They got to the door and they were thankful that the lady wasn’t having s*x, she was just beating her kids.

The lady stopped screaming at her little ankle biters and the boys jumped up on the roof and installed this combo. I sat in the van and had myself 3 x Woodstock and Cola 7% premixes while working out how much I should overcharge the saffer inside. In the end I decided the cost would be $634.00, but then I gave her the 'white privilege discount' and it ended up costing the prawn $640.

We're off to Gulf Harbour now to quote a smart-home automation. Cheers, Herbert.

We have a new goal to be the worst rated digital installer in the world! We absolutely love the negative reviews and just quietly they get me aroused and the office girls moist!

So please leave us a bad review and help get our rating down to 1/5 on Facebook! Help us become the worst rated digital install company in the world!

Yesterday we got a few negative reviews from an internet gang called . I asked my grandson what it is and he said the easiest way to explain who they are is...

Work and Income.
Hygiene issues.
Food grants.
Poverty.
Half n**e selfies with kids in the room.
Counterfeit Gucci.
Swaps stolen meat for a puff.
Tries wearing the latest fashion but buys it all on Afterpay.
Mattresses with no sheets.
3 Kids to their uncle before they turned 14.
Dental problems.
Oranga Tamariki.
Purchases $5.40 worth of petrol with coins.
On community/home detention.
Has a set of scales but only can afford to buy 1 gram tinnys.
Single mums with saggy t**s wearing no bra.
Obesity.
Works at Full Time Mommy.
Nits.
Powerade b**g.
Kids call everyone auntie or uncle.
Has a name like Paris or Dolce but looks more like Otara.
Protection orders.
Met their baby daddy in rehab.
Rolls up ciggie butts four days before benny day.
Believes 5G causes Covid-19.
Has 'Only God Can Judge Me' tatted on their forearm.
Prepaid power bills.
Terrible credit rating.
Kainga Ora.
Has their WINZ caseworker on speed dial.
Baby's nappy only get changed twice a day.
Runs out of data every third day.
Budget® white bread and margarine.
Floors are never vacuumed.
Cody's and Billy Mavericks.
Calls everyone G or sis.
Has 'loyalty' tatted but cheats on every partner.
Has at least one MAF charge.
Has no lightbulbs in their house.
Doesn't wash their clothes.
Trampstamp.
Gets paid benefit and it's gone in 4 hours.
Works at Culture Kings or Nike.
Lives in aunties garage.
Kids are aways running around naked with snotty noses.
Maggi® 2-Minute Noodles
Get a Salvation Army food parcel after they spend cash on m**h.
Community Alcohol and Drugs meetings (CADS).
Wears a Nike or Adidas bum bag.
Single mums with 6 kids to 4 different dads.
Fake gold chains.
Goes to BLM marches yet can't put food on the table for their kids.
Went to the School of Hard Knocks.
Domestic violence.
Baby's dad is in prison.
Car gas light always on E.
Palm® Corn Beef.
Waits outside Kiwibank at 7.30pm for their benefit to come in.
A pile of dishes is always stacked up in the sink.
Phone with a cracked screen.
Wears Tradies un**es.
Suspicious stains on their pants.
Gets $250 a week on the benefit but their tick bill is $300
Maori's wanting attention.
Can I tick a tinny till Tuesday?

We love your reviews! Please keep them coming - Cheers, Herbert.

We have some absolutely amazing news to share with our customers!

After a 2 month wait, we have just found out that we won the contract to install mini 5G repeaters throughout Northland! We couldn't be happy right now and I think I'll be popping a bottle of champagne tonight.

5G is going to do wonders for Northland. The speeds of download and upload on mobile devices will improve dramatically, no more waiting for those naughty movies to stop buffering. Big thanks to Northland Regional Council and Chorus for giving us a go.

Finished another job in Mangere this morning where I ran COAX to a shed and installed an aerial jack. When I say shed, it was more of a bedroom - I counted 8 mattresses, four obese Islanders in their 30's to 40's and a whole lot of Budget® fizzy drink. One of tenants Iosefa from Samoa offered me some palusami, but I turned him down as I didn't really feel like type 2 diabetes for breakfast.

I told him that I wouldn't mind an alcoholic bevy as a joke and what do ya know? He went out to the back section to an 11 seater Toyota Estima with no wheels, sitting on bricks and pulled out this bottle of Valima. I'd never tried it before, so when I got home I chucked it in the freezer for half an hour to cool down.

At 6.7% this beer is packing a punch like Joseph Parker after a few lines of China white! It’s no wonder that the uso's who drink this beer feature weekly on Police 10-7, have more court dates than they have nutritious dinners, have 4 kids to their cousin La’ei, punch more holes in their walls than Maori’s punch cones and the only work they know is Community Work on Saturdays with the Department of Corrections.

Manuia, Herbert.

Second job of the day complete. Installed satellite, replaced COAX cable and put in Freeview decoder in a state house in south Auckland. I was half expecting Jake the Muss to walk out of one of the rooms and offer me a Lion Red.

Cheers Kāinga Ora, that will be $639.00. F**k it feels good to get some of my tax back from this lousy government!