Bereaved Mom

I've been so consumed with my grief that I haven't taken the time to express my love and gratitude for these kiddos!! They do not know how much of a support they have been for me. They are kind, generous, helpful and so loving. These kids mean the world to me. I want them to know how proud I am of them!!! Alex (Shad) has really been enjoying his job at Home Depot. Sometimes, on his days off, he'll even call to see if they're short handed and go in. He'll cook dinner on occasion and takes me to lunch on therapy days sometimes. Jaxon has been working hard in school and is even writing a paper in Language Arts partiality in Japanese. His dream is to go to Japan one day. He is so funny and has me laughing all the time. He has a unique personality just like his mom. He is willing to do anything I need help with. Eilee is a straight A student and deservedly so. She absolutely LOVES school and declined going on our family vacation in May to St. Lucia because she didn't want to miss it. She worked so hard on the Stansbury High dance team. She was so fun to watch and loved making new friends. She is an empath and can feel others pain. Therfore she is always concerned about her loved ones!
Once again I just want to say how much I love them and I'm so glad I get to be their mom. We have some good times together ❤

https://bereavedmom.com/how-to-identify-the-signs-and-the-need-to-work-on-your-mental-health/

How to identify the signs and the need to work on your mental health… - Confessions of a grieving mom; surviving su***de I have suffered from anxiety my entire life. The signs and symptoms were easily recognizable to me but I “suffered silently.” I never spoke up or addressed my issues nor did I seek treatment until 2017. It wasn’t until I finally caved and realized I also had depression that I made an appointme...

https://bereavedmom.com/the-one-year-anniversary-of-jordans-passing-has-come-and-gone-i-made-it/ I haven't posted in awhile, but with the recent TV interview and my son's 1 year anniversary, I figured I better get my butt in gear!

The one year anniversary of Jordan’s passing has come and gone, I made it… - Confessions of a grieving mom; surviving su***de The year of “firsts” as they call it are over. The first Christmas, everyone has had a birthday, we even celebrated his first heavenly birthday. Now it’s time to release the vice grip on my heart just a little. There is no longer that gut ache to go along with those firsts. We only have...

Two more days until the 1 year anniversary of the WORST day of my life. A day that has changed me into someone I don't even recognize anymore. It's also a day that I've learned a lot from. I'm here to share my knowledge with you over the next few weeks. It is still so hard to wrap my head around the idea of him being gone. It SUCKS! **I just noticed his birthday is wrong, it's 07/26/96**

It is amazing to me the things that start the chain reaction of emotions! It started with my husband recording old reruns of Tom and Jerry and friends. One of the "and friends" episodes had two little hound puppies chasing a fox. Pretending they were bigger than they were. Those cartoon puppy dog eyes brought tears to my eyes because it reminded me of when I had a cute hound dog puppy. Which then reminded me of this photo. My Jordan LOVED Copper!! Then it hit me like a ton of bricks....he's been gone 11 months today! 😪 How is this possible? How have I pushed through everyday? I know I could never fully describe this pain💔 but sometimes it's unbearable!

Follow up to yesterday's post
https://bereavedmom.com/how-i-eased-the-grief-of-my-sons-first-heavenly-birthday/

How I eased the grief of my son’s first heavenly birthday… - Confessions of a grieving mom; surviving su***de If this is the first post you’re reading, my son died by su***de in September of 2020. He left behind a beautiful, heartbroken girlfriend and an even more beautiful little baby boy. They live in Washington state and I live in Utah. Therefore I do not get to love on my grandbaby, the only piece...

My mind has been so preoccupied that I haven't been able to sit down and get anything done. It took me four hours, but here is the latest post. https://bereavedmom.com/pushing-through-the-pain-to-make-it-through-hard-days/

Pushing through the pain to make it through hard days… - Confessions of a grieving mom; surviving su***de I’ve been MIA for several weeks. I am the first to admit, I have definitely been having a hard time this month. It was even difficult to get my own counseling sessions in because I didn’t want to talk about the hard things; the things that keep me up late at night. The constant replay...

You would have been 25 today...but you're not! You will always be Forever 24! The week leading up to this day has been so hard and gut wrenching. Greyson being here has definitely softened the blow. He has been such a joy and you would have just loved him!! I miss you so much and there isn't a minute that I don't think about you. Happy Heavenly 1st Birthday Jordan Mair !! We love you so much!

Day 1 of our quick visit. I received a "grief" bear from someone who gives them out to parents who have lost a child. When I explained that my son was an adult, she said it didn't matter, he was still my child. I decided to wait and have it stuffed when Greyson was here. Then he can take his "daddy bear" or "Jordy Bear" as Jordan named himself on my Disney + log in. We each got to put a heart in it and we stuffed it with something special inside. We took him to the pool and he LOVED it!! He was so exhausted and relaxed he just about fell asleep in the floatie. He loved playing with his uncle Jaxon in the water as well. He loves his grandpa, it is so stinking cute!! We have loved every second we have had with him!

No truer words have been spoken!

My Mom is a survivor,
Or so I've heard it said.
But I can hear her crying at night
When all others are in bed.
I watch her lay awake at night
and go to hold her hand.
She doesn't know I'm with her
to help her understand.
But like the sands on the beach
That never washes away...
I watch over my surviving mom,
Who thinks of me each day.
She wears a smile for others...
A smile of disguise!
But through Heaven's door I see
Tears flowing from her eyes.
My mom tries to cope with death
To keep my memory alive.
But anyone who knows her knows
It is her way to survive.
As I watch over my surviving mom
Through Heaven's open door...
I try to tell her those angels
Protect me forever more.
I know that doesn't help her...
Or ease the burden she bears.
So if you get a chance, go visit her...
And show her that you care.
For no matter what she says...
No matter what she feels.
My surviving mom has a broken heart
That time won't ever heal.

https://bereavedmom.com/?p=362

It's Greyson's birthday tomorrow!!!

Greyson turns one, my how time flies… - Confessions of a grieving mom; surviving su***de I am going to give everyone fair warning now. If you don’t want to see a bazillion pictures of my adorable grandbaby, then DON’T read this post. Let’s be honest, there probably won’t be a lot to read. It’s probably going to be mostly pictures. My apologies in advance. If I’m being honest...

For anyone out there that belongs to this terrible "club". I guess we get a month. 🤷‍♀️

Do you have a medical condition, mental illness, or maybe even both? If you're as lucky as I am to have both, I commend you! I know your daily struggles and I understand them. This was just the beginning of my journey, my new normal.
www.bereavedmom.com

Today would have been your first Father's Day. I'm sure Greyson would have given his daddy something cute. Maybe a card with painted footprints 👣 on it. I don't know, I'm just trying to imagine what would be happening if you were here. The days have not been getting easier lately. You should be here raising your son. Two months was not long enough to get to spend with him. He's so stinking cute! I wish I got to see him more. I love and miss you Jordan! Happy Father's Day 💙

https://bereavedmom.com/?p=334

Grief is extremely complicated, messy, and an emotional rollercoaster… - Confessions of a grieving mom; surviving su***de I don’t even know where to begin except to practice what I preach. I AM NOT OK!!! Everyday I am just going through the motions. My everyday routine is memorized, from the time I wake up, until the time I go to bed. Truthfully, I’m not even sure if I’m smiling anymore. Do you know...

Remembering Jordan

Confessions of a grieving mom; surviving su***de - Fight to live, choose to stay Fight to live, choose to stay

https://bereavedmom.com/?p=320

Do you struggle with anxiety, depression, or any other mental health issue? Do you know someone who does? How about somebody who struggles with self-worth or participates in self-harm? This latest post has the help you may need. Also share this post with at least three people you think might be struggling. As an ADDED BONUS, any new subscribers to my blog, I will send you my tool kit for fighting an anxiety attack. I can not tell you how many times these tips and tricks have come in handy! Thank you for all your support!

Find the one who lets you make your popcorn your way… - Confessions of a grieving mom; surviving su***de I have talked about being a teen mom. It wasn’t easy. We stayed married for 14 years, and I kept telling myself it was for the kids. Ultimately, the kids are the ones who paid the price. We separated once for about 9 months, but I went back to him. I felt very pressured to...

9 months without you! 9 months since your heart ❤ stopped beating, and I haven't been able to catch my breath since. I hate that there are so MANY unanswered questions. I hate that there isn't closure and there never will be. My heart breaks 💔 for Cheyenne especially after seeing how much pain she's truly in. I'm just waiting for this nightmare to end!!! When will this ever end??? We miss you so much Jordan!!!

https://bereavedmom.com/?p=301

A day to remember my baby boy… - Confessions of a grieving mom; surviving su***de May 31, 2021, Memorial Day; a day spent remembering those we’ve lost. We visit gravesites and put flowers on them, just so they can be “pretty.” But who do we do it for? It reminds me of decorating your porch for the holidays. One neighbor is always trying to outdo the next. As I look...

Today is another first. A day, as if I don't remember Jordan already, I'm reminded to remember him. I love and miss you SO much!

We all grieve differently

Confessions of a grieving mom; surviving su***de - Fight to live, choose to stay Fight to live, choose to stay

https://bereavedmom.com/?p=277

People have different ideas on healing; vacation part 3… - Confessions of a grieving mom; surviving su***de “Blood money” is what my son’s life insurance was referred to by someone. It was online, so all I could think was “how dare you judge me?” My family has been through hell, and this was even prior to Jordan passing. I could have paid bills, or put it in savings, but why not actually...

https://bereavedmom.com/?p=264

People have different ideas on healing; vacation part 2… - Confessions of a grieving mom; surviving su***de In case I didn’t mention it in my last post, St. Lucia is BEAUTIFUL! Feelings and words that were exchanged while we were here, were not. I believe this was the first time Cheyenne actually expressed how much pain she was actually in. She is angry that Jordan left them. Cheyenne knew how much Jord...

https://bereavedmom.com/?p=214

I've been MIA for a little bit due to a family vacation. I'm back and ready to tell even more of my story once I get past the vacation. If you want to be automatically notified of new posts, just scroll to the bottom of my website and subscribe to my blog. You will only get emails when a new post has been uploaded.

People have different ideas on healing; vacation part 1… - Confessions of a grieving mom; surviving su***de When Jordan passed, I remembered I have always had the small amount for a life insurance policy deducted from my paycheck for all my kids. It is literally like $1.00 for all of them, so why not? Never in a million years did I think I would collect. I was worried, however that su***de was...

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Confessions of a grieving mom; surviving su***de - Fight to live, choose to stay Fight to live, choose to stay