Abdirahman Abdullahi

Week 7: Processing Emotions

“Kill Yusuf or cast him out to some land; the countenance of your father will be only for you, and you will be after that righteous people.” [12:9]
اقْتُلُوا يُوسُفَ أَوِ اطْرَحُوهُ أَرْضًا يَخْلُ لَكُمْ وَجْهُ أَبِيكُمْ وَتَكُونُوا مِن بَعْدِهِ قَوْمًا صَالِحِينَ

When you are bogged down with an emotion, your reasoning may be impacted. The more intense the emotion, the more likely you are not thinking rationally. Try to process the emotion you feel; don’t let it process you.

It is not only what you feel that is worthy of your reflection but what you do with it. The brothers of Yusuf (a.s) felt that their father loved their brother more than them. This feeling did not stop there. It continued with them until they plotted and took action to harm Yusuf.

Yet, they are not the only ones who have been led by an emotion and committed harm as a result. A person may harm their spouse because of disappointment, a friend may harm their friend because of jealousy, a sibling may harm their sibling because of resentment, and so on.

Parents should teach their children, especially boys, how to process their emotions. Instructing boys to ‘man up’ and not cry might sound fine; however, this could be teaching them to suppress their feelings or express them in unhealthy ways. There are boys who express their anger, for example, through violence. If we critique what their emotion produced, then let us help them express it in a healthy way.

Week 6: Fairness between Children

“When they said, "Yusuf and his brother are more beloved to our father than we, while we are a group. Indeed, our father is in clear error.” [12:8]

إِذْ قَالُوا لَيُوسُفُ وَأَخُوهُ أَحَبُّ إِلَىٰ أَبِينَا مِنَّا وَنَحْنُ عُصْبَةٌ إِنَّ أَبَانَا لَفِي ضَلَالٍ مُّبِينٍ

The brothers of Yusuf believed that their father loved Yusuf (a.s) and Benyameen more than he loved them. The affection they felt they were receiving in comparison to Yusuf (a.s) led them to harm their own brother.

It is important that parents be mindful about how they treat their children. Children can identify favoritism and when that happens, it often causes tension in the family. The brothers said, "Yusuf and his brother”. Though Yusuf and Benyameen had a different mother than them, they were all brothers. Yet, notice the language. They said concerning their father, “Indeed, our father is in clear error.” They believed their father was mistaken in preferring Yusuf (a.s) and Benyameen over them.

Nu’man ibn Basheer (rA) said, “My father gave me a gift from some of his wealth, but my mother, ‘Amrah bint Rawaahah, said, ‘I will not approve of it until you ask the Messenger of Allah ﷺ to bear witness to it. So, my father went to the Prophet ﷺ to ask him to bear witness to the gift. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said to him, ‘Have you done the same for all of your children?’ He said, ‘No.’ He said, ‘Fear Allah and treat your children justly.’ So, my father came back and took back that gift.” [al-Bukhari & Muslim]

The above hadith indicates that parents should be fair between children when giving gifts. As for providing them with what they need, that differs from one child to another. If parents happen to love one of their children more than the other(s), they should conceal it as much as they can. This helps maintain the unity and harmony of the family.

Week 5: Yusuf (a.s) & his brothers

Indeed, in the story of Yusuf and his brothers there are lessons for all who ask. [12:7]
لَّقَدْ كَانَ فِي يُوسُفَ وَإِخْوَتِهِ آيَاتٌ لِّلسَّائِلِينَ

What occurred between Yusuf (a.s) and his brothers is something to greatly reflect over. We learn that siblings can cause us hurt and we also learn that it is possible to repair the hurt relationship.

When you contemplate about the brothers of Yusuf (a.s), you remember that hurt people tend to hurt people. They were jealous of him and believed he was more beloved to their father. When the hurt was strong, they wanted to hurt Yusuf (a.s) by completely getting rid of him. They said, “Kill Yusuf or cast him out to [another] land; the countenance of your father will be only for you, and you will be after that a righteous people.” [12:9]
اقْتُلُوا يُوسُفَ أَوِ اطْرَحُوهُ أَرْضًا يَخْلُ لَكُمْ وَجْهُ أَبِيكُمْ وَتَكُونُوا مِن بَعْدِهِ قَوْمًا صَالِحِينَ

After time had passed and they had lost Benyameen, the eldest said, "Do you not know that your father had taken an oath by Allah from you and before [that] you failed regarding [your duty to] Yusuf? So, I will not leave [this] land until my father permits me or Allah decides for me, and He is the best of judges.” [12:80]
فَلَمَّا اسْتَيْأَسُوا مِنْهُ خَلَصُوا نَجِيًّا ۖ قَالَ كَبِيرُهُمْ أَلَمْ تَعْلَمُوا أَنَّ أَبَاكُمْ قَدْ أَخَذَ عَلَيْكُم مَّوْثِقًا مِّنَ اللَّهِ وَمِن قَبْلُ مَا فَرَّطتُمْ فِي يُوسُفَ ۖ فَلَنْ أَبْرَحَ الْأَرْضَ حَتَّىٰ يَأْذَنَ لِي أَبِي أَوْ يَحْكُمَ اللَّهُ لِي ۖ وَهُوَ خَيْرُ الْحَاكِمِينَ

It is as though there was a sense of remorse for what they had done to Yusuf (a.s) and for how they failed the trust with their father. Not returning home with Benyameen would compound this.

When they later recognized Yusuf, they said: “By Allah! Indeed, Allah has preferred you over us, and we surely have done wrong.” [12:91] قَالُوا تَاللَّهِ لَقَدْ آثَرَكَ اللَّهُ عَلَيْنَا وَإِن كُنَّا لَخَاطِئِينَ

If your brother (or sister) who hurt you does not immediately acknowledge their actions, that does not mean they are unaware of what happened and won’t seek reconciliation in the future. Just as it took the brothers of Yusuf (a.s) time to repair the broken relationship and reconnect with Yusuf (a.s), it may take time for your sibling(s) to do so too.

Week 4: Blessings after Hardship & Allah’s Favor

“And thus, will your Lord choose you and teach you the interpretation of dreams and complete His favor upon you and upon the family of Ya’quub, as He completed it upon your forefathers before, Ibraaheem and Ishaaq. Indeed, your Lord is All-Knowing and All-Wise.” [12:6]
وَكَذَٰلِكَ يَجْتَبِيكَ رَبُّكَ وَيُعَلِّمُكَ مِن تَأْوِيلِ الْأَحَادِيثِ وَيُتِمُّ نِعْمَتَهُ عَلَيْكَ وَعَلَىٰ آلِ يَعْقُوبَ كَمَا أَتَمَّهَا عَلَىٰ أَبَوَيْكَ مِن قَبْلُ إِبْرَاهِيمَ وَإِسْحَاقَ ۚ إِنَّ رَبَّكَ عَلِيمٌ حَكِيمٌ

This verse provides so much comfort. We see in this story how hardships can lead to blessings.

-The brothers of Yusuf distanced him from their father, but it increased his love for him.
-Then they sold him into slavery for a cheap price, but he later became minister of finance.
-The wife of al-Aziz lied about him, but it led to everyone seeing his purity and honesty.

“And thus, will your Lord choose you and teach you the interpretation of dreams”

Just as Allah chose Yusuf (a.s) and showed him these stars with the sun and the moon prostrating to him, Allah chose Yusuf (a.s) to be His prophet and taught him the interpretation of dreams. Being aware that Allah chose you to receive the blessings you have fills the heart with humility. It reminds you that it is not from your intelligence, your connections, or your status that has provided you what you have; rather, it is Allah choosing you to have them.

“And complete His favor upon you and upon the family of Ya’quub, as He completed it upon your forefathers before, Ibraaheem and Ishaaq”

Allah completed His favor upon Yusuf (a.s) with prophethood as He made his forefathers prophets. Every blessing is from Allah and should be attributed back to Him. Yusuf (a.s) knew this. He told the two youth in prison with him, “And I have followed the religion of my fathers, Ibraaheem, Ishaaq and Ya’quub. And it is not for us to associate anything with Allah. That is from the favor of Allah upon us and upon the people, but most people are not grateful.” [12:38] He knew his following of the truth was from Allah’s favor.

After he witnessed his dream come true, he made a supplication that indicated humility and attributed the favors he had to Allah. He supplicated: “My Lord! You have surely granted me authority and taught me the interpretation of dreams. Creator of the heavens and the earth! You are my Guardian in this world and the Hereafter. Cause me to die as one who submits and join me with the righteous.” [12:101]

“Indeed, your Lord is All-Knowing and All-Wise”

When facing hardships, let us remember that Allah is All-Knowing and All-Wise. He is All-Knowing of our situation and what is best for us. He is All-Wise whose wisdom is perfect. Look how much good resulted from the hardships that Yusuf (a.s) experienced. At the end, Yusuf (a.s) said, “Certainly, my Lord is Most Subtle in what He wills. He is the All-Knowing, the all-Wise.” [12:100]

Week 3: Taking Caution

“He said, “O my son! Do not relate your vision to your brothers, lest they devise a plot against you. Indeed, Satan is an open enemy to mankind.” [12:5]
قَالَ يَا بُنَيَّ لَا تَقْصُصْ رُؤْيَاكَ عَلَىٰ إِخْوَتِكَ فَيَكِيدُوا لَكَ كَيْدًا ۖ إِنَّ الشَّيْطَانَ لِلْإِنسَانِ عَدُوٌّ مُّبِينٌ

Be careful who you share your dreams with, not everyone will be happy for you. Concealing your blessings from those you fear harm from is part of protecting yourself. Before you announce your purchased home, your business plan, your travel, or your pregnancy, think it over. While brotherhood/sisterhood calls one to be supportive, some people can be overtaken by jealousy.

“Do not relate your vision to your brothers, lest they devise a plot against you”

The safety of children is a great concern for parents. Some parents teach their children how to protect themselves from the potential harm of strangers and may overlook teaching them how to protect themselves from the potential harm of people they know.

However, Ya’quub (a.s) taught both. When he sent his sons with Benyameen, he instructed them to take caution from potential harm outside the family. He said, “…O my sons, do not enter from one gate but enter from different gates and I cannot avail you against Allah at all. The decision is only for Allāh; In Him, I put my trust and let all those that trust, put their trust in Him.” [12:67]

When Yusuf (a.s) told him about his dream, he instructed him to take caution from members of his own family. He said to him, “Do not relate your vision to your brothers, lest they devise a plot against you.” These were his siblings, yet Ya’quub (a.s) did not refrain from teaching Yusuf (a.s) about safety at home. He warned Yusuf (a.s) to be cautious of sharing this news with them as there was tension between the groups of brothers of different mothers.

Children can be exposed to harm anywhere and sometimes from people least expected. You might believe children cannot comprehend such a warning; however, learning how to speak with them about safety (even at home) and having a positive relationship contributes to their comprehension. You can see the relationship Ya’quub (a.s) had with his son. Just as Yusuf (a.s) trusted his father and told him the dream he had, Ya’quub (a.s) trusted his son and gave him this advice.

Parents should be aware of their family and protect their impressionable children from siblings who may harm them or negatively influence them. As well, parents who remarry with children may wish to take caution in their blended family.

“Indeed, Satan is an open enemy to mankind.”

At the end of the story, Yusuf (a.s) says to his father, “…O my father! This is the interpretation of my dream of before! My Lord has made it come true! He was indeed good to me, when He took me out of prison, and brought you (all here) out of the bedouin-life, after Satan had sown enmity between me and my brothers.” [12:100] Notice how he did not blame his brothers and instead, understood Satan’s role in what had occurred.

Week 2: Father-son Relationship

“When Joseph said to his father, ‘O, my father, indeed I saw [in a dream] eleven stars, the sun, and the moon – I saw them prostrating to me.”
إِذْ قَالَ يُوسُفُ لِأَبِيهِ يَا أَبَتِ إِنِّي رَأَيْتُ أَحَدَ عَشَرَ كَوْكَبًا وَالشَّمْسَ وَالْقَمَرَ رَأَيْتُهُمْ لِي سَاجِدِينَ ‎

When things happen to some children, they seek help outside of the home. In contrast, Yusuf (a.s) turned to his father about what he experienced. Ya’quub (a.s) listened to his son tell him about the dream he had.

Scholars of tafseer have mentioned that the moon represents the father, the sun represents the mother, and the stars represent the brothers. Yusuf’s dream prefaced the elevation he would obtain in this life and the hereafter.

It is important that fathers establish a relationship with their children. It can be difficult for children to share what is happening or has happened to them if there is no connection. Think of who your go-to person is when something occurs. Who would you tell your dream to? That person might be someone who provides you love, care, guidance, and emotional safety. These things are needed even more by children, and they also have their go-to person(s).

Parents are like a compass for their children. They direct them to what is good and direct them away from what is bad. They are a source of guidance for them. Building a positive relationship with children allows them to feel comfortable to share what is going on in their lives. If they come to you with good news, try not to begin with skepticism. If they come to you with bad news, try not to begin with criticism. Create a safe space for them and let them know that they can talk to you about anything so that they can receive the guidance you wish for them.

Week 1: The Best of Stories

“We relate to you the best of stories through Our revelation of this Quran, though before this you were among those unaware.” [12:3]

"We relate to you the best of stories"

This can be understood that the stories in the Quran are all told in the best way. There is no better way to tell stories than the way Allah has. The stories in the Quran are the best and are conveyed in the best way.

Another understanding is that the story of Yusuf (a.s) is the best of stories. Al-Qurtubi (Allah have mercy on him) reported some reasons why this story has been referred to as the best of stories. It has been said that this is because no other story in the Quran contains the lessons and wisdom this story contains. There are lessons on parenting, blessings, effects of envy, justice, da’wah, leadership, politics, financial management, trust, forgiveness, tawakkul, patience, and more.

Yusuf (a.s) went through many trials: he was betrayed by his brothers, separated from his father, thrown in a well, sold into slavery, falsely accused of seducing the wife of al-Aziz, and unjustly incarcerated. He would be cleared of the false accusation, freed from jail, appointed to be the minister of finance, and reunited with his family. Yusuf (a.s) faced trials and retained his goodness. In the end, he saw his dream become true.

This story is also a story about Ya’quub (a.s), the father of Yusuf (a.s). We get to learn about a father’s pain in having his son taken from him and a son’s struggle while away from his father. Ya’quub (a.s) went through trials: he was separated from Yusuf (a.s), lived with those who caused his pain, trusted after hurt, and had another son separated from him. He would later reunite with his sons, witness Yusuf’s dream, and obtain harmony in his family.

When you hear of Yusuf (a.s), you may think of his physical beauty. While going over this story, you cannot help but notice how beautiful his character was too. He was the son of Ya’quub (a.s), who was the son of Ishaaq (a.s), who was the son of Ibraaheem (a.s).