Lori Holyoak Coaching

When we decide something isn’t working and we opt for making a change, sometimes people around us don’t like what we are doing.

Us humans prefer the status quo. We choose to stay stuck in what we know rather than venture into the unknown.

It can be scary. It can be messy.

But stick with it. Give it a chance.

Allow your loved one to be uncomfortable. Allow yourself to be uncomfortable for a while while you are trying on different ways of being.

Discomfort is the price of growth.

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor. —Maya Angelou

I love to look at word definitions. Especially when I have a definition firmly set in my mind.

In my mind’s eye, when I think about thrive, I see a pudgy little baby who is giggling and happy.

One of the definitions of thrive is “to grow or develop vigorously” (dictionary.com)

Could thrive be defined in a plant pushing it’s way up through rock?

These two images are contrastingly different; yet they both fit the definition of thrive.

Thriving doesn’t always involve a smile.
Thriving doesn’t always involve ease.

Are you thriving? If so, what are your companions to thriving? Passion? Compassion? Humor?

Spread your wings, my friend.

When it is time…
When you’ve been in the cocoon long enough…
When your metamorphosis is complete…
When you are ready…

When the desire to fly is greater than the desire to retract, let loose and FLY!

Enjoy the beauty this world has to offer.
It’s there.
Just waiting for you.
When you are ready, it will be too.

Do you ever feel less like yourself?

I remember looking in the mirror one time and seeing my face. It looked like me on the outside, but I didn’t feel like me on the inside.

Somedays I look at myself on the outside and don’t recognize myself, but I feel like the same person inside.

Of course we are always evolving and changing.

Do you like what you see—inside or outside?

If you do feel like yourself, metaphorically stick your hand out and say, “Nice to meet you.” Get to know the new YOU.

If you aren’t liking what you see—inside or outside—figure out what it is.

Are you experiencing some emotions you don’t like?
Do you not enjoy doing the things that used to bring you joy?
Have you let slide helpful routines?

What can you be thinking, feeling, doing that will help you feel more like yourself?

The answers lie within you.

It doesn’t feel like the light is arriving, rather that darkness is retreating. —Karl Ove Knausgaard

We have these expectations.
We want our trials to go away.
We want to be slathered in light.
We want enlightenment.

What we want doesn’t always happen.

Can we be open to it looking different than we imagine?
Instead of seeing little rays of light and hope, we notice that there is less darkness.
We don’t get the answers we seek, but the darkness is less pervasive.

Just a little bit.
Just enough.
Enough to gain some forward momentum.

Not enough to smile with our eyes, but just enough for our lips to turn upward. Just a little. Then a little more. And a little more.

There is so much relationship advice out there.

Much of it is contradictory.

Before I got married, friends and family threw a bridal shower for me. At the bridal shower, a spiral notebook was passed around. On the cover was written, “Marriage Advice for Lori and Mark.” Of course someone wrote, “Don’t go to bed angry.” That seems to be a common piece of marriage advice.

My niece’s advice was “Always go to bed angry. We are horrible communicators when we’re tired, and always communicate better when we’re well rested.”

So which is it?

It’s up to you.

Both pieces of advice are worthy of consideration!

Don’t keep doing something for years on end just because your grandma told you it was the right thing to do. If something is not working, consider other options.

What well-meaning advice have you given up?

Expanding our ability to love 💗

I love that phrase.

It’s something I aspire to.

I also love the phrase “seeing the places in our own lives.”

Because if we want to expand our ability to love, it begins with us.

If we aren’t loving someone, it is because we have chosen not to.
If we love someone, it is because we have chosen to.

Other people don’t have to change a thing.

How can you expand your ability to love?

That concludes the relationship advice of my family and friends. It was so fun for me.

Not only did it give me some great conversation starters, but it helped me connect with loved ones in a way that might not have happened otherwise.

When we ask questions we learn much from others and where they are coming from. We learn what is important to them. Each person’s advice comes from their life experience.

Besides the initial question, I often asked more questions. Learning more and more about what their statement meant.

It’s easy to go to judgement or dismiss what is important to someone else if it doesn’t resonate with you. But the more questions asked, the more understanding comes.

For example: My granddaughter said, “Giving gifts makes for a good relationship.” I might have drawn some hasty conclusions from her statement. But my follow up question was, “What’s the best gift someone has given you?” Her answer, “Love.” Asking her more questions helped me see more and more into her heart.

Ask your—partner, child, friend—for their relationship advice. Then keep asking questions. You might just learn something new and increase your love for that person.

What is your relationship advice?

: There’s more than one way to do things. Listen to learn. A new perspective can be enlightening.

(During the month I am going to be with a lot of family. I’m going to ask them for relationship advice and I’m going to share it with you.)

: Keep your heart and your arms open.

(During the month I am going to be with a lot of family. I’m going to ask them for relationship advice and I’m going to share it with you.)

: Never lose yourself within a relationship. It’s always important to care about you and your significant other.

(During the month I am going to be with a lot of family. I’m going to ask them for relationship advice and I’m going to share it with you.)

: Sometimes people don’t want the logical answer; they just want to be heard.

: Give compliments and make sure they feel just as special as you do.

(During the month of June/July I am going to be with a lot of family. I’m going to ask them for relationship advice and I’m going to share it with you.)

: Don’t just try to get your point across. Listen to the other person and try to understand.

(During the month of June I am going to be with a lot of family. I’m going to ask them for relationship advice and I’m going to share it with you.)

: Arguments and disagreements are healthy for our relationship. Working through them together have helped strengthen our relationship more than we could have ever imagined.

: She’s always right!

: Don’t assume that the other person is trying to hurt you. Communicate. Hear the other side. More than likely you will be able to understand where they are coming from.

(During the month of June I am going to be with a lot of family. I’m going to ask them for relationship advice and I’m going to share it with you.)

: Be willing to be wrong.

: Remember that the example you set for how you treat your spouse sets your children up for how they treat their spouses in the future. Dance in the kitchen. Show affection to each other. Hold hands. Speak kindly to each other.

(During the month of June I am going to be with a lot of family. I’m going to ask them for relationship advice and I’m going to share it with you.)

: Marry your best friend. It’s easier that way.

: Don’t let your relationship go into cruise control.

(During the month of June I am going to be with a lot of family. I’m going to ask them for relationship advice and I’m going to share it with you.)

: Always go to bed angry. We are horrible communicators when we’re tired, and always communicate better when we’re well rested.

: Always take your time to respond.

(During the month of June I am going to be with a lot of family. I’m going to ask them for relationship advice and I’m going to share it with you.)

: Lead with love. Give grace.

(During the month of June I am going to be with a lot of family. I’m going to ask them for relationship advice and I’m going to share it with you.)

: Life is chaos. Strive for stability and consistency.

: Life is already stressful, so have fun. Be present with the person you are talking to because that’s where they feel most loved and heard. Do the best you can.

(During the month of June I am going to be with a lot of family. I’m going to ask them for relationship advice and I’m going to share it with you.)

: Be in tune so you can help lift the burdens of those you care about.

(During the month of June I am going to be with a lot of family. I’m going to ask them for relationship advice and I’m going to share it with you.)

: Keep your family close.

(During the month of June I am going to be with a lot of family. I’m going to ask them for relationship advice and I’m going to share it with you.)

: You have to work on yourself if you want to have a good relationship. The more you work on yourself, the better you’ll be able to be present and show up for the people you care for.

(During the month of June I am going to be with a lot of family. I’m going to ask them for relationship advice and I’m going to share it with you.)

: Life is hard enough, so keep your relationship silly. Make jokes half way through arguments.

(During the month of June I am going to be with a lot of family. I’m going to ask them for relationship advice and I’m going to share it with you.)

Me: Tell me about one of your friendships.
: Sometimes we have problems bc we like to do different things.
Me: What do you do during those times?
: We take a break from each other and sometimes we find things we like to do together.

Me: How do you make new friends?
: I say, “Hi, my name is Jack. What’s your name?”

(During the month of June I am going to be with a lot of family. I’m going to ask them for relationship advice and I’m going to share it with you.)

: It is important to spend time together.

(During the month of June I am going to be with a lot of family. I’m going to ask them for relationship advice and I’m going to share it with you.)

: Prioritize having fun Me: And we did prioritize fun 🤩 Yesterday was my birthday #57 and she treated me to an amazing spa day ❤️

(During the month of June I am going to be with a lot of family (and friends). I’m going to ask them for relationship advice and I’m going to share it with you.)

: Think about the other person ❤️ Give it time ❤️ Enjoy the moments

: Do things together ❤️ Ask, “What can I do for you today?”

(During the month of June I am going to be with a lot of family (and friends). I’m going to ask them for relationship advice and I’m going to share it with you.)

Care about the things they care about, even if you aren’t interested at first.

(During the month of June I am going to be with a lot of family. I’m going to ask them for relationship advice and I’m going to share it with you.)

Me: What relationship advice do you have for couples?
: Give each other grace and each person should give 100%

(During the month of June I am going to be with a lot of family. I’m going to ask them for relationship advice and I’m going to share it with you.)

Me: What makes relationships great?
: Spending time together

(During the month of June I am going to be with a lot of family. I’m going to ask them for relationship advice and I’m going to share it with you.)