Motherhood Truths

I can’t believe it’s been 4 years since this little guy was born and changed my world.
Aren, I’m so grateful to be your mama. Love you so much ❤️

Fu*k Covid, fu*k everything…
After spending what seemed like eternity watching my little guy cry his heart out about not wanting to go to nursery, I wanted to pour a glass of wine for breakfast! And that’s when I knew things were bad. It was a startling wake up call of how crap I feel. This is not about a toddler tantrum, it’s more, much more….. and it’s been brewing like a pressure cooker about to blow its whistle.
I’m angry😤 I'm angry at Covid for keeping me away from my loved ones for so long. I’m angry at governments for continually messing up at the expense of families, especially women and children. I’m angry at patriarchy and despite it being 2021, women still remain fearful of their everyday existence. I’m angry at men for not doing better. I’m angry that the female voice is not heard. I’m angry that I can’t change the world. I’m angry at not being where I want to be.
But most of all I’m scared. Scared for my son, scared for our future, scared of what Covid has revealed about the world we live in. I literally have no answers and no words of wisdom.
I guess I just need to sit with this, ride the tidal wave and look for glimmers of hope. I know they are out there somewhere…❤

Aren went back to nursery today for the first time since last year. By Friday last week I was desperate for him to go back, as I could see that we both needed a break, a change in our lives. Something that would transcend day-to-day lockdown and provide us with things we needed as individuals. I know he loved being home with me, but I could also see that he needed friends, space to be a child and be with his peers. It was a hard call, as fear got the better of me over the weekend as I kept getting fed stories about the dangers of him being in nursery in times of Covid-19 and the repercussions this may have. Yet, we bit the bullet and despite him telling me numerous times that he is not going, he walked straight in the door when we got to school! I returned home looking forward to sipping a hot cup of coffee and taking a sigh of relief. But instead, my heart feels heavy. I still don’t know if I did the right thing and hope he will be safe, but more than anything I miss him! And this is what I was not prepared for. I don’t think I realised until this morning what this incredible ball of energy has done to me. Of course I knew I loved him with all my heart, but in these crazy times, we just don’t get a chance to really acknowledge this or have the space to feel it. I can’t wait to pick him up! But by bedtime, I’m sure I’ll be looking forward to the drive to nursery tomorrow morning!!!

Happy UK Mother’s Day to my amazing mama! I know I rarely say it, but you are my rock. Your strength and courage over the years has been inspirational. Thank you for all that you do.
I wish we could be together today, but hopefully soon.
I love you and miss you # # #

I found this in my inbox today and what timing…feeling all these things so strongly today!

This post nearly didn’t happen, hence my late-night posting! But how could I not write anything on today of all days.
This International Women’s Day has taken me by surprise. It has rattled me. My feelings are so conflicting that my ten plus attempts at writing a blog have now been ditched. Mainly because all the thoughts in my head are impossible to articulate.
But what I do know, is that I do not want a special day to celebrate and discuss the needs of half the world’s population, as if they are a second thought. I want more....
When I started Motherhood Truths I had no idea of the journey that I was about to embark on. I have heard things from mothers that have shocked me, angered me, warmed my heart and brought me to tears. But what is most evident to me, is the need for change, not tomorrow, not next year, but today.
We deserve better.
Happy International Women's Day!

It is only 2 in the afternoon and I am already depleted! What started off as an easy quiet morning, exploded into fireworks of emotions, frustration and bad behaviour by a nearly 4 year old and his 47 year old mother! As I reflect on what went wrong, I realise it is quite simple. I forced things and tried to move the day in a direction that was not right for me or him, just because I felt we should do stuff. In fact, we did not need to anything today, we could have stayed home, watched tv, played and laughed about silly stuff. I knew Aren was having a lethargic day from the onset and too much stimulation and activity was not needed. He even told me, in a way a toddler does. My point here is this. We all know that we should listen to our kids and of course we do. That is why their ever-demanding needs for snacks, water, books, play etc. are met. But sometimes, listening is much deeper, more subtle. It is tuning into the unspoken, the feelings, the momentum…. If I learnt anything from how s**tty I feel right now, it is to endeavour to do this from now on and to hell with everything else. I got this!

This is for all you pregnant mamas out there!
Pregnancy is such a mixed bag of emotions, as well as a transformation of your physical being. Each pregnancy is different and there is no perfect recipe to prepare yourself for birth.
I know the women I have spoken to in the last year, have many more challenges and anxieties to contend with, than I could ever imagine.
In these challenging times, it is even more important to empower yourself with information. Know your rights and make sure you own them! Remember, it is your body and your baby!
Birth Forward - Cyprus are doing amazing work campaigning and supporting pregnant women. If you need advice and support, please contact them.
If you have a pregnancy or birth story you would like to share, or advice to other pregnant mamas out there, please send me your stories. You can remain anonymous if you prefer. PM for more info.

I am feeling so exhausted these days. I have an ever growing to do list, deadlines looming, and I cannot seem to concentrate to even write one blog. I had big plans to get stuff done today, but gave up after breakfast and instead just went with where the day led us. No plans, no agenda. Just a morning of playing Aren’s favourite dance songs and baking chocolate chip muffins. And so what if half the packet of chocolate chips were consumed by Aren in the baking process!!! They still taste fab 😊 Now it’s time to light the barbeque and crack open a beer. I will get to that to do list another day...

Lockdown Part 2
It was only 3 weeks ago that in a live chat with Georgie’s Mummy, I said that I enjoyed last year’s lockdown, as it gave us family time we would not normally have. 11 months later and after 2 weeks of full lockdown, it somehow feels different this time. Yes, I know I should count my blessings, and I have got it easier than some. But, this s**t is hard. It feels scarier than before, more real, and my only child feels like he has multiplied by 5! I know I am not alone in this, so for all you parents out there who are losing their minds…I’m with you! It is exhausting and the fact that you are still standing and haven’t killed the kids yet, is credit to you all!

Sometimes you just need to feel free and jump in muddy puddles!!!

I have been Mrs Positive since the start of new year. Expressing my gratitude and conveying hopefulness for better days ahead. But today I have come down from my tree of hope with a big f**king bump. I am trying hard not to sink, and a few gin and tonic’s have thankfully saved me from downing, but I cannot hide from feeling scared, disillusioned, and exhausted. Frankly it’s all a bit s**t and when you add a testing, determined, impulsive 3 year old into the mix, the urge to run away is overwhelming. As I gulp down another G and T, I can only hope for a better tomorrow. Cheers and good night # # #

Here is an extract from mum, Sophia Papastavrou Faustmann on her experience of parenting during Covid-19. To read her empowering story in full, please visit the Motherhood Truths website: https://motherhoodtruths.com/project/parenting-and-mental-health-during-covid19/
The new normal….
It took a pandemic for my partner to see what I usually accomplish in a day while working remotely from home. Working remotely before the pandemic you say? Well yes, I advocated and lobbied for remote work with my employer so I could manage both childcare and work.
Fast forward to COVID-19 and the lockdown in Cyprus: When my partner and I were both working from home along with our little one having had online classes; the idea of home and work became completely blurred. While it should have been a relief to see my partner doing more co-parenting and additional care in our home, a part of me found it completely infuriating to see that it took a lockdown for “this” to occur [Note: cleaning assistance and babysitter gone]. When I say “‘this” to occur, I mean being on equal footing with my co-parent.
While I am not a single parent woman, I often have felt alone in my co-parenting due to the gender gap. The mental load and the general invisibility of my labour in my role as both mother and woman parent, as well as primary caregiver, has led me to question how we prioritize the well-being of women. Mental fatigue has long set-in and I have been unable to release myself from its grip entirely. During COVID-19, research found that women were experiencing increased levels of anxiety, depression, and chronic fatigue. The need to have an honest discussion around depression and mental health has never been greater.
As I write this, I know that many of my friends will leave their current jobs to care for children, the sick or the elderly in the pandemic. Some have even chosen to quit working so they could home school. Shifting the gender norms that perpetuate inequality and empowering fathers and engaging them in this mental and physical load is paramount if we intend to see women in the workforce.
My partner and I talk about this a lot. I continue to talk about what primary caregivers mean, what is required of the mental load of childcare and how we can better create a household that allows both of us to flourish equally. It took a pandemic for my co-parent to meet me on equal footing. The process is ongoing on how we can empower men as primary caregivers and change the narrative of what it means to be a male parent. It is time to push for a society that prioritizes the lives of women and their mental health in this pandemic. This needs to be the new normal.

Parenting and mental health during Covid-19 - Motherhood Truths It took a pandemic to show my partner what I usually accomplish in a day while working remotely from home for the largest nongovernmental (NGO) provider of clean water in the developing world.

Feeling super energised and inspired after an amazing chat with the awesome Eleni, aka Georgie's Mummy / Cyprus We talked about all things motherhood, including lockdown, parenting and the need for change. If you missed the live chat, you can watch it here: https://www.instagram.com/p/CKQxB_Ch8tz/

I am absolutely buzzing after this amazing chat I had with Shirin from @motherhoodtruthscy ❤️ We talked about lockdown and parenting and the Cyprus project report that Shirin conducted on the motherhood truths of mothers in Cyprus. ❤️❤️❤️

I'm super excited to have been invited to chat live with the every inspiring Eleni, aka Georgie's Mummy / Cyprus. Join us at 10.30 tomorrow morning to hear us to talk some real home truths about motherhood and much more: https://www.instagram.com/georgiesmummy/

This motherhood thing is testing me again. My buttons are being pushed and I feel like I'm failing. So after a morning of power struggles and intense emotions...from both me and Aren, I just needed time to take a moment and breathe. Nothing like a hot cup of tea to make everything feel a little better :) ❤️

Keep calm and love Peppa Pig!
Although nurseries are still open, I gave in to fear and kept Aren at home with me, as cases of COVID-19 continue to rise. I acted on my gut feeling, which is often all we can do as parents. I might be right or wrong, but since I do not have a full-time job right now, I have the luxury to make such a choice and do not have the challenge of work to contend with. I know not everyone is in such a position and parents are being forced to be in situations that are extremely challenging, and the load is enormous.
In our case it has only been a week, but so far so good. I am trying to take each day as it comes, and when I am struggling, I remind myself that normal routine will return. I hope sooner rather than later for both of our sakes!
I am trying to be kind to myself and did not even beat myself when Aren overdosed on Peppa Pig the other day. I did try everything to prize him away, but I was told “I love Peppa too much”. In the past I would have condemned myself to be a bad mum, but I know now that is simply not true. Because each day, each hour and each minute is different. The next day he had hours of fresh air, bouncing from one thing to the next!
If you are struggling, please be compassionate with yourself. The world is crazy right now and you cannot be everything and everyone to your kids. Just offer what you can. In these uncertain times, what our kids need more than anything is to feel loved and secure, so if a day of Peppa Pig and cuddles is what they need, then let it be.
This is a wonderful piece of advice by Catriona Golden, a Principle from a Primary School in Ireland. Hope it helps, especially for all you parents struggling with home schooling right now.
https://www.facebook.com/catriona.bhaoill/posts/10158105893092840

This New Year’s Eve may not be the one many of us planned, but if this year taught me anything, it’s that life doesn’t necessarily go to plan. As I sit here with a drink in hand, reflecting on the year, I realise that despite everything, I am grateful. Grateful that everyone I know and love is safe and well. Because if I learnt one thing this year, it is not to sweat the small stuff. So tonight I am sending out my gratitude to the universe and hope for a better year ahead for all of us. Sending you positive vibes for the new year. # # #

I know a lot of us are struggling right now. It’s been a tough year for everyone and harder for some than others. At times I have found myself riding the waves like a competent body surfer, whilst at other times feeling like someone has just pushed me overboard.
I am no stranger to anxiety, but it has been a long while since I have had an ‘episode’. However, this week it came knocking at my door and it was a shock. I felt the fear enter my life again, but somehow, I knew I would be ok, because motherhood has changed me.
I often talk about the struggles and challenges I have faced and continue to. But Aren has also changed me for the better. He brought me out of myself and I pull myself up because my little man needs me, and that brings me strength, as well as a huge loving heart!
So today as I sit here, I just feel like I am encompassing the very emotions I have felt of recent times, minus the anger. Sorrow, longing, anxiousness, exhaustion, hope, love, and gratitude. But most of all a feeling of being present. It’s a mixture of pain and comfort. And its ok. Because if Aren taught me anything, it is that things change, feelings pass, and all that we have is this moment.

The harsh reality of motherhood in Cyprus
Some of my Cyprus based followers may have heard in the news of a case of single mother being arrested for leaving her 3 underage children unattended at home. I have thought a lot about this woman over the course of the week, reflecting on my own situation and some of the conversations I had with mothers other the last few months. I was reluctant about writing something, but if I am going to give kudos to all those who have reached out to me since starting Motherhood Truths then I have to say something.
What this case indicates to me again is how the Cypriot system (regardless of where you live) is failing mothers. As Justice Minister of the Republic of Cyprus, Emily Yiolitis tweeted, “no mother chooses to go to work and leave her minor children at home alone. She does it out of despair [or] out of great need.”
I do not know the mother’s circumstances. However, I do know that there is a serious lack of support for mothers out there, especially single mothers.The mothers I have spoken to have repeatedly told me they need financial support, and because of the financial situation families today find themselves in, women have to work regardless of whether they want to or not. Moreover, childcare is big issue for mothers. In the survey I conducted this summer, 71% of mothers working outside of the home said they relied on extended families for childcare. The brunt of this burden tends to fall on grandmothers who are proving unpaid labour in the form of childcare, to support families where the state is failing.
The case also reminded me reminded me of a conversation I had with a mother who spoke of how the system in Cyprus serves only Cypriots, and even in this case, not very well. What she pointed out is how the current system fails all mothers, but the vulnerable and those from minority groups suffer even more.
I myself do not have any of my own family in Cyprus and I miss the emotional support that comes from that. But I’m very fortunate to have my husband’s family who love and care for my son greatly. I’m also able to afford childcare and I’m not battling raising a child on my own. If I place myself in the shoes of a single mother of 3 children and take a moment to imagine the emotional, physical and financial responsibility, it is simply overwhelming.
And this brings me to my next point. I do not know the circumstances of the father in the case that I have referred to. I did actually try to find out from the English media reports, but nothing was mentioned. This in itself is interesting and signifies what is evident in Cypriot society and what prevailed from the majority of the women I have spoken with. The role of parenting and the responsibility that comes with it often falls to mothers and they feel it. Even in relationships where fathers are equal parenting, mechanisms outside of the immediate family structure always call on the mother as the primary carer.
Simply look at the paternity leave given in Cyprus – 2 weeks in the Republic of Cyprus, and 3 days “compassionate leave” in the northern side. This in itself sets an assumption that it is the woman who should care for a child. In countries where mothers and children are happiest, are where parental leave is shared, where all children are entitled to affordable childcare, where the role of parenting is viewed and undertaken as a shared responsibility.
We have a long way to go in Cyprus, but change is possible, and I hope it happens sooner rather than later. Mothers, children and families deserve better.

I’ve wanted to write a personal blog for a while, but I’m in one of those phases a dear friend of mine calls “torturous unproductive limbo”. And it really doesn’t sit well with me. I have all these things in my head and grand plans to implement, but I just can’t seem to put anything into action and I’m side tracked constantly.
This then leads me to feel inadequate, guilty and unfulfilled.
Guilt. A therapist once told me that guilt is one of the most useless emotions one can have, as you can’t do anything with it. I remember when I heard this, I thought how true it was, but it didn’t resonate in a personal sense as I didn’t feel like I carried a whole heap of guilt on my shoulders. I don’t know if it was becoming a mother or a new realisation about my true self, but I now know how wrong I was.
I always feel guilty about things! I think that’s why motherhood is sometimes so challenging for me because when I get s**t wrong, the guilt I have is immense. When I put myself before my child, my relationship or all the ridiculous social norms that are thrown at us as women and mothers, then I think I’m being selfish. And I know I’m not alone in this. But if I know one thing, it’s this. When I’m doing well emotionally and physically, so is my son. It’s a huge responsibility but if we tune into to our own needs, it could be our saving grace.
So, all you mamas out there, please take a moment today to take some time out for yourself. Even if it’s 15 minutes. Whether it be to savour a hot drink, call a friend, do some meditation or a short work out, read a book. Whatever you need and want. Because you matter.
In flights they always tell you to put your own oxygen mask on yourself first before helping others. You can be of no help to anyone until you help yourself.
Thank you to all those who have enlightened me and keep on doing so 😊

Thank you Cyprus Mail and Alix Norman
“Maternity leave. Co-parenting. Emotional support. Choices about childbirth and childcare… Turns out the mums of Cyprus are Not Happy, and they’re speaking out about their issues. It’s all there, in the definitive report on Motherhood in Cyprus, and it’s an eye-opener….”
I'm so grateful to all of you who spoke up. Together we can make a change.
https://cyprus-mail.com/2020/11/28/new-report-shows-truth-of-motherhood-in-cyprus/?fbclid=IwAR3gElBl-48GktMVP9EB6DxWoVVGIhoytcBRDEp2pHQb9kvYANHLOPOM5wc

New report shows truth of motherhood in Cyprus | Cyprus Mail Maternity leave. Co-parenting. Emotional support. Choices about childbirth and childcare... Turns out the mums of Cyprus are Not Happy, and they’re speaking out about their issues. It’s all there, in the definitive report on Motherhood in Cyprus, and it’s an eye-opener.... Funded by the EU’s...

Sunday Fun :)

I’m feeling so humbled to finally share the findings of the work conducted over the summer and to officially launch the report: Motherhood in Cyprus: Findings and recommendations on the needs of mothers in Cyprus.
This 20-page report – available in English and Turkish – includes the experiences of over 200 women from across Cyprus. I hope this report will play a pivotal role in advocating for the change that mothers living in Cyprus truly deserve.
I would like to thank each and every one of you who has spoken up. Without your voices, this report would never have been possible. This is just the beginning. Let's stay connected, keep on sharing and work together to push for change!

Read here: https://bit.ly/329wleH

Motherhood Truths | Parenting Blog | Motherhood Stories - Motherhood Truths An open and honest parenting blog revealing the truth about motherhood. Motherhood Truths is a platform that allows mothers to share their stories and be wholeheartedly honest in their joy and struggles of motherhood.

A change is as good as a rest! And sometimes we just need to stop thinking about the ifs and buts and take a leaf of faith. What’s the worst that can happen? You may even love the end result 😉

It’s been an intense few months. When I began this Motherhood Truths journey I thought I had an idea of what it would be like and what it would entail. But like most of 2020, things have been far from what I envisaged. But in this case, that’s not a bad thing. It’s been all encompassing, touching and uplifting to connect with you all. It’s driven me to push my comfort zone in a time when I already feel out of sorts. This year has made me realize many things. I’ve tried to roll with the punches and at times I’ve needed to stay down and catch my breath, before standing strong again. I promised the launch of the report which encompasses all what you’ve shared. I know I’m late. I’m not breaking my promise, but I just need some space to take everything in. I haven’t forgotten you. I will be back with you next week. But for today, I need this space....

Motherhood Truths updated their website address.

You’ve spoken, I’ve listened and the report on the needs of mothers in Cyprus will be available online very soon :) Watch this space!

Can't wait to share the Motherhood Truths website with you. Hope you'll like it as much as I do :) Launching this Thursday!

No comment...

Carrying on from the last post about a mother and father’s experience of parenting, I really wanted to share this blog with you.
I read it after what felt like an exhausting day where I was questioning my parenting, my child’s behaviour, as well as the world at large. At times I am amazed by my son, both in a negative and positive way! His energy is endless; he says things that astound me, he’s bossy as hell, super funny, shockingly smart, temperamental, and has the determination of an ox. His personality is huge. Too huge at times.
I know I shouldn’t, but I compare him to other kids. Especially to those sweet, obedient, quiet children who cheated me into thinking that motherhood would be picture perfect. So, when I saw a blog entitled, ‘Having a Toddler Who Doesn't Like to Listen Is Really a Blessing in Disguise’,
I couldn’t help but open it.
I needed to feel reassured that the challenging days I feel now will all be worth it. As soon as I started reading, I was hooked. It had me in fits of laughter and at the same time I felt less alone. I didn’t notice the name of the author at the top of the page so as I read it I was surprised to find it was written by a father.
Why you may ask? Truth be told I’m not really sure. But, it was just so refreshing to read a fatherhood truth.
My discussions with mothers over the last few months have brought up many different variations and experiences of partners, husbands, the roles of fathers and the support they offer. It’s been uplifting, frustrating and even saddening to hear what mothers have experienced. I hope to reveal some of these truths in the form of a recommendations report that will be out soon. And in answer to some of your questions, yes, I do hope to collect fatherhood truths too. It’s another project on my list!

P.S. The bit in which he says, ‘At every turn, I hear my own voice and, man, I get so tired of the sound of it’, rings so true for me!

Having a Toddler Who Doesn't Like to Listen Is Really a Blessing In Disguise It's not all doom and gloom, there's a major silver lining

Here is a Turkish speaking mum’s story, where she not only reveals her own feelings and experiences about the early days of motherhood, but talks about her husband’s.
A really heartfelt and honest insight into both a mother and father’s journey.
Story is available in English below.

"Oğlum doğduktan sonra, eşim yalnız 3 gün izin alabildi. 1 günü zaten evrak işleriyle geçti. Kalan 2 günde ise pek bir faydasını görmedim. Hatta ilk 1 ay nerdeyse hiç faydasını görmedim. Çocukla yalnız kalmaktan, eline almaktan korkuyordu.
Bir gün sinirlendim; çocukla ilgilen biraz neden almıyorsun kucağına diyerek çıkıştım. Bana ‘ona zarar veririm diye korkuyorum’ dedi. O an kendimi onun yerine koydum. Haklı olabilirdi. Babalarda babalık sonradan oluşurmuş derlerdi hep. Benim için en başından hiç sıkıntı olmadı, doğar doğmaz sanki bir gecede ne yapacağım beynime, hareketlerime yüklenmiş gibiydi, yıllardır biliyormuşum gibi her hareketimden emindim. Eşime de zaman verdim. Zamanla alıştı, akşamlarını gazını çıkarmaya başladı en azından. 2 aylık olduğunda parka yürüyüşe bile gidebiliyorlardı yalnız. Bu o zamanlar için büyük bi ödüldü benim için.
Kendine ait yarım saatinin olması bile nasıl bir duygu anneler biliyordur."

"After my son was born, my husband was only able to take 3 days off work. One day was taken up with paperwork. I did not see much benefit in the remaining 2 days. In fact, I did not see any benefit in the first month. He was afraid of being alone with the child, of taking him in his arms. One day I got angry and told him to get involved with the baby and asked why he didn’t hold him.
He said, 'I'm afraid I'll hurt him'. At that moment I put myself in his shoes. He could have been right. They always say that fatherhood develops later in fathers. It was no problem for me from right from the beginning, I felt confident. It was like I just knew what to do as soon as my son was born, as if I had known for years. I gave my husband time and eventually he started winding the baby in the evenings. When my son was 2 months old, he would even take him to the park for a walk on his own. This was a huge reward for me back then. All mothers know what it feels like to have half an hour to themselves."

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