To Logan With Love

IRREPLACEABLE: No matter how much time passes, no matter how long or short a time they were here, no matter how many babies come after, no matter how many people do or don't remember -- your baby will always matter.

Your baby is remembered, loved and can never, ever be replaced.

Tonight at 7pm local time, light a candle and join us in Wave of Light, honour all the little ones who left us who were and are so loved and left too soon.

Swipe through and send a note to a loved one.
Logan, my sweet, keeping you extra close to my heart today. Momma loves you endlessly ❤

So beautifully done. This is one for all the grieving families missing their babies ❤

Hospital creates 'unbirth' announcement for grieving would-be parents Sunnybrook Hospital and No Fixed Address's ' ' also features a baby ad blocker to prevent triggering content

TAKE A BREAK: We often feel like we need to fit everything on our "to-do" list into a certain time frame, whether it's a project at work, an (often unrealistic) expectation of how we should look or be for a special event, right down to how our ideal family should be. We often burn out driving ourselves to fit into our own limits, sacrificing ourselves to near impossible deadlines or manage things we can't control.

If you needed a sign today, this is it: it's okay to take a break. You know what it is, that thing that's been sitting heavy on your heart that you can't seem to pull away from, despite how much it's been weighing on your mind. It's tough, I know, but sometimes we need time to step back, regroup and recharge.

Create a kinder, more loving world by being more loving and kind to yourself. It's okay to step back. Take a breath. Take a break.

TO MY FIRST LITTLE: We don't have bump photos, and we only had a short time together... but your existence promoted me to Momma and opened up a world I didn't think possible. You were hiding in my belly in this photo, and I dreamed of telling you how we painted this together while it hung in your nursery.
Though it'll be in your little brother/sister's room instead, it's a beautiful reminder of you. You are missed, loved and cherished with every single breath of every single day.
Mother's Day for me will always be in two places now, because wherever you are, a part of me will be with you. Have lots of adventures and we'll do the same here, so when we meet again, we'll have so much more to talk about. Be a good older brother and watch over your baby brother/sister for me, okay?
Love you, Bug. Thank you for being the first reason I get to have Mother's Day. ❤
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"I'D LOVE TO HAVE HER PROBLEMS": I would naively think go myself after watching person after person (after person!) fall pregnant. I would quietly listen to them rant about exhaustion and morning sickness, needing to get the nursery ready and having to go for blood draws, then think to myself, "You think you have it bad -- I would gladly take on all of that to have my baby. Or another baby. At this rate, ANY baby I could take home." But now being on the flipside of things, I can honestly say that I am eating my words.
Pregnancy after loss has not been easy. It has been an emotional landmine of honouring Logan's memory and shielding this baby from the weight of my own grief. It has been test after test waiting for the other shoe to drop, and then hating myself for thinking that when it did. It's been trying to be grateful for everything, despite wanting to cry when things have been too overwhelming to manage. There are times I want to share everything and unload it all on someone else, and sometimes I don't want to even deal with that because I end up having to be strong for that person too.
...But then this kiddo gives a little wiggle and nudges from the inside, and I pick myself up out of the fog and know I need to keep going. I didn't think it would be this hard, but if it means you're here and I'm helping you, we'll keep going.
If you are dealing with the ups and downs of pregnancy after loss, I'm with ya. Keep going, Mama.
And congratulations - you're already a great mom.

STILL STANDING: Pregnancy and Infant Loss can be so debilitating. Some days you're fine, some days you're numb, some days feel like they're going to break you. Regardless of where you are on your journey, you're still here. We are here for you. You may not always feel courageous or strong or happy, but you can do this.

Keep going.

You're still standing.

We're standing with you.

No matter where you are in the book, no matter how many twists and turns there have been, just remember - your story isn't finished just yet.
@ Somewhere in the World

"BUT IS THIS YOUR FIRST?" -- With this pregnancy, the answers I give are more complex. That first time momma glow when I get asked if about this pregnancy is coloured differently with remembering Logan, how little he was when he left, how much we love and miss him even as we celebrate his sibling passing milestones he never got to reach.

A question I've been hearing a lot during these first few weeks has been, "Is this your first pregnancy?" "No," I always respond. "This is my second. I miscarried at 7 weeks."

"...but is this your first baby?"

Ouch.

The long answer is -- Logan is and will always be our first baby. Just because I didn't get to swaddle him, feed him and watch him grow doesn't erase him from our family. He is just as loved and cherished as his younger sibling. My heart carries 2 babies now, regardless of how long they're with me, regardless of what people see or rationalise in their minds.

I reply, "This is the first one that's made it this far."

Because it is -- and because I won't erase Logan to fit a box for you.
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"How many kids so you have?" It's one of the simplest yet most complicated questions loss moms answer.
Sometimes she doesn't want to explain the complexities of her life so she'll give you the answer you want to hear: all living kids, all the ones that show up in photos when she pulls up her phone.
It doesn't devalue the one she's missing, the one that died and she cried out for. She still loves that one too & thinks quietly, "If I didn't count that one, what does that mean?"
It means she's just trying to survive the day, even if it means her heart cracks a bit in the process.
If you're a loss parent, it's okay to not want to explain how many, but don't be afraid to include all your babies - even the ones not with us.

THE NOPE SERIES: "Just relax."

Every time I hear this phrase, I wonder how effective it is. During my fertility journey, I've learned that (in my case specifically) stress may be an underlying factor in our chances of conceiving: I'm a naturally anxious person, my husband and I both have high-stress careers that we are heavily invested in, and treating an often misunderstood medical condition like infertility often leads to some high-stress situations. I think about it all the time.

You think of the 10 trillion things that could have gone wrong, question your value as a person, question why this something "so simple" has eluded you yet again. Then you try to improve and change what you can while at the same time reminding yourself that babies are not the be all and end all, despite the constant bombardment of ads with babies, children's parties and pregnancy announcements. Oh, and remember to make time to relax.

Telling someone anxious and managing infertility to just relax feels a lot like telling a depressed person to just get over it and be happy - I would if I could, but that's not how it works. Infertility takes a physical and emotional toll. Every month you hope, and every unsuccessful month, you're crushed.

There's been a post circulating lately reminding us go be kind, especially when we don't know someone's private struggle - I challenge us to take it a step further: what can we do to lessen someone's burden, lighten their load? Help with a meal, send a kind note, or even buy them a coffee, just because. Telling someone to relax may not work, but hopefully an act of kindness will remind them they're not so alone in their struggle.

IT'S NOT EASIER: I hated waiting for my turn during those follow up appointments, the ones after Logan died. I overheard story after story of women and their pregnancies - how excited all these people were to be parents (again, if not for the first time), how they all knew their due dates, how they all ended up at the same hospital as me because something went wrong but was put of their control...⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Being one of many makes it no easier. We just aren't alone jn how we're feeling. It's both sad and comforting all at once, and becomes the first experience of many where sorrow and joy hold hands and walk together through our lives.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

ANNOUNCEMENT: I'm so honoured and excited to take part in the virtual market on the same month as . In support of the , a portion of vendor table fees will go towards raising money for cradle cots in hospitals across the country.
Use code SWPOCTOBER on our website this weekend for 20% off all products and let a grieving and healing momma (or poppa!) know that their baby is forever loved ❤

While going through my phone and I came across this smiling face. I miss him lots but I like to think Logan's got the fluffiest furry friend to share snacks with in heaven, and my heart mends a little from missing both of them.

There are some people in my life I just know were placed on my path to help me navigate through Logan's life and purpose. My path has been shaped by their support & I am eternally grateful.
Who is that person who helped (or is helping) you get through a difficult season in your life? Tag them here and show them how much you appreciate them ❤
(PS: I ran out of tags, but you know who you are! Thank you from the bottom of my heart)
Graphic credit:

ASKING FOR HELP: I love telling myself that I am a strong, independent woman. I love the feeling of being accomplished, of being capable to take on challenges, of being able to be a good role model within my family, within my community.

There are also times though where I am tired, where I wear myself down to the point of exhaustion, and I avoid asking for help so as not to "be a burden" on other people.

These times don't exist to expose our weakness, they're to remind us of our humanity - that despite all the perseverance and endurance we can muster, we are human & we need each other.

My darling fellow human, your community loves you. You are never a burden to carry, you are a person that is loved and cherished. Reach out if you need help. Sometimes the words don't come out but we want to be here for you. Let us know what you need.

We're all in this together. ❤

SOMETIMES RAINBOWS, SOMETIMES RAIN: No doubt about it - rainbow babies are beautiful. They are a ray of sunshine in an incredibly difficult chapter of life, a baby born after their equally loved older sibling died before taking their first breath.

But life has many chapters and many books - the stories are all carved a different way, with varying chapters and unique outcomes. Not all baby loss stories have a baby at the end: some are hoped for and never come, some come but stay for only a short while like their siblings, some don't come at all because other kinds of rainbows in the form of different dreams and plans take their place.

Not all rainbows come as babies, but all rainbows are beautiful.

However your rainbow comes, I hope your eyes are wide open to see it, and your cracked heart is mended enough to hold it when you receive it.

To all you Mommas and Poppas holding your rainbows, hoping for rainbows or missing your rainbow -- today is for you too.

Wishing all a gentle Rainbow Baby Day filled with love, grace & hope.

THERE IS NO "AT LEAST": Nothing about pregnancy loss is small. Not how pregnant you were, not the emotions you feel, not the grief that you cope with.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Hearing the words "at least" doesn't make the burden lighter, it compounds it - adds to the doubt, adds to the guilt, adds to the giant hole in your heart that your baby leaves behind.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Respect that parent's loss.
Honour that baby's life.
Acknowledge the love that family had for their baby.
There is no minimising it: there is no "at least".⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

NO CLICHÉS, ONLY COMFORT: Sometimes phrases stand the test of time because of their truth and wisdom.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Sometimes they just stick around because no one knew what else to say.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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But most of the time, it's not the words that we need, it's comfort they try to offer.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

BE THERE: People are so hard on themselves sometimes.... they always want to have perfect and eloquent words to say when someone is suffering or in pain, to have the words to heal and to remove all of the hurt the other person is feeling.
But there's something beautiful too about saying nothing, of the imperfection of not knowing what to say and being there anyway.
You don't need to be perfect. Your presence is a perfect enough.

So excited for my first virtual market! There are a lot of vendors with small businesses and big hearts. Look at the new cards and check out all the amazing shops!

To my Heaven Babe on your first birthday:

Dear Logan,

A year ago today was supposed to be the day we welcomed you to the world, the day we got to see who you got your eyes from and what you would be like. It was supposed to be the beginning of decades of summer birthdays, life lessons, trips to anywhere and everywhere. Instead, I only get to feel you're near when butterflies flutter around me and when streetlamps flicker in the night. All I've taken home from the OB wing have been hospital bracelets and that little brown teddy bear. We'll just have to keep going without you for a while. We'll just have to keep talking about you because your stay changed us. Thanks for making us want to be better. Happy birthday my sweet babe. We only miss you when we're breathing.
1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. Change the conversation. Start the conversation. Honour those angel babies. Support grieving parents. It's okay to talk about it -- the silence is the worst part.