𝕹𝖊𝖚𝖗𝖔.𝕾𝖕𝖎𝖈𝖞.𝕰𝖒𝖕𝖆𝖙𝖍

The world is really noisy. Like, we take in so much information!

We perceive so many perspectives. For me It makes the noise in my head too loud sometimes and It’s difficult to understand what my thoughts are vs the others.

I love how I can get high doses of information, don’t get me wrong. It’s a crazy age we live in, But mannnnnn, It’s got me a bit burnt out.

Love y’all, take a break from scrolling and digesting all of what is and will be 🖤✨.

ALSO PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS….

Drink some water, breathe, let yourself settle! You got this, keep going.

Sorry I’ve been MIA (life is well… life)

I have reached a point where I am recognizing when I’m intellectualizing my emotions.

Did you know that your feelings/trauma ect actually live in the body and when we use our minds we aren’t actually addressing the true depth of what is coming up?

I realized this a while ago and I think it’s okay to start at a point where you I just trying to learn and understand when the feelings come up! So yes think about them learn when and why they show up. However after you gain that understanding it’s important to start feeling them and really seeing them, as over analyzing them is NOT feeling them.

This is where a deeper healing is going to occur and I can’t wait to just be in it. To see them at that level is scary and terrifying, but it’s also so god damn freeing.

✨🖤I love you keep going 🖤✨

I watched something that’s had me thinking about my negative thought patterns and lack mentality. It described how those thoughts were truly never our own. It also begged the question that you heard these from those around you.

Let’s say we develop our personality’s by about age seven and up to that point you were watching and observing a loved one or our mom verbally assaulting herself and degrading her worthiness, let’s say in the same breath she also never felt any amount of work would be enough. On top of that let’s say that your mom heard it from her mom, her moms mom, and her dad and so on and so forth. (Generational curses) 😎

What do you think that would create in a child? Well in short they begin to invalidate their own beauty/worthiness. They feel ugly and insecure in themselves and on top of that there is a pattern of lack mentality with money so now they work their ass off but don’t give themselves any credit, they don’t rest because their productivity is the only thing that makes them feel like they matter.

Think about how that negatively affects their whole out look on life! It goes without saying that we take on what we see. It’s unavoidable. However I think this perspective is so freeing.

The next time you have a negative thought pattern or you have a lack mentality think about where it came from. Does it truly belong to you or did you hear it from someone? Personally for me, this is going to allow me to look at my thoughts in yet another more objective way, and allow myself to let go and re-form those connections in my mind. I’m just so thrilled about it.

Let’s break these patterns everybody! Let’s remember we are not our thoughts. I love you .

Hi lovely humans,

I know I’ve been MIA but I have something to share.

I have come into another situation where my poor memory has become a problem for someone I deeply care about. It’s hard. It feels like there is not much I can do about it other than admit that I forgot and take the appropriate steps to adjust to the circumstances. I have tried to do a plethora of things, like calendar reminders, notes, and even writing it down but alas I always forget. No amount of notifications or writing will change my terrible memory.

It hurts, because all I need to have from the other is compassion and understanding. I will always make the first plan priority and follow through… however when it’s taken as a personal thing it makes me feel so guilty and terrible.

I wish people would just understand that it’s not personal and I’m not trying to hurt anyone. 🥺

Hi there silly spicy neurodivergent souls!!

Here is a video to watch! This is a passage from unmasking autism. ⬇️ (I need to read this book)

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRQK6xAs/

The reason I’m sharing this is to share my experience and explain one of the many reasons why I have chose to self diagnose my autism.

In the passage that this individual reads they say that the masking starts at a young age. This masking begins because of the way the child is treated by those around them. Often times these children that feel left out are actively being pushed away from the other groups of kids because these kids have somehow identified that the child with autism is “different”.

When this happens the child with autism will make changes to themselves ( whether that be how they talk or express excitement amongst other things, every persons experience is different) to “fit” In because they desire to be included just as much as the others. When the masking works the child keeps doing this pretty much indefinitely and well into their adulthood.

Masking can cause a myriad of problems, of which many lead to burn out/exhaustion.

My experience with this is very much like what was explained in the video.

Most of my life, especially in my school years I never had friends, people bullied me and went out of their way to exclude me in things like group projects to group activities and even in P.E! I was always picked last. The majority of the bullying always was framed as, “you are weird, no one likes you!” More often than not the kids who were kind to me… would eventually follow suit.

Never have I ever felt as if I was like the other kids. It was so hard for me to make friends and in order for me to fit in I tried so many things, of which never really worked, because it’s hard to mask/pretend long term. Just like anyone else eventually true colors show, but when we get rejected again and again and again… we find another thing that we need to hide to feel more included.

I only ever made 2 friends from elementary school through high school. Sure there were the occasional neighbor kids I hung out with but they were never actually my “friends” as I often was used as a placeholder until they were bored or weirded out by me.

This has continued well into my adulthood. The way I present myself in certain environments like work, big events and if I’m honest in any “new” situations or environments of which will hardly touch on how I am in daily life, when I’m alone or comfortable with those around me.

Please don’t say well “everyone” does this because it has nothing to do with being “professional” and more to do with how I express myself. There is a difference between being cordial/respectful/professional and masking.

I often find myself completely exhausted after being in environments like that making it hard for me to even continue functioning and get my day to day stuff done. For example, I will be starting a new job with new people in a completely foreign environment… it’s going to take me weeks if not months to get settled and adjusted to the new routine, the new people and so on…

I still run into experiences where people treat me differently than others as an adult and I watch it happen… and when I call it out people just tell me it’s not true. Which is another reason I have had to just “accept” this constant exclusion as part of my reality.

Currently I’m catching myself being more flexible and open about expressing myself in a authentic and true manner even though I know some people will find it “odd” or “weird”. I don’t have the energy to be anything less than myself anymore. However it still happens because unmasking does not happen over night, often since it’s so ingrained it’s likely to never go away.
I still hope that one day I will get to a place where it’s not such a big thing in my life.

I am lucky in the sense that now I have many lovely friends and would you guess that they are all neurodivergent? Because if you guessed that, you are completely right!! It certainly does make encountering allistic people really strange though! As I’m so used to being with people whom are neurodivergent 🤪.

Anywho, this is just one of the several reasons why I have decided to self diagnose as autistic.

Feel free to share any experiences in the comments or share this with a friend that you feel like relate to this! I know how hard it is to go through this and it can feel really lonely but I want you to know you aren’t and your self diagnosis is valid.

Sending all my love to you Neuro-Spicy souls.💖

www.tiktok.com

I need more of this in my life. It’s a love language for sure.

Parallel play isn't something only children do. Plenty of autistic adults are happy to just do their own thing around someone instead of with them, and still enjoy that time together!



[Image description: A single panel comic for Auctober titled "24. Parallel Play"
Honeydew and Ky sit side by side on the couch. Honeydew plays a video game on a Nintendo Switch while Ky plays a video game with a wireless controller.
Honeydew says "I love hanging out with you." Ky responds "Same."]

Low dopamine days are yucky!

✨Curious to know if anyone here has any processes that they like to utilize to help on those low dopamine days?✨

Current feelings:

Ever been really really excited about some thing and spend hours upon hours investing time into research & planning? ….Then you hit a wall and think is this the right thing? Yeahhh me too.

Feeling overwhelmed and underwhelmed all at the same time.

S.O.S

Hello my spicy souls! I have a dream and I was wondering if anyone would be willing to support me! 

I'm raising $3,500.00 until 11/20/2022!

I am looking to source funds to continue my education & get an LLC to begin my dream of supporting our underserved community of Neurodiverse peoples!

Of course I know that funds are hard to come by and trust me when I say I know how it feels. If you can’t help this way I would appreciate anyone sharing this or sharing my page to expand my following!

Additionally if you have any subjects or concerns that you would like me to elaborate on from my perspective please feel free to suggest them to me in my messages. Doing this will help me help you 🖤✨.

I genuinely appreciate each of you and I hope that you all have a beautiful day and that your dreams come true as well!

Xo 

Can you help?

Nurodiverse startup Hi my name is Amber and I have been unemployed since July. With all this time I have sat with myself and decided to pursue a dream. My dream is to start a business and serve a under served community of Nurodiverse peoples. I want to bring resources and services to those who have experienced life sim...

This is a safe space 🖤

Who just likes to get dressed up and feel cute but only stay in their room because everything else is too much?!

Good morning!

I'm so glad you exist! I'm glad you're still here!

Hello fellow Neuro-spicy soul!

Believe me when I say I genuinely feel for you. Heartbreak is never easy! However we have tools we can use to mediate and care for ourselves and those around us!

I believe in you & I whole a$$ believe we will all find a kind and unique love that nurtures us!

Be kind 🖤

I’ve been hyper fixated on future funk. The nostalgia hits me hard.

Stay With Me (Miki Matsubara) - Night Tempo (Sub. Español) 💖

Good morning beautiful Neurodiverse souls
(I know it’s noon)

So I have done several self assessments that have pointed to having myself as having autistic traits & I have done loads of research and found that I am high masking. Not that this is beneficial… it just shows I had to force my self into adapting, and now it’s all I know.

From here on I will be accepting myself as AUDHD.

My hope is to get a proper diagnosis however my fears are as follows.

Moving to another country… I know that depending on where you go there might be certain implications or they may not allow you to become a citizen. (Wtf) for example Canada considers those with this diagnosis as a “burden”. Same with Australia, New Zealand & in another story a Ukrainian refugee was refused by the UK. How messed up is that?

Children (Not that I plan on ever having any) but it apparently can be used against you in the event someone wants to. They can say you are an unfit parent.. (scary). Additionally if you really think about it it could be used against you in any situation in a court of law. Let’s not forget That Autistic people can be denied parenthood in general whether that be adoption or fostering children.

Lastly when it comes to medical care.. our society sees people who are autistic as less than. In an article I read it states, “Throughout the pandemic ‘do not resuscitate’ orders have been placed on Autistic people’s medical charts without either their knowledge or their consent.”

https://devonprice.medium.com/seeking-an-autism-diagnosis-heres-why-you-might-want-to-rethink-that-530e79c272a0

This is eugenics at its best. Disgusting.

Those whom wish to transition , whether that be hormonally or surgically will have a far more difficult time or they flat out will be denied the treatment they desire. This is just wrong and is probably harming more people than it is helping them.

I could really go on and on about this but just let me say this… self diagnosis is valid. You deserve to be treated as a whole, functioning human being with or without the diagnosis.

Being Neurodivergent it’s common that we pick up on coping mechanisms like this because of a much deeper issue.

For me it was… you guessed it, alcoholism!!

The pain I had underneath was a desperate plea to belong. Sure..I found this “belonging” for a little while.

When I began my sobriety journey at first I was just trying to treat the behavior… but once I was able to recognize that need for true connection I found that alcohol was not going get me all the way there..as it inhibited me from being truly authentic. I was masking & trying to present as “normal” because the real me was too hard for me to even swallow at the time.

Society pushed me out to the edge and had me feeling like I did not belong. So I pushed my way back in the best way I could, with a can in hand…Drinking is so normalized so it seemed to be the right path.

Maybe it was.. I did find and create so many connections in that time. Some of which I still hold very dear to my heart.

It did come at a cost… I still carry some shame, guilt and great sadness with what I had been… & I am still grieving a version of myself that carried not even one care in the world. She did not give a f**k what other people thought of her. She was “free”.

The drinking masked the sense of constant self consciousness it also allowed me to cover up the true stress I felt within. I was able to just “let go”. When technically I was just not doing the real work I had to do.

I was not shown how to handle my life, I was not shown how to love myself & I was not shown any care or appreciation for who I was. It’s no wonder I picked up drinking.

My drinking was not the issue, it was the pain underneath the tower of empty cans.

I did not need anyone to talk down to me about my habits I just needed a safe space held so that my healing could begin.

Thankfully I am here today pursuing this healing. I’m proud of who I am today.

Treat the pain to heal the coping mechanism. Not the other way around.

What’s your special interest!? I’d love to hear about it!

Also this is your chance to relate with others and gain new friends so have at it! Take the chance!!



This is something I have been thinking about very often as of late.

Many of my relationships I have started out masking and now I’m not sure what is true blue me or not.

Which is why I’m working on true mindfulness of self. Learning to understand and acknowledge all my feelings while attempting to communicate them as well.

I know I’ll get to my true place of authenticity and so can you. 

I couldn’t build connections with anyone when I was disconnected from myself.

When I was masking heavily, nobody could get to know the real me, and I was attracting the wrong people.

I couldn’t have authentic relationships because I wasn’t being authentic.

I didn’t even know how to be authentic when I didn’t know I was Autistic.