Kelly Mari Life Coaching

This is a nice idea in thought but from someone who’s been there I can’t imagine women in these situations wanting the authorities called. However, I can offer an ear if you need to vent, want support, someone to cry with or advice. Xo 😘

Boys Will Be Men

The title of today's post comes from a bumper sticker I saw.

It is a response to the often-used phrase "boys will be boys," which gets used as an excuse to do nothing about their selfish, overly aggressive, or irresponsible behavior.

The bumper sticker is telling us that the attitudes and behaviors that boys are developing now will determine the kind of men they will become.

What kind of boys do we want to raise?

* Boys who are sensitive and caring.
* Boys who can speak up for their needs but also take into account the needs of others.
* Boys who take pride in contributing to their family and community.
* Boys who are prepared to fight for what is right.
* Boys who honor females and treat them with respect.

These are not radical goals.

But we can't expect to suddenly instill these values and capabilities in them when they reach age eighteen. We need to bring out rearing of boys into line with our values.

What could we do differently?

* Stop telling boys that they can't cry and have feelings. If we don't allow them to be sensitive now, we can't expect them to become sensitive, caring men.

* Increase the physical affection we give to boys-- more hugs, more cuddling, more companionship at bedtime.

* Firmly-- but not meanly-- stop tolerating it when boys disrespect girls, when they order their mothers around, when they hoard food and toys without considering the needs of other kids, when they make messes and leave them for others to clean up, and when they minimize each other's accomplishments instead of celebrating them.

It's not true that boys "just are that way."

The behavior and outlook of boys varies from nation to nation, and from generation to generation, depending on the leadership that adults take.

We need to give boys more love, more exercise, and firmer limits.

Watch how quickly we'll see positive results.

Say to yourself, "Each day is another step toward manhood for my boy."

Looking for guidance, support, validation, and plan for healing and finding yourself worthy again?

DM me - let's chat.

Xo,
Kelly

This Sunday at 12 est tune in to my first podcast interview!

This week on Come Out Of Your Shell I visit with , Life Coach, Personal Coach & ICF Accredited Abuse Coach
Kelly helps women who are fed up with a toxic partner & want a better life!

It only takes 5 minutes 🙏❤️

A 5-Minute Yoga Practice for When You're Overwhelmed and There's Just No Time You don't need an hour to practice yoga. Sometimes, if that's all the time you have, five minutes will suffice.

5 Boundary Setting Ideas For The Holidays. Because It’s Not All Fun Or Enjoyable.

July 4th used to be a fun holiday but too many bad memories when I was with my ex narcissist have clouded my kids and my good memories.

So today let’s just focus on taking care of ourselves and what we need. What our kids need.

Let’s do our best to give ourselves new, good memories ❤️

Emotional abuse victims find that it is particularly difficult to endure the pain of trauma during the holidays.

Memories associated with their abuser during the holidays can lead to painful physical and emotional reactions.

Harmful interactions with their abuser can lead to severe trauma responses.

Some women berate themselves for feeling blue, depressed, or anxious during the holidays. Don’t.

Abusive men, because of their narcissistic traits, tend to commit more abusive acts against their partners during the holidays, partially because they can’t handle it when their partners focus their attention on anything besides them.

While we cannot control the actions of others, we can protect ourselves and our children from their abusive behaviors.

Many women find that as they set and maintain appropriate boundaries, they are able to protect themselves.

Some helpful boundaries to victims of emotional abuse during the holiday season may be:

* When my body goes into a trauma response, I will honor that feeling and call a trusted friend to share my feelings and experiences.

* I deserve to be treated with respect at all times and seasons of the year: no matter what is happening or what day or night of the year, if someone is yelling at me, I will leave the room/house.

* My children and I must live in a home free of po*******hy; because my partner is using po*******hy, I am asking him to move out.
I love myself. I surround myself by others who love me.

* If someone who is supposed to love me is abusing me, I choose to not associate with that person any longer.
(In the case of a divorced victim)

* Even though I may not have my children with me this holiday, I will honor myself and my motherhood by _____.

Be safe and take care of you!

Xo,
Kelly

It Doesn't Matter If It's the 2nd, 8th, or 12th Time. Nothing Will Change Until YOU Do

Take a few minutes to answer the following question:

How many times has your partner promised you that things are going to get better?

Count them up carefully. Include all the times...

- He has promised not to yell insults
- All the times he said he would make you a higher priority
- All the times he said he would stop having "things" going on with other women
- All the times he said he wouldn't hit you or scare you again.

In other words, take inventory of every time he said his treatment of you was going to improve.

Once you're done adding things up, reflect on this question:

What is the longest time that any of those improvements lasted?
- A week?
- A month?
- A year?

Have any of them actually been held to permanently?

And lastly, think about this question:

Given your answers to the first two questions, does it really make sense to believe that his promises matter anymore?

I'm not saying your partner is being insincere; he may believe what he says at the time. But hasn't experience taught you that, no matter how much he means those promises, he doesn't keep them?

You are headed for more and more heartbreak if you keep taking his promises seriously. Start the process today of accepting the sad fact that they don't go anywhere.

Stop telling yourself,
"I can't leave."
"I can't do it, I don't even have.a job"
"I don't make enough money"
"I need to stay for the kids."

You are only prolonging your heartache. You are only prolonging the damage done to yourself and your children.

Make a promise to yourself today that you will get help, make a plan and get out.

If you need help with a plan - DM me! I've been there and I can help you navigate your way out successfully!

Nothing will change until YOU decide to stand up for YOU.

Xo,
Kelly

Time with family and friends is so important in your healing journey!

My kiddos and I, along with my boyfriend and his family are enjoying this holiday weekend 🇺🇸

And by far we are remembering and honoring those who served our country. 🙏❤️

Do your soul a favor and be around those who truly love you today.

Xo,
Kelly

If you don’t take care of yourself, who will?

It’s not selfish. It’s necessary.

If you’re afraid of self-care being “selfish” then YOU DESERVE SOME TIME FOR YOU!

No selfish person would ever question themselves. They’d just do it.

So, go outside today, close your eyes and take a deep breath.

Xo,
Kelly

We’re so busy, multitasking, doing this while doing that, running here or there… SLOW DOWN.

You miss the signs when you are distracted. Slow down, breathe and observe.

Then decide.

Is this lip service?

Are these empty words?

Is there action that backs up what’s coming from their mouth?

Sit in a quiet space, hand on your gut, close your eyes, breathe in, breathe out, …

What is your gut telling you?

Did you know that your gut directly tied to you brain? Specifically, your emotions. Yes, it’s true.

This is why you should always listen closely and trust your gut. It always tells the truth!

Xo,
Kelly

Ready to stop running?

I NEED 5 WOMEN FOR MY CASE STUDY who are suffering from being in a toxic relationship and want more for themselves and their future.

Dm me in the next 24 hrs.

Xo,
Kelly

Most of us have heard this a time or two, but let’s flip the script for a minute…

What if it was, “You take nothing with you when you die. You only leave behind how you loved and who you loved.”

So, the question is are you going to spend the rest of your life trying to love someone who’s incapable of loving and receiving it, or are you going to spend it loving someone who WHO LOVES YOU BACK, TRULY?

Don’t EVER settle for less. Don’t ever say,m to yourself, “I’m to far in, I’m too old, I’m too scared, I’m too weak, I’m not worthy, too much of this is my fault, I’m too crazy, no one will ever love me, I’m too broken!”

YOU ARE ALWAYS WORTHY AND ITS NEVER TOO LATE. You only get one life..

One time to find the person WHO LOVES YOU RIGHT BACK. who accepts you for all that you are.

Xo,
Kelly

If the pain of living in a toxic relationship has gotten so bad you know it’s time to say goodbye… comment with a heart ❤️

Why do I ask you this? Because the reality is guys is that narcissists DON’T CHANGE.

How do I know this?

-personal experience (over 14 years!)
-research and studies done by certified mental health professionals
-have you ever heard of a narcissist psychologist or therapist? Nope. That’s because they don’t exist… and they don’t change. They don’t want to.
-Many, many books on the subject
-etc.

Narcissists being able to see their partner bend over backward FOR THEM due to feeling unworthy OF THEM is generally WAY too sweet of a deal to ever have a real DESIRE to change.

The question isn’t, “Can a narcissist change?” as much as it is, “Does he/she see anything WRONG with the way he/she operates?”

Sadly, the answer is, no. They are never wrong in their eyes. Therefore, THEY STAY THE SAME.

It’s a short life. And just like you don’t have the right to take ownership of other people’s emotional handicaps, you don’t have the right to change or save anyone out of being who they are. It’s not your job to change anyone unless they are the diapers of a child – not the emotional ones of a grown adult.

Xo,
Kelly

So you want to know the BEST way to tell if someone truly loves you…

This quote right here 👇

And especially if the person who’s saying they love you is the one who’s causing you pain!!!

If you’re experiencing this on a regular basis, YOU DESERVE BETTER. This person doesn’t love you.

I’m sorry, and I know it hurts to hear, but I’m telling you the truth. It took me years to believe this from my own husband (now ex) of 14 years. Don’t let another year go by without knowing, feeling true love.

This is not love.

Narcissists don’t love anyone but themselves. Sadly, they don’t have the capacity to love.

Be your own solider and start protecting your heart!

Xo,
Kelly

Emotions for a narcissist relates to fuel.

They want to hear you getting irritated. They want to get you annoyed. They want to make you raise your voice and see tears rolling down your face.

They want to hear the frustration in your voice…

It’s hard to believe that someone that you thought loved you gets more powerful by seeing you in pain.

This is not a relationship.

This is not healthy. This is toxic.

This is sick and they need help. Not you.

Xo,
Kelly

One of the most hardest things to hear and one of the most comforting things to hear.

Sometimes the lesson is to be present and grateful.

And then there is the lesson of patience and hope.

Yet over time these lessons are all part of a journey.

Our journey.

Our journey is the gift. Because it’s our’s and no one else’s. No one journey is alike.

No matter what lesson you’re “in” right now… enjoy it!

Enjoy your growth.

Enjoy the triumphs.

Enjoy the pain.

Enjoy the sadness.

If life was perfect and we never experienced struggles and heartbreak, we’d never become the people we are.

We could never look back and see how far we’ve come. And we’d never be able to look forward and see how far we can go.

It’s YOUR journey. Don’t ever forget that. Hold on tight.

Cherish every moment. In that you will find joy.

Xo,
Kelly

Don’t believe excuses. Or loose apologies… if it matters to someone they will find a way to make it happen.

If it matters to them they will show up.

If it doesn’t matter to them you’ll know it, too.

Pay attention to the signs.

Don’t overthink it or makes excuses in your head for the tenth time…

See. Believe what is happening or not happening right before your eyes.

It’s like the movie He’s Just Not That Into You. Listen to your intuition. Your gut doesn’t lie.

Your heart might, your head will but your gut is real. What you feel there is your TRUTH. It’s your guiding light.

Listen to it. Do it for YOU.

Xo,
Kelly

So I’ve written something new again…

It’s about healing from abuse.

It’s about touch.

It’s about trust.

Did you know… The need for human touch is one of our most basic, primal needs. Touch deprivation is correlated with negative health outcomes such as anxiety, depression, and immune system disorders.

This ancient art of healing surprisingly has meant so much to me over the past two years.

If you or a loved one is going through a breakup, divorce or if you’re considering it - click the link in my bio and read my latest blog.

Therapy is a must but there’s something else that humans instinctively require for hope, healing and trust.

It has been found that touch calms our nervous center and slows down our heartbeat. Human touch also lowers blood pressure as well as cortisol, our stress hormone. It also triggers the release of oxytocin, a hormone known for promoting emotional bonding to others.

Xo,
Kelly

On average, a woman will go back to her abuser 7 times before leaving for good.

Before I went through all I went through, I used to wonder… “Why do they keep going back?”

Why would a woman go back to being abused when she knows it hurts?

Well, I found out why…

It’s called trauma bonding.

Trauma bonding is real. It’s not some made up psych term. It is an emotional form of co***ne.

A trauma bonding develops out of a repeated cycle of abuse, devaluation and positive reinforcement.

And that’s just a small insight into what the experience is like.

Stay tuned this week to learn more.

Xo,
Kelly

Grief.

It’s ok to talk about. It’s ok to be sad.

Read my latest blog post about grief. I don’t offer any magic cure or potion that’s gonna make it go away, but I’m pretty sure you won’t feel alone in your grief after reading this.

If you’ve eve gone through a breakup or divorce… you will 💯 understand where I’m coming from on this one.

If you’re searching for help on how to navigate a similar situation, DM me.

Xo,
Kelly

What heals an excruciating, heart ripped from my chest and torn into a million pieces amount of pain?

Time.

It’s a bittersweet thing.

When you need it, you never have enough. When you have it, most times it’s too much.

But, can I tell you that it’s one of THE MOST PRECIOUS, most appreciated, most monumental thing that exists.

Why?

Because yesterday sparked a memory in me. The WORST one I’ve ever had in my life…

The memory of my family being torn to pieces.

The memory of my heart that was burned, broken, beaten and discarded and left for dead.

The memory of the one person that was supposed to love me and cherish me setting on fire the only thing in life I’ve ever wanted.

The memory of being betrayed. The memory of sitting on the couch in the therapists office and my husband (at the time) telling me he betrayed me.

I’ll never forget all the tears. All the swollen eyes, the headaches, the fear, the anger. I’ll never forget all the floors I lay and cried on that held my tiny little, lifeless body. All the pillows that swallowed my sadness.

I’ll never forget all the times when I’d be washing dishes or grocery shopping or giving the kiddos a bath and the black veil would suddenly creep over me and every ounce of me wanted to crawl out of my skin and into a final abyss.

But today for the first time in over two years, I stopped to notice and sit with the fact that TIME HAS BROUGHT ME TO A BETTER PLACE.

Time has lessened all of the pain above and deep inside.

Thank you time.

Please friends, take time today to sit with and realize how far you’ve come, what time has done for you. Do not let time just pass by or go unnoticed.

What has time healed for you?

Xo,
Kelly

You don’t need to be loud to be heard.

I used to think that I needed to get angry and yell to be heard. Why? Well, because for 14 years I was in a marriage where my thought was true.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not playing victim. Because today, free and clear from that relationship I’m grateful for the experience because it taught me what not to do.

It taught me how to communicate. Better.

It taught me that people don’t hear you especially when you’re yelling. You’re pretty much just yelling and stressing yourself out.

It taught me the best way to communicate is…

* calmly
* intentionally
* directly
* compassionately
* truthfully

Be you, speak your truth. Always.

And don’t feel you need to be loud to be heard.

Xo!