Neurodivergent, Live.

Late night brain thoughts...

In the ‘real’ world… disability accommodations are a right.

People say “In the REAL world, they won’t be able to…” and then end that sentence with something that you actually, totally, can in fact do in the “real world”, a surprising amount of times in my line of work.

Actual things that people have actually, literally said to me:

In the REAL world, he won’t be using a pencil gripper. (What? Literally why not? I could use any pencil gripper I wanted to to write anything I felt like.)

In the REAL world, she can’t rock in her chair, so… (Yet I, a grown adult, sit perched like a bird and rocking wildly back and forth in my office chair while writing evaluations when I need a lot of sensory input.)

In the REAL world, the kids won’t have clipboards available to write on. (Isn’t a clipboard like, two dollars? Why couldn’t someone write with a clipboard?)

In the REAL world, she can’t cry every time something happens that she doesn’t like. (Anyone can cry whenever they want to cry. I’ve cried at all kinds of works in my life. When someone is crying, other human beings who are decent usually try to help them.)

On the flip side, you know what else doesn’t happen in the real world? People typically don’t have to sit silently at desks for 6+ hours a day. People typically are able to talk to their friend or coworker or text somebody in between tasks or when they feel like it. People typically can eat a snack if they’d like to or make arrangements to. People typically aren’t stuck in a room with 30 other people who are exactly their age, and nobody else. People typically don’t have to navigate buildings and structures and objects that are too large and proportionally clearly not made for them. People typically can take a break when they need to. People typically aren’t punished, and especially not physically, by their loved ones and close friends.

Every day, we’re *making* the real world.

I want to put all of our effort into making the real world a good place to be before I focus any of my efforts on chipping pieces off of its future inhabitants to try to make them fit some harmful imaginary mold from the past.

[Image description:
A drawn meme by .
Around the borders are different colored pencils: purple, pink, green, red, yellow.
At the top is a cloud shape, blue, with words in it that read, ‘We have to PREPARE these kids for the REAL WORLD’
actually means:
“I am not prepared to accommodate this child now or in the future.”
“I accept that the world is going to treat them poorly and they should start getting used to that.”
“I will work hard on this child but I am not prepared to work on myself or the ableist world that we live in.”
The bottom 3 sentences are written in purple bubbles.
End description.]

Want to learn more about monotropism? Kieran Rose (The Autistic Advocate) is a great person to learn from: “If you aren’t aware of monotropic neurology, it can be easy to assume that while in a flow state, an autistic person is deliberately disengaged, deliberately not listening, or not paying attention on purpose. This is all classified negatively as ‘challenging behavior,’ but is not the case.”

Check out the full video here, An Introduction to Monotropism by The Autistic Advocate: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUFDAevkd3E

Check out our on-demand course on Monotropism & Interoception here: https://www.kelly-mahler.com/product/on-demand-course-interoception-and-monotropism/

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Image Description: a blue tile with the quote from the caption on it

“If as a non-Autistic person you don’t understand, or don’t know, the many deep and complicated narratives that surround us as Autistic people, then you have a responsibility to either learn them, or step back”
Kieran Rose, The Autistic Advocate

Taken from my article;
https://theautisticadvocate.com/awareness-performativeness-and-irony-in-autism/

From Growing Up Autie - A Comic By Nathan McConnell: “There's been a boom of "Autism and the Uncanny Valley" posts from various creators on all platforms. Not one has mentioned my work. I came up with this theory back 9+ years ago when I had my old name, and have covered it for years.

I'm still doing the documentary, but with so little support, and me continuously struggling, it's going to be a while. I'm currently making moves that I hope will get me to a better situation where I can devote the time I need, but I wonder sometimes if it's too late.”

"The Uncanny Valley" Are you in it? (insert fear mongering) No but really, it's a real problem. We learn to act neurotypical, some of us pretty well, but we often face this.

Edit: 08/04/20
This comic uses outdated terminology as i wrongly assumed "Aspie" was shorthand for Autistic." I also used "evolved Aspie" to mean Autistic person with the capability to mask at NT. That was not to say "evolved" meant "better" just that they were able to adapt to that environment which is not necessarily a good thing.

From Kristy Forbes - Autism & ND Support on PDA & ‘school’

https://www.facebook.com/share/p/VuG2QF7ugJP7qa97/?mibextid=WC7FNe

Our children who are unable to engage with school, and then want to return is an extremely complex situation to manage.

Many parents will feel relieved at the 'progress' their child is making when they announce they want to return.

But does it mean they're 'better'?

Not necessarily. I mean, what is better?

PDAers are PDAers for life. We navigate burnout and learning about our capacity as it waxes and wanes across our lifetime.

There's no overcoming PDA. But there is recovery from burnout, often until the next time.

When a child decides they want to go to school after a period of school related burnout or trauma, it's often hard to decide whether to support this or not.

I made the decision to honour my child's need to attend. It was painful. I knew had I decided to prevent them from going, there'd be a lifelong wondering, and resentment that I compromised their autonomy. So, I honoured their need.

It ended poorly and I was ready and waiting for that period after a lifetime of knowing this may be the case, as it was for me. As it was for many of my clients.

It was many years ago now, and the pain still lingers for all of us.

Often what will happen is a child may return to school and report that they are enjoying it, loving it in fact.

And yet, they'll often find themselves unable to get out of bed, get dressed or even eat over time.

We might speak to them about whether school is the right fit for them, to which they may argue with panic that yes, it is, they love it and want to continue attending.

We might be perplexed and not see that it is, in fact, school that is creating further disability and burnout.

PDA is not a conscious choice. If it was, we wouldn't be having these discussions. There'd be a solution, a means to stop the avoidance.

PDA is an inherent nervous system driven response to people, places and things and often, it cannot be prevented. We might be a few steps ahead, until we're not.

PDA is skilled at spotting routine as a means to predict perceived threats like school.

A child who injures their knee might believe they can run with their peers. They may be incapacitated by the injury for some time, but rest is crucial and creates less pain in the knee. We may start supporting the child to exercise their knee slowly after a lengthy period of rest. And, without a GP or professional telling us or our children that they have a lifelong injury and they'll damage their knee again if they continue to run on it, none of us will know any better and said child will continue to try and run, because it's what children do.

And yet, their knee will hurt. Cognitively, they may not make the connection. Sure, we injured our knee and we rest and it's so much better than it was.

But now we're running on it again, and because we're not 'getting it', anxiety is setting in to boot.

We don't know we're not supposed to run on our knee. We were born into a world that showcases being able bodied. We don't know we're not supposed to push ourselves and there is a point where we honour who we are and meet ourselves with radical acceptance and self compassion.

Children's television, music, it all sings about dancing and moving and going to school.

When our children are not represented in media, they can not know they are built for something different. They can't know who they are without shame.

So they push themselves because they want to be 'normal'.

(And people say our children are not resilient enough.)

When we don't pay attention to who we are, and what type of neurobiologies we have, and are born with; we will continue to learn the same lessons over and over and over.

Our greater challenge is the lack of professionals telling us "Your child is PDA, school may not be right for them in an institutionalised way. In fact, it may cause them to become burn out, resulting in a mere shell of themselves".

In fact, we are often confronted with the extreme risk of professionals parent blaming and shaming instead.

"They're not anxious at school, they're fine. You're the problem".

Child protective services, displacement, poor mental health outcomes in childhood, and intergenerational trauma resulting from parents not allowed to safely nurture their children in the ways they truly need.

This IS disability.

Our children just want to be children.

Many of our PDAers want to go to school.

And yet, their neurobiology calls them to a different way of being, doing and living. And, their families are shamed for it.

If your child has asked to return to school, and they're struggling, you have not failed them.

You have honoured what they need, and it may take them time to draw their own conclusions around the experience.

I know it's hard. It's not fair. It doesn't feel safe.

I know.

But please know that you are NOT alone.

Often these situations and these outcomes are challenging to prevent, because as PDAers, we are heavily determined..which is a wonderful attribute, which has the potential to also hurt us.

Parenting PDAers is not predictable, it is not straightforward, it is not the result of parental failure.

Please, be kind to you. We are doing the best we can with what we have, what we know, what we have capacity for, and many of us without support.

I know we're conditioned as humans to expect solutions. Answers. Results.

Sometimes there is only riding the wave and feeling it all. I know, nobody wants to hear this, but it brings me peace.

It brings me peace to know I'm not alone. To know my children feel safe with me. To know I honour their wants and needs.

We are doing the best we can

From Autball, parts 1-4 are also in the comments on their post:

Part 1 https://www.facebook.com/autball1/posts/443242961759295

Part 2 https://www.facebook.com/autball1/posts/443875848362673

Part 3 https://www.facebook.com/autball1/posts/444459664970958

Part 4 https://www.facebook.com/autball1/posts/445057254911199

Part 5 of a 5 part series about the ways harmful practices are being made to sound more appealing and how to spot the differences between helpful and harmful approaches.

Communication support is a desperately needed thing for so many autistic people and their families. So unlike some of the other things I’ve posted about this week, this is 100% a worthy goal. Unfortunately, many places that claim they can offer it are not delivering.

In some cases, they simply don’t have the education to properly support communication needs (I’m looking at you, ABA). Other times they do have the proper education (ie Speech Language Pathologists) but they will gatekeep certain methods of communication, either because they believe harmful myths about them or they haven’t been trained in that particular method. Also, not every SLP knows about Gestalt Language Processing, so even an otherwise great therapist could be missing some information.

So here are some questions to ask when trying to figure out if someone is truly capable of offering well-rounded, neuro-affirming communication support:

Are they more concerned with making the client easier to deal with for others, or are they focused on the client’s rights, needs, and wishes? (We’re looking for the second one.)

Do they address the client directly, or do they speak as if the client isn’t even in the room? (We’re looking for the first one.)

Do they see speech and language as a behavioral thing? (Verbal Behavior and PECS are dead giveaways - and we want a NO.)

Do they understand that an inability to produce speech has no bearing on a person’s ability to think and feel? (YES ✅)

Do they only push for speech, see speech as the end goal, or value speech above all other methods of communication? (NO ✅)

Do they honor things like echolalia, pointing to objects, and bringing an adult over to something they want as valid communication? (YES ✅)

Do they honor things like refusal to participate, crying, and meltdowns as valid communication? (YES ✅)

Do they believe that things like pacifiers, AAC, or responding to “non-functional communication” discourages speech/“functional” communication? (NO ✅)

Do they know about Gestalt Language Processing and believe it is a thing? (YES ✅)

Do they require “pre-requisites” before they will try alternative communication methods? (NO ✅)

Do they require the client to earn time on their AAC device or remove the device when they deem it a distraction, essentially taking away their voice? (NO ✅)

Do they know who to send you to if they aren’t personally trained in an approach they think would be more helpful? (YES ✅)

Obviously, trying to find someone local to you with all the green flags and no red ones is kind of like trying to find a unicorn for most people. But if you have a choice between two or more therapists, you can at least go with the one who has more right answers and be ready to advocate/educate when needed.

If you literally have only one option available to you and it’s not a good one, you can either be ready to advocate at every turn or just choose not to use their services. Yeah, that’s allowed! Not every autistic person needs speech therapy, and not all communication support has to be directly administered by a professional. You as the parent or caregiver will play a huge role in supporting your person with their communication needs, and luckily there are online resources and virtual trainings that can help you do that.

P.S. What’s the difference between PECS and picture cards, you ask? PECS is a whole ABA-based program that uses a limited set of picture cards and should be avoided for several reasons. Meanwhile, plain old picture cards are something that can be made and used by anyone without any specific program. Links to more on that in the comments.

P.P.S. Zero debates about the legitimacy of Spelling to Communicate (S2C) or Rapid Prompting Method (RPM) will be entertained (translation - it will be deleted so don’t waste your time). Links to learn more about it are included in the “additional resources” comment.

[Image description: A 2 panel cartoon by Autball.

1: A white box at the top reads: FAKE COMMUNICATION SUPPORT.

A red adult sits at a table with a blue/purple adult and a green/blue child. The red adult says to the other adult, “Communication is so important for reducing frustration and challenging behaviors (which are so hard on the rest of us!), so let’s see what we can do to get them talking.” On the table are only two options: a binder labeled “Speech” and a binder labeled “PECS.”

2: A white box at the top reads: REAL COMMUNICATION SUPPORT.

A green adult sits at a table with a blue/purple adult and a green/blue child. The green adult says to the child, “Communication is human right, and you deserve to be heard. We’re gonna try all the respectful methods of communication available to us until we find what works best for you.” On the table are many more options: Picture Cards, Speech, a letterboard, a pen and notepad, Sign Language, and an AAC device.]

Part 4 of a 5 part series about the ways harmful practices can be made to sound appealing and how to spot the differences between helpful and harmful approaches.

Sensory sensitivities are a huge part of being autistic (and sometimes ADHD, too). They can range from kind of annoying but manageable to debilitating and meltdown-inducing. They can fluctuate from day to day and situation to situation. They can seem to pop up one day out of nowhere and disappear just as quickly.

Sensory differences are dynamic, which can make them unpredictable and disruptive. Not many people want to live that way, so working on sensory desensitization with someone who has a lot of sensitivities sounds like a thing that could help. Fewer meltdowns and able to do more things? Yes please!

But as you might have guessed, there’s a giant problem with that: reducing sensitivity isn’t really a thing you can do TO someone. At least, not without inducing a trauma response or two. You can certainly get someone to learn to ignore their own body signals or pretend to be fine when they’re not, but that’s not a sensory thing. That’s a dissociation thing.

“Sensory desensitization” is usually code for exposure therapy. Exposure therapy has its uses, but addressing legitimate sensory issues isn’t one of them. And it should only be done WITH someone who can fully consent and actively participate. Coercing and/or forcing someone to interact with distressing sensory input until they stop reacting is not that.

“Sensory desensitization” also operates under the assumption that people just get used to, or habituate to, the noises and sensations around them, even ones that bother them. But studies have shown that autistic people actually don’t habituate to sensory stimuli the way non-autistic people do. It may take way longer to happen, or it may never happen at all.

You know what can and does happen? Sensory sensitivities can just kinda…change. All on their own. We grow up, our hormones change, our stress levels change, our environments change, and our sensory profiles are affected by all of those things (and more!). Sensitivities can just disappear, naturally, without any intervention. And that’s about the only thing I’d ever refer to as real sensory desensitization.

But sensory sensitivities can go any which way. Maybe new ones rear their ugly heads. Or maybe something bothers us at a level 7 one day and 2 the next, then goes all the way up to 11 next week. And then there are the ones that just stay pretty much the same, all the time, forever.

I could not handle pants for a long time as a kid, but then somewhere along the way, I could. I really couldn’t tell you when it happened. There are some foods that used to make me gag that no longer do, and there are some that I still just cannot handle. I have never been okay with things that stick to my hands, and that really hasn't changed since as far back as I can remember.

You know what all these sensory sensitivities have in common? Someone made me “tolerate” them at some point, often repeatedly. And none of them changed (or didn’t) because of repeated exposure, but because of my natural development. All I got from forced exposure was this lousy tendency to disconnect from myself.

Sensory desensitization is just not a thing we should be trying to do to people. Sensory *integration* is a real thing that can help people, but that is a whole different animal that requires more than just exposing people to stuff that bothers them. You’ll need an OT (Occupational Therapist) with the specialized training for that. Just make sure they’re not sneaking behaviorism tactics or exposure therapy in there either (yep, the words “sensory integration” can be used to misrepresent what they’re doing, too).

It is a far better thing to help someone learn about their own sensory profile and how to manage their sensory needs than to make them ignore their own body signals. Alexithymia is not . There are better ways to deal with sensory sensitivities and distress, and I’ve linked to some of them below.

[Image description: A two panel cartoon by Autball.

1: A white box at the top reads: FAKE SENSORY DESENSITIZATION.

A red adult stands with a green adult and says, “We make them touch stuff they don’t want to over and over again while rewarding them for tolerating it and punishing when they don’t. And eventually, it just doesn’t bother them anymore!”

They are watching a teal adult using hand over hand to make a pink/magenta child touch a lumpy pile of pink stuff. The child is looking away with a blank look and thinking, “Dissociating, suppressing distress, no reaction makes it stop sooner…”

2: A white box art the top reads: REAL SENSORY DESENSITIZATION.

A Yellow/Green adult is talking to a Red/Orange adult.
Y/G: Huh. You know how I’ve ALWAYS had to have something on my feet at all time for years?
O/R: Yeah.
Y/G: Well suddenly I don’t.
O/R: Cool. What’d you do?
Y/G: Nothin’. Just happened.]

Part 3 of a 5 part series about the ways harmful practices can be made to sound more appealing and how to spot the differences between helpful and harmful approaches.

A kind of subset of self-regulation skills (which I posted about yesterday) is frustration tolerance. It’s another popular recommendation for ND kids that *sounds* like a very worthwhile goal. If your kid is frustrated and acting out all the time, getting them to tolerate frustration better sure seems like it would solve a lot of problems.

Here’s the thing about that: you don’t get better at feeling frustrated by spending more time being frustrated. You just get more frustrated. And just like with the attempts to “teach” self-regulation skills, all you’re gonna get is someone who gets better at *pretending* not to be frustrated OR someone who lashes out more because you won’t stop frustrating the s**t out of them.

Being “easily frustrated” is a problem, yes. But what you’re really looking for isn’t frustration tolerance, it’s frustration *management.* And that is a team effort, not solely the responsibility of the person who’s always feeling frustrated.

First, you’ll need to lighten their load wherever you can. (In other words, frustrate them less!) Someone who “goes 0-60 at the littlest things” is not actually that upset about the little things. They’re likely just walking around at a 59 all the time and that little thing is all it takes to push them over the edge. You’ll want to look at outside pressures (school, work, chores, siblings, activities, social pressures, behavioral expectations, etc) as well as internal stressors (worries, executive dysfunction, sensory issues, medical conditions/pain, hormonal influences, chemical/nutritional imbalances, etc) and see what you can do something about.

Then you’ll want to learn about co-regulation and how to increase their felt sense of safety. If you’re coming down on them every time they get frustrated, that’s not helping them navigate their big feelings, it’s just making them feel more unsafe and lost in them. They’re probably feeling really out of control most of the time, too, so looking into ways to give them more agency and autonomy (like using collaborative strategies) could help. Additionally, if you find their frustration dysregulating *to you,* you’ll probably have to take some time to work on your own stuff so you can be the best co-regulator and guide you can be.

Another thing you’ll want to look at is how well they can identify when frustration is coming on. How’s their interoception (recognizing the sensations inside their body)? How good are they at identifying their feelings (alexithymia)? If you want someone to use this or that strategy at the first sign of frustration instead of waiting until it’s too late, but they have no idea what their first signs even are or can’t feel them happening, you’re not gonna get very far. So you may have to step way back and do some sensory integration, interoception and/or feelings work first.

Only after you’ve done the work to de-stress their environment and better accommodate their needs can you even think about expecting them to learn *and use* frustration management strategies.

Once you’re at that stage, throw out the idea of “tolerance” entirely. It’s 100% okay to simply walk away from a frustrating or stressful situation if that’s the best you can do! It’s okay to quit that game or walk away from that chastising teacher if it means you avoid hitting someone instead. It’s also fine to simply avoid situations that you know will be frustrating. Some people want to push for staying and talking things out and being able to do the thing anyway. And while that would be nice, it is WAAAYYYY out of some people’s reach, so it’s okay to acknowledge that and meet them where they are.

Also, make sure you have more in your toolbox than just breathing exercises and cognitive strategies. For one, you can’t think straight when you’re so far gone you’re melting down and lashing out. Plus, some people really feel the need for a physical release of all that energy, which is why they may hit or get destructive. Obviously, those things are not great, but you won’t change those behaviors unless you meet the sensory/physical needs behind them - and breathing ain’t gonna cut it. Some people will frown on it, but redirecting that energy to hitting pillows or kicking a ball at the wall IS okay. So is growling or stomping your feet. Maybe breathing exercises or holding on until you can get to the gym will come someday, but again, sometimes you just have to start at “better than what you were doing.”

Finally, remember that brain development has a huge role in all of this, too. You may have to do all this work for years before you see any results, because people can’t do things that their brains and bodies literally don’t have the capacity to do yet. Waiting for things to mature and “come online” will be a big part of this process. But if you’re patient and supportive enough, chances are good that better frustration management WILL come in time.

[Image description: A 2 panel cartoon by Autball.

1: A white box at the top reads: FAKE FRUSTRATION TOLERANCE. A red adult says to a green adult, “So we frustrate them on purpose a bunch, refuse to let them out of the situation, then tell them to breathe and rate the size of their problem while they’re too upset to think straight, until they just get used to feeling frustrated.” In the background is a pink adult and a magenta/purple child, sitting cross-legged and blowing on pinwheels together. The child looks angry and thinks, “Am I performing ‘calm’ right? Because I feel as frustrated as ever and I really just wanna hit something!”

2: A white box at the top reads: REAL FRUSTRATION TOLERANCE. A yellow/gold adult is pushing the magenta/purple child in a stretchy swing and says, “I’m NOT gonna frustrate you on purpose because I know that dysregulation is cumulative, so that would be counterproductive. As we naturally come across frustrating situations, we’ll figure out your triggers, learn to recognize what it feels like in your body before it’s too big to handle, and find the regulation strategies that work best FOR YOU.” The chid asks, “Even if I really just wanna hit something?” The adult replies, “Sure! We can find a safe outlet for that energy!”]

Part 2 of a 5 part series about the ways harmful practices can be made to sound more appealing and how to spot the differences between helpful and harmful approaches.

Self-regulation skills for kids are all the rage right now, and there are lots of people who will tell you that they have just the program for that. Which sounds awesome, right? Self-regulation is great! Who wouldn’t want that for their kid who is just so upset all the time?

The problem is that these people think self-regulation is just a set of skills you can teach someone. Or even better, that if you ignore a person in distress long enough, they’ll magically come up with those skills on their own. (Like, what even is that logic? Oh right, it’s the same thinking that makes people believe the Cry It Out method for babies is a good idea.)

But that’s not how that works. Self-regulation skills come from safe co-regulation, and the learning begins in infancy. Then it takes YEARS of more co-regulation and brain development to get to a place where a person can even start to recognize the need for and use those skills of their own volition.

Oh, and they also have to have enough time NOT in distress to even know what it feels like to feel safe and regulated in the first place. They need room to develop said self-regulation skills. You can’t just keep a kid in a pressure cooker all the time and expect them to learn how to “regulate” through it (which is exactly what many people are doing to the autistic and ADHD kids they put through these programs/therapies).

When you try to teach self-regulation skills to a stressed out, traumatized child without doing ANYTHING to make their environment safer and less demanding, or doing ANYTHING to make yourself a safe co-regulator, the most you can hope for is that your child gets good at *acting* calm and *performing* regulation skills (and that’s if it doesn’t just backfire completely). But the inner turmoil is still there, and they still have no idea how to deal with it.

And kids who are left alone in their distress don’t “develop skills.” At least not any healthy ones. They just keep crying or lashing out until they can’t anymore, and they learn that no one cares to help them in their darkest moments. If you do it long enough, you might even push them into shutdown or fawn mode, which is super convenient for the adults, but devastating for the child.

For the record, breathing exercises are not inherently bad. Neither is learning to recognize body sensations or what “zone” you’re in or any of the other things that can help with self-awareness (as long as we’re not sending the message that certain feelings are “good” or “bad”). It’s just that those things don’t work for everyone, and they’re not a substitute for safety and co-regulation.

Kids need safe adults, and they need to be around them more for than just an hour or two a week in therapy session. It’s the *caregivers* who need to learn *co-regulation skills,* not the children who need to learn self-regulation skills. It’s the *adults* who need to de-stress the child’s life, not the child who needs to learn how to handle overwhelming amounts of stress better. And it’s the *adult’s* job to nurture self-regulation, not a child’s job to try and figure it out on their own.

(There’s even more to self-regulation than this, of course, like the sensory processing element and the fact that being regulated is not just about being “calm,” and I’ll touch more on those in tomorrow’s post about "Frustration Tolerance.")

I learned most of what I know about how children develop self-regulation through co-regulation from Mona Delahooke, Ph.D., and I highly recommend her work if you want to learn more about it. Links to her and other resources in the comments.

P.S. Did you know you can co-regulate with animals, too, or even a tree?! They might not be the greatest at modeling skills or validating your feelings, but they can still contribute to felt safety.

P.P.S. If you are questioning my use of the word “punish” in the cartoon, just know that withholding of things (attention, affection, food, desired items/activities, etc) until you get compliance counts as punishment.

[Image description: A 2 panel cartoon by Autball.

1: A white box at the top reads: FAKE SELF-REGULATION.
A red adult, speaking to a Green adult, says, “We have many different ways of helping them learn to suppress their distress behav- I mean, ‘self-regulate.’ There are lots of coping skills we can talk AT them about, we can ignore or punish their outbursts and give rewards when they use a skill, and even seclusion and restraint can teach self-regulation when used properly!” Behind them are a poster that asks, “What’s Your Zone?,” a poster with four breathing exercises, and a door with a small window that bolts shut from the outside labeled “Calm Down Room.”

2: A white box at the top reads: REAL SELF-REGULATION.
A Light Blue/Blue adult sits with a Green/Yellow child on a couch and says, “Self-regulation develops naturally out of safe co-regulation with a trusted adult. I’ll model regulation skills myself when I’m dysregulated, and I’ll be there to validate and guide you through your big feelings and hard times, so you can learn through experience how to safely navigate all that stuff.”]