She's Her Mother's Daughter

Happy Thanksgiving to all my friends. For some, this is their first Thanksgiving after a loss, for others it may be their 30th. Despite the passage of time, grief remains by our sides reminding us of what is being missed, but also reminding us of what was. Be extra kind, caring, compassionate and understanding today. Allow for space that is safe for grief to join in because she will hang around for a long time. To those of you who are grieving a loss and feeling it so profoundly today, you are not alone.

Today you would have been 99 years old. What a life you lived! You loved your family and you loved your God. I miss your wisdom and your amazing story telling ability. Love you dad ❤️

Today marks 5 years since you left this earth. I miss you a lot. What was good about this weekend was being with our family, the family you and dad created. I love seeing your personality and features present in your grand children and great grandchildren. They help keep your memory alive. Love and miss you mom sooooo much. ❤️

I found this poem among my parents papers and as I reflect on my father's life, I can say he lived his life so he could go to heaven. Happy Father's day in heaven dad! Love you and miss you so much!

The body holds the trauma, it's my true belief. This is a wonderful way to love yourself through a tough grief day. This allows you acknowledge the feelings without allowing the feelings to settle into your body causing a chronic issue. A simple practice to show your grief some love ❤️

Our family very recently unexpectedly lost a family member and it has made me reflect on ways to help support the mind (+ heart) through tending to the body. In this practice you are gently tuning in to the sensations in your body and then placing your hands over those sensations. Allow yourself to meet you exactly where you’re at without trying to change or fix anything. There is nothing to fix, you are simply being and that’s enough. You are enough. It can be helpful to say these things during the practice: I’m sorry I love you You are important to me It’s not fair, I hear you I care about you I wish I could take your pain away It’s ok to feel this way I personally extend my heart out to all those experiencing loss, grief and sadness and offer you this gentle and tender reminder: ALL of your feelings are valid, ALL of you is valid. There’s nothing to fix or change, you are where you’re at and however this moment continues to unfold — you are doing the best you can and that’s more than enough. Grief can enhance any underlying mind and body symptom such as anxiety, depression, pain and inflammation. Join our self-study nervous system program @cfsschool which has helped thousands of people learn the tools to support mind and body heal from chronic symptoms.

I really think this sums up my feeling on mother's day. So much joy at being a mother to my daughter, but grief is just underneath it as I feel the loss of my mother. Did anyone else experience this? .

Mother's day, a wonderful time to say thank you to the women who impacted our lives. Mothers day can also be filled with many mixed emotions. There is actually a good amount of grief that can present itself on this day. Grief related to a death of a mother, or child, a desire to have a child, or a loss of a relationship with a mother to name a few. Whatever emotion comes forward today, know you are supported! Happy mothers day momma!!

Today marks 5 years since the death of Richard McWilliams. As I reflect back on these 5 years there is one glaring reminder that his story needs to be remembered. Dad was born in the little town of Glen Rock right before the great depression. He was standing on the school steps with Pearl Harbor was bombed. He served as a gurney runner in the Army during WW II. When he returned home, he married Lois Grim and they had 4 children. Dad converted from Lutheran to Brethren and became an ordained minister in the Church of the Brethren. Richard was also a Glen Rock Caroler for several years. Richard was loved by his wife Lois as you can see from the love letter she wrote him in 2006. I miss my father's strength, his wisdom, his calmness and his ability to fix anything. He lived a beautiful life and experienced some incredible historical changes. I miss you dad so very much!

My mother was a fun and loving woman. She loved to dance, clean, tell stories, volunteer, read, sing and she loved babies. Today she would have been 91 years old. Happy birthday momma, I love and miss you so much!

This year will be 5 years since my parents passed. I find this statement to be accurate. It gives hope to the new grievers and provides comfort to long time grievers. What about you, do you find this statement to be true?

Please be kind this Christmas, you never know who might be hurting and how a kind word or warm smile could positively impact another person.

This past weekend I attended a family reunion for my mom's side of the family. I got to see cousins I hadn't seen since I was a little girl. Before the event, I was super anxious about going because I felt it might be too emotional and I would be sad that my mom wasn't there to share in the gathering. I found the total opposite to be true. Shared stories, shared history and shared loss (many of my aunts and Uncles have also died) really do bring me comfort. My cousin Susan said it best, she was really looking forward to catching a glimpse of her mother through shared stories.

What brings you confort?

Happy birthday dad! You would have been 99 years old today! Your life began when cars just started to be popular. You went through the great depression, you fought in World War II, you saw the first moon walk, experienced computers and cell phones. You were the best story teller, and you could memorize anything! Your love for your wife and family showed through constantly. I miss you dad!

I find this to often be the case, it's the quiet times that I miss them the most. But sometimes the active events, such as family gatherings stir up the missing even more.

Thought this was extremely profound and very true.

YOU’RE THE GHOST

There’s a part of the grieving process,
where your soul kind of leaves your body too.
As though it’s off searching for the one you lost,
somewhere in the ether.

You walk around,
doing all the right things,
putting one foot in front of the other,
living,
but it’s really as though you’re the ghost.

Perhaps you are.
Perhaps your soul searches,
until you find the one you miss,
and they tell you to go back and live.

So, when that numbness passes brave one,
maybe it’s time to do what you are told,
go back and live,
twice as hard.

You don’t belong there in the ether,
nor do you need to search for the one you lost,
they find you.
And when they do, you’ll feel it.

Donna Ashworth
From ‘I Wish I knew’
https://amzn.to/3JVMJlZ

Art by Amanda Cass

It's hard to believe that it's been 4 years since you physically left us. They say time is supposed to make it hurt less, but all I can say is that I miss you more than the day you left. Love you mom ❤️

Father's Day is a tough one for me. It's a day I prefer to stay off of social media. While I'm happy so many people celebrate their dad's, it's another reminder of how I'm missing mine. Is there a celebratory day that's harder for you than others?

What a great quote! Proud to be a mother to my daughter and honored to have had the mother that I did. I miss my mom every day, the miss doesn't lessen, it just is a part of my life now.

Who can relate? Anyone else find that this grief process is like a roller coaster?

Mother's day is typically filled with joy and love shown to the woman or women who have impacted our lives. For many, mothers day comes with mixed emotions. We may have lost our mothers and grieve a little harder on this day, all the while trying to stay present for our own children. For others it's a day of grieving because your desire to be a mother has not happened. For whatever reason mothers day may not be the most ideal day, here are some ways you can care for yourself on this day. Much love to all today! ❤️

It's been 4 years since you left us. As the years go by I find I miss your reassuring hand on my shoulder, your stories of a life well lived and your words of guidance. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of your Hospice aide Amy who was by your side when you took your last breath. It reminds me of the important and powerful work of Hospice Care. Love you dad and miss you so much!

A great post by a fellow therapist. As someone who has experienced loss, and someone who has watched others experience a loss, it's hard to know how to help. We often think our words should be healing, but often, in my experience they are empty. For me, the landmark events are what I go to. I remember my best friend Kim, who lost her dad at age 7 said that a family friend sent a thinking of you card every year to her family on the anniversary of her dad's death day. How incredible it was to know that your loved one was not forgotten. Which one on this list wad valuable for you?

I remember growing up we had a beautiful tulip tree in our yard. When the climate was right, the blooming tree was stunning. When the climate got cold and froze the blooms, they would turn brown. My mother was constantly disappointed with that tree, to the point that she had my dad cut it down. I asked her about that and she said how upset the tree would make her when the blooms got ugly. I was reminded of this story recently as thr cold sweep killed our neighbors beautiful tulip blooms. It made me think of loss. When we love someone and they die, do we wish to be spared of the pain of loving them? The hurt of loss often comes from the love associated with that loss. Would you give up a lifetime of memories to spare yourself the pain of that loss?

On March 8, 1932 Richard and Florence (Messersmith) Grim were visiting their parents for the weekend. Florence was 7 months pregnant. A blizzard was coming and Richard and Florence tried to make it home before the storm. They were on a road a few miles from home when their car got stuck. They walked to the first home they found and the Craley family took them in. Florence went into labor. Richard went for the doctor and the Craleys called upon a niece who was a nurse at a local hospital and home for the weekend. Lois Elizabeth Grim was born on March 8, 1932. She was about 3 pounds. She could fit in the small top drawer of a dresser. During the night Lois' heart stopped and they gave her a cold e***a to restart her heart. Her birth story was so popular that they wrote newspaper articles about her. Lois would have 90 years old today. Happy birthday mom, grandma and great grandma

It's been a while since I have felt the need to sit down and write. This blog is about being ready to purge your loved one's stuff. What have you experienced when you had to go through all that stuff? Did you find a creative way to keep certain items?

The Purge It’s been 3 years since my parents died. It took two years to finally settle their estate (thank you COVID). It’s been almost a year since I have looked at any of their documents. All their paperw…

A little holiday TLC. M BIGGEST one to remember is to take a break and cut myself some slack. What about you?

Holidays can be a challenging time when you have lost someone. Here are a few reminders of ways you can take care of yourself during this time of the year. Do you have other ways to care for yourself?

I have been to a few funerals this month and I think it's helpful to share some tips on what not to say to someone who has just lost a person in their life. We all struggle a bit to know what to say to a person who is grieving. What were some things that you have heard others say that were helpful to you in your grieving process?

I'm kinda glad November 2021 is behind me. It's been a rough month, sprinkled with some incredible joys. I know of a few close people in my life who have lost a loved one this past month. I thought it might be a good reminder to highlight some ways we need to provide self care. Have you found any other ways that help your grieving heart?

What do you think of this beautiful song? I don't think there is a day that goes by that I don't wish for visiting hours. To my partner, his family and my sister in law and her family who lost their father's this week, I love you all so much! ❤

Visiting Hours Ed Sheeran · Song · 2021

It's been an interesting week for me. I have been processing so much over the past few months. I feel so uncertain about the future, I feel frustrated with the present, and mournful of the past. It's been a hard seat to sit in right now. I feel a strong loss of identity. I have always been someone else's something. A daughter, sister, wife, girlfriend, mother, and best friend. With many of these losses, those identities are lost and I find I'm not sure what role to play or even if I want to play a role anymore. I have been asking myself lately, "what do YOU want?" It's been a complicated answer, but one that keeps evolving. Anyone else experiencing this?

I am typically not a help yourself kind of reader. I guess it goes back to college when all the books I had to read were how to help your clients. So when I stumbled on this beauty I thought I needed to share. It's a daily read, a entry for each day. The focus is on grief and helping you look at grief from many levels. It's easy and often thought provoking.

What books have you found that helps you see your grief in a different way?

What do we do with all this stuff? Working on a new blog about purging. Three years later and I still have her clothing....what do I do? Are you in the purging stage? Have you done the purge? What are your thoughts?

A follow up from my blog this week. Have you experienced grief induced anxiety?

New BLOG today. Another one that was tough to write, but learning to not only be honest with myself, but those around me. Thanks for reading!
http://sheshermothersdaughter.com/2021/07/19/grief-has-no-logic-that-is-what-i-have-determined-through-this-journey/

Grief has no logic. That is what I have determined through this journey. I recently read a really good book by Patti Callahan called Surviving Savannah (non-fiction). There was a statement that spoke so loudly to me. The statement was: “How do you survive the surviving”…

Great insight from . I have been quiet for a while, I'm still here and positive things are happening, but there are days I just need to be alone. Take care of yourselves my friends and more to come!

To all the women today, know you are loved ❤ The Heart of Grief

Love these ideas as ways to remember our mothers who have died. I have a little space in my home with a lantern, mom's ashes and a little pin she wore often. It brings a smile to my face as I reflect on memories. What do you do to remember your mother?

I found this poem to be absolutely true. Even at almost 50 years old, I still miss and need my mother. Do you find this to be true for you? What's Your Grief

As we come up to mothers day, I will be posting over the next few days about mothers. I never quite understood the loss of a mother until it happened to me. The desire to have her near me is overwhelming at times. She was an incredible woman who was full of wisdom. I miss her wise words. Thanks for your beautiful words