AK49 Reasons to be clean & sober

Hey I have been MIA from this page for awhile but I am back now. It is so important to do step every day. I find that now where I am at in my sobriety I am much more comfortable taking my inventory and being accountable for my actions and doing the next right thing as soon as possible. For example I had an incident at work the other day with my phone, inside of lying or coming up with a billions excuses, instead of blaming the other person I took full ownership for my mistake and acknowledge what I had done wrong. This way I can do better in the future. It was a great feeling, especially because the people who I had to own up to understand the circumstances and appreciated my honesty and willingness to take ownership. It’s amazing what can happen in your life if you just humble yourself and then do the next right thing. It feels good. Now I know I have done my part to repent for the happening and am aware of how I need to correct the behavior in the future. I made my amends and it felt good, even though it wasn’t comfortable. But that’s where the learning and growth takes place. I need to remind myself to give me more grace and not to be so hard on myself otherwise the guilt and the shame set in and it’s not good what happens next. Hope these words could resonate with someone.

What a beautiful gift it turned out to be

I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. The obsession of the disease was maddening. I just didn’t know how to stop. Pride kept me from seeking help for the longest time because I thought “I can handle this” or “I can stop on my own” what a joke. I sought out the help from a therapist who specialized in addiction who she herself was in recovery, but I still showed up high to our appointments. I hated using, really and truly, it was just providing a “need” to deal with my emotions, feelings; the ones I didn’t want to deal with. When I decided to make the decision to go to treatment I was desperate. I was looking at losing my family, my house, everything. I have reached rock bottom. Which wouldn’t be my last but I was sinking further in to the mudflats, my fate I would slowly suffocate in the sinking mud, or I would drown from the incoming tides. But there is hope. I’m thankful for that hope. That I became desperate to throw in the towel and ask for help. I wish I had done it sooner. But with the gift of desperation there is also the gift of hope and those are the best gifts I could have ever received. They change my life. Today I am grateful for the gift of desperation because without it I wouldn’t be here.

Yes Sir!! The use starts out fun but it isn’t long before we realize that WHEN we use we become numb, vacant, we escape from the pain that life has given us, we can endure it. The shame, guilt, feeling of failure that haunts us constantly is paused for a time being. The voices of “you’re not good enough, worthy, acceptable or lovable” are quieted. The drug truly isn’t the problem, it’s life’s traumas that ultimately trap us in the cycle of addiction. When you treat the root causes the obsession to use slowly goes away. It’s hard work but it works. People who love life and are stupidly happy don’t use drugs, there’s something to that ✨✨Make it your mission to find your purpose, seek out what makes you happy and be empathetic. Show up and suit up, hear and see people the way you want to be heard and seen. Today I am a grateful recovering addict

This face is excited about the bonfire meeting happening tonight. Eagle River campgrounds 8pm. Hope to see you there!

Well this is happening tomorrow

What else to you have to do? I don’t what could be better, recovery, hope, fellowship, and ME!! Lol

Ooohhhhhh conflict…let’s talk about it.

Conflict, it’s something I spent a lot of my life running from. I was a people pleaser so the idea of conflict of terrifying. I would surely do anything possible to avoid conflict and have to face some head to head. Over time and through life’s different trials conflict wasn’t something that scared me anymore. In fact I became some what of advocate in ways. Maybe it was when I became a mom. But I realized no one is going to advocate for you like you will, no one is going to fight for you like you will so do it. But when I wasn’t getting the answers I was wanting, or people weren’t treating me with respect I spoke up. I’ve been labeled intimidating and at first I was offended, but if intimidating means strong, brave, willing to speak up, courageous then I will take it. I don’t want people to be scared of me but I want people to know that I will ask questions, I will speak up, I will defend myself. I do this for me but I do this for others as well. I speak up when I see things that don’t seem right or fair and I’m not afraid to ask for answers. How are we going to change to be better. I don’t have to be a bitch to get my point across but through treatment and recovery I have learn how to be assertive. I’m not wanting to fight but I do want get things figured out, how can we resolve things. I would much rather have someone come to me and tell me how they feel or how I have hurt them or whatever. That way I can make things right. I can listen to them, I can validate their feelings, it allows me to look at myself, and then I can make changes to make things better. I am always looking for opportunities to be a better person. Conflict can be scary, but it can also teach us so much about ourselves and others. It’s how we approach it. Through my recovery I have gained tools to help me approach conflict in many different ways and I’m so grateful for it. I don’t have to be the bull in a China shop coming in with this “you’re going to listen to me” attitude. But know it’s about how do I take ownership, how can I resolve this issue or how to I step up and advocate for myself. I’m so grateful for my recovery.
Happy Fourth of July everyone.

James S. Bonfire Meeting July 9th @ 8pm Eagle River Campgrounds Speaker & Discussion meeting Bring Chairs

Service work. Just get out and help someone…it feels good.

Service work, man I love service work. It gets me out of self and thinking about a greater purpose. There is so much else going in this world and SURPRISE it’s not all about me, so whenever I get a chance to help someone else I do it. For me, service work feeds my soul. I don’t do it expecting anything in return, and the reward is just seeing how you helping them has enriched them. It doesn’t have to be much, maybe it’s just listening to someone who needs to talk, fixing a meal for someone who is sick or just had a baby, showing up for someone in there time of need. I’ve had people there for me along the way and I’m blessed to know that through recovery and the programs of NA and AA I have friends who will be there for me if I need them, so the least I can do is return the favor. When you are able to do this it brings you closer to your fellow man too. You start dropping down walls, become a little bit more vulnerable and people can get to know the real, authentic you. This is the gift that keeps on giving. I’m blessed to be apart of a program that believes you keep only what you have by giving the rest away.

You mean my s**t don’t stink?

This was HHHAAARRRDDDD for me my first time through recovery. I went into treatment thinking I was this laidback, caring, funny person. Well, you take the drugs away and BOOM I’m hit with feelings and emotions that haven’t been felt for years. Well, I guess with that my character defects became glaring. I mean I had more than one process group on me. Anger was my go to. It was my defense, it was how I felt in control …. Which ummm me being in control only led me down a path of destruction so what did I really know 🤷🏼‍♀️ but how dare these people feel this way. It’s hard hearing the not so great things about you, however, I learned from those process groups that I wasn’t really acting like myself and all I really needed to do was get vulnerable and become authentic, and that is where the real growth began. Let your rock bottom be the firm foundation you build your life on. Rock bottom is just a jumping off point. Another saying that I feel is very fitting for this is “I had to make you uncomfortable otherwise you never would have moved” That’s been another important part when it has come to my growth in recovery. If my Higher Power hadn’t challenged, pushed me to the edge, I would have stayed in the same sick cycle of relapse. I didn’t want the divorce but it was what I ultimately needed to recover as painful as it was to come to terms with and trust me it was PAINFUL. I’m a work in progress….progress not perfection.

Today is a good day for recovery my friends. I am going to Star Group 8pm Birthday meeting then I’m shuffling out to the valley for a midnight meeting at Kepler Park around the bonfire. Doesn’t get much better. Hopefully I see some of your beautiful faces there. We do recover!!

Surrender….it seems so simple yet it can be the hardest thing to do.

I struggled to surrender. I new very early on that I was an addict but I didn’t want to breath the words addict because that just made it real. I didn’t want people to know. If I said it out loud then it meant I couldn’t conquer it on my own and I was sssssooo convinced I could stop on my own 🤦🏼‍♀️ Surrender, so simple but so hard. My pride just made it impossible for me to do it. I sought help from a therapist who specialized in addiction, but I still showed up high. When I finally gave in and when to treatment I didn’t fully surrender because after 30 days I relapsed. I found a way to get my DOC and use. You see as addict we are pretty smart people. Our addict is cunning and baffling and so I used while in treatment. It wasn’t I spent a week using in treatment, lying and manipulating the people had accepted for who I was. The broken, flawed person that I was. The people who saw me for me because they were me. It was in that moment that I finally surrendered because I realized what I was doing wasn’t working. What I was doing was just taking me down a path of destruction. Once I finally surrendered, accepted things for what they were my recovery shifted. I was able to breath again, to laugh again and it felt great. Things haven’t been perfect, it’s been a work in progress but do know is that it is worth the work. I wouldn’t change anything, and I’m happier then I have been in a very long time. You too can have this. I am grateful for my surrender and decision to not use today.

Suiting up and showing up

Today I get to be the mom I want to be, the mom I wasn’t for a long time. This weekend I have been watching my daughter play softball at her comp ball tournament. In my addiction I missed many games because I was “sick” or I had a “headache” today I can enjoy watching something my daughter is so passionate about. To be honest softball in a lot of ways was her safe space too. While I was struggling with addiction she had softball, a group of friends that felt like family that she could rely on and lean on when mom couldn’t quite show up. Softball is something that is very special to her and today I get to share that with her. I’m so grateful for my recovery. What are you grateful for today?

Time to pay UP!! It doesn’t cost much, just the willingness to do whatever it takes to get clean and sober. You can do this — WE can do this!!

https://www.ted.com/talks/johann_hari_everything_you_think_you_know_about_addiction_is_wrong?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare

The opposite of addiction is connection…. This is SUCH a good video. I highly recommend watching 😆

Everything you think you know about addiction is wrong What really causes addiction -- to everything from co***ne to smart-phones? And how can we overcome it? Johann Hari has seen our current methods fail firsthand, as he has watched loved ones struggle to manage their addictions. He started to wonder why we treat addicts the way we do -- and if there m...

Acceptance is the answer to all things….

Once I was able to start accepting things for what they were things became ssssooo much easier. For example, accepting my divorce and current situation as a single woman with an ex husband who was actively dating was incredibly difficult. I was resistant for a long time, but the only person suffering was me. They weren’t worried about what I was doing or how I was feeling, they were going on with their life skipping down the road and eating bon bons and I was the one sulking, being depressed, getting upset over what they were doing, allowing them to rent space for free in my head. Once I accepted the situation it was so freeing, it was like a burden was being lifted off my chest. I remember calling my husband from treatment and telling him that “I too wanted the divorce. That I agreed with him and I thought it was the right thing to do” to some it might have sounded silly like ….. girl he had already asked you for the divorce, but in that moment I had taken my power back. I had accepted the fact that my life was changing. It’s not always an easy thing to do. Sometimes acceptance feels like such a daunting task, impossible. Sometimes we don’t want to accept things for what they are because maybe it does include a breakup, losing our children, facing criminal charges, the death of a loved one, the list of traumas could go on. However, once we can just let go can accept that’s when the healing and the growing can begin. Nothing in life that’s worth it always comes easy, but this is something that is so worth it. Once I could accept myself and all my challenges I learned to be more accepting of others. It’s a gift that keeps on giving. I am so grateful for learning how to surrender and accept. As difficult and as hard as it was at times I am blessed and grateful. Today I don’t have to use and that is AAAMMMAAZZZZING!

Some would say I am stubborn as a mule!

I wanted changed, I needed change but that change was scary. What did it look like? I knew what living a life of pain, misery and destruction looked like. That was my normal and even though I hated my existence it I was comfortable there because I knew what to expect. Broken relationships, negative self talk, broken promises, hurt, pain, shame, guilt. So why was I so resistant to change? Because I didn’t feel deserving of good things happening to me? And let me tell you I told myself that plenty of times. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired but my self will told me I could handle my addiction on my own, that I knew better, I just didn’t want to admit that I couldn’t do it on my own. But once that gift of desperation came I was ready. So ready that I booked my plane ticket a month out from treatment and told I’d be there in a month I just have to wait until my mother in law gets here to watch my kids. I would have gone on the next plane if it was feasible, but at that time it wasn’t.
Today I am so grateful I got out of self, swallowed my pride and asked for help. I wouldn’t be enjoying my life the way I am today if I hadn’t. The only thing that stays the same in life is change....sometimes we accept the change better then others. I do know I am so incredibly grateful for this change.

Have you ever wound up with someone else’s sunglasses on? Well, that happened to me. Yesterday I went out to recess duty, when I came inside I took my sunglasses off, and put them on the counter ONLY to have them sitting next to MY actual sunglasses. WHAT ?!?! I just did 30 mins outside with someone else’s sunglasses on my face and I have no idea how I got them. When I realized I had accidentally stop a pair of shades, I tried finding the owner only to find out that no one I worked with seem to be missing sunglasses or even recognize them. Ssssooooo where did these glasses come from? If I wasn’t in recovery I’m sure there would have been several possible scenarios for this occurrence, but since I’m in recovery nothing this exciting happens to me. So now on to solving the mystery of the sunglasses....who are you and where did you come from ? 🤷🏼‍♀️🥴

Today is the day!! I hope I can see everyone there...remember to bring a chair. I am excited to see you there.

Tomorrow June 10th
Wasilla Alano Club
Pizza & a Meeting
7pm

Uummm excuse me while I clean out my ears....
If this isn’t the damn truth!! I gave up on my dreams well before my addiction took hold of my life but when I was in it, I didn’t see any other way of living. I want to go back to school and pursue a career that I’ve wanted since I was a child and the best part is I CAN!! Today I am capable of doing whatever I want to, the skies the limit and it’s only possible because of my recovery.

Today is a good day for a meeting. Eagle River NA 6:30pm
Joy Lutheran Church

Hey friends spread the word. Get them to like this page. You can’t go wrong with the message of healing and hope!

Can I get an amen! There is no way I would have survived this recovery thing if it weren’t for the people I had met along the way. Every time I relapsed they were there with their arms stretched out to pull me out of the hole I was was in. It’s amazing the support I have today that has come from the programs. I definitely couldn’t have done this alone and knowing there are people who will show up no matter what is so comforting. These people have been placed in my life for a reason, I know it. They have kept me going when I thought I couldn’t do it any longer. I am so grateful for my recovery and everything that has come with it.

The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. We are so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for. We can recover!

If this isn’t the damn truth! Our addiction didn’t happen overnight so why should we expect our recovery to happen overnight. Expect for the fact that we are addicts and we have impulse control problems and we want what we want now, so why wouldn’t we want to just be healed BOOM like that. Well unfortunately it doesn’t work like that. I have to tell myself it was work to get the pharmacy, it was work keep the lies and the excuses going, so I should be able to put that same work into my recovery. I do know that my worst day sober beats my best day high all day every day. It’s a journey and it starts with a single step. It’s definitely worth it, I haven’t regretted one second of recovery.

Heading out to a meeting at Vita Nova 6pm.
Getting my recovery on

This is a good one. I was a liar and manipulator, so I didn’t do honesty. I mean unless it’s like “honestly, I have to wait until 9 am for the pharmacy to open” My life was a lie. I was a stay at home mom who volunteered in the classroom and baked goodies. Those around me didn’t know that I was probably high or thinking about how I was going to get high. I’ve lied about not brushing my teeth! That’s the insanity of this disease. But I don’t have to be that way anymore. Being open, honest and truthful is so much easier then having to think up of an excuse and keep it going. It’s so much easier than lying about the fact that you didn’t back into a tree when there is still a small limb 🌲of the tree sticking out of your bumper. I wasn’t necessarily always good at lying 🤷🏼‍♀️but I did it anyways.

Recovery is remembering your employee ID number......every single time you clock in and out!

If you only knew how many times I forgot the persons name who just introduced themselves to me, forgot what we were talking about, plans we had just made. I actually forgot that I was making a post........hahaha just kidding .....kinda of......maybe

Recovery looks like a butterfinger frappe and car insurance 🙄

https://youtu.be/oSeEw-E3sDM

Music can be so healing in recovery. I know I found new meaning, healing and comfort in songs. This one I heard one morning while I was getting ready for process group. I had relapsed while at treatment, I was finally experiencing feelings again wasn’t keen on the whole idea and went back to old coping skills. So on the morning of when I was to come clean to all the other people in the house during the morning process group this song came on the radio. I hadn’t heard it before and I haven’t heard it since. Definitely my higher power talking to me. What songs have spoke to you?

The Band Perry - Comeback Kid (Lyric Video) The Band Perry track “Comeback Kid” now available for streaming and download.iTunes: http://smarturl.it/TBPComebackKid Apple Music: http://smarturl.it/Come...

Dad joke of the day

“How do you follow Will Smith in the snow

Find his fresh prints”

Try not to laugh too hard

https://youtu.be/gjwofYhUJEM

Don’t be like Jennifer.....

Jennifer is a Party Pooper (7:12am) Apparent, a Kolleage of me poops at parties.Follow Flula Hier! //http://www.twitter.com/flulaLike Flula Hier! //http://www.facebook.com/flulaFlula Shop! //ht...

Now if this doesn’t sum up recovery in a nutshell