alexandramitrutoiu

I don’t have to justify my body/ I don’t have to justify my art.
I don’t owe it to anyone.
I caught myself thinking these exact words a little over a week ago while doing that thing most of us wouldn’t admit to - squeezing and picking at the tiniest imperfections on my face, while my brain was going at 100km/h trying to explain (to myself/to an imaginary interlocutor) why it was that I was having a breakout this time. And then it happened. Some part of me uttered those words: I don’t have to justify my body. It felt like a tight knot loosened, it felt almost revolutionary. And then I was shocked that I’d never actually thought of this before. How come? It’s such a simple concept, it’s so self-explanatory, so sensible. And yet, it was the first time it occurred to me.
Now, I don’t need to explain why it felt so subversive - I believe most of us struggle or have struggled, to some degree, with self-image, self-doubt, self-everything. Accepting that we don’t need to be perfect, especially for someone else, is common sense, but actually grasping this notion is a completely different matter.
And then, when I was going through that artist identity crisis I wrote about in my last post’s caption, telling myself that I don’t have to justify my art felt like a natural progression.
The need to explain my artistic choices (to myself mainly) has stunted me so much recently. I overanalyse the why’s of every new technique I want to try, and most times I end up not doing anything at all. Why would I collage the background? How is it related to the overall image? Why would I choose to represent a concept through illustration? Is there even a concept? No? Then why do it?
Because I want to, because it’s fun, because it intrigues me, because it gives me joy - these have never been viable answers for me.
But guess what? I don’t need to justify my art anymore.
I’m working through it.
What do you guys think? Can you relate?
(ps: I know there’s a time and a place to actually “justify” your art, especially as a professional artist. This is just a personal issue of mine.)

A little snippet of the illustration I’m working on & some sketches (reposted my drawing of Mikasa here because I hated how it looked on the feed 🥲)

I’m having a bit of an existential crisis with my art atm, after finishing uni. I always thought doing art would clear the waters for me and I’d come out of these 4 years knowing exactly what type of artist I was. And while I’ve been quite comfortable as a digital illustrator for the past 2 years, that was just a new beginning for me… and now more then ever I’m overthinking my style, my themes, and all the new techniques that I want to learn which are so incongruent to my previous art. Yes, I struggle with consistency, and a part of me can’t help but be disappointed that not even a bachelor’s in art could help with this. Disappointed and a bit ashamed.
On my best days I remind myself that I’m only in my early 20s and I have so much more to learn and develop, that playing around with my art is actually a good thing.
After taking a short break from my art, I came back wanting to combine a whole array of techniques so I thought… to hell with it, I might just do whatever I want now, there’s no reason why I should justify my artistic decisions.
Do you guys struggle with this as well? Or are you quite set on the type of art you’re making?

A little drawing of Glokta & co. from First Law trilogy because why not.

This took me way longer than it should have.

I finished a 4-year degree and all I got was this blanket!
But in all honesty...
PHEW
The Degree Show is absolutely brilliant, I am so proud of us, and what we’ve accomplished. It feels so eerie to be done with uni.
🥵

Fictional content: has a broody dark-haired side character who’s good at fighting
Me: 👁👅👁

For anyone interested, this is Valyn from the Unhewn Throne, a series with such a small online fandom that someone had to fill in the fanart gap. So here he is 😼

This series in one of the most underrated epic fantasies out there, it has an extremely original and diverse world building and amazing character dynamics. If you like epics or grimdarks, you don’t want to miss this one.

(Please!! I have no one to talk to about it 🥺)

Breaking my obnoxiously long hiatus to tell you guys that after 4 years of Fine Art, I’m finally qualified to decorate my own living room 🤯 100% worth the debt.

But now that we’re here, what’s been going on? I’ve been pouring sweat and tears into my final year project for the past month and in one week it’ll all be over. Then all I have to worry about is my final year exhibition 🥳

I’m hoping that after next week I’ll have time to get back to illustration. It’s been a looooong time and I have so many ideas for my next drawings. My hands are literally aching for my apple pencil. I have plans for some OCs and the Unhewn Throne fanart that’s been in the making for quite a while.

As for the paintings on my wall, I made them in 1st year. And for anyone who knew me back then, I’m so sorry! I used to spam my instagram with these and now I’m bringing them back. I will never not love them - my first ever oil paintings. You can find them on my feed if you scroll far enough.

A lil meet the artist moment.

If villain, then why sexy? 🥲

Be honest, why are you a Yeagerist?

After reading and watching Atonement both in one day, I went down the James McAvoy rabbit hole so drawing him as Robbie Turner was bound to happen one of these days 😣

My illustration for Check out their new article

I’m hopeless when it comes to backgrounds. Anybody got any tips?

Talk about castration anxiety ey

I was genuinely excited to post this❤️
I’m in such a good flow with my art atm. Let’s hope I can keep this up when uni starts again in a week. I’m also planning a bunch of new videos for youtube, and I might even upload the process for this piece. What do you guys think?

There have been some good noses on this account, but I’ve really outdone myself this time.

And yes, I’m going through a strong portrait phase.

Seems like someone had a bit too much fun with the brushes 😇 swipe for details 👉

Happy New Year!
I got a little bit emotional over the end of 2020...Even though I thought I coped decently with everything that happened, it seems like the “it is what it is” attitude isn’t exactly what they call “processing”. So be it. Like many things in my life, I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to get closure. But unlike other instances, I can’t just turn my back on 2020 and pretend that it never happened, and that starting 2021 everything will be 💫different💫.
Alas, despite this year seeing me at my lowest, it also saw me at my highest, so I thought a bit of gratitude is what I need to start off 2021.
Thank you, 2020, for for bringing me closer to myself, for pushing me in this deep murky dive within my own being, for making me reconsider and reform every stern “fact of life” I took for grated, for teaching me compassion towards myself and others, for showing me that some things are worth fighting for.
Thank you for teaching me how life should be valued, how to make the most of my time on this messed up rock in space, how to be more accepting of my own quirks, and how to live in the now.
Very sappy, I know.
This year, I was lucky enough to grow this little community and I’ve been having the time of my life doing so, and I’m manifesting that I keep up the same energy come 2021 (Thank you guys for sticking with me!). I got to curate my own exhibition right before lockdown (aka my “last normal night”), I got featured in various publications and online platforms, I (re)discovered my passion for drawing and digital art, and, for the first time since starting uni, I created for myself and not for “a good grade”.
Art, which for so long made me feel so insecure about my future, became my safe haven, and now that I create what I love and gained some recognition for it, I’m not longer that afraid. I’m taking it one step at a time. Maybe that’s what adulthood is all about.
Other things that kept me going this year: my family and friends, my amazing boyfriend, long runs, reading, cooking new recipes and baking.

Here’s to a less sucky 2021! 🥂
I hope it’s gonna be a tad bit more boring. And I hope this post won’t age like cow tiddy milk.
What are you grateful for?

New year’s fast approaching and so is my new identity crisis.
What do you guys think about this change of style?
I was in dire need of something to take me out of the rut 🤓

My illustration for

Things I’m working on:
🌼some wacky commissions
🌼a phat dissertation
🌼a mediocre studio assignment
🌼perfecting my milk foaming technique
🌼mustering the will to keep going

Last one in the series of unpublished illustrations. This one’s brief was “attention span”, which is that thing you’re battling now as you struggle to get to the end of this caption.

Same spiel as my last post.

So anyway, here’s an illustration for a mag that never got back to me 💀

A few days ago I illustrated for the first time in ages. It’s quite clear for me now where my heart belongs.

Ladies, never settle 🙌 Swipe to see a lousy first attempt.

I’ve been really bad with making art (and especially “instagrammable” art since staring uni. I have to focus on my dissertation this first semester, which leaves me no time to create. The only art I’m making for now are these small “”experiments”” (I hate this word)in embroidery for my studio module, which I’m going to pick up on in semester two. Wish me luck 🤡

I also have some footage from around the house... might post a new video one of these days. Lockdown’s been making people vloggers. It’s me. I’m people.

My feature in .mag issue 4💫

Nothing like a good breakdown during a morning online lecture. Thanking bill gates for the functions which let me turn off the mic and camera 😌🙏

Here I’m trying out different styles to decide which one I’ll go with in my studio project.

Behold

Detail from my last post because I love how it turned out 😇

Now that I’ve started uni, I feel like my drawing is entering a new era. In a way I’m going back to my pencil drawing days, but with a more colourful twist this time 🤭

A big chunky orange is not gonna stop my marker 😎 these are some snippets from my gouache demo and tutorial which I'm going to upload on my Patreon soon 😏

Mondays be like that... except that it’s Thursday and it’s still like that ☹️

You’d think after one year I’d be ready to start uni again. You’d be wrong.

Felt like documenting how disgraceful I look while riding my bike (inspired by a few selfies which should’ve never been taken) :D

I finally feel like drawing again🥳 I’m just playing with some newly discovered brushes atm. This is bleeding ink in procreate.

Back at it again with some fishy business 🐠
And if this looks familiar, that’s cuz it’s been ages in the making but refused to upload it since I have nothing else ready to post in a few days’ time and I was clinging on to this last thread of my productivity. Slowly working my way through some lineart now and despairing over my totebag launch. Wbu?

Pure bliss💫
Just paid customs on my totes and we finally have a release date!
With all this said, giveaway will end Wednesday as well so this might be your last chance to participate.
I only ordered 30 totes and if they sell well, I’ll order more in the future, as well as other products with my designs.
Finally (and most importantly) all patrons on my Patreon get 15% off and everyone subscribed to my newsletter gets 10% off, so if you want to hop on that, link to Patreon is in my bio, and to subscribe to the newsletter, simply dm your email address to me if you haven’t done so already.
Can’t wait to see them irl I’m over the moon excited🥳

For those of you asking if they are single... First off, are you guys ok?? But also, THEY ARE!! And they are looking for for a boo😉 I'll drop them along with several other drawings on my ETSY tomorrow, complete with cardboard mounts and wraps! Free UK delivery as well🤯

Procrastination levels so high, you'll be able to piece this together before I actually get to finish & post it 😔

Procrastination levels so high, you'll be able to piece this together before I actually finish & post it👁👄👁

A bit of grain might not save this entire piece, but it'll do for now😅

So this is a little close up of a work in progress. Not gonna lie, I've been feeling a bit of burn out lately, but I've been doing better the past two days. It's always good in the end, you just gotta sulk a bit through your art block and then get back to it.

Not sure where I was going with this. Enjoy the pink extravaganza! 💗

Very not sure how I feel about this one but this face close-up digital painting thing has been living rent-free in my head lately. ~aaaanny w a y~ this was inspired by a jellyfish face filter. I've been playing (read: procrastinating) with. And if you want to learn how to draw jellyfish, I have a tutorial about it on my youtube channel, link in bio😚