Angela Abide

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I made a post today about feeling hope . Later while running errands, this road I’d never been on ended in front of this sign.

I’m posting here in case you need one:

a sign.

“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.”
I Corinthians 13

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The Four Agreements was the topic of Episode 57. I said in that podcast how transformative practicing the agreements has been for me.

It is discipline for my mind. It is part of my intention to not be tossed around by my mind and emotions.

I don’t think I mentioned it in the episode, but over time I found it necessary to add a 5th agreement:

Don’t argue with what is.

This quote reminded me of that. Does it mean I’m not disappointed if the rain caused an event to be canceled? No.

Does it mean I don’t rush out and grab the chair cushions or cover the grill? No.

It just means I allow it to be, and I work with the parts of me that might feel scared of the thunder, or disappointed about canceling an outdoor event, etc.

If you are interested in learning more, this 5th agreement for me was highly influenced by the work of .katie

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Appreciate these men. ❤️
Sons, father, brothers.

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A beautiful plea from a mother’s heart:

It’s possible.

I know who you are.

I believe in you.

Don’t despair.

You must keep going.

We need you. ❤️

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So I had this idea…

“We can dress in pink and go see Barbie!”

In fairness it was influenced by their decision to dye their hair blonde for a tournament a few months ago. 😁

They agreed to do it and were fully committed to the bit.

One of them helped me move everything out of storage so I could get to the bag with the blonde wig. It was over 100 degrees—no complaints.

The other one drove two hours, made it on time, walked in the door smiling and playing a Barbie song on his phone.

We laughed a lot and they treated me like a princess.

There is a verse in the Bible that says—“delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

Last night I felt delighted—a rare and wonderful feeling—because these two wonderful men made it their business to give me the desire of my heart—to dress up and have fun.

As for the movie—it was fun and funny at first but the ending was a disappointment.

There was a contrast between the perfect and unrealistic Barbie World led by women and the flawed and difficult Real World run by men.

It could have been a great opportunity to show that masculinity and femininity together create life…that men aren’t better that women and women aren’t better than men—women and men are both essential.

There wasn’t one respectable male represented, and masculinity was portrayed as something cartoonish, domineering or stupid.

So maybe skip this movie 🤷🏻‍♀️ but consider for yourself or someone you love:

What would be fun?
What does the heart desire?
What would be delightful?

Moments of joy in the midst of the mundane and often difficult days remind us of what is also true.

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Since graduating from high school, I occasionally have a different version of the same dream: I didn’t do enough to get credit for a math or science class and it’s too late—I won’t graduate.

In last night’s dream it was a math AND science class. In these dreams I always feel ashamed and very critical of myself for being so stupid or careless. I worry about others and feel remorse for letting down the people who love me.

My youngest son graduated from high school in May (he did enough 😁) and it’s been a whirlwind of activity.

For the first time in 30 years or so, I get to exercise the adult privilege of deciding just for me:

What do I want to do?
Where do I want to be?

It’s exhilarating and terrifying. A part of me believes I can’t, another part is afraid I won’t…do the big thing, take the risk, be authentic, act intentionally.

My subconscious or unconscious mind is trying to work it out. My job is to have faith, work hard and love myself through it.

My focus right now is on helping my son prepare to launch as a college student and setting myself up for a successful transition to the next chapter:

to “graduate to the next station in life” I envision for myself.

Excited about what’s next for the Mission Manhood Podcast. See you in September. ❤️

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Peas=Feminine
Trellis=Masculine

Tutorial by

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A favorite photo of a favorite parenting phase—after diapers and before adolescence.

The youngest in the photo graduates from high school in a week, so the sun is setting on my era of active parenting.

So grateful for the opportunity to be a mother.

I pray they will know I did my best to love them as an imperfect human. That the shortcomings and inevitable wounds will be healed with grace and time.

Praying for you today—whatever your experience of Mother’s Day—that you will find peace and healing in relation to and in your memory of her.

From Episode 54 of the Mission Manhood Podcast, Conversations With Jye: Volume 2, link in bio.

Bad things—including divorce—happen to good people.

Helping families navigate through the rough waters of divorce is very important to me as a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Certified Divorce Mediator.

From Episode 53 of the Mission Manhood Podcast.

Repost from October. Mentioned in the just published Episode 52 of the Mission Manhood Podcast, seemed appropriate for today—Good Friday. 🙏

They are both true in this life:

The King of Kings

The Naked-Loser God

Up, Down

Strong, Weak

Giving, Receiving

You are not one or the other

Give strength, safety, structure

Receive compassion, care, consolation

Receive strength, safety, structure

Give compassion, care, consolation

The Dance:

In your heart,

In your relationships,

In the world ❤️

Art 1- 2-Pieta, El Greco

A very real and challenging post by “I have lost myself in this race, and I know not if I am to come back to what I used to be.

The problem with pursuing great heights is that your mind is too restless, too dissatisfied, constantly consumed by impatience, a persistent anxiety that tells you that you could be doing MORE.

Never stopping for one second to look at the love and life that is around you.

In seeking to build a great life, be careful that you don’t destroy the beautiful life that God has already blessed you with.

Soon it could be lost, because for all your efforts, life waits for no one.

You might die tomorrow and realize during your last flash of consciousness that you pursued an impossible goal with such focus that you missed your entire life.

I only hope it will be worth it. I only hope I can look back and say I did things right. That I acted like a man should. That I gave my all for the right reasons.

I have lost many opportunities to take a deep breath and take in the purest of moments because my mind refuses to let the present in.

No moment feels real, and you’re left to long forever for a future that never comes.

I fear that in this race towards a dream, I’ll let my entire life pass me by.

At this moment, here, now, I can’t do anything but wish that, eventually, I’ll reach a finish line.

That someday, I can finally rest, look my wife in the eye and see her, and just her, and not the visions of an ever changing future.”

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Episode 50!
Traver Boehm: Man Uncivilized
Traver Boehm

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2UtEeQ3Bjrtrc13HCrCGj8?si=TcUBf7rhQ6asldc5FwmYTA

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Father, brothers, sons, nephews: some of my favorite high-value men.

Faith, family, love, beauty, commitment, joy, praise, blessing, new life.

Along with my beautiful sister-in-laws and nieces we gathered to celebrate the wedding of my nephew Jonathan and his bride Ana.

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When I’d rather not be bothered, disrupt my way of life, or confront inconvenient truths, I drift away from the ideal and perpetually miss the mark.

This can lead to feeling hopeless and helpless about the future.

The good news is, the truth will set you free. Allowing yourself to see the truth, doing the work to be true to yourself, and deciding what action is needed to hit the mark or target, will lead to positive self-regard and satisfaction.

From the latest Love Revolution Substack newsletter: Our Greatest Sin (link in bio).

Learning to expand your way of thinking and practicing discernment are necessary tools in this modern world where you are consistently and continuously being taught how to be, how to see, and how to behave.

Can you hear the alarm? It’s time.

From the latest Love Revolution newsletter on Substack (link in bio).

Last week I listened to the Jocko Podcast episode 373 about the life of Booker T Washington and his book “Up From Slavery.”

Washington was born a slave and worked his way to a place of prominence, respect, and wisdom through hard work, mental toughness, and strength of character.

I was struck by how ignorant we are and how arrogant we are in our ignorance.

We could learn so much from our elders but we allow ourselves to be led around by the emotional whims of those who make demands without offering any of the sacrifices required for true wisdom.

This first person account of a path to greatness is inspiring and challenging and leads me to the conclusion: I really have no excuses.

It reminded me that I’d recorded an interview with Nat Bradford for The Deepening Place Podcast a couple of years ago and I rereleased it as a Mission Manhood podcast episode this week.

Another first-hand account of a man who lived through the history we critique and has a lot of hard-earned wisdom to share. Bradford was raised in segregated Austin, his grandfather was born a slave, he was among the first black students to attend the University of Texas, and he is nearly the same age as Emmet Till.

Nat Bradford: One Blood, E49, link in bio.

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Once upon a time I knew a man who had a beautiful vision for reconciliation between men and women. I thought we might be friends, collaborate, or at least share information.

As time went on, he became more religious, and told me I was out of line for offering information to men because I am a woman.

He’s gone from the great reconciliation to condemning (Christian) fat people and and now New Age people in some version of a holy war.

I believe the way forward for good people who want to be good is to find and follow those with earned wisdom who are Kingdom focused: shared values, honor, dignity, vitality, humility, service.

It’s quite possible that some women, fat people, and new agers share common values and might be assets in the culture war that threatens everyone.

The problem with belief is it insists on being right and demands compliance or else: you will be some ist or ism or a possibly a heretic.

It’s so obvious to see when the “other side” does it.

The Truth is Love and when we act outside of that we risk become the very thing we’re fighting against.

For more from a man with a vision of reconciliation for all and a lot of hard earned wisdom, I highly recommend the latest podcast #1933 with .b.peterson. It is encouraging, powerful, and humbling to hear about everything he is doing to try and save us.

Both Rogan and Peterson are dismissed by certain religious types due to their lack of conformity but there aren’t many who are fighting harder for the preservation of Free Speech.

Pro tip: pay attention to the ones both sides hate.

Slides from the latest Love Revolution Substack Newsletter (link in bio).

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When I was a girl, I had two parents, a safe school, a community church that was like an extended family, and lots of time to think, wonder and dream.

I was a proud American who trusted doctors, the government and the food pyramid: I believed.

It has been very painful to lose trust, hope, belief, and certainty over the last 45 years but I’m more free than I’ve ever been.

I’ve learned to focus on values and the pursuit of truth rather than on being “right” by adopting “correct” beliefs.

From the latest Love Revolution Substack Newsletter: Bucket of Belief, link in bio.

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I call this the he 3-6-9 practice.

3 minutes in the morning +
3 minutes in the evening +
3 minutes at bedtime to renew your mind and begin transformation.

In the world formation is prized (good and necessary) but the Kingdom requires a different way of seeing—transformation required.

From the latest Love Revolution Substack newsletter (link in bio).

An expansion of last week’s post answering the question, “What would it take to be clear, confident, capable, and in control?”

Links to a podcast with and and a YouTube video with therapy founder Richard Schwartz linked in newsletter.

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1. Allow yourself to see the past; the pain, the inner children that suffer, the survival system you built to manage it all. Just start observing, this is not a quick fix.

2. Forgive, let go, and learn to become a good parent to yourself (provide nurture/care, structure/order). This is work and will take time.

3. Establish good habits a few at a time and keep practicing. Add new ones at a pace that doesn’t overwhelm you.

4. Establish a vision. Understand where you want to go and hold yourself accountable. Ask, “Did my actions, thoughts, behaviors today move me toward the vision or away from it?”

5. Find a brother and/or a brotherhood of men with shared values and form a community.

The more you practice, the more confident, capable and disciplined you become.

It’s also great to have a sense of control instead of feeling tossed around by your mind and emotions and reacting to circumstances.

This is a simple formula but not easy. You may need professional help with past issues, current sabotaging behavior, and any addiction.

Would you add anything?

Please send any questions or comments. 🙏

Great prompt and food for thought from

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Why is sexless marriage so prevalent?

There are many reasons why, including the pervasive pestilence of po*******hy, but some of the reasons are the same ones I’ve written about over the last month in regard to why men feel hopeless and discouraged in general…

one of which is a loss of surety about how to be a strong masculine man in a culture that disapproves of strong masculine men.

In the latest Love Revolution Substack Newsletter—link in bio—I write about the online interaction that prompted me to write about sexless marriage, and why I believe an older, professional woman is uniquely qualified to help men understand how to relate to women. 🙏🙂

As always, I welcome your feedback!

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When I’m working with clients I talk a lot about the power of vision and the importance of establishing vision and intention.

When you visualize who you are becoming—the best version of who you can be—you create your own personal archetype, a standard you are reaching for.

Last week I had someone who couldn’t understand what I meant by this. I asked them if they remembered the 1992 movie “A League of Their Own.” In that movie there is a reunion of the players at the end, and the old lady version of Geena Davis’ character struck me. I was barely an adult at the time but I thought, “that’s how I want to be as an old lady.”

I’ve been mindful of that throughout my adult life and in order to get there I have to make sacrifices. She was regal, stylish, youthful, and in good shape.

In the last episode of the Mission Manhood Podcast had a great example of this (at min 19).

If you haven’t seen that movie, it’s a classic. The older version of Dottie (Geena Davis) was played by Lynn Cartwright.

Great post by

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It’s light and dark. Both sides are capable of both.

We are transformed by renewing our mind—learning to see.

Discernment.

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Additionally, I believe that the constant rhetoric about feminism increases the divide between men and women.

It’s a subconscious othering.

Just as an aside, there is a lot of anti-woman sentiment in men’s spaces.

The high value guys, the trad dads, the trans sympathizers on the left, the feminazi haters on the right…etc.

Sometimes it’s subtle, other times, not so much.