From Babies to Toddlers

Prepare yourself to contact nap. Hear me out! ⬇️

Because if we expect that we’ll have our hands free, the likelihood of us over-scheduling ourselves and getting frustrated is much higher.

Also, when our kids sleep, even for just a couple of minutes on a separate surface and we go rescue the nap, we had no other plans anyway.

The other thing is, when we plan something while our kids are adjusting to taking naps separately from us, we unconsciously rush the process. Then, helping our kids to sleep becomes a task we need to get done ASAP.

The message our bodies send to our children is that there’s something we are uncomfortable with which can actually make it harder for them to let go and fall asleep.

With all that said, practicing moving away from contact naps isn’t a straightforward path. In my experience, it’s more common then not that contact naps will continue to happen once in a while.

Tip: If this change is making you anxious or unsettled in some way, let go for now.

I hope this helps :)

Hey! I'm Mariana, an Early Years Consultant, and I'm so glad you're here!

⁕Follow along if you love all things child development, matrescence and slowed down parenting.

Thank you Rebecca Eanes ❤️

"Society expects children to act like mature little adults, and this unreasonable expectation puts undue pressure on parents to have their children perform well, especially in public.

Children are not small adults. Their brains have a lot of developing to do. Often we punish them for something they have absolutely no control over: an undeveloped brain"

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I'm so glad you're here!

-Mariana

The messages we get as parents when our children are struggling with big emotions:

Make them stop.
Solve the problem.
That’s inconvenient.
Be firm.
They will get spoiled.

I know this is hard,
but the one and only person you should focus on in moments
like this is the one who needs
you the most:

The human who is not yet ready to self-regulate, and depends on you to learn how to do it.

What are your
self-regulation strategies?
Have you thought about that? Did you learn that from your parents?

We need to practice the release of expectations we carry on our shoulders from childhood, so we can tune into our most primitive skills that society keeps pushing us to let go: Our intuition!

Don’t forget this:

YOU are the natural leader and you do not need to prove anything to anyone.

-Mariana

Why is this important?

By calling them, touching them or interrupting to take a photo, you give them the message that what they are working on is less important than what you want them to do.

We can all recall moments where we interrupted our children for a cuddle or to pick them up. You might be thinking “But I was being affectionate, how am I supposed to demonstrate love?”

We are certainly well intentioned but, when we act out of impulse, we lose the chance to observe and deeply see what our children were working on right before that moment, and this is also a way to demonstrate love.

When we observe, we enable our babies to learn and develop concentration skills. For infants, this could mean simply spending 5 seconds looking at their tiny hands.

Through observation, we gain valuable insights into the reasons behind their behaviours, for toddlers especially, before holding a loving boundary.

You both benefit from observation. You feel more present (mindful) and your child feels appreciated by what they can do.

Our babies constantly sign to us and invite our participation, when they are ready. They will often look at us when they shift interests and that’s the invitation.

If they are mobile infants or toddlers, you will notice that they come to us for emotional “refuelling” and that’s why they want us close.

Hey! I'm Mariana and I'm so glad you're here!

⁕Follow along if you love all things child development, matrescence and slowed down parenting.

It starts with us.

The socially expected filters come later, that’s why it is important to respect the “Stop", “Move away”, “I don’t like that”, “I need space” as a sign of them learning how to protect themselves from others by testing their language with you rather than an act of misbehave. “You are upset. I hear you”.

𝙃𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧, health and safety is not a choice. “Thank you for letting me know you don’t want to be touched. I will hold your hand when we cross the street”.

We tend to feel triggered by the things we were not allowed to do and express when we were little, but that doesn’t mean it is the right thing to pass along.

Aligning our values with our actions can be an impactful shift towards who we want to represent in our children’s life.

Hey there! I’m Mariana.

Thank you for being here!

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One of the most common questions I get is “Am I responding too much?”

Were you told that you are too responsive to your babies needs? If so, congratulations!

👉This IS the goal.

Responsiveness is the foundation for building a relationship of trust and respect. How do you feel when you are sharing something important with someone and this person keeps looking elsewhere in a distractive way? You don’t feel heard, right?

That’s where I believe things can get quite confusing. Being responsive to someone does NOT mean dropping everything you are doing to fix things for them, it means sympathetically answering to their communication attempt. It is a positive message that we are aware, we see, we are there.

So no… You are not too responsive. You care!

I'm so glad you're here. You're doing a great job.

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-Mariana

People get confused about what being responsive means. They believe we are reactively responding to a child’s needs but that’s what mainstream parenting does.

Responsive parenting is not about avoiding tears or reacting passively. It involves being connected, conscious and prepared to welcome and address a child's emotions.

Responsive parenting involves actively listening to children and meeting them where they are emotionally and developmentally.

It’s being ready to listen to our children and understand that the responsibility for self-regulation lies with the adults, not the child.

Building responsive, respectful and conscious relationships is an act of bravery in a world that's so resistant to changes.

Hey! I'm Mariana and I'm so glad you're here!

⁕Follow along if you love all things child development, matrescence and slowed down parenting.

We can help our children learn not to see emotions as something they need to suppress, as we often do.

Here's how we can help them, starting with ourselves:

-Identify what is the main source of stress. Sometimes what dysregulates you, also dysregulates your child, so this can help both of you.

-Identify what is the main source of stress. Sometimes what dysregulates you, also dysregulates your child, so this can help both of you.

-What helps you down regulate? Or regroup yourself?
(Some things that have helped me to self-regulate before intervening in the past: stretching my body, counting internally, deep breaths, opening the windows, looking at the ceiling, a jump or two...)

-After you’re able to down regulate, reflect about what happened so you can find your own ways to slowly build your repertoire of self-regulation strategies.

It is important to remember that some days are harder than others.

We won’t always be able to deal with things the way we wished and that’s ok.

Changes start with self-awareness (that’s when we are able to see when we need extra help from mental health professionals, too.)

Hey! I'm Mariana and I'm so glad you're here!

⁕Follow along if you love all things child development, matrescence and slowed down parenting.

Usually, when we struggle to empathize with others, it could mean we are in need for empathy ourselves.

We may even find ourselves demanding that our children have empathy toward us, as a way to fulfill our own needs.

We may even find ourselves demanding that our children have empathy toward us, as a way to fulfill our own needs.

It is mostly an unconscious process, something passed on, generation after generation, that only stops when we become aware that this can happen.

Once we acknowledge ourselves, we will notice our own blocks, more and more each day.

The realization that a better world starts in our homes, not with our children or future generations, but with ourselves today, gives the responsibility back to whom it belongs. Day after day, inch by inch.

Hey! I'm Mariana and I'm so glad you're here!

⁕Follow along if you love all things child development, matrescence and slowed down parenting.

It requires a huge effort from us, adults, to reduce the pace…

To be and feel here now.

To break the cycle of busyness, to value and allow the slowness back into our lives…

It's hard when all we see around us speeding up and not slowing down. The culture that values more instead of less...

So, how can we unlearn this?
How can we reduce the parallel life marathons, competing with each other with no finish line in sight?

There's a way most of us already see, but fight against…
We learned to rush it. We were rushed too.

You know the conflict we face as parents… Living in a fast-paced society while human development still needs to take its time.

Children live in slowness.
Slowly getting dressed, eating, putting on shoes, transitioning from activities, adapting…There's a lot to learn from them.

But what if I tell you that the answer lies in this exact conflict? That we are stuck in this vicious cycle of getting 'back to normal' when the normal is exactly what we shouldn't be back to because parenting allowed us to see from a different perspective.

Society seems to be requiring us to speed up each day while our children need us to slow down.

They need us to quit the marathon, stop pushing beyond limits, and reconnect to ourselves.

They need us to feel whole and realign our values.

They need us.

Hey there! I’m Mariana.

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Slide 3 is especially important..

You are allowed to grieve the motherhood you imagined, as you find your own way to be a mom.

In case you need to hear this today:

👉You don't have to know everything.
👉You don't have to always get it right.
👉There's nothing wrong in feel what you feel.
👉You can ask for help.
👉You can ask for professional help.
👉You might find that what works for others, doesn’t work for you.
👉You can have your own boundaries.

And last but not least..

You. Matter.

I hope you're well, mama. Big hugs.

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-Mariana

We are so focused on fixing our children’s behavior that we easily forget what it really means.

We all behave in ways that communicate something, and if you are a sensitive person, you know exactly what I mean.

When our children are clinging to us, trust them. Trust that there’s no fixing to be done, and let clinginess be.

I know! It's normal - and healthy - to need a break. We are allowed to ask for help and take care of ourselves, even when our little ones dislike it. It’s important to have those moments!

When we trust our children and shift how we see their needs - not as something we can/should control - we are able to wholeheartedly empathize.

That’s when they start feeling comfortable in their own feelings about that strong need to be close to us, and separation becomes less alarming.

You're doing a great job.

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-Mariana

You've likely heard about the five love languages before. But more likely in regards to your adult relationships.

However, understanding both our child's and our own love languages can profoundly impact our relationship.

P.S. Our little ones may be more open to one love language BUT it’s important to remember that we all benefit from all expressions of unconditional love.

The 5 love languages are:
👉Words of affirmation
👉Acts of Service
👉Gifts
👉Quality Time
👉Physical Touch

Swipe through for a breakdown on each of the love languages and how it relates to your relationship with your little one.

Let me know below, what is your love language. Do you know your child's most preferred?

Hey! I'm Mariana and I'm so glad you're here!

⁕Follow along if you love all things child development, matrescence and slowed down parenting.

And what's really happening is..

Babies are performing their own experiments, building self motivation and learning through play and curiosity.

When our littles do things over and over, even when we have asked them to stop.. Please don’t take this personally.

Remember they are little scientists.

Here’s their scientific method:

•Babies observe. They are born observers.

•They have questions. Many of them! All inside, boiling and ready to be tested out.

•Babies have hypothesis of how things work based on their observations of the world around them.

•And as an example, after months of getting ready to be mobile, they are finally free to test it out! How exciting for them.

We might say.. “I see you can climb the nightstand. I am coming close to you right now.”

We can either help our littles come down if we are uncomfortable, or stay next to them while they come down on their own.

Most of us react in a negative way “NO! You can’t climb this! I’ve told you many times this is not safe!”.

What we often don’t realize is that our children can internalize the “YOU CAN’T DO IT”.

I know! It seems like they are testing us and pushing our boundaries at every turn.

But what they are really doing is testing themselves.

We are here to make sure they are safe while testing their little hypothesis. Not letting them be unsafe, while having respect for our little scientists.

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-Mariana

Imagine this..

You're anxious to share that you're feeling unwell with your partner or friend.

They notice your anxiety but instead of listening, they start shushing, hugging, singing, offering you snacks.

This only intensifies your anxiety, and you eventually give up when it becomes clear they can't handle your emotions.

👉When our children cry, the most important message they should receive from us is that we are interested and ready to listen.

We make ourselves available and offer comfort, letting them know, “I am here for you. I am listening.”

Our children’s prefrontal cortex will not be fully formed until about 25 years of age!

This is the part of the brain responsible for impulse control, self-control, decision-making among many other executive functions.

In order to foster emotional intelligence, we need to understand that our children's emotions are theirs. They get to feel how they feel. All emotions are okay.

(We all know how difficult it is sometimes to manage our emotional flooding, even as adults - with fully formed brains).

It’s important to frequently remind ourselves that we are NOT failing when our children cries.

Instead, we are creating a safe space for our little ones to express their emotions with us. This is going to serve them well for a lifetime.

Big hugs, mama. You’re doing a great job💛

👋Hey! I'm Mariana and I'm so glad you're here!

Follow along for all things child development, matrescence and slowed down parenting.

Responsiveness is the foundation to build a relationship of trust and respect.

Being responsive doesn't mean dropping everything we are doing reactively, it means answering in a way that lets the other person know we are aware, we see, we are there.

And this is what our children need to take for granted.

Can you think of someone you know that makes you feel seen even if they can't fix the world for you?

I'm so glad you're here. You're doing a great job.

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-Mariana

It is hard to be in the moment. We are constantly being pulled in every direction by our thoughts, worries and different responsibilities.

It’s a challenge we face as parents, to become aware of our body sensations, our own emotions, and slowing down in order to improve our relationships with those around us.

A brief pause to process our overwhelm with self-compassion can often help us see our children more clearly.

Appreciating their developmental stage and respecting what they can and cannot do.

When we don’t open space for compassionate self-observations, we often end up assuming things based on our own experiences, interrupting the communication process from happening with our children before it actually starts.

For instance, when our children cry and we can only see the crying and not what actually came before that.

Becoming aware that we don’t always have the full picture can help us get some perspective about our own triggers.

This is a daily practice, something to keep reminding ourselves.

By giving ourselves enough time to actually understand what our children are trying to communicate, even if that means slowing our response a little bit, we give them the message that they are part of the relationship.

“I hear you. You are saying this ___” or “ You are crying and I am coming close to you” until we organize our feelings to respond.

Being seen is one of the most amazing feelings, and that includes being understood. We can’t understand someone if we are not open to observe and really see the other person as an individual.

Hey there! I’m Mariana.

Thank you for being here!

Follow for all things child development, matrescence and slowed down parenting.

Remember these 3 things👇 (And then keep swiping!)

1. Most of us, adults, are just learning how to say “no”.

2. Most of us have a hard time establishing boundaries. Saying “yes” when we’d like to say “no”.

3. Most of us view “no” as defiance, which makes it harder to establish our own boundaries and see them
as a right.

All of these things can make it difficult for us when our children are very frequently saying “no”.

As parents, we want to validate our child’s boundaries when they say ‘no’, not the opposite.

Our child’s “no” is not defiance, but a way for them to slowly find their own voice.

They try it with us first.

Their ‘no' doesn’t change the fact that we are the leaders.

How amazing is it that we're teaching our children to stand up for themselves and express their feelings to those they look up to.

Does it mean we will let children do whatever they want? Nope! It means we acknowledge their dislike while feeling safe that we understand this is part of human development.

Validate - “I hear you. You said ‘no' when I said it’s time to go home”

Give options within the boundary - “We can go running or jumping to the car”

Empathize while staying firm with the boundary when the boundary is important for you - “You said ‘no’. You want to stay and we have to go”.

Our children have the right to dislike our boundaries. That’s the foundation for critical thinkers!

There’s nothing wrong in questioning and disliking.

The role of leaders is exactly that, to be open to hear, even when criticized.

What do you think? Do you sometimes have trouble saying no and holding boundaries for yourself?

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-Mariana

There are a lot of common misconceptions when it comes to responsive parenting.

Responsive parenting and being respectful to children does NOT mean we will not give our children opportunities for independence.

Instead..

⁕It means we don’t rush independence because we do not fear dependence.

⁕It means we know there’s nothing wrong with following baby’s natural patterns for feeding, sleeping and motor development.

⁕It means we understand the importance of connecting with ourselves so we can connect to our children.

⁕It means we are willing to heal our wounds and conditionings so we an go ahead without unconsciously hurting others.

Have you ever heard that being responsive holds our babies and children back from independence?

Hey! I'm Mariana and I'm so glad you're here!

Follow along if you love all things child development, matrescence and slowed down parenting.

Hey friends, it's been a while!

We've been transitioning to a family of 5. And as with every postpartum period, there has been ups and downs.

In fact, as I navigate the first year of parenting a new little human for the third time, I'm being reminded of the main reason I started to share my reflections on parenting and mothering 4 years ago.

The first year feels to me like an intense roller coaster, with loop after loop, abrupt ups and downs, and curves that end in dark tunnels followed by bright ends –

you know, those that you have to close your eyes to get back your focus.

Mothering a new human feels like entering a ride. You have no idea where it leads but you know there's a point where the ride slows down and you arrive back at your center.

If you haven't gotten there yet, you will. I've been there too.

Then, I got a new ticket and jumped on the ride once more. This time some curves and tunnels were familiar, while others weren't.

There's always learning to be done, things to find out about ourselves, and a huge effort to let go… let go of what was, so we can welcome what is.

I hope you're well, mama. Thank you for being here!

⁕Follow if you love all things child development, matrescence and slowed down parenting.

-Mariana

Is bedtime a battle in your house?
See my suggestions below.

Wait, but how do I know if my child is experiencing separation anxiety?

Usually around Separation Anxiety peaks, you will find yourself going through major exhaustion from parenting. Your little one may be needing even more proximity, waking up more often at night, maybe clinging more, and not really wanting you to be out of their sight. Separations can become more challenging, with more tears.
Although hard on both, you and your child, this is normal! They are not spoiled, and you aren't doing anything wrong.

Children need to depend on their caregivers first and trust the relationship, a process that can't be rushed. Once developmentally ready and respecting the child's temperament, independence will come as well as more confidence in the reencounter when saying goodbye. This is not something we can teach! So when someone says your child is too attached, take a deep breath and let go! You are doing great and "too attached" doesn't exist.
It is important though to take some time to reflect on your own feelings regarding these times. It's not easy to navigate such an emotional stage, especially when the messages we receive are so incoherent.

I hope this post helps you to trust yourself and your little one.
Mariana x