Fight, flight or write - by Charlotte Brighton

Mental health awareness week is coming up, so I thought I'd write a piece talking about what gets me through difficult days in the hope it inspires others.
Fitness.
Not just any fitness though. Over the years, I've been in and out of gyms, but quickly lost interest. I've been into running then became bored, into swimming, into cycling, and became bored. I still like these exercises occasionally, but they're not sustainable as they just don't hold my interest. They're monotonous, missing excitement.

18 months ago I saw an advert for a bootcamp. Advertised as being the UK's number 1 bootcamp, with an offer on to try them out for next to nothing. I decided why not.
Having spent most of my life too afraid to step outside of what I know, with people I don't know, I was terrified. But wow was it the right decision!

Bootcamp UK Fareham is not just any fitness class. Its a community full of the most amazing people I've ever had the pleasure to meet. There's no unwelcoming 'Cliques', there's never a feeling of being an 'outsider', there's nothing but love and support. Having spent my life feeling like I don't fit in anywhere, and feeling unliked by most people, it was refreshing.

The sessions themselves are always challenging and never dull. This isn't your average fitness class. If you're looking for a class where you can give 10% effort, where you're there because you want to 'look cool' and say 'I work out' but without putting the work in, where you don't want to sweat and ruin your perfect make up or see sweaty armpits then this isn't for you.
If you want somewhere where you're going to push your mind and body to the max and see real changes, if you want workouts that are constantly varied, surrounded by people who will have your back 100%, behind you every step, supporting you, then this could be what you're looking for.

This year alone I have climbed Pen-Y-Fan, ran with 20KG on my back, completed a duathalon, flipped a huge tractor tyre 10 times in under 3 minutes, taken part in a 12k mud/obstacle run, just to name a few, I've also attended various social events such as a live music festival, raising money for Combat Stress, organised by the fantastic instructors, all ex-forces, who are so passionate about what they do and put in an enormous amount of effort to make BCUK what is it. I bet you don't get that with your local legs bums and tums class.

Being part of Bootcamp UK Fareham has changed my life. If I'm having a bad day, bootcamp brings me a stress relief that no antidepressant ever has. Just recently I was having a horrendous day full of stress, anxiety and anger. Within 10 minutes of being on that field those negative feelings had dissipated. The exercise, the atmosphere, being outdoors, surrounded by these incredible people, it was, and always is the perfect medicine for mental health problems.

Don't take my word for it. Check it out: 6 Free sessions https://www.bcuk.uk/claim-your-6-free-bootcamp-uk-sessions-here/

Claim your 6 FREE Bootcamp UK sessions here! - Bootcamp UK Congratulations on finding our limited offer to claim 6 absolutely FREE Bootcamp UK sessions! Here is the link Please feel free to share this link with your friends. FAQ’s What’s the catch? – There’s no catch, these are entirely FREE sessions, and there’s no commitment or obligation to sig...

Little extract from the book I'm working on:
"Come to the beach with me later tonight sweet girl" He softly asked in that sexy greek accent.
"I cant, my parents wouldnt let me" plus I dont want to as I dont trust you, I thought to myself.
For the rest of the day I avoided him. Avoided eye contact, avoided cocktails. When I later made my way to the bar he looked angry. As I reached the bar he leaned in and whispered, in a blunt, almost angry tone, 'youre a tease". He didnt speak to me any more after that, and swiftly moved onto flirting with other young women. Filthy sleezeball, inner me thought.

I'm woken with the biggest headache, laid on my couch, notepad and pen have fallen to the floor and im shaking, my vision has blurred, my skin feels hot and I'm unable to speak. I pass out.

"Charlie"
"Charlie wake up!"
Flashes of light come in waves. Every time I try to open my eyes they burn and my head feels like its going to explode. Everything feels hot, is the room on fire? I drift in and out of consciousness.
I can hear the sound of beeping now. An alarm? Oven? No, I recognise that sound. Heart monitor. I drift into a deep sleep.

1 week later

The feel of the Mediterranean sea on my legs is warm and comforting. The sound of the gentle waves hitting the golden sands is serene. Its so quiet. The peace is like nothing I've ever experienced.
"Nurse! She's waking up!"

Monday morning musing. 6 weeks antidepressants free.
A friend recently told me I was bubbly and chatty whereby I'm not usually. Bubbly and chatty – that's not something Ive heard in reference to me in many years. 15 years ago that's how people would know me – chatterbox, bubbly, happy, someone who would be enjoyable to be around. In education it would always get me in trouble because I just could not stop talking. Loved to talk, always with a smile on my face.
My teachers would be forever exasperated by me. I wasn't naughty, nor would my chatting be negative. Never one for spiteful gossip or cruel words. I simply could not stop chatting about anything and everything, the funnier the better because laughing and making others laugh - well there was just nothing better. I recall often being sent out of class or shouted at because I just would not shut up!
16 years on antidepressants and I had no idea I'd lost such a big part of my personality. The part that always made me who I am. The silly, rarely serious, chatterbox who lived for laughter.
Funny thing is, I don't FEEL happy and bubbly. Life is exhausting. Motherhood is exhausting. Trying to have a life, socialise, have a career, keep a nice home, look after my health and fitness, be a good wife, AND keep 2 small children alive is exhausting. But we do it don't we? We suck it up and get on with it because that's what we are expected to do.
We often hear our elders say 'We managed it, we juggled it all and got on with it', but is society not more challenging now? More expectations, life is a faster pace. Everywhere we look we are surrounded by expectations. The world is watching.
I think its ok to find it all just a bit too tough. I guess that's one of the many reasons we've become a Prozac nation – because its easier to numb it all than to face the reality that you just cant hack it.

My bubbly personality is there, bubbling on the surface, popping up every now and then, but I have a long way to go till I feel like me again. I have a daily conversation with myself about going back on the meds, but I am determined to face life and all its challenges using everything I am made of. I just may have a few meltdowns along the way...

I started this page fuelled by a life long desire to write, yet I've found myself struggling to put thoughts into words on a page. Picking up the laptop multiple times only to find myself staring at the screen for a moment, then closing the lid.
6 months ago I made the decision to come off of antidepressants I'd been on for approximately 16 years. 3 weeks ago I stopped taking them after carefully weaning off them.
Do I feel better for it? I'm really not sure. Do I regret coming off them? I haven't yet decided.
16 years of feeling almost numb. Minimal tears shed. Minimal anger shown. Extreme happiness a rarity. So suddenly feeling everything is overwhelming, exhausting, and bloody scary.
Like a well built sail boat, able to withstand the stormy seas, yet spending its life peacefully floating along a calm river, suddenly to be thrust into the ocean, merciless winds causing the relentless waves to crash against its armour like a thousand rocks. The boat heaves and sways, fighting to stay above water. Well built be it may, it still feels every wave.
Time. A valuable tool that requires patience. I dont want to be part of a prozac nation. But I need time. Will I stay med free or not. Time will tell.

For as long as I can remember I've enjoyed writing, from a young girl writing in those little 'secret diaries', with the flimsy little padlock, to a teenager in secondary school getting engrossed in and actually enjoying essays and coursework, being regularly complimented by teachers for my 'excellent writing skills', then as an adult, using social media for carefully worded 'rants'.
However, I've never written anything of any real significance. Until 18 months ago.
I had an idea for a story pop into my head, overwhelmed with a flood of details and events that would happen in this story, I rapidly started to write. Bit by bit, slowly over 18 months I've added bits, changed bits and tweaked bits. Its far from finished, only the tiniest fraction of it written so far and the ideas come in waves. Feedback from the few that have read it so far has been positive.

However. There are thousands of writers out there, how do I get MY writing noticed? Well as its 2022, there's only one answer really. Social media.
So here I am, starting a blog. I have various things I plan to write about that will hopefully be relatable. I just hope you enjoy what I write and engage with my posts.

This will either work, or it wont. But it absolutely wont work if I don't at least try :-)