LOL Spam

Quick! Throw it away before it--KABLAAAM! - Spam subject: “This stock will explode!”

Cruel
Spam subject:
“ How can you be so cruel to me? I’ll have to react and destroy you.
”
It was in the discards folder, so I have no idea what was in the message (probably a dubious pill or “enhancement” sales pitch - these things always seem to...

We're back
Not that we’ve been terribly active lately, but we disappeared from the net for a while because Tumblr deactivated our domain name. The reason: it wasn’t pointing directly to Tumblr’s servers. It was actually pointing to CloudFlare, which...

If you wish, charts and diagrams will be provided to show you precisely how wonderful your blog is to me
So I’ve been getting generic comment spams on Speed Force today, the kind that look like someone took a bunch of compliments and a thesaurus and...

Spam subject:
“ PLEASE TRY TO UNDERSTAND ME
”
Now that’s a desperate cry for help if I’ve ever heard one.

I think you mean the FIB
Spam subject:
“ FBI OFFICE GET BACK TO US IMMEDIATELY IF YOU DONT WANT US TO ARREST YOU
”
Somehow I don’t think the FBI would be emailing me from an AOL.com address.

Spider-Sense Isn't All That's Tingling...
Spam subject:
“ “She will be amazed by your new power” ”
But that’s still not a good reason to hang around radioactive spiders, gamma bomb test sites, or stand by the window of the chem lab during a lightning...

Spam subject:
“ Ready to lose some weights?
”
Just bring your own weights to the gym and leave them lying around. You’ll be sure to lose some in no time!

“ Absorb potency for longer nailing
”
Huh. Most people go to the hardware store for that.

Action
Spam subject:
“ “Give her the best action every night” ”
…with a subscription to Spike TV!

Express!
Spam subject:
“ Your Degree shipped by PONY
”
I suppose that’s cool in a historical sense, but aren’t there faster methods available these days?

Spam subject:
“ “Make your bone-on sustainable” ”
As long as it’s a 100% organic experience…

Did somebody order a helicopter?
Spam subject:
“ “Your order N42273 for helicopter for the weekend” ”
Considering it’s on a UPS phish, I have to ask: How are they planning to ship the helicopter?

Spam subject:
“ SORRY FOR INFRINGING ON YOUR PRIVACY!!!!
”

I Don't Want to Know - Spam subject: “Boob job gone way wrong…to your bed” from “Unexpected Result”

Speed Reading: Nice Try

speedforceorg.tumblr.com speedforceorg:
“ Part of an email I received last night:
“ This is Rosa from [redacted]. We write about Speed Reading, and some of your recent discussions and posts inspired our recent article, “The Truth About Speed Reading” ([redacted]).

”

Not terribly likely, given that my site uses “Speed Reading” as the title of a linkblogging feature and not a topic of discussion.

”

Obviously they just did a keyword search for “speed reading” and fired off a “link to us!” campaign without checking the sites that came up.

Is This Thing On?
A series of spam subjects in my junk folder, sorted alphabetically. I can’t help but read them as someone repeatedly trying to get my attention, getting more frantic and frustrated as time goes by.
“ how are you doing?
how are you...

Bogus Better Business Bureau Bulletins.
These spams would probably be more effective if sent to an actual business address.

Not what they usually mean by "happy pills"
Spam subject:
“ Joyous drug store with meds at cut rates
”
Not sure what’s funnier: the idea of a “joyous drug store” (what makes the store so happy?) or the fact that the message claimed to be from the...

Only 309 Days Left!
Spam subject:
“ So you will find here the best presents for Christmas and Sylvester party.
”
Maybe it’s just me, but advertising Christmas specials in February doesn’t seem like it would be very effective.

This is Why I Moderate "Comments" on My Web Sites

Sorry I haven't posted much lately. To tide you over, here's some funny comment spam collected by This is True at Jumbo Joke.

jumbojoke.com Spam doesn't just come by e-mail: a favorite spammer trick is to put a comment on a web site that "just happens" to have a URL in it, with hopes of getting traffic from popular sites.

Spam Upgrade
Actual spam subject:
“ Spam Upgrade Your Account!
”
They can’t have sent it out like that, can they? That’s got to be some intermediate system that slapped on the “Spam” label, right?
Or else…what the heck is a “Spam Upgrade?”

Spam subject:
“ Check out this coffee
”
From someone calling herself “coffee.girl80.”
Nice try, but I know the “hot coffee” mod doesn’t work in real life.

Spam subject:
“ “Desired windows parking” ”
Cheaper than the desired Mac parking, but you run a higher risk of crashes.

More Meat
Spam subject:
“ Get carnally upsized
”
Sounds like a 4x4 at In-N-Out.

You Have Been...DELCINED
Spam subject:
“ The variant of the contract you’ve offered has been delcined.
”
Didn’t pass the spell-check, huh?

Saucy!
Spam subject:
“ Saucy young college hotties
”
All right! Marinara wrestling!

Spam subject:
“ 100 hottest babes on the planet
”
Let me guess: They all live near the equator.

Stopped Clock
Spam subject:
“ stop wasting time manually submitting to link directories.
”
Good advice, actually. I don’t think anyone uses them anymore.

Spam subject:
““Make your bone-on sustainable””
Is it a totally organic experience?

Spam subject: “ She loves it bigger and longer ”
…so be sure to take her to the extended IMAX showing.

Spam Works - Businessweek

Again on the serious side: an interesting infographic on the economics of spam.

businessweek.com Behind the drug advertisements in your inbox is a multimillion-dollar mail-order pharmaceutical business

Looking up?
Spam subject:
“Make your wiener an ‘optimist’”

More Generic Blogspam
Perhaps less funny than sad, but here’s another comment spammer whose software plugged in every phrase on its generic comment list instead of picking one at random. Notice how vague these tend to be, so that they could easily...

On a related note, I keep reading the spam “Crude Oil Proposal” as a crude proposal involving oil, not a proposal about crude oil.

Context is everything, isn't it?
Pair of spam subjects:
“ Attain your desired proportion and size
ATTENTION: Final Notice of Your Package
”

Spam subjects: "Attain your desired proportion and size" and "ATTENTION: Final Notice of Your Package" - context is everything, isn't it?

So, according to Facebook, most of you aren't actually seeing these posts. 51 of you like LOL Spam, but most posts only have a single-digit "reach." Maybe FB thinks the posts look too spammy?

Cross-posting from Tumblr is fixed!

Thanks, I feel SOOO much better now!
Spotted at the end of an email sent to a spamtrap address using the title of one of my link round-up blog posts as a subject, claiming that their customers were searching for my information (did I mention it was a...