Sunrise Warrior

My morning therapy session.

Therapy for me used to include polishing off a bottle of wine or two at home as a long day would come to an end.

It might not have been the best therapy, but in many ways it worked. Whatever challenges and grind were going on in my life at the time would temporarily take a backseat as I decompressed.

It didn't solve anything, but it provided a needed oasis.

We all need to decompress from the grid of life sometimes. So what does your therapy look like?

Ten years ago when I started to really work on myself and address some issues that I had lingering from the past, I really started to dredge up old suppressed feelings and emotions from memories I buried years earlier.

On one hand I was making progress by addressing buried trauma for the first time in my life, but on the second hand I had all of these feelings of overwhelming stress, anger, sorrow and disappointment.

So what did I do?

I did what I had trained myself to do for decades before. I went to old reliable. I leaned into alcohol. And I leaned in hard. Alcohol did what I hoped it would do. It unplugged me temporarily from the pain, so I could continue to play the part of a well put together man.

I don't regret that time. I needed that time to get to where I am now. But I won't go back there.

I found better therapy for me.

I found therapy in books.

I found therapy in long walks.

I found therapy in the gym.

I found therapy in mediation.

I found therapy in journaling.

I found therapy in being present in every moment of my life and appreciating each for the true treasure that they are.

But a funny thing has happened as my therapy has evolved away from alcohol to these other positive and healthy treatments.

I'm getting stronger mentally and physically.

Now, I don't need to unplug from the pain of the past or present. Today, I run towards the pain.

The pain is where the growth is located. And I have a full toolbox of tools to manage and harness the pain.

I'm not running. I'm not hiding. I'm here. And I'm ready for whatever comes my way. But I'm not waiting for anything to happen.

I'm taking action every day to get what I want, and I'm bringing the pain with me as my rocket fuel.

I have work to do. I ain't finished yet. In fact, I'm just getting started.

So if you are like me, and you are running from the pain to survive everyday, you are my people.

Know that there are others of us out here. But know that there's a better way. And know that you need never to run from that pain again.

I embrace my pain. It's my superpower. I decide what I do with my pain. Just like I did when I picked up that bottle. Now, I am deciding a new path and it is evolving every day!

Excited for the future. Fueled by my past. And here with my eyes wide open for the present 💪🙂👊

Went to the gym early this morning and sat in the parking lot for a few minutes.

I was a bit off.

Ordered out and ate a late dinner last night. There were certainly better choices on the menu but I ordered what I would have usually ordered before I made a commitment to put better food in my body.

After I ate it I was in my head. How committed am I?

Went to bed late last night. Our little one woke up a couple times and I went upstairs to try to settle her down. It didn't work.

We had a 4 year old hitchhiker in bed with us before the end of the night.

Woke up at my usual time and wasn't feeling very motivated.

The force of average is a strong!

Laid in bed a few minutes longer than usual. Going back to sleep isn't an option for me anymore. My body is up when I wake up.

But I certainly didn't spring into motion to get after my day.

I laid there staring at the ceiling in my head thinking self sabotaging thoughts.

Was pi**ed off that we planned a 4th birthday pool party this weekend for our little one but now bad weather is in the forecast and we need to call a last minute audible.

Frustrated with a project I am working on that is lingering longer then it should. I hate when I become obsessed with perfection when getting something done is what I should be focused on. Perfection is the enemy of greatness.

Maybe I'm a phony. Preaching one thing and doing another.

Maybe I should accept my mediocrity and just be done with this charade.

Then I got out of bed, still full of limiting thoughts and moved into my morning routine.

Still dragging my butt along for the ride wondering if I am wasting my time.

Made my morning lemon and Celtic salt water and took my supplements. Got into my journal. What landed on the pages wasn't pleasant. I had some venom and anger to get out. People often tell me I'm the nicest guy. They should read my journal entries on days like today.

Got into the car and drove to the gym. Wondered if I should just bag it and go to the convenience store for a coffee instead.

Parked at the gym and sat there still in my head trying to negotiate with myself. Surely, I've earned a day off.

Opened the door to walk to the gym, still in my head.

Did I mention the power of the force of average yet? It was strong today!

Got into the gym. Decided to go with music instead of an self improvement audiobook. Sometimes I do that when I need a jumpstart.

Been craving some Genesis lately. Heard one of their songs the other day and realized I've kinda forgotten about the band. I really liked them when I was coming of age.

Dialed up their Abacab album and got after it at the gym. Went harder today then most. Extended my visit. Added a few exercises and as a bonus I hit the rowing machine.

I was so out of sorts this morning that I forgot to snap my usual selfie photo until now as I am typing this.

🎶 Who's the lonely man there on the corner?
What he's waiting for, I don't know
But he's there every day now
And he's just waiting for something to show, oh 🎶

🎶 Nobody knows him
And nobody cares
'Cause there's no hiding place
There's no hiding place for you and me 🎶

On days when you don't want to, you must! That's what I've learned. Today will be a great day.

The force of average doesn't live here anymore, so when he stops by for a visit, I make sure it's a short one. Our default setting is for average, so it's okay that he stops by. I just don't welcome him for too long!

Hulk Smash! Struggling with Inner Demons.

The struggle is real when you wrestle with your demons every day.

Trying to keep up appearances as if nothing is wrong.

Sitting on an island alone trying to work out all the trauma and damage that still runs through your head.

Trying to be the good man or woman that you know you are.

Trying to build relationships with others and be the man or woman you are capable of being.

Trying to love others when you struggle to love yourself.

Making progress and seeing signs of momentum in your life.

Then something changes inside of you.

You feel as if you have no control.

You become a passenger in this thing called life and the monster inside of you takes the wheel.

All your momentum smashed.

Your self confidence down the drain.

Still you show up in life trying like hell not to let anyone see the green monster but he's there slowly taking over.

Valued relationships struggle.

You lie to yourself and others even though that's not who you are.

You clean up the mess after the green man goes away while trying to atone for not being the man or woman you are capable of being.

You promise yourself you will change but history repeats itself over and over again.

You lead this double life being praised as a good person, and good parent, a good spouse by others who don't see the green man. But you know he's there. You know you can be so much more.

If only you could stay in the driver's seat once and for all.

If only your life of self sabotage would go away.

You could be the real you once and for all.

Those are the words I wrote in my journal as a man struggling years ago.

That's why I do the work every day that I do.

There's no days off.

I'm never getting out of the driver's seat again.

If you struggle and these words resonate with you, know that there is hope.

And that hope is in showing up every day intentionally and never taking another day here in this life for granted.

I got your back.

I know the struggle.

There are others who have made it to the other side.

Find your tribe and set yourself free.

Get the help you need.

Your life is worth the fight ♥️

I attended a leadership retreat earlier this year, but it was unlike any other. Surrounded by successful entrepreneurs, we were encouraged to connect with ourselves and discover our divine purpose in life.

One exercise had a profound impact on me - we wrote our main takeaway on a rock and carried it with us for the rest of the year. I wrote, "BE ME."

For years, I kept a secret: I was a survivor of child molestation. I buried it deep and built a good life, but I couldn't be my authentic self.

Despite my success, my growth was stunted. But now, I'm ready to claim who I am. I'm proud of my struggle, my resilience, and my strength. I love ME.

It's time to break free from the shame and live my truth. It's time to BE ME! 💪🙂👊

For years I struggled to take back power.

Child abusers work hard to establish control. Once they have it they never want to let it go. Most of my childhood was spent trying to gain control over my life. But he didn't let go.

His best defense was to extinguish my self confidence and have me live in fear of being exposed.

It worked for a period of my life. Even as I grew apart from him, I struggled to gain control.

That's why where I am today feels as great as it does. I realize how far I've come.

I am living proof that your past does not condemn your future.

Our choices in life moving forward are our own. We choose to stay in pit or we can choose to move forward.

It starts with one decision. A decision to fight for the life you want.

It took me a while to sort it all out but I'm glad I did the work. The other side is worth the fight!

1% better everyday 💪

Went for a sunrise walk on a chilly beach this morning.

I'm here hanging out with nine of my high school friends on a men's weekend. We've been doing this weekend get together for 30 years now.

They're a great group of guys who were pivotal in my journey towards healing.

But the irony is, they have no idea.

They don't know I was molested for 7 years as a child.

They don't know my childhood abuse trauma was triggered when I had children of my own.

All they know is what I've allowed them to know.

It's crazy when the people who know you best don't know such an important part of your journey.

Maybe you understand what I'm sharing.

Maybe the people who know you best don't see YOU!

I see you!

I see your struggle!

I see your strength!

You're a fu*king badass!

And I'm glad you're here!

Let's stay connected to support each other!

1% Better Everyday 💪🙂👊

I've received 100 reactions to my posts in the past 30 days. Thanks for your support. 🙏🤗🎉

Watched my son celebrate his 13th birthday recently. And as we were singing happy birthday to him something went through my mind.

I was 13 when my 7 years of child abuse came to an end.

Some might call it a triggering moment for me. I have a lot of them with my kids.

But the only thing triggered was my feelings of resiliency and strength.

Resiliency to survive.

And strength to end the cycle of abuse.

My son's past 7 years have been much different than mine.

He's enjoyed safety, love and open communication.

That's true power because history is not doomed to repeat itself.

I ended the cycle. That's my true power!

So singing happy birthday has a special meaning for me. And I enjoyed the moment!

The Power of Community Runs Deep!

My little girl was invited to a birthday party that will take place a few weeks from now The invitation arrived yesterday.

My daughter is three and a half years old and the party and her friend were all she could talk about yesterday.

She is so excited!

My girl met her new friend in her Pre-K three class. This year is the first time she's been in school with other kids. She didn't do daycare as a baby.

A couple of months ago our school did their school pictures, which included a full class photo.

My little one was carrying that photo around our house for weeks like it was her treasure map.

She was so excited to point out and name all the girls and boys in her class to anyone who would listen.

It was pretty adorable. She tells us all about her "Friends" often!

She is part of the generation of kids who were born or were babies during the pandemic, when many of us were spending a vast majority of our time together with our immediate family.

She was a late in life baby for my wife and I so we didn't have friends in our circle who have kids her age.

Her sister and brother are sixteen and twelve. So their friends are all older too.

So for a little over three years my girl had no one her age in her life except a few cousins that live hours away.

And holy cow, does she love her three cousins. She talks about them all the time but we only get to see them once in a while.

I bring all of this up because it demonstrates the power of community and its importance, even to a child who is first learning her way in life.

There is comfort in being with people who are like you, as in my daughter's case.

She didn't know what she didn't know, so she made the best of her time without every day little friends.

She was certainly loved by many. Everytime the older kids are with her she lights up. They light up too.

As far as my daughter is concerned the older kids were her friends.

It's so funny when her older brother or sister have friends over, our little one runs around saying my friends are here! My friends are here!

She made it through her first three years okay.

But its tough feeling different. That's why she is ecstatic now that she has a crew of her own that is forming.

Kids who are her age.

This is true with people who suffer from depression too.

They yearn for a community, and may not even know it.

Often they suffer in silence. So know one knows their struggle. No one knows they are hurting.

When you have mental struggles you often feel you are alone in your battles.

You feel like damaged goods. So you don't want to share their pain with others.

It's not that the others wouldn't try to help, it's that we're afraid that others won't understand and might judge us.

We don't want to be judged. And we don't want to be ostracized.

That's why finding others like you is so powerful.

You realize you are not alone.

And your new community understands your struggle because they've walked a mile in your shoes.

And for every su***de you hear or real about in the news that focuses on someone who is lost their battle with depression, there are many more people who survive their struggles every day.

There are even some who thrive. They've turned their struggle into great strength!

These are people that folks suffering from mental challenges need to connect with right away!

We need communities with success stories. Because success leaves clues.

Through my daughter's young eyes, I see the power of community and what it means to her spirit.

She was a great kid before, but she is now blossoming on another level. Her little smile as she talks about these friends of hers is infectious!

I find myself smiling too. I love seeing her happy and excited on a new level.

She's found a community that she can relate to on a level that the rest of us can't.

That's the power of community.

There's an opportunity for all of us to learn through the eyes of a three year old.

Surround yourself with people who understand your path and have found success in their journey.

There is no reason for us to feel alone anymore.

There are folks like us out there.

Find them. And look for the winners among them!
It's the best mental therepy there is!

One percent better everyday 💪🙂👊

***de

Who shares your cause?

Seriously, think about that for a minute or two.

In my time here, I've met some incredibly inspiring and talented people, but behind each one was a team of people who shared their cause.

Partnerships if you will.

Multiple people who believe in the same vision.

Maybe it's your vision that people believe in, or maybe it's someone's vision you aspire to support.

One person doesn't change the world.

Sure, one person may get most of the credit.

I think most people would agree that Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. changed the world, but he didn't do it himself.

He inspired others with his Dream.

And that's why his Dream lives on today, fifty-five years after his death.

Dr. King had a cause worth sharing.

So again I ask, who shares your cause?

I like to write about surrounding yourself with the right people, or as I refer to them...My Family of Choice.

I work hard on my personal Vision. It evoles every day because I take time to nature it.

And what I am finding is that EVERYTHING I do serves this personal Vision.

Everyone I surround myself with exudes components of this Vision in their lives.

I am constantly in rooms surrounding myself with people trying to better themselves and the people around them.

So, much like Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., I too, have a Dream.

And every day I'm working to find my voice.

With daily discipline, each passing day I'm finding that my Communities grow stronger together.

I will never stop growing.

And I will work to the end of my days in pursuit of my Dream.

My hope for you is that you will accomplish your Dream too.

Our days here are short so there's no time to kick the can.

Today is a day for action.

If you are like me your brain can go into overdrive sometimes.

It's not always a bad thing but you need to learn to unplug and get in some time to unwind.

A few years ago I started listening to short mediations.

I love "The Honest Guys" and they have some free videos online if you look them up.

My favorite is their 15 to 20 minute ocean meditation.

I close my eyes and I'm transported to the beach watching a morning sunrise over the ocean.

Give it a try sometimes. It's the perfect little getaway you can take on demand.

https://www.facebook.com/THGMEDITATIONS?mibextid=ZbWKwL

Circumstances don't make the man, they only reveal him to himself.

- Epictetus

Lead by example and be a resource for those who need guidance.

Live every day as if it were your last because some day you’ll be right.

Don’t be afraid your life will end.

Be afraid that it will never begin

Appreciate the strength you needed to endure your past. Appreciate the resiliency it took to make it here.

Learn from the past. You learned so many lessons and struggle builds strength.

But now it's time to let go of your past.

Today, choose to live life to its fullest!

“Men and boys who have been sexually assaulted or abused may have many of the same feelings and reactions as other survivors of sexual assault, but they may also face additional challenges.”

Sexual Assault of Men & Boys | RAINN https://buff.ly/2L6P5QM

Love me some Marcus Aurelius!

“New research suggests that cooking may offer mental health benefits.”

How Cooking Can Help Your Mental Health | Clean Eating Magazine https://buff.ly/3IViYVg

"Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them."

- Bruce Lee

“Courage is resistance to fear, the mastery of fear, not the absence of fear.”

– Mark Twain

The Tail of Three Voices in my Head

I'm a loser.

I felt that way for a long time, since I was a small child. That's what broken people do. They become the victim.

When you are a victim, life becomes about survival.
Survival from day to day.

When you think about the future it's usually short lived. It's difficult to see yourself ever being happy.

So you focus on the here and now. You focus on surviving another day.

You focus on not being exposed to the world.

Just because you believe you're a loser, doesn't mean you want the world to know.

So you get good at hiding in plain sight.

When you believe you are a loser, there's always something or someone to blame.

A set of circumstances that made you that way.

As much as you don't want to be a loser, there's the voice in your head that helps you accept it.

It's a kind voice.

It's a nurturing voice.

It gives you an excuse for feeling the way you do.

As long as there is someone or something to blame for what you've become, you don't have to take ownership.

"You can't help it if you're...overweight, drinking too much, underperforming, unhealthy, disconnected, self sabotaging, oversleeping, executing at forty percent, over eating or falling apart...It's not your fault."

You like that voice in your head because it's much kinder than the other voice.

The other voice calls you a worthless piece of sh*t!

It's the voice that crushes your will to live.

Don't follow that voice!!!

The softer voice is the voice you prefer.

It's a survivor's voice. With it you will continue to get by until your time here comes to an end.

But make no mistake, your destination in life will be drastically limited as long as you are guided by it.

Luckily there's a third voice in your head.

Many survivors don't even know it's there, but it is.

It's a voice you don't hear from much at first, but you can learn to ignite it!

It's your winner voice. It's the voice that shifts you from survivor to thriver.

It's a voice of personal accountability.

Your circumstances, or what led to them, might not be your fault, but they're your responsibility!

That's the voice that needs to fill your mind.

It's hard to part with your survivor voice.

After all, it helped us survive. We have grown attached to it for good reason.

And without it we might not be here anymore.
But you need to take the plunge.

You need to trust that there is something better out there.
You weren't given this beautiful life to simply survive it!

You were given this life to do great things!

You were given this life to lead your family and others.
Your life impacts so many.

It's time to maximize your potential.

It's time to thrive!

I will always be grateful for my survivor voice.
It served me when I needed it most.

But we are responsible for our continued growth.

And surviving isn't enough anymore.

Today is here for our greatness.

It is time to be a winner!

And survivors make for the most bada$$ winners out there.

Surviving makes you resilient. Surviving makes you callous.

It is time to thrive!

“Healthy eating is linked to a lot of short- and long-term health benefits. And home cooking can be one way to adopt healthier eating habits.”

Home-Cooking Is Good for your Health — and your Soul | Everyday Health https://buff.ly/3IV4S6j

“Trauma creates change you don’t choose. Healing is about creating change you do choose.”

– Michelle Rosenthal

We are hypocrites.

Before you swipe to the next post, I challenge you to think about this for a minute.

We can't grow until we stop lying to ourselves.

I consider myself a good man.

I've always considered myself a good man.

If I needed to defend my claim, I could simply point out the many examples of me being a good man.

And they would all be true.

I suspect you can likely do the same.

If I asked you to produce evidence that you are a good person, you can likely prepare a laundry list of proof.

But let's play devil's advocate.

What if you had to produce evidence that you're not good?

Could you list anything? Be honest with yourself.

Would a good mom or dad miss a commitment with their kids because they were out drinking the night before?

I know I'm guilty of that.

Would a good husband or wife do anything to compromise the safety or security of their family?

Yup, I'm guilty of that too.

Would a good businessman or businesswoman not do everything in their power to keep a promise they made to their team or their clients?

Yup, you got it, been guilty of that too.

Would a good friend do anything to put a friend in harm's way?

Hell, I've even been guilty of that too.

Being honest with yourself and learning to accept the truth can be powerful.

Because once you accept the truth, you can do something to change it.

I realized a while ago that ALL my actions in life didn't support who I am.

So, I decided to make a change.

Now being a good man guides ALL of my decisions.

I have no desire to be a hypocrite. That's not who I am.

Yet, once in a while I still find myself doing something that doesn't align.

And I call myself out on my bullsh*t right away.

We all have temptations to lower our standards.

And I need to call bullsh*t on them as soon as I realize I am doing it.

It can hurt at first. It hurts realizing you're a hypocrite and a part-time man or woman you claim to be.

That's why so many of us accept and glaze over our poor or bad behavior by focusing on our good side.

Look, I simply want to be the man I claim to be.

I can except that I'm flawed. I know I'm not, nor will I ever be, perfect.

But I still choose to head in perfection's direction.

And I admit that my inner hypocrite still shows up at times. But know that I'm working on that sh*t every day.

I made a pact with myself a while ago.

💥I will never lie to me again 💥

Even when the truth hurts.

Because that's an opportunity for personal growth.

And I ain't gonna miss it!

“If the strong will to move on was all that was necessary to truly heal, I wouldn’t be writing these pages today.”

Communities Build Strength And Are Built One Person At A Time | Sunrise Warrior https://buff.ly/3wm4rJF

“Every day begins with an act of courage and hope: getting out of bed.”

– Mason Cooley

When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.

- Marcus Aurelius

“Men who’ve experienced sexual assault or abuse are at much greater risk than those who haven’t for serious mental health problems.”

The 1 in 6 Statistic: Sexual Abuse and Assault of Boys and Men | 1in6 https://buff.ly/3SwhDaH

“Research has linked meditation to everything from a lowered risk of depression to stress relief. Now, a new study found meditation may boost your gut health.”

Study Finds Deep Meditation May Improve Your Gut Health | Prevention Magazine https://buff.ly/3QXjLaB

“Instead of saying ‘I’m damaged, I’m broken, I have trust issues.” I say “I’m healing, I’m rediscovering myself, I’m starting over.”

– Horacio Jones

My son celebrated his 13th birthday last week.

Each of my kid's birthdays are super special to me. Their birthdays have a deep meaning that has been anchored in me for decades, long before they arrived.

My dad died when I was six years old. He was my hero. And by all accounts he was a great man.

But dad had a weakness. Alcohol.

And he leaned into it hard in a functional way. He kept up his appearances. He was an up an commer at his job. And he was a good dad.

When he died he had cirrhosis of the liver his organs began to fail.

The month or two leading up to his death dad was hospitalized and went through detox in hopes his liver would rebound.

I wasn't allowed to see him back then. I knew he was in the hospital but I had no idea why.

So when he got out of detox he had a week or two of heightened clarity before his death. The alcohol was out of his system and he looked as good as a man on his deathbed could look.

That's when my mom brought me to see him. I didn't know he was dying and I also didn't know it was the last time I would likely see him.

So I had a smile from ear to ear as I sat in his hospital bed and the two of us goofed off as fathers and sons do.

I left and we hugged and kissed before saying goodbye.

I can't tell you how many times in my life I have thought about that final get together and how difficult it must have been for my dad, a good man, to know he was leaving his wife and two small children behind because of his daily actions.

What would he have given for one more chance to get it right?!

He was 34 when he died.

My dad's fears in that hospital bed were realized when shortly after his passing, I was molested by a close family friend for 7 years.

I don't bring this up to be a downer.

Good things and born in troubled times.

Ironically, I was following in my dad's footsteps and keeping a lifestyle that was likely going to end my days prematurely.

So when I became a dad sixteen years ago when my oldest daughter was born I struggled.

I never addressed the abuse that had happened to me years before. I delt with it best I could on my own.

I grew to seek an oasis in alcohol, just like my dad.

My daughter made me open my eyes to my eroding health. She also triggered my post traumatic stress and forced me to finally seek help and a community for the abuse I stuffed as a child.

So slowly but surely began to process my abuse in a healthy way and while doing so I changed my lifestyle.

It didn't happen overnight and it continues to evolve today. My work is never done and I fell in love with the grind.

The main driving force for making that change in the quality of my life was the two weeks of hell I know my father went through before he died.

I would think about me as a dad in that hospital bed and wonder about how that would make me feel to know my actions brought me to this place.

You need to really want to make a change to be successful. That's why most promises to change go unkept. Most people don't want it enough.

Channeling my life through my father's eyes gave me the strength I needed to power my way to a better future and be the man my wife and kids need.

My life has improved every day since.

So when a birthday occurs I do the math compared to my dad's time with me.

So my son's 13th birthday is +7 years for dad influence in his life over the time my dad had with me.

My oldest daughter is 16 so it's +10 years for her.

And my youngest is 3, so I am -3 years for her before she reaches 6 years old.

My goal is to be here for many years in their lives, long after my little one is 6.

That's why singing happy birthday is music to my ears. Not only is it a milestone for the birthday boy or girl, it represents freedom for me.

Freedom from that pain my father felt.

And freedom from the man who stole my innocence and haunted me years after he was gone from my life.

Look, I realize our time here is unknown.

If today is my last I'm okay with it. I certainly don't want to leave but I will take comfort in knowing it's not my daily actions that is accelerating this process.

My daily actions are supporting the good man I will strive to be for years to come.