Calling in the Wilderness

The Touhy's were able to do what they did not just because they are white and wealthy and Oher is Black and was poor and young. But ALSO because they claimed to be his adoptive parents. There is something important here we can't miss...
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By using the relational title of Adoptive Parents the Touhy's were able to capitalize on the dominant narratives of adoption that assume adoptive parents (especially white ones) are: more loving, more self-less more moral, & more righteous than most people.
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Here are just a *few* who will help you find more:adoptee









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See? We adoptees are out here in droves and we’re prolific!

Happy Loving Day.❤️❤️❤️

The anniversary of the 1967 United States Supreme Court decision, Loving v. Virginia which struck down all anti-miscegenation laws remaining in sixteen U.S. states. 🤔 The history surrounding Loving v. Virginia teaches us something important about fighting racism today.

The first time I shared this I lost ‘friends’ I’d known IRL.

Swipe through to read about it. ❤️

[Image 2 text:] In 1958, several states had already repealed laws banning in*******al marriage. Yet in 1958, polls found 97% of STILL DISAPPROVED. Source below. In 1968, one year after Loving v. Virginia, 73% of people STILL DISAPPROVED!

So, how did things begin to change then? > (Source: news.gallup.com/poll/28417/most-americans-approve-in*******al-marriages.aspx) ❤️

[Image 3 text:]
People with power were pressured to change laws and policies.
Activists and protestors during the Civil Rights era forced the issue.
Even while White people were still believing “race mixing is a sin” and counter protesting. It took decades for people’s hearts and minds to change. In 1983, 50% still disapproved of in*******al marriage.

So what have we learned?
❤️

[Image 4 text:]
Equity and Justice for Black people must come first.
White hearts & minds will catch up.
Racist ideas will dissipate when they see there is nothing to fear.
As Ibram X. Kendi said: “Once the fears do not come to pass, people will let down their guards as they enjoy the benefits. Once they clearly benefit, most Americans will support and become the defenders of the antiracist policies they once feared.” And so, to celebrate Loving Day…> ❤️

[Image 5 text:]
Keep protesting. Keep pressuring politicians. Keep supporting . Keep showing up. Sign those petitions. Donate to those legal funds. Call your representatives. Change is beginning to happen. We must persevere.
It is the Loving thing to do.

Living Liver Donor since 2017!

The whole story is up at CallingInTheWilderness.com / liverdonor

My absolute most favorite time of the year. I think I’m in a life stage where I actually like things to end, chapters to close.

Like…it’s always a good feeling when you complete a project right? A sense of accomplishment and seeing the fruits of all your work.

But that’s not what I’m talking about.

I like the part after that. The void. The sweet new empty space in my mind and day where that project once was, now open and clear again.

I am learning to like letting go of things. Especially responsibilities that were never really mine anyway. But also my own ideas and creative endeavors. I am a bottomless well of ideas. 😅 But I don’t have to cling to them all and keep hustling with them all in order for them to have been meaningful or worthwhile for a time. I fear less being a “failure” because I let go of something whose time was not now or whose champion I am not meant to be.

I’ve spent a lot of money, time, and energy on things that have ended before they really started. On hobbies or activities that I was into for a few years and then didn’t pursue any further.

That’s ok. I’m not embarrassed by that anymore. I learned from those things. I gained skills and honed my abilities during those efforts. My time and resources were not wasted.

Each time I’ve learned to let go, let a chapter close, (and if appropriate, properly grieved the losses of what might have been and acknowledged any pain from the journey)…

I’ve found an intoxicating energy that comes rushing into the space. Not always a physical energy but maybe a spiritual one? An energy from freed up time and mental space. The energy that joyfully naps with less stress about what I’ll need to accomplish after. The energy that comes from stepping back and looking at the possibilities of what I can choose now that I have some more space in my life. The energy from not filling that space right away.

It’s Fall energy. It’s…the increased amount of sunshine that hits our yard because the leaves have gone. And it is my absolute favorite season.

Lawsuit: DCF accused of keeping kids from relatives An explosive new lawsuit filed against Florida’s foster care system accuses state agencies of fabricating evidence, falsifying records and secretly collabora...

Guggenheim: It Should Not Be Called Child Welfare - The Imprint As he retires from the New York University School of Law's Family Defense Clinic, Martin Guggenheim says the nation's "child welfare" system doesn't promote child well-being.

Posted • Today we get to introduce you to our friend, Tiffany Henness. shares her story of growing up in an open adoption, and how it isn’t the panacea that many hold it up to be. We discuss how she came to explore race, adoption, and faith and what shifted her perspectives on all of those topics. Now, Tiffany is an adoption and racial literacy expert who writes, speaks, and leads others to unpack the complexities of these experiences.

🎧 Listen to this week’s show wherever you get your podcasts, at the link in our bio, or search “Adoptees On” in your favourite podcast app.

You can find links to the show and recommended resources at: https://adopteeson.com/listen/229

Another DIY iPhone headshot. I found the window in my house with the best late afternoon lighting!

Planning a trip to meet family next month. What an amazing thing to be able to say, to plan, to do.

Posted • .mn Join us on Wednesday, October 19, from 7:00-8:00 pm CT for a virtual rally in support of the Indian Child Welfare Act (ICWA)!

The Network of Politicized Adoptees (NPA) is hosting a virtual rally in conjunction with ProtectICWA organizers on October 19, 2022 from 7:00-8:00 pm CT to raise awareness about the upcoming Supreme Court hearing on November 9 that threatens to overturn the Indigenous Child Welfare Act (ICWA) and the protections it provides Native and Indigenous children. We want to gather community members around this important issue and activate us to take action collectively.

This virtual rally will be on Zoom and will include a national spokesperson from the National Indian Child Welfare Association (NICWA) to provide us more details on the upcoming case, ProtectICWA organizers to share what we as individuals can do to support organizing efforts, and we’ll hear briefly from Dr. Kim Park Nelson who will speak to the history and connections we have as transracial adoptees to ICWA.

At NPA, we have made a commitment to making all of our public facing events accessible in ASL, including this event, and will have ASL interpreters at this event. Closed captions will also be available.

Thank you to our co-sponsors! , , , , , , , and !

Who should attend? This is a public event and open to everyone! We will be centering adoptees in our programming but non-adoptees are more than welcome. Our aim is to do our part to reach as many folks as possible about the upcoming Supreme Court case so please help us spread the word.

Register here! Link in bio!https://www.eventbrite.com/e/virtual-rally-for-adoptees-in-support-of-icwa-tickets-427596511677

I’m honored to be co-facilitating this session. Please see Adoption Mosaic] for more information and to register.

Posted • Adoption Mosaic] Do you feel overwhelmed by the burden of being your parents’ teacher regarding race and racism? Transracial Parenting starts October 25. Link: https://conta.cc/3MF9pKv

Yesterday my post I was keeping it all together. I felt the need to clarify 🤣. I meant my work projects. As for the other area of my life…

👚 I’ve been getting dressed from a pile on the floor for a couple weeks. We reorganized our closet and I still haven’t moved into the new one.

There are other areas of similar chaos everywhere. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Just so no one misunderstands. 👍🏼

It was DIY headshot day. 😅
I’d love to hire a pro photog to get updated headshots. Why? Because I have exciting projects in the works, like another article on local Asian American history, and you know what, I do feel that much more confident when I feel good about the photo attached to my work. However, that’s not in the budget right now. So iPhone + natural window light it is.

*A High Productivity Season*
That’s where I am right now. It’s exciting and I’m pretty amazed that I’m keeping it all together! 🤪 I’m helping develop online courses on transracial adoption, the research project on adoption + religion is underway, I’ve picked up a side gig as virtual assistant for an adoptee podcast, I’m leading the creation of a local Asian American heritage society, and we’re about to re-release last year’s adoptee advent readings, /Journeying Home./ I feel a grateful kind of pride in myself in a way that I just don’t think I ever have before. I’m genuinely grateful for the work I get to do.

*Grass is Always Greener*
But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t also daydream about the Low Productivity Seasons - where each day is wide open because I have no deadlines or big projects. I know. I know. During those seasons, I’m often discontent and daydreaming the reverse. 🫣 The grass on the other side always looks great, doesn’t it?

*I’m thankful there are seasons.*
Fall is the best time of year and not because of pumpkin spice anything. Because, unlike spring, my allergies don’t flare up! But as much as I love Fall, I am thankful that seasons change. That over the span of my life, there are busy and slow seasons, planting and harvesting seasons, adventuring and hibernating seasons. Variety is the very spice of life. I’m glad I have no fantasies about producing at this level indefinitely. It’s just a season.

New daily challenge. If you need me, too bad. I’m probably peeing. 我喝水！

Hi, I’m Tiffany. Many of you followed recently after my posts regarding adoption and abortion. I greatly appreciate the support for and

A bit of a personal update:

I recently turned 38 and visited my best Whasian sister-from-another-mister in SoCal.

We went to to see some historic murals and buildings and reflect on what life was like for our Chinese forebears.

We also hit up in Arcadia to enjoy all the foods and arts of today’s AAPI entrepreneurs and culinary creatives.

Today, I’m preparing some didactics and artifacts for a presentation on Early Chinese immigrants in rural Oregon next week.

I’m passionate about the history of the Chinese diaspora in the west in part because I’ve been reconnecting and reclaiming my own family genealogy.

As an adoptee that is extra hard work. As a I used to battle the lies that my Chinese heritage and culture doesn’t belong to me. I’ve never had access to any of my Chinese relatives to answer my questions and fill in the holes of my ancestry.

But yesterday that changed. And someday I’ll share more about it. For today, I’m just so very grateful that I get to do what I do and that I have a newly expanded family to share it with.

🥰

(Whispers) just because he’s a hugely successful athlete doesn’t mean his trauma from being trafficked:

1) Was meant to be
2) Was “worth it”
3) Doesn’t matter anymore
4) Is any less painful

British Olympic Superstar Mo Farah Reveals He Was Trafficked As A Child "For years I just kept blocking it out," the long-distance runner told the BBC. "But you can only block it out for so long."

Lord, protect the native children from this SCOTUS! Friends, find a way to lend your support.

The Indigenous peoples of this land have always deserved better. The few gains made over centuries littered with oppression, in the face of overwhelming systemic racism, must not be lost now.
Take action now! 👉🏽 lakota.law/protect-icwa

DYK I used to be very pro-life and very pro-adoption? I was raised in a religious environment that saw adoption could prevent abortions. As someone who was adopted at birth, being anti-abortion felt synonymous with saying, “I deserve to be alive. I deserve to be here.”

But people can change. Mixing up adoption and abortion was a huge obstacle to my ability to have empathy and understanding for women who sought abortions.

Learning the information in this post was very helpful for me to realize how little connection there is between adoption and abortion. It helped unravel the belief that my existence and my life had been endangered because abortion was legal. That, in turn, helped me to listen with more humility and care to the experiences of other women.

What I put into graphic form are some of the findings that have been gleaned from The Turnaway Study by Advancing New Standards in Reproductive Health ( ), a collaborative research group at UCSF. You can read more about it at ANSIRH.org

I hope this helps those who are still struggling to see why rushing to adopt isn't the best use of our energy right now.

Or at least helps those of you who are trying to have productive conversation with people who are.

Gonna lose a lot of my new followers with this, but please hear me out first. People who are adopted (adoptees) AND have an awareness of how that impacts their life in not solely positive ways...

>> Many of us NEED people we can talk to who also live it.
>> Yet many of us do NOT have that in our IRL communities.

Many of us find connecting with other adoptees online an imperfect but necessary lifeline at some point in our lives.

When I realized that I needed to learn and hear from other adoptees in order to heal and process, I lived too far away from the adoptee meetup groups.

When I realized there were adoptees online talking about sharing, I dove right in! Private facebook groups. Hashtags for adultadoptees, adopteevoices, transracialadoptee, opened up a whole world of new-to-me information and support.

Some of those people I found through hashtags are now people I consider good friends, confidants, and co-conspirators. We've collaborated on projects together, done panels together, promoted each other's works, and even met up IRL.

***While you may be tempted to say, well, a hashtag is a public-use thing and it's not "a space"...
..I'd challenge you to think of a time when a hashtag was the best option you had to find and connect with the community you desperately needed? When have you had a mental health need that zero mental health providers in your area were qualified to provide? When have you gone looking for a support group and found NONE within a drive-able distance?

If you can't think of a time that applies to your life, that is a privilege and I'm genuinely glad for you to not have had to experience what it's like to lack such necessary community and resources.

Like other communities, adoptees use hashtags in order to SELF identify. Using or or is like creating a digital room where we can walki n and find one another and connect. It's a space BY US and it should be FOR US.

**** You may also be tempted to say, well, this AP-centered account is showing an actual adoptee, and so the AdultAdoptee hashtag is appropriate, right?

Sure...IF hashtags are just about labeling, but they're not. I do use hashtags to label when I post a pic of my # rhodesianridgeback or the # hellebore flowers in bloom. However, Ridgebacks and Hellebores aren't humans using social media to find and form community for themselves. They aren't a marginalized group struggling to be heard and using social media to do that.

Adoptees are.
Adoptees aren't objects to be labeled.
Adoptees don't need others to hashtag us just because they're talking ABOUT us.
Adoptees have already had our voices/stories/bodies commodified and exploited for other people's benefit.

It sucks that the same "place" I go to to find other adoptee voices is the place I often get the most hurt by seeing APs posting harmful and exploitative content about their too-young-to-consent adopted children.

----
ALTERNATIVES?

APs and FPs and any account that is by them and centers them can create their own hashtags. What about something like or whatever. Get creative.

Just, please, find a way to not take up space in the few places that adoptees have. The entirety of the adoption world and conversation already centers on and caters to APs and HAPs.

Not every adoptee may agree with me on this, and that's fine.

But I know I wouldn't post an ussie of me and a black friend and use the hashtag BlackJoy just cuz that's not my hashtag to use.

And I wouldn't post about a support group for men who struggle with abusive behavior and use hashtags that DV survivors use and not think that wouldn't trigger the mess out of somebody.

Ok. I'm done.

This page and have been tagged frequently this week in response to pregnancy/parenting decision conversations. It has engendered a sense of hope in me which I can't begin to express. BUT...The Family Preservation Project is not a registered 501c3. There is no money involved with the parenting resource website. It was specifically created to assist Saving Our Sisters, but it is open for use by the general public. If you are looking to donate, please consider donating to Saving Our Sisters which is a registered 501c3. Much love, Katie ❤️

Let's put our energies to good use, yeah? Thank you for engaging with my previous two posts on this and TIA for liking, sharing and acting on this one as well. See comments on this Instagram post for tagged organizations/accounts to support.

[Transcription of text in images]
Image 1: Suggestions from Tiffany Henness. Are you angry that Roe was overturned? Are you truly worried about the children of forced births? Do you really want to encourage or challenge others to care for these children? I have some ideas:
Image 2: Instead of this: Telling others to foster or adopt. Try this: Fundraise for family preservation organizations. (Pointing finger icon highlights Thefamilypreservationproject.com and Savingoursistersadoption.org)

Image 3: Instead of this: Talking about “unwanted” children in foster care. Try this: Be led by former foster youth & support their movements. (Pointing finger icon highlights Thinkof-us.org)

Image 4: Instead of this: Speaking for about adopted children (even if you are the parent). Try this: Share and support the work & wisdom of adult adoptees. (finger icon highlights 'See shared by )

Image 5: Instead of this: Offering to take somone's baby. *Never do this. Try this: Get trained & volunteer to support vulnerable families. (Pointing finger icon highlights Safe Families for Children and Teen Mother Choices International).

Image 6: Instead of this: Fixating on the women who don't want to parent. Try this: Help fathers & other kin who do want to parent. (Pointing finger icon highlights Skyisthelimitfoundation.com)

Image 7: Are you angry? I am too. I am also worried because kept people, regardless of their views, continue to use foster/adoption in their arguments around abortion. If you truly care about foster youth & adoptees, you'll stop, listen and learn from & support former foster youth and adult adoptees. We are your greatest resource for helping displaced children. We're here when you're ready to learn.

Whew. Ok. I've seen this a lot and it hurts my soul. In a similar vein as my last post, a lot of pro-choice-ish people are using this term "unwanted" when they throw displaced children into the faces of pro-life-ish people.

Again, I get it. We want to point out the hypocrisy of being pro-birth, but not showing up for life, womb to tomb.

Thing is, we can't do that while also using language that stigmatizes displaced children and think we're being helpful.

I was adopted a birth. I have felt unwanted. Yet I have also heard directly from my first mother that I was never unwanted.

I've also parented a displaced teen who thought he was unwanted, yet we discovered he was wrongfully separated.

Let's focus on the what is wrong with our social systems and legal policies. Let's find language to call out callous ideologies or fix the stagnancy in our motivation to improve, reform, change, give etc. And let's keep learning to do that without causing further harm (we have a long way to go).

Please be listening to folks like:adoptee




[Image descriptions in Instagram Original Post comments.]

In light of the SCOTUS decision on Roe, I've seen a lot of posts “reminding” people how many children need to be adopted and “challenging” people to adopt. This request is in response to that.

I understand the rage and frustration we have toward those who claim they care about the life of babies ... but whose track record also shows that they in fact do not care about these same children's lives later on when the issue is gun control, police brutality, domestic violence, etc. etc.

And however we may want them to “put their money where their mouth is”, so to say, in regards to being “pro-life”, I really want us all to understand the harm that can be done when we say this, even sarcastically.

Dangling children who are displaced from their families (whether by child welfare or other circumstances) as idealogical bait is harmful. As someone who was adopted into a religious, pro-birth culture, I very much do not want any more children to have to experience that.

Thank you.

[See comments for image descriptions.]

We have all encountered the paradox of needing to honor adoptee voices as authorities on adoption when individual adoptee voices may offer opposite opinions on adoption. This is one of the limitations of symbolic interactionism - a sociological lens that looks at the individual stories for truths.

This is where I usually talk about looking at research for broader, statistical, and collective views for overall truths. Today, I want to pay homage to individual voices. I also want to honor the collective messages those voices send when focused on in research as a group: transracial adoptees of color.

Namely: if something about adoption isn’t ok with transracial adoptees - it isn’t ok.

Now, I’m not suggesting the experiences of all adoptees or all transracial adoptees are the same.

I’m saying to prioritize the voices of transracial adoptees of color.

I’m saying that white privilege often blinds white adoptees to human suffering.

I’m saying that, where adoption is affected by white supremacy (everywhere), a white adoptee’s potential inability to see this effect does not mean the effect isn’t harmful for humanity.

Although white supremacy does not harm white adoptees in the same way as - or to the utter devastation experienced by - adoptees of color, it is incompatible with humanity, life, and social justice in every possible way.

So, if something about adoption isn’t ok with transracial adoptees - it isn’t ok. Period.

Korean Adoptee & Documentary Filmmaker!
What a fascinating look into what mothers who relinquish actually experience. Compared to what we're all typically told.

https://www.koreatimes.co.kr/www/opinion/2022/05/801_329462.html

Adoptee's journey tracing her mother, origin and heritage Adoptee's journey tracing her mother, origin and heritage

As a domestic infant adoptee myself, there are not words to describe how much I hate this.

Infant adoption is unethical. -An infant adoptee.

Article link in comments

With the release of this children's book, is discussing his explicitly. depicts a real and perhaps pivotal moment in his childhood and his racial identity development.

While I love that Colin is telling his own story in his own words and I also celebrate how quickly he learned self-love as a Black child, I am concerned about how this book can be weaponized against adoptees, specifically transracial adoptees, who have been and are challenging the harmful narratives in adoption.

To explain my concerns, I refer to the 2009 TED Talk by titled, "The Danger of a Single Story." I highly recommend you listen to that on YouTube.

If you find my perspective interesting or helpful, please share. I believe in the power of and in the great need for a multitude of stories that can problematize the "single story" of transracial adoption as it's been told.

In the first article of our It's Complicated series, Katie Nguyen begins the exploration of Mixed AAPI identity.
"There is a need perhaps now more than ever for the wide range of our beautiful Mixed stories & voices to be heard. Stories often peppered with questions of belonging…

Is there space for my whole story?

What box do I check?

Where do I fit?

Why do I fit nowhere and everywhere?

Even using the term “Mixed” to describe the multiracial experience is an act of reclaiming dignity and space for ourselves."
Read the full intro article at https://www.asianamericanchristiancollaborative.com/article/reclaiming-mixed-identity-and-dignity 🔥

is all about the intersecting facets of our identities and how those identities shape our lived experiences.

In this week's episode, Tiffany shared just how intertwined her race, ethnicity, and being an adoptee are.

Listen, subscribe, and review today.

Link in bio.

Thoroughly enjoyed this podcast convo with Something True!

❓What connection might there be between the solitude of living in the woods and getting in touch with our ancestry?

Find out on this week's episode of . Link in bio.

Loved this chat! Go listen and follow .true.blog !!!

Posted • .true.blog 🎧Tune in tomorrow to hear my conversation with Tiffany Henness.

👩‍🌾We chat about identity and storytelling and even a little bit about farming.

🎤Check it out at the link in my bio, or wherever you get your podcasts.

A psychiatrist studying children affected by the Cold War discovered something unexpected. Children who were sent to safety in the homes of relatives did not do as well emotionally as those who stayed with their parents. This discovery challenged the bio-evolutionary paradigm of the time which said that children prefer their parents only because their parents provide care. This researcher, Dr. John Bowlby, learned that parent-child attachment is built through caregiving but is far more than that. Although kids need care to survive, they prefer their parents’ love over basic care needs. The love of a parent is a basic human need.

So many foster kids and adopted kids are in this between space where they are told they need care when what they crave for is the love of their original parent. Although adoptive or foster parents may love their children, not all children are able to perceive or accept this. And this is valid. Being transitioned between families who represent different basic needs - none of which a child can go without - is an extreme life adjustment and scary.

In a just world, no child would be in that position. In a just world, no child would be told that being cared for is more important than feeling loved. In a just world, no child would have to be told, “Well sometimes adoption/foster care are needed.” In a just world, no child would ever have to be in-between.

Let’s please remember that when attempting to “fix” or seek to companion, or comfort an adopted or fostered person who is grieving the reality that they did not grow up in a just world ♥️.