Pondering Calm - Happiness Coach for ADHD Women

In March 2022, my youngest daughter received her adult ADHD diagnosis; at the same time, her assessor suggested that I also had ADHD and advised me at the age of 50 to seek a referral for myself, which I did the next day.⁠
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Throughout the lengthy assessment my daughter went through, we both learned more and more about ADHD and the phrase "mum you do this" were words often spoken by her to me. So, by the time the assessor gently suggested that I also had ADHD, I didn't need to be convinced. ⁠
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Anyone who's been through an adult ADHD assessment knows the grief and anger that can come after a diagnosis.⁠
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Grief that you thought it was your fault all of your life that you didn't fit in, anger that nobody picked it up sooner, and frustration that far too many people say, "Well, you seem normal".⁠
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Then comes a ton of unmasking, recognising what coping mechanisms you've used to minimise ADHD symptoms, recognising how your energy changes depending on the mental load of any particular task or how much you are required by society to mask in different situations.⁠
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And finally, slowly but surely, you start making adjustments that allow you to live more authentically.⁠

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Want to get happier and reduce overwhelm?⁠
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Download your free self-compassion starter kit and learn the 10 essential steps for practising self-compassion.⁠
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Sign up in the link in my bio!⁠

One of the main reasons we avoid prioritising our needs and practising self-care is that we are afraid of what others will think.

We may worry that we'll be seen as selfish or lazy or that we'll be letting others down, and in turn, this makes us feel guilty when we take time for ourselves.

But the truth is that taking care of ourselves is crucial for our wellbeing and enables us to better care for others when necessary.

Some strategies for overcoming the fear of prioritising yourself include setting boundaries, learning to say no, and seeking support from trusted friends or family members through learning how to ask for help and/or share household tasks in a more balanced way.

After all, why should women take on all the mental load of household chores and childcare?

Actionable steps that we can take to build a healthier relationship with ourselves can include:

Prioritising self-care activities, such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies

Setting clear boundaries around work and personal time

Practising self-compassion and forgiveness

Seeking professional help if needed

By taking these steps, we can begin to build a healthier relationship with ourselves and begin to prioritise our own needs, leading to greater overall wellbeing and fulfilment.

However, it's common for women to not know where to start and find this difficult to implement.

Guilt can play a massive part in keeping women responsible for taking on the load of others and struggling to prioritise one's needs.

Guilt is something conditioned into women through gender norms, and it can be unlearned over time.

Prioritising our own needs can be a challenging but essential aspect of life.

By understanding our own self-worth, overcoming the fear of prioritising our needs, and taking actionable steps to build a healthier relationship with ourselves, we can begin to prioritise our own well-being and lead happier, more fulfilling lives.

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Want to get happier and learn how to prioritise yourself without succumbing to guilt or feelings of selfishness?

Download your free self-compassion starter kit and learn the 10 essential steps for practising self-compassion.

Sign up in the link in my bio!

Picture this: drowning in responsibilities, burnout on repeat, and the superhero act that didn't make me 'good enough.' Enter Positive Psychology – my game-changer! 🚀 Self-compassion, mindfulness, positive vibes – they transformed my life. Now, I've got a well-being toolkit and a planner to share. Remember: You're important. You're unique. You're good enough just because you exist. ✨

It’s Bear’s favourite season in Wales 🐻 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 MUD season 🫣

Make your life magical with a Pondering Calm Life Planner - available in three colours. Link to buy in bio.

When I was younger, a boyfriend told me I needed to learn to be more vulnerable. I didn’t have a clue what he meant; I now understand.

During COVID, I lived completely alone with surprising benefits.

It allowed me to reflect, heal, and integrate parts of me that had been ignored for too long.

I discovered who I am and what I like. I focused on what kind of future I wanted.

I realised I have lived with an underlying fear my whole life.

I discovered I was an overfunctioner and that the underlying cause for overfunctioning is to ease anxiety. I just thought I was really good at things 🤦‍♀️

I now make a conscious effort not to overfunction.

I focus on looking after myself more, which calms my fears and eases the anxiety I hadn’t realised I had.

My antidotes are love, trust in a higher power and vulnerability.

Understanding the power of vulnerability to transform my life took me a while.

Vulnerability is letting myself be seen by others, speaking my truth about my feelings and setting healthy boundaries.

It is acting from my authentic self and not letting my ego win the fight when developing emotional intimacy with others. Practising these things keeps my heart open.

I practise letting go of the fear that I’ll get it wrong, recognising who is worthy of my vulnerability and strengthening my boundary walls in a way that keeps abusers out and lets others in.

For a long time, I didn’t see that the trauma I experienced came from abuse; I was unaware that I was unaware.

I am now confident about recognising what isn’t healthy for me, and I trust my ability to care for myself if the wrong person gets through.

I now see that my boyfriend’s comment was about the skyscraper walls I’d built, unknowingly keeping out the good whilst keeping out the bad.

Change can come when we turn around and look at what feels uncomfortable.

Having our hearts open involves keeping them open to ourselves, as well as to others, and we all deserve hearts like that.

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Want to learn how to prioritise yourself without feeling guilty?

Download your free self-compassion starter kit and learn the 10 essential steps for practising self-compassion.

Sign up in the link in my bio!

Did you know I give free women’s coaching sessions every Friday on Zoom?⁠
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It’s true! I do!⁠
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Join me for Free Fridays, a little coaching gift from me to you where you can ask me anything about happiness strategies and experience the power of coaching firsthand with no sales pitches attached.⁠
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Sign up in the link in my bio!

Hi everyone, I’m looking to gather some research for my new business. I work with women who feel like they have to look after everyone else and are unable to take time for themselves. They are exhausted and often feel like what they need doesn’t matter. If this sounds like you, I’d love for you to answer a few questions. I am not selling anything; I just want to make sure that what I am creating is on track with what women need who feel like they have to look after everyone else. This can be totally confidential if you want. Thank you!

Pondering Calm Market Research Form Hi everyone, I’m looking to gather some research for my new business. I work with women who feel like they have to look after everyone else and are unable to take time for themselves. They are exhausted and often feel like what they need doesn’t matter. If this sounds like you, I’d love for yo...

On International Women’s Day, here are my thoughts on the ongoing fight for gender equality and the impact of systemic oppression on women's mental health. I also share part of my journey of becoming aware of my experience with domestic abuse and intergenerational sexism and highlight the importance of valuing oneself, self-care, and the right to be seen, heard, and respected.

https://ponderingcalm.com/blog/the-womens-manifesto

Super fast article of what I’m thinking about today. link in bio to read.

With a website refresh and lots of exciting plan for 2023, here’s a reminder that we are all strong women

As women we put other people’s needs before our own far too often. Questions women often struggle to answer is “What do I need right now?” and more specifically “What do I need to help alleviate my suffering?”.

The answer to these questions changes depending on the circumstances we are in at any one time. It is through learning to accept ourselves and take action by practising tender and fierce self-compassion that we can both be kind to ourselves AND become empowered.

Are you wondering how to learn these practices? Please join me in a free interactive self-compassion workshop on Tuesday 27th September 6.30-8.30pm (UK time). To book your spot email:[email protected] or contact me via DM.

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I am looking for volunteers to participate in a coaching project. I will be coaching participants over five sessions to learn skills to advocate for themselves, be kinder to themselves and lead more fulfilling lives by creating a self-compassion mindset. This free coaching will take place through group and individual coaching sessions.

You will learn how to set strong boundaries for your needs through learning to advocate for yourself and develop a self-compassion mindset to enable this.

If you're interested please DM me or email [email protected]

Thank you