Dr. Bill Crawford

The Neuroscience of Motivation “The thing that kills motivation is, when thinking of a goal, people want to be the person who has done it versus the person doing it.” Bill Crawford, PhDI’m...

Do We Trust We Fear or What We Know? “When faced with conflicting thoughts and emotions, we must decide what to trust, what we fear, or what we know. What’s important is that this decision be m...

Helping Students Deal with Anxiety Given that students are experiencing increasing anxiety today, isn’t up to us to give them the information and tools they need to succeed?One of the comments...

The Neuroscience of Responsibility “In order for people to take responsibility for their actions, we need to remove the fear of blame and shame from the equation.” Bill Crawford, PhD This vid...

The Power of Patience “Patience isn’t simply the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.” Joyce MeyerI like this quote because it allows us to look...

My Anxiety Is Making Me Anxious "The problem with anxiety is that its main byproduct is more anxiety."~ Bill Crawford, PhDI have chosen this subject as the focus of this week's quote and co...

“We can’t have constructive conversations with others while having destructive conversations with ourselves." Bill Crawford, PhD

I know everyone wants to engage others in a way that results in increased understanding and solutions versus arguments or debates about “who’s right.” And yet, I have found that there is one prerequisite to these sorts of productive conversations that many people are unaware of, i.e. the kind of conversations we are having with ourselves. In other words, when the things we are saying to ourselves are negative, (such as: Who do you think you are?

What if they discovered that you don’t know what you are talking about? You never were good at winning arguments, etc.) then we are limited in our ability to have positive, or constructive conversations with others. Why? Because negative self-talk throws us into the negative brain, or the part of the brain designed to allow us to deal with threatening situations.

This is a reactive brain that doesn’t think rationally and therefore we find ourselves saying things that either don’t help or potentially make the situation worse. Plus, we really can’t process what another is saying successfully from this lower brain, and therefore, the potential to have a constructive conversation (or construct a solution that everyone can support) is severely compromised.

Therefore, if we truly want to have constructive conversations with others, we must be coming from the part of the brain that is constructive versus destructive, or what I call “The Top of the Mind.” When we do, we can access our clarity, confidence, and creativity and actually become curious about what is important to others. This allows us to blend what is important to them with what is important to us, and create conversations that construct solutions.

If you and/or your organization would like to learn how to access these abilities and this powerful part of the brain, feel free to contact me. My goal is to help everyone create more constructive conversations with others, and with themselves.

How Negative Self-Talk Affects Communication “We can’t have constructive conversations with others while having destructive conversations with ourselves.” BillCrawfordPhD.comI know everyone wants to en...

The Neuroscience of Psychological Safety “Lacking a sense of psychological safety, people shut down…often without realizing it. They are less likely to seek or accept feedback, and also less likely ...

When to Put Problems on the Back Burner "When we put problems on the back burner, often they just sit there and burn." - Georgia CrawfordI love this quote from my wife, Georgia, because it gives us...

When To Use Criticism “Criticism can be effective when there is something that must be destroyed or dissolved, but it is capable only of harm when there is something to be built.”...

Getting Others to Get It! "The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place." George Bernard ShawI believe that misunderstandings are at the heart o...

What Really Under Almost All Anger "Under all anger is fear, and under all fear is fear of loss."~ UnknownI remember reading or hearing this in the past, and have always wanted to include it i...

“To deal successfully with difficult people and situations we must first see them as an opportunity to practice defining who we are.” - Bill Crawford Ph.D.

For those of you who have been following me for some time, you know that I am constantly updating my material as new ideas and ways of helping you create the experience of life you want. I have chosen one of those new concepts to be the focus of this week's quote and video because of the way it lends clarity to the process of dealing with the old, habitual reactions we have to those old habitual triggers. In other words, most of us are very familiar with the experience of having our stress, frustration, anger, or depression triggered by familiar situations, such as, traffic, deadlines, difficult people, etc.

Unfortunately, what most of us do in these situations is try to change the trigger which we mistake as the cause. However, because these are indeed triggers (rather than the cause of how we feel), and because we can rarely change many of these triggers, we find ourselves feeling even more stressed, frustrated, angry, etc. which creates an increasingly problematic cycle.

The solution that I teach those who attend my presentations, and those I work with as a coach/counselor, is to first identify what is most important to us. I call this our "Highest Purpose," and suggest that this new way of being represent something that is chosen deliberately, makes the statement we want to make about who we are, and a way of being that we would recommend to our child, children, or someone we love. In other words, I suggest that we shift away from trying to stop the "problem" (which is actually our limbic system interpreting some situation as warranting a fight or flight reaction) and start identifying a solution over which we have the most control or influence.
When I ask those I work with what this solution or new way of being might look like, they identify qualities and characteristics such as patience, confidence, compassion, flexibility, being creative, authentic, etc. Great qualities, to be sure, and definitely what we want to teach to those we love, however, for some, they can remain "nice words" but hard to put in to practice. This is where today's quote can be immensely helpful, because putting our highest purpose "into practice" or making it the most important thing we are practicing is exactly what is called for, especially when we turn what in the past we have seen as the problem, into the practice field!

This means becoming aware of those past "trigger" situations and identifying our highest purpose, or the quality or characteristic we want to practice as we go into them. For example, we can choose to practice patience as we enter traffic, compassion with some of those difficult people, confidence and clarity with a deadline, etc. This has us transforming what we saw in the past as the problem to the practice field, or a place to practice defining who we are in a way we would teach to someone we love.

Given that anything we practice will eventually become a habit or skill, soon these purposeful practice sessions will become automatic, and we will find ourselves responding in ways that help us create the experience of life we want without having to think about it. Therefore, I suggest that we begin to "put this into practice" or look at old problematic situations as our new practice fields, and begin to purposefully practice a way of being that we would teach to those we love. Whether it's "practice makes perfect," or "practice makes permanent," either way we become more influential in creating the life that we want.

The Neuroscience of Difficult Situations "Want to change your experience of life? Change the problem to the practice field." - Bill Crawford Ph.D. www.BillCrawfordPhD.comFor those of you who have be...

The Addictive Nature of Perfectionism “The need to be perfect is often driven more by fear of failure or disapproval than the joy of achieving one’s goals.” Bill Crawford, PhDPerfectionism is an...

Are We Asking BS Questions? In order to access the most clear, confident, creative part of who we are we must avoid asking “BS” or brainstem questions. Bill Crawford, PhDWhy are questi...

https://youtu.be/Fh66ZpeE44o

Why Most Difficult Conversations Fail “You can’t create a solution-focused conversation from a problem-focused mindset.” Bill Crawford, PhDAs a speaker, trainer, and psychologist, I’m consistentl...

New Way to Deal with the Inner Critic ”To influence ourself, we must understand our “selves,” or the parts of us that motivate our thoughts, decisions, and behaviors, and then draw upon them as ...

https://youtu.be/-NogmwGnf3A

Responsibility - The Ability to Respond "When we take no responsibility for any aspect of our past, we limit our ability to respond in the present and the future.” ~ Bill Crawford, PhDThis quote ca...

"Problems Occur When We Tie our Peace of Mind to Another's State of Mind." - Bill Crawford, Ph.D.

This quote came to me while helping someone deal with a particularly challenging relationship issue, however, it can apply to a wide variety of situations. For example, you might find a negative coworker hard to deal with. Or, it could be a family member or a friend that has a particularly negative perspective on life. Regardless, dealing with negative people can be a problem, especially if you believe that their behavior "makes you" feel one way or another.

In other words, when we need them to be a certain way (or stop being a certain way), then our peace of mind has become tied to their state of mind, and they have just become the most important person in our life! Why? Because when we focus on the behavior of another, the images that are running through our mind are of them, and how problematic their behavior is for us. This engages the lower 20% of our brain and triggers stress chemicals such as cortisol, making their negative behavior way more important than we want it to be.

If you have decided that this no longer works for you, and certainly isn't something you would recommend to someone you love, I suggest that you make a change in how you think about and relate to these people. However, unlike most people, I'm not suggesting that you simply just stop letting them bother you. My guess is that you have either heard this before, or tried it yourself and discovered that this advice doesn't work.

The reason it doesn't work is because to deal with someone coming from their brainstem, or the lower 20% of their brain, we must be coming from the upper 80% of ours, or what I call the "Top of the Mind." In other words, we must be focused not on worrying about what we are trying to stop, but on what we want to start... how we want to start feeling/being when we find ourself dealing with a negative person. Or, put another way, we must know what our peace of mind looks like, and have a sense of who we want to be when they are being negative... not to change them, but to use them to practice making our peace of mind more important than their negative behavior.

Given that practice always makes permanent, then as we continue to practice this new way of being with negative people, we will most certainly become skilled at sustaining our peace of mind, regardless of the situation. For those of you wanting some support in attaining this skill, feel free to go to my website (www.BillCrawfordPhd.com) and contact me. I would love to help.

https://youtu.be/jWSM-l19YZw

Getting Others To Get It! "The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place." George Bernard ShawI believe that misunderstandings are at the heart o...

https://youtu.be/ZnpZPiJ2V-M

The Neuroscience of Authenticity "You don't have to become something that you aren't to become better than you are." Sidney PoitierThis is another quote from Sidney Poitier's autobiography, ...

This is being written during the 2023 “the season of giving,” and, while we all do love to give and receive presents, I wonder if we may be missing an opportunity to give something that is even more impactful? The gifts I’m speaking of are our best self, our time, and our willingness to give voice to how much we love our friends and family members.

What I mean by “our best selves” is our wiliness to take responsibility for the qualities and characteristics we bring to the family events that happen around this time of year. As a psychologist and speaker, so many of the stories I hear of the holidays are about the drama created when everyone gets together for the holidays. Whether it’s politics, or old resentments, or simply disagreements, it seems as if many see the this time of year as an opportunity to air their grievances or pick a fight.

Further, this holiday drama is often even more problematic because we have such high expectations around this time of year. As kids, we all looked forward to the holidays, and, as adults, this same desire for this to be a magical time of year lives just below the surface. Instead, many are met with arguments, hurt feelings, and simmering resentment that dash our hopes, and has us only looking forward to it being over.

There are all sorts of reasons for these problems, not the least of which are unresolved issues and hurt feelings from the past. Then, there are disagreements about how things should be done, and differing beliefs with respect to politics and world events, etc., which often has people saying things to their family that they would never dream of saying to a guest in their home.

Of course, all of this starts with us. Which means, while we may not be able to change how our family interacts with each other, we can certainly take more responsibility for who we are as we interact with them. In other words, instead of criticizing some family member for being critical, we can respond to any negative comment with something positive. Eventually, they will either join us in our more loving way of being, or stop coming to us with negative comments because they now know that we won’t feed their negativity.

We can choose to tell those we love how much we love them and why. We can hold an image of them at their best and ensure that they feel valued and loved by our words and actions. We can choose to be a way that if our children, grandchildren, nieces, and nephews were watching (which they are), we would want them to emulate what they see and hear.

Yes, all of this is easier said than done, but if we make it important enough, we can do it. In other words, if someone told us that we would be paid 10 million dollars if we could consistently treat our families with love during this time of the year, I bet we all would sign up for this and have total confidence in our ability to pull this off. Why? Because we have made it important enough!

And, who knows, if we are able to do this consistently, others may join us. Because, you see, deep down inside, we all want what we dreamed of as children during this time of year… a magical experience of love, laughter, and gifts. Therefore, this year, I suggest that we all take the 10 million dollar challenge and give our family the gift of interacting with them in a way that demonstrates the best of who we are and acknowledges the best of who they are. In doing so, we give a gift worth more than 10 million dollars… we give the gift of love.

https://youtu.be/v6Pqj91R1M0

The Best Gift of All? “Often, the best gift isn’t what we buy, but who we are, and what we say and do with those we love.” Bill Crawford,, PhDThis is being written on Dec. 23rd wh...

https://youtu.be/pu4pWd8mrMo

Breaking the Cycle of Stress “In order to break the cycle of stress and frustration we must first be aware of the problem and then turn it into the practice field.” - Bill Crawford Ph.D....

https://youtu.be/tAd1lU9V-5I

How to Keep People From Jerking Your Chain “Want to know how to keep people from jerking your chain? Don’t give your chain to jerks!” Bill Crawford, Ph.D.In my role as a psychologist, I frequently co...

https://youtu.be/T3fA3ipnEiI

Teaching Kids Respect! “Every time we interact with our children, we are teaching them something. This means that we can’t teach respect by being disrespectful.” Bill Crawford, P...

https://youtu.be/odbd94f76eM

The News: Informing or Inflaming? Psychologist, Dr. Bill Crawford, gives us 5 criteria to use when deciding when to watch the news and when to turn our attention to other endeavors.“If we con...

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