Tales Of A Badazz Bish

Damn straight!!! 😂💀👌

Part 2 of our Back To School Day Trip was to Bonnechere Caves.

It was an hour drive between locations so we had lunch at the picnic area before our group headed down to the Caves.

From the enthusiasm of our tour guide to the history provided about the place was AMAZING!! You'll learn about how the caves were discovered back in the 1950's and how it got to be what it is today.

Part 1 of Our Back to School Day Trip from back in August

First Stop was Bon Echo Provincial Park. We enjoyed the Interpretative Boat Tour, and seeing the Pictographs. It was so beautiful and interesting even DJ was paying attention.

Gosh I just love showing my kids Nature's Beauty.

We had a quick snack before we were off to our next location! On the way home it wasn't raining yet so we stopped back into hike the High Pines Trail.

Nope.... why doesn't matter too me. I prefer to ask myself if I ignored any red flags or moved/needed boundaries. My energy is better spent focusing on any healing that may need too happen.

Having ADHD means I love excitement. I like to challenge myself in order to achieve this feeling. Yesterday I did this by cycling 8km with my 11 year old in less than an hour. Not only did I feel excited after we got back, but I felt super proud of us for challenging our bodies. My helmet straps were just as sweaty as this shirt I was wearing lol 😆 😂

Last Month the boys, Dice and I hiked to the summit of Rock Dunder. It's quite a hike, but as you can see absolutely worth it. This view was stunning!!! I can't wait to go back, and check out the part of the hike we didn't do.

For me getting out, being active and exploring is the perfect way to calm my curious, dopamine chasing brain. Since I have learned this about myself it's a lot easier to prevent an ADHD spiral. It's like what Maya Angelou said "When you know better, you do better" When you know yourself better, you can do better for your self.

10 Things You Should Know About Yourself
A Self Love Exercise

From the Podcast Do You F***ing Mind? By Alexis Fernandez (episode #168)

1. What feeling do I avoid the most? Why?

I have been working on allowing myself to feel sadness and disappointment. These emotions used to feel isolating, lacking in duality, and guilt laden. As if they were my fault, and I was not allowed to also feel happiness at any point until that emotion/issue had been resolved.

2. What are my 3 non negotiables everyday so I feel self love?

I workout 30 minutes each morning. Prioritize eating healthy food. Spend one on one time with my children, even if it's just 10 minutes doing a quick craft or game.

3. What feeling do I crave the most?

I crave adventure and excitement. How do I look for this? I challenge myself in my workouts. Find new places for sightseeing, hiking, camping etc.

4. How do I comfort myself when I have been hurt? Even if I hurt myself.

I move my body, alone. I take a walk, hop on my bike, or beat a pillow. I let myself be sad for a little while. I look for the lesson and apologize when I can. I either reframe my thoughts or accept reality.

5. Who is my biggest source of comfort?

My son Peter, and my sisters.

6. How do I nurture that relationship?

I spend time with them, respond to things they tell me. I'm curious and empathetic about their lives. I offer support when asked and include them in my life whenever possible.

7. What is my biggest source of pain?

I have worked through the issues from the past that caused me pain. I'm grateful to be able to say that no pain or hurt is so massive I can't overcome it.

8. What are my 5 non negotiables in a romantic partner?

Motivation for growth, empathy, faithful, funny, adventurous

9. What do I consider success to be?

Someone who is fulfilled by chasing their dreams and goals, unapologetically! Someone who has passion for life and is adventurous to do something about it.

10. How would I rebuild my life if I lost everything (house, money, car, partner)?

**This is gonna tell you whether or not you want to be working on growing the current life you have, or starting leading away from what you have been doing.**

I would get a loan, and open up a Gluten Free Restaurant & Bakery

No harm if you don't have a few of these answers without some thinking. This is just an opportunity to get to know yourself a little better.

Last Wednesday My Friend, our youngest kids and I went waterfall chasing. We ended up at my favorite childhood swimming hole, then finished our day trip at another special spot.... and no I'm not gonna tell ya where these spots are at!

Last Sunday I finally got around to checking out Bon Echo Provincal Park with the kids! All I have to say is frickin WOW! It is soooo beautiful and we will back!!!

I can't wait to take the Ferry across to the Cliff Top Trail and go on the Interperative Boat Tour!!! 🥰

I absolutely love taking my kids on Back to School Shopping Dates!!! Not only do we get valuable 1 on 1 time, it's a lot less overwhelming!

This year I started with Declan! We enjoyed every minute on the Stuffy Riders and I spent way too much on the matching hoodie & sweat pants he wanted..... but WHO can say no too this cutie patootie?! 😘

On Father's Day I took Everlee and Declan for a bike ride. Declan came in too close to me gashing my leg with the bolt on his front tire. I recieved 7 stitches. The tattoo he cut is my memorial piece for my late Dad.

I tend too always have some sort of wild occurrence happen on Fathers Day. This time it was having my tattoo altered without consent! Lmfao 😅

June 30th I stepped out of the back of my minivan too quickly, slipping off the parking block twisting my foot. I ended up breaking the 5th metatarsal bone in my left foot. 🙃 I'll be in the air cast for another 4-6 weeks, making a full recovery in less than 3 months.

I'll be using this opportunity to slow down, work on my patience and ability to ask for help. ADHD usually has me doing quite the opposite.
What you won't see me doing is quitting. You know what they say. Where there's a will, there's a way!

Who says you can't go camping with a broken foot! With some will power and a lot of help we are enjoying our annual camping trip!

I'm still here. My focus has been more in the moment, and on my parenting journey. I've grown a lot. My children no longer feel like a burden. Life doesn't feel like a small dark room I can't escape from. I'm excited to go for that life that felt just out of reach for me. I'm ready to show my kids that you really can do hard things, BIG things. As 2pac says "Just cause your in the ghetto doesn't mean you can't grow"

Psst... come here. Lean in close, I got a secret for you!!

**Nothing Changes If Nothing Changes!****

If you want something different to happen, than you have to change something!

I hated that I felt like I was cruising through life just dealing with whatever happened. The powerful realization that I could make things happen in my life.

I live deliberately now. What does that look like? It looks like planning my day, my week, or even further into the future. Then each day I make choices I need to order to meet the expectation I have for myself.

I still have my down time. I am by no means promoting the "hustle culture". Living deliberately means I also make time for rest. Rest is just as important as doing. The difference is now I rest so that I can pour more into myself and children. I can't change much for anyone if I am exhausted all the time.

Notice how it all works together?! If your not taking deliberate steps to change what your unhappy with, Nothing is going to change....

Well...it finally happened! After 11 long months the kids and I moved outta the motel. We are now in a 5 bdrm townhouse 🤭🤗😏

2 26ft uhuals, and 1 15ft uhual later I was all moved in yesterday!!!

Lots of unpacking and organizing to go but we are settling in nicely!!!

I still haven't completely absorbed that this is my home now, and that my kids all have their own room now. It's been an interesting long year...I'm sure it will soon though.

we're goιng тo ѕee нow мany people нave cнanged
💁🏼‍♀️age: 18
💁🏼‍♀️now: 38
🏡then: Bancroft
🏡 now: Trenton
💞relaтιonѕнιp: Single
💞 now: Single AF!!!
👶🏻 cнιldren: 0
👶🏻 now: 5
💉 тaттooѕ: 0
💉 now: 20
💍 pιercιngѕ: 2
💍 now: 6
leave a red balloon"🎈” and I wιll gιve yoυ an age

I don't even know how a 38 year old is supposed to act??

The difference between who you are, and who you want to be is what YOU do!!! Jericho McMatthews said this during my Fire & Flow workout this morning.

First pic is me 5 years ago. Surviving, not knowing my values, my worth or who I was. 😕

The difference... 5 workouts a week!!!

Second pic is NOW!! I'm always shocked 😲 at the difference one simple change led too. I built off that one simple habit.

Today I am THRIVING. The last year hasn't been easy at all but I stayed consistent. I did, and can do hard things. Hard work pays off!!!

Enjoying a RARE, slow Sunday morning. Just me, coffee ☕️ and a good book!

That Time I Lost 2 Vans Exactly One Year Apart...

June 16 2019 & 2020 I lost 2 vans in complete accidents. The first time I thought "Alright, this sucks but I'm just glad we are ok!" The second time was quite the experience..... I included my original Facebook posts about the 2 events. They do a way better job recollecting my oddly unique experiences!

June 16/2019

​F**K!
No one got hurt... Except my van! My kids weren't with me!
I seriously just finished saying I liked this van a lot.
My daddy was definitely watching over me tonight!! I even had his ashes in my van today because I took him with us to VanderWater Conservation earlier. (They have been in Quinn's shadow box for 3 years until today)
I'm so thankful I wasn't able to do 80kms or faster. I even resisted passing like I normally would have... Following some old guy driving like 65-70kms, who swerved off the highway to pick up a hitch hiker. The SUV in front of me stopped in time but I wasn't able to....
15 years driving and this is my first accident. I'm a bit shaken up and sore but more pi**ed off then anything else.

​June 16/2020

This week's adventure included learning to strap things to the van with Peter McCaughan & one of my favorite people
Monday I drove out to Golden Lake to visit K and her crew. We planned to go see the Baron Canyon in Algonquin Park as my kids and I had never been there before.
Tuesday was the chosen day for our trip to Algonquin Park. It started off as any adventure would that included 12 children and 2 single Mom's.
Let's just say the Baron Canyon turned out to be pretty fu***ng barren... (It was beautiful, not sure I'll go back)
I can't even process what just happened in our lives.
5 of the children were teens who ran ahead! Typical... Thankfully they did. They discovered the young ladies car was smoking. Within moments her car was engulfed in flames and exploded. Next went mine and K vehicles. We couldn't hear them screaming for us, so one came to get us and one stopped people from coming into the driveway. We all got out alive after an eventful walk for help, the kindness of strangers and a long wait for rides home.
That's some Hollywood s**t man!
I'm so happy to be home!

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd be in the best shape of my life at 37 years old. Physically, mentally, emotionally.

Sometimes my only motivation is remembering how hard I have worked to get to where I am today!

Hard work pays off!

So much has happened in the last couple months. I'm so proud of myself for "graduating" from therapy. I can't believe how much easier life has been to manage after just 12 sessions. It just goes to show that the right type of therapy with a therapist you trust can be life changing. I was really able to put my new coping skills to use during the latest hurdles thrown in front of me.

The kids and I moved into a 2 bedroom cottage until our Geared to Income Unit is available. This was a tough one for me. Despite how tough it was to do as a single mother, I actually pulled off a near seamless move with limited help. In the past moving was an anxiety riddled experience for me which I would project onto everyone, coming across as controlling and angry. This time, without even realizing it, I took the day and each situation as it came. Even laughing a lot it off!!

I woke up to a snow storm. I drove the 26' moving truck
without previous experience. I had to take a smaller storage unit
because there was too much snow built up, preventing the truck
from accessing my original one. I still got the truck stuck in the
parking lot, and almost hit a storage unit due the amount of snow
blowing around and piling up.

I've had my 3 youngest out of school to help soften the blow of being forced out of our home we had lived in for 5.5 years. However the lack of structure doesn't seem to be serving the kids or I very well. They seem to be needing some time apart from each other, too! So they should be starting school within the next week or so!

It's also that time of year again where I both celebrate & grieve birthdays. All my kids have their birthday's within the same 5 week span. Oryen is now 10 and Declan 5. Everlee just turned 7 and Peter is next with his 17th birthday. Last but certainly not least Quinn would be turning 6 this year. I honestly can't believe 6 years has passed since Quinn briefly touched our lives and hearts. His memory is always so bittersweet.

Needless to say I have been busy as usual, but pretty tired too. What's different this time is I have been finding time to rest. It's definitely been a challenge after moving, the kids being home and all of their birthday's. However a challenge isn't something I shy away from. Giving myself the opportunity to rest during the day and week has actually helped me parent from a more genuine, loving place though. My children's needs and wants no longer feel like chores, and I generally feel a lot less annoyed.

I feel like I have been living from a more whole hearted place. Appreciating the small things, taking action when I need to and stepping back when it's appropriate. I'm still not getting it all right, but making mistakes is part of the balance of life. I've accepted I'm not always going to get it right, and that's ok! :)

My half sleeve for Quinn is almost complete....

Quinn Kaiden Rene Schoep 05/06/16-05/20/16

Stronger Than Yesterday!

11 days ago I was questioning my emotional strength. I had been holding on to far too much responsibility. I really wasn't sure how much longer I could hold on. Then it dawned on me.... I could just simply put some of those responsibilities down. Did I need to work full time? No! That leaves me time to focus on my healing and parenting journey. My community resources have secured a place for the kids and I to stay until I get geared to income housing. So I need not worry about my home situation. As opposed to feeling hopeless and without purpose regarding my future, I decided to set some short term goals. I applied for Loyalist College for September 2022. That leaves me 7 months to lay a solid foundation under the kids and I before I start that next chapter.

In the next 7 months I'll truly have time to rest, and fully surrender to the flow of life. I'll have time to create a solid balance between motherhood, my passions and hopefully friends. I will be healing my inner child by playing with my children and becoming the mother I needed. My broody inner teen is relaxing as she finds herself able to safely express her emotions as well as her creativity.

Giving myself the last bit to rest and reflect on my life has brought me the peace I've been searching for. The next time I find myself weakening from the pressures of life, I will know to take a step or two back and ask...

What's in my control?

What can I let go of?

Can I ask for help?

Have I made time for myself to rest, create, express and feel?

I am in complete and utter shock at how quickly I've made my comeback. This time it feels different. For the first time I truly feel I am coming back stronger and more resilient than ever.

C'mon life.... hit me with your best shot!!!

I may not like Valentine's Day, but I sure do like those grotch goblins of mine!

Bonus points for me because this was very healing for my inner child!!

Writing and motherhood summed up in one photo!!!

So I remembered who the f**k I was, and then had a great weekend.

Got more ear piercings! Thanks Campbellford Lifestyle Shop

Replaced my blood stained Care Bears Shirt & got a super cute Looney Tunes Crop Top for $10

Found Marshmallow Fruity Pebbles

Took Dice on some great walks in the sunshine ☀️

I also did a BIG THING.... I applied for both Loyalists SSW & DSW courses. (Start date September 2022)