Alexandra Covucci
Mindset Coach for women who want to stop hiding so they can start being seen, being heard, and being
18/03/2024
So much of my work is helping people become their own best truth tellers, because at the heart of most emotional hindrances to success, or visibility, or leadership, there’s a truth that needs to be explored, integrated, challenged, and molded.
And, so many of our unconscious patterns and coping mechanisms are a way of diluting our truths from ourselves and then, eventually, from the world.
If you wanna start to shift something, own something, expand something, start telling the truest truth you can about it (not necessarily all over the place at first, start with yourself):
Examples:
“A part of me that doesn’t want to change this at all”
“I’m actually really happy lately, even though my family won’t like that”
“I’m not doing well”
“I’m doing really well and that scares me”
“I love attention and validation, and that feels gross”
Etcetera.
You’d be surprised at how much we evade the truth, and how much it stops us.
Once we get to our deeper truths, we can accept where we’re at and *then* work to shift it, which usually saves a lot of time and resistance.
This is exactly what I help my clients do with my RBE method in my 1:1 coaching program, Emerge, so that you can stop hiding, take up more space, become more visible, and exist without feeling like a fraud. Link in bio for a free call.
All parts of you are valuable.
06/03/2024
What’s your opinion?
06/03/2024
This is especially for my performers, people-pleasers, and perfectionists, but also...it’s for everyone.
I woke up saying this to myself recently, and it was one of those realizations where my brain, like, *knows* that already, but the rest of my body caught up on an even deeper level.
The kind of realization that makes you go, “ooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh”, like you just discovered you have a name or something.
Look, it’s not actually your job to make people like you or love you. Let yourself off the hook.
In fact, you don’t actually control whether people like you or love you no matter how much your brain likes to pretend you do.
I see this a lot in leaders and entrepreneurs who don’t feel safe to be seen, or who hold themselves back in their visibility, or who cycle through patterns of performing, perfectionism or people-pleasing. There’s this innate (and often unconscious) desire to *ensure* that people will like you or that people will love you. It’s a way to push away or protect from feeling rejection or hurt or abandoned or not-valuable or criticized or [insert more here].
But the irony here is that we move further away from ourselves the more we try to ensure how others feel about us...we end up abandoning and rejecting ourselves to try to be palatable for others. And that’s the ultimate abandonment.
The other irony? The more we actually tend to ourselves and become expressions of who *we are*, the more we invite the right kind of love.
And the right kind of clients.
And the right kind of opportunities.
All based on an embodiment of our truth.
This is part of what we do in my 1:1 program EMERGE where we help you show up powerfully (or consistently, or on new levels) by feeling safe to be seen. Link in bio.
All parts of you are valuable.
16/02/2024
Stake your claim ✌🏼
All parts of you are valuable
29/01/2024
When I work with people to heal their wounds around being seen, it always comes back to this:
learning to deeply embody and operate from your own sense of self-worth, self-value self-esteem.
> We market differently from a place of valuing ourselves v. from a place of hoping to be valuable enough.
> We sell differently from a place of believing in ourselves v. from a place of hoping we’ll get enough clients to believe in our capability.
> We create differently when we value our own opinion and ideas v. when we’re constantly seeking other people’s brilliance over our own.
Your ability to be wildly seen in your gifts, your creativity, your momentum, your leadership and your “look at me” energy has everything to do with the way you relate to yourself in the places you’re most afraid to look.
That’s where we heal our wounds around being seen and take a stand for our own sense of worth, infusing it into our business and our leadership.
I’m offering limited spots for free coaching calls for the powerful and potent leaders who are ready to heal their visibility wounds this year.
Link in bio
28/01/2024
As long as your nervous system still thinks being seen is a massive threat, you’ll struggle to market yourself, sell your offers, be intimate with your audience, and stand in your leadership.
Exposure is no joke. I know that well from early lifetime experiences of learning that hiding = safety.
From being closeted and having my actual social survival depend on my authentic self being hidden, to being bullied, to ending up in relationships I comfortably hid in, it took me a long time to learn what it meant to be okay with exposure.
And it’s this:
> Safe with exposure = my sense of self and safety is not dependent on what people do or say when I share my truths.
> Safe with exposure = my sense of worth isn’t dependent on my results or the response to what I share with the world
> Safe with exposure = I know who I am even if the world tells me to be different
> Safe with exposure = I can handle the sensations that arise from sharing parts of myself with the world.
etc.
The more you develop the ability to feel safe with exposure, the more confident you’ll feel to open up your world to more clients, more opportunities, and deeper leadership.
And it’s possible just by working with your body and your brain.
This isn’t to say you’ll never get activated by exposure (because there are always new levels), but it is to say that once you know how to work with your body and your brain / beliefs in a supportive way, you’ll know how to face new levels of exposure at every level.
For just a little while (and limited spaces) I’m opening up one day on my calendar to free Safe To Be Seen coaching calls. All coaching, no fluff.
Because you deserve to stand in your power, share your work, move through your perfectionism, and stop people-pleasing the world.
🔗 in bio
All parts of you are valuable.
26/01/2024
I think one of the greatest things we can learn is how to be seen.
I think it’s one of the most powerful skills for building a business.
I think it’s one of the most powerful facets of leadership.
I think it’s one of the most powerful homecomings.
It is intrinsically tied with the way we sell, the way we market, the way we lead, the way we relate, the intimacy we offer, and how we treat ourselves in the process.
When we put our work in the world, we want to believe in it.
When we lean into an edge, we want to feel the power we have to hold it.
When we share our truths, we want to know we’re okay with the response.
When we lead, we want to allow ourselves to explore our different multitudes.
When we sell, we want to stand behind it.
And learning the skill (yes, the skill) of being seen supports them all. It’s not an arrival, it is a practice of cultivating self-made magic over and over and over again.
For just a little while (and limited spaces) I’m opening up one day on my calendar to free Safe to be Seen coaching calls. All coaching, no fluff. We’ll support you to move through or learn to work with whatever’s got you hiding right now.
Because you deserve to stand in your power, share your work, move through your perfectionism, and stop people-pleasing the world.
Click on link in my bio
24/01/2024
If there’s one “block” I see coaches and leaders struggle with the most, it’s this:
The fear of being seen.
Which includes, but is not limited to:
* Struggling with imposter syndrome despite being an expert
* Over-consuming information instead of creating your own
* Thinking your success was a fluke
* Feeling like a fraud even though others tell you how powerful you are
* Worrying that you’re gonna “get it wrong” and doing nothing instead
* People-pleasing the internet
* Not actually knowing what you want
* Only feeling safe when you’re liked by others
* Not creating powerful offers because you’re afraid you can’t deliver
And so on and so forth
We tend to think about the fear of being seen as it relates to visibility (actually showing your face on the internet), but it goes so much deeper, and it affects your business in the most potent and subtle ways.
It is, in essence, the ability to feel safe in the exposure of your gifts, your opinions, your truths, your power, your leadership, your offers, your sales, your marketing, your mistakes, and so much more.
If you know you’re so powerful and that you’re not showing up in the potential you know you could be, I wanna gift you this:
An invitation to one free, private Safe To Be Seen Coaching Call.
I’ve got my calendar open for 10 private calls, and all you have to do is click on this link in bio for more info.
I’m looking forward to supporting you.
13/09/2022
Just a reminder that you being in your integrity / alignment might:
- feel like s**t at first
- be utterly confusing and disorienting
- make you face a lot of your fears
- bring about a detox of sorts
- bring about an emotional purging or reckoning
all before it brings the freedom and relief of being locked into your truth.
13/05/2022
In fact, I would argue that they're quite possibly one and the same in a lot of ways: essential assets to whatever you're creating in the world.
Especially for entrepreneurs + leaders + creators + coaches.
Your strength doesn't need to be void of deep, honest tenderness (for yourself or others). In fact, it often regenerates your strength.
Your tenderness and sensitivity doesn't need to be void of remembering that you're a one-in-7-billion human on this planet who has insane amounts of value to offer the world, and an insane amount of human power.
All parts of you are valuable ✌🏼
10/05/2022
This is one of the *most* empowering transformations I see in my clients. When they find the courage to be honest with themselves (even though most of us don't really know when we aren't).
When they say things like:
- I don't actually want to do this anymore
- I'm actually angry even though I feel guilty about it
- I'm not happy (or, conversely, I'm soooo happy and it feels weird)
- I don't think I'm taking good care of myself
- I'm afraid to stop overworking
- I'm afraid that people won't love me if I don't do a good job
- I don't know how to relax
- I don't feel connected to my business anymore
- I think I'm out of integrity
- I actually really like money and want a lot of it
etcetera, etcetera.
Being honest with ourselves - and developing a curious, non-judgmental, loving space to receive ourselves - can be some of the most powerful self-leadership work we do because - truth be told - not much changes from a place of lying, self-abandonment, and self-neglect.
Your humanity is such a rich, complex map to your aliveness, and the more we harness it, the more safety we can develop to show up in the world in our radical authenticity, our authentic power, and our intrinsic motivation.
One of the sneakiest places we often hide is from ourselves.
I remember a few years ago my best friend (and an incredible practitioner herself) looked straight at me in the middle of a conversation I was struggling to understand and said, "Alex, you're lying...just to yourself"
There was no reprimand in her words, there was only honest, genuine love (and 20 years of rapport and trust). She could see what *I* couldn't see. She could see that I meant well, but that I'd spent so long disconnected from my truth and my sense of self, that I was overtaken by my patterning and conditioning.
It was one of the *most* defining moments of my adult life because it helped fundamentally change the way I relate to myself.
Which has changed my relationships and my results, immensely.
We think we have to "overcome" every aspect of our humanity, but we don't. Sometimes the most potent thing we can do is be honest about it instead.
(continued 👇🏼)
08/05/2022
Before any self-help books or courses or masterminds I was a part of, this woman taught me the importance of:
- speaking my mind and using my voice
- living a life of quality over quantity
-activating my fierce spartan lineage *and* my deep ability to be nurturing
- nourishing my body and my soul
- taking amazing care of myself
and more
Amidst our ups and downs, one of the best parts of my healing journey has been rediscovering the depth of appreciation and love between us again.
Happy mother's day to all the mamas out there. Also acknowledging how complicated this holiday can be for a lot of people 🤍
29/04/2022
A reminder ✌🏼
20/04/2022
After all, comparison stings different when we've convinced ourselves that we can't be / do / have what others can.
I cannot tell you how many times I actually convinced myself that I couldn't have / experience *pleasure* or *joy* or *success* or *confidence* because I was some special kind of 'broken' that other people weren't.
It was actually a really comforting narrative, to be honest. I'd played it out so many times that it offered me a level of predictability that felt so *safe*.
It felt a lot less safe to be seen in my desires (even by myself).
To explore what I really longed for.
To touch the edges of my desire.
To graze my potential, and come back for more.
That felt too foreign, so I convinced myself that there must be a reason that *I* couldn't have or experience certain things. Maybe I was too gay. Or maybe I was too deep. Or maybe I was too potent. Or maybe, blah blah blah.
It's an easy way to stay hidden. And, believe me, I know hiding can feel soooo safe. I was closeted for years (and then built a life around hiding), so I learned how to hide in my *bones*.
But I believe that our aliveness requires that we reach for the things that we long for, at least to some degree, and learn how to rewire our bodies and brains to receive them.
This is part of what we work through together, 1:1. DM me if you'd like more information about my program and whether we'd be a good fit.
All parts of you are valuable
20/04/2022
Literally have nothing to say today except:
I'm so glad you're here. I appreciate you. I like doing internet life with you. ✌🏼
Sincerely yours, Alexandra
19/04/2022
This one took me awhile to even see in myself. Mainly because my brain and body were *so good* at finding new ways to uphold perfectionism conditioning before I could even figure out what was happening.
I remember saying to a coach of mine years ago, "I think I might be using the idea of integrity as a way to keep hiding". I forget what he said, but I'll never forget that moment, because I realized two things:
1. No matter what mask I put on perfectionism, it was still perfectionism (not being in service)
2. I had to make room for messing up if I wanted to dismantle all the conditioning that was standing in between me and my desires
Being seen, exposure, and visibility are interwoven into all aspects of our leadership, our business, our creativity, which is why I love to work with humans to increase their capacity.
I do this in three phases within my 6 mo 1:1:
> ROOT
> BLOOM
> EMERGE
Where we work with you to:
- create a steady relationship with your self-trust and conviction in your voice, your mission, and your creations
- increase your capacity for intimacy with your audience, your offers, your social media (so it doesn't feel like one big performance)
- Rewire your nervous system to feel safer with being seen (visibility, leadership, social media)
- Creating a healthy, powerful and sustainable relationship to success itself so that your business doesn’t burn you out
- Integrating your business shadows what's standing in the way of you feeling worthy, satisfied and excited for what you’re here to do
- Activating new levels of leadership within you so you can handle anything from fear of criticism to unexpected triggering situations that show up in your business
And so much more.
DM me for more info or a conversation about whether or not this is a good fit for you. I'm happy to answer any questions.
All parts of you are valuable ✨
18/04/2022
My take. ✨
13/04/2022
For the longest time I did this thing where I used the *idea of integrity* to actually find more reasons to keep stalling, hiding, and not being seen in my leadership, my growth, my power.
It would look something like this:
"I couldn't possibly use any idea I've ever learned anywhere else because it's not uniquely *mine*" (which, nothing is ours and everything is ours)
"I need to find a way to be masterful in XYZ before I could possibly offer *anything*" (this idea that I needed more and more and more before I could be 'enough' as a human of service)
"I don't feel like my best self, so I couldn't possibly help anyone else" (emotional perfectionsim at its finest)
and so on and so forth.
Integrity is a fu***ng gift because it keeps us honest and oriented around strong moral principles, but it can also be used against ourselves (as can personal development in general). It can be used as yet another reason to hide. It can be used as a mask for perfectionism. And, perfectionism laced in the idea of integrity can be a sticky one.
I remember one time my closest friend said to me, "um, that's not integrity, that's the idea that you have to innovate everything before you say *anything*." Ufff, it hurt in just the way I like it.
It was one of those moments that I saw directly behind the pattern that I was upholding and realizing my own damn good ability at hiding.
I know hiding really well because I spent a lifetime doing it, and that's why I work with leaders and coaches to feel safer to be seen. Because, without knowing where you're hiding, how you're hiding and why you're hiding (and then how to dismantle it), it's hard to actually unravel it.
It can be so laced with a sense of safety that we forgo sharing our gifts to uphold it. But, I want you to be able to build the skill of feeling safe AND being seen so you can lead, serve, and earn at the levels you desire.
All parts of you are valuable.
PS. This is exactly what I help my clients do in my 1:1 container Emerge. We dismantle your patterns of hiding so you can feel safe to be seen in your leadership and growth at new earning levels - link in bio for more
06/04/2022
The reason we most often feel "stuck" isn't because we don't know what to do next, it's because the place we're trying to do it from feels like s**t.
Creating a supportive internal environment takes time, patience, and the ability to regulate your nervous system, but it's well worth it, in my opinion.
All parts of you are valuable
✌🏼
01/04/2022
- For some people this looks like setting a boundary.
- For some people this looks like showing your face on instagram more.
- For some people this looks like sharing different things with your audience.
- For some people this looks like scaling an offer
- For some people this looks like selling your program more than you already are.
- For some people this looks like being more honest with themselves or others.
- For some people this looks taking imperfect action.
- For some people it's leaving a post up even though a key word is missing (this happened to me the other day on my most liked and shared post ever).
And so on and so forth.
Visibility, being seen, is not a plug-and-play situation. Sure, it may come with structures and strategies that support your mission and your vision, but at the heart of it is regulating your nervous system to feeling safe with more exposure of your TRUTH.
At the heart of it is seeing yourself so deeply that you can be okay with your own: mistakes, messiness, flaws, imperfections, and cringe without self-punishing, and while still lean into sharing your gifts with the world.
At the heart of it is learning to look at yourself through the lens of the whatever iteration is next for you, knowing full well it'll feel tender to close that gap.
It's tied into everything we do, in a world that has trained so many of us to stay hidden.
Olly olly oxen free,
Alexandra
PS. This is part of what we master together in my 6 month 1:1 program, EMERGE, where together we will also:
- Rewire your nervous system to feel safe with being seen (visibility, leadership, social media)
- Embody alignment in all aspects of your work (and actually know what that means for you)
- Integrate your business shadows and anything that's standing in the way of you feeling worthy, satisfied and excited for what you’re here to do
- Activate new levels of leadership within you so you can handle anything from fear of criticism to unexpected triggering situations that show up in your business
And so much more.
Link in bio for application ✨
29/03/2022
Being seen is not a strategy you can download from the internet. It’s a deep and robust relationship you have your own self-intimacy, and your intimacy with the world.
And then how you choose to infuse that into your:
> Business
> Visibility
> Creativity
> Productivity
> Leadership
> Relationships
etcetera
Our visibility blocks often occur where our nervous system struggles to have the capacity to hold the amount of exposure or intimacy we're wanting to lean into with ourselves or others…and, the subsequent beliefs or self-concept we've organized around that.
Which, as a leader or coach, may look like:
- Sitting on tons of new programs and creations because they're never quite “good enough”
- Not sharing your opinion on the internet for fear of what others will think of you
- Always posting, never selling (even though you want to make more money)
- Having a great ‘visibility strategy’, but feeling disconnected from your audience, or like you're always putting on a show
- Not being honest with yourself about what you really want
- Burning out or overworking because you're not listening to your own needs and desires
Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.
Being seen doesn't necessarily mean cracking yourself open and exposing your full heart and soul for everyone to rummage through all at once, but it does mean building the capacity to sit with your own self-intimacy, and then bringing that to your work in the world so you can show up in the ways you want to while feeling safe in yourself.
All parts of you are valuable. 🤍✨
PS. if you're ready to lean into your edges and take up more space in your leadership and visibility, my 1:1 program EMERGE is for leaders and coaches where together we support you in:
- Rewiring your nervous system to feel safe with being seen (visibility, leadership, social media)
- Creating a healthy, powerful and sustainable relationship to success itself so that your business doesn’t burn you out
- Embodying alignment in all aspects of your work (and actually know what that means for you)
(Continued in comments) ✨
24/03/2022
This is especially for my performers, people-pleasers, and perfectionists, but also...it's for everyone.
I woke up saying this to myself recently, and it was one of those realizations where my brain, like, *knows* that already, but the rest of my body caught up on an even deeper level.
The kind of realization that makes you go, "ooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh", like you just discovered you have a name or something.
Look, it's not actually your job to make people like you or love you. Let yourself off the hook.
In fact, you don't actually control whether people like you or love you no matter how much your brain likes to pretend you do.
I see this a lot in leaders and entrepreneurs who don't feel safe to be seen, or who hold themselves back in their visibility, or who cycle through patterns of performing, perfectionism or people-pleasing. There's this innate (and often unconscious) desire to *ensure* that people will like you or that people will love you. It's a way to push away or protect from feeling rejection or hurt or abandoned or not-valuable or criticized or [insert more here].
But the irony here is that we move further away from ourselves the more we try to ensure how others feel about us...we end up abandoning and rejecting ourselves to try to be palatable for others. And that's the ultimate abandonment.
The other irony? The more we actually tend to ourselves and become expressions of who *we are*, the more we invite the right kind of love.
All parts of you are valuable.
PS. this is part of what we do in my 1:1 program EMERGE where we help you show up powerfully (or consistently, or on new levels) by feeling safe to be seen. Application in bio. ✨
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