Progressus

Reminding you that you are loved. If you don’t feel it, look again. From this corner of the world, and from the core of your own wondrous self, you’re loved.

Some days, we seem to be chasing life’s demands so hard but unable to catch up.

That’s the week I’ve had: handling work demands, seeing to the needs of my home circle, rushing from meeting to meeting, arranging for medicines and therapies, magically finding time to get the last minute things my son forgot he needed for his activities, and using every spare moment to tackle random demands that cropped up.

In the middle of the rush, I’d promised a few friends I would show up to support them and I did a pretty good job of doing that, but sometimes it happened by choosing my friends over what I needed in the moment.

That’s exactly what life’s about. Sometimes we give to someone else and it reminds us we also need to give a little more to ourselves. So, I’ve decided to give everyone (including me) a beautiful gift we all would benefit from.

I’ll be running a free 5-day meditative art workshop at 5-5:30pm EST (6pm Trinidad time) from Monday February 12 to Friday February 16. That’s the week of Ash Wednesday and Valentine’s Day around the world, and Carnival on top of that here in Trinidad and Tobago.

So many participants loved it when I ran it a couple of years ago that I couldn’t think of a nicer gift to give everyone in this month that focuses on romantic love and Divine love.

The Meditative Art workshop runs inside my group, The Thrive Collective. Just follow this link and ask to join us:
https://m.facebook.com/groups/ourthrivecollective/?ref=share&mibextid=S66gvF

Looking forward to welcoming you and enjoying some shared time to look after ourselves. The group brings extra opportunities for connection and sharing our art and reflections. If you don’t want to join the group, DM me so we can create a way to let you join the workshop.

STOP IT!…

…If you see someone who’s physically crushing it, and immediately inventory all the ways you fall short.

…if every twinge in your muscles makes you stress about the fact that you’re aging.

…if you’re comparing yourself to others and feeling shameor harshly judgmental of yourself.

Give yourself the gift of:
1) feeling gratitude for the wonderful things your body helps you do right now
2) loving your body
3) starting to allocate some time for loving and caring for your body in ways you haven’t been able to, recently.
4) looking forward to additional capabilities you will develop as you take more care of your body.

This is what I’ve been doing. And it feels good to be adjusting my relationship with my body in this way.

Are you really choosing your direction and actions and living the life you want? Or are you chasing what THEY told you to, doing what THEY expect you to, thinking as THEY showed you to?

For decades, I lived in the second way, racing to earn approval, prove my worth. My efforts earned qualifications, promotions, better income and more. But, something critical was missing: my ability to know me, hold space for me, do what I truly wanted.

I’d started to feel stuck and demotivated.
I hated the emptiness of my existing routines.

Eventually, I set out to find joy in my career and personal life. I began rediscovering myself, asking myself why I believed certain things, whether my mindsets and habits fit me. I ripped many out and planted some new ones, then put in the time to shift and grow.

How about you? Do you look successful but feel deflated? Do aspects of life ring hollow to you? Find out: dig deeper into yourself, find more meaning, turn up your mood.

DM the words LEVEL UP if you’re overdue to create the joy and fulfillment you long for.

25 years ago, my close friend accused me of something in a blowout verbal attack right in our shared kitchen. Looking up during the onslaught, I saw two housemates gleefully laughing in the stairwell at my pain and confusion.

My heart broke that day; hateful seeds had been sown to hurt me and dismantle my friendship. Though the accusations were disproven, I never received an apology from any persons involved. That fiasco shook my capacity to enter into new friendships for quite some time.

I and my old friend got back into contact over the years, but it sadly never returned to the previous level.

A few years ago, I started interacting with one of the other two girls again. Someone asked me if I’d forgotten how much she’d hurt me. I can’t forget; the event took the last bit of innocent childhood I’d been holding on to. However, I no longer carried resentment of her. I answered that I was choosing to trust that she had grown emotionally and mentally, just as I had. Our friendship has since developed nicely.

The New Year is a great time for new beginnings. We may feel safer hiding away after hurt, but that limits bigger joys and fulfillment that could come.

We can take the opportunity to review what we’ve learned, see how past pain grew our resilience, and let go of old pain that no longer serves us so our healing moves even further along. We all deserve this kind of freedom.

Maybe, you also have a friendship that could use a second chance. Maybe you could benefit from extending an olive branch or making a long-overdue acknowledgment or apology. Or, maybe, you could find more freedom by clarifying some boundaries or putting distance between you and someone who repeatedly brings you pain.

It all starts with training up your ability to love yourself. With that ability will come an increased capacity to take risks and extend love as well as place limits that look after your needs.

I’d bet you’ve been through life events that reflect some of the challenges mentioned above. How did you make your way forward? I’d love to learn from your experience, too.

If you’ve worked hard to create professional success but instead it just feels empty, you are likely asking yourself, “What now?”. You may be feeling frustrated because you thought when you got here, achieved this, life would feel so wonderful - but now you find something else missing. You want more from your personal life, your relationships, your excitement to get up in the morning, your fulfillment - something.

The emptiness, doubt and pain doesn’t last forever. In my work with my coaching clients, here are 10 common elements that make a big difference as they create lives of considerably more joy and fulfillment.

1️⃣ You are not alone in feeling this way. Keep going.
2️⃣ Know that you are still worthy, even if things don’t feel great right now.
3️⃣ Construct a vision of the better version of life that you desire, and draw motivation from that.
4️⃣ Stay reflective: note what feels off and what upsets you, and identify what changes you need to make to create a preferable reality for yourself. Asking questions and searching for meaning are GOOD things, even if it really hurts to do it.
5️⃣ Note the negatives, instead of hiding from them. You need to acknowledge what’s unacceptable to be able to replace it with better.
6️⃣ No matter how bad things may feel, see the positives. Sometimes it takes time to build the skill, but there are positives on the flip side of most negatives.
7️⃣ Prioritize yourself. Once you learn how to do it well, you’ll find you are much better resourced to see to the needs and demands of everyone else.
8️⃣ Draw your line in the sand and mark it with a flag. Take a look at whether your boundaries need adjusting and how well you enforce them.

Read the rest in the images…and be sure to save for when you need this list again.

No matter how different you are, you shouldn’t be putting up with mistreatment from anyone, no matter how much you love them.

Observe whether you’re putting your needs last and disrespecting yourself. If yes, then shifting your boundaries may be the best Christmas gift you could give yourself.

DM me for access to a free workshop, coming the week after Christmas, for support on this and more ways to Level Up and Thrive.

Reminding you to gift yourself some fun today.

It doesn’t have to be sensible or reasonable or worthy of a grownup. Play a bit. Try something new. Behave like a child. Laugh like a crazy person. Kiss someone you love. Relive a memory that makes you smile big.

Love you.

Unclenching.

She doesn’t even care
About what makes me happy,
I said.
She doesn’t even try.
Why doesn’t she love me
As much as she loves that other person?
I cried.

And I slammed the bedroom door
And my head spun
From the impact of the slap
She’d slammed across my cheek.
And my hurt turned into anger
Because she was hateful,
So unfair.

And as the pain festered
I found more proof of all I thought,
I found more evidence that my instincts were objectively backed.
And I boldly stated my accusations to her
And she slapped me some more,
And my anger turned
Into forever resentment.

And so the years passed
And my tears rained down,
And my hurt simmered,
And my regrets mounted,
Because why was life so unfair?
And why couldn’t she see me
and be kind?

But the more I focused on the hurt,
The more the hurt multiplied,
And the more life brought me
Situations and people
To break me open,
Until I was wading through
Decades of darkest muck.

Finally, I stopped waiting,
Stopped spitting fire,
Stopped praying
For her to fix herself
So I could feel better.

Fixing things for me
Didn’t need her permission.
Fixing me
Didn’t require her help.
It was always the wrong solution anyway
Because I didn’t need fixing,
No matter who thought otherwise.

But there were changes afoot:
To see my beauty,
To embrace my power,
To armour myself against shoulds,
To flout tradition and tap into purpose,
And—with or without her support—
It was my solo journey.

See, I sat outside her
And judged her
When I had the power to fix it for myself.
If only I’d known…
The power had always lain within me.



A poem by Marcia Nathai-Balkissoon
Photo by InspiredImages on Pixabay.

If I often put down someone, do I do it to feel better about myself?

🧐 Maybe if I shift out of my feeling of smallness, I won’t need to diminish someone else in order to feel bigger.

If you haven’t been moving forward, you may be stagnating. Realise you may also have just needed to cycle into a period of rest, in preparation for the next stage of growth.

Last week, a young man came up to me after class and got rough with me. The verbal attack felt like physical violence was close behind. It always surprises me when a student stomps up with a rude ultimatum, insisting they deserve more favorable treatment than everyone else.

How does flailing at your lecturer make it more likely that you’ll get what you want, I always wonder. My first instinct was to shout back, but that would have been the wrong direction for me.

I restated the requirement and clarified the conditions applicable to all students. Make no mistake, my body and emotions were on high alert.

When you feel threatened, pay attention to what triggered you in someone’s words, behaviours, or vibe.

Observe what kind of response you instinctively start moving into. Observe if you get triggered more in certain settings or emotional states, such as when you are tired or overwhelmed by demands.

Observe if your instinct is to behave the way someone did toward you in your childhood or at some other formative point in your life, AND whether that behaviour is one you actually want to adopt as a behaviour that fits the person you choose to be.

Your system may want to treat every threat as a life-or-death one, but very few will actually put your personal well-being at harm. You may find that your breathing gets shallow, and your heart rate speeds up as your body prepares to fight or run away.

In that moment, learn to pause for a micro-second and discern whether you want to fly off the handle or threaten or simply stop, breathe, and centre yourself before taking control of your situation and putting yourself back in charge.

Your instinct may be to slip into negative behaviours modeled for you in the past, or used against you in the past, but if they don’t fit you, you have the power to rise above them. You have the ability to train yourself to respond differently.

And if you slip into the automatic, unconscious response that you desire to move away from, learn from the event. I slip often and continue to work toward the growth I want for myself. You can make amends, if appropriate. And you can keep working toward the change you’ll make next time.

Do you schedule personal fun into your day, like you schedule your work commitments?

‼️You shape your life one action/thought at a time; create the space to dive into enjoyable time every day‼️

This is a pic of me and my hus celebrating with my son following his graduation recently.

Shout out to those who are in a dark or challenging cycle. Let’s normalise talking about it and getting support from our social circle & professionals. Social media doesn’t only have to show the shiny bits.

If you repeatedly see the patterns of how hard your life has been, how much you’ve been hurt or betrayed or denied opportunities, all the uncertainty over if things will work out for you, then you may continue to experience even more hurts than joys.

Conversely, if you can see how many opportunities you’ve had to make advancements, meet amazing people, learn and grow, and easily spot possibilities to uplevel your circumstances, capabilities, happiness or success, then it is likely you will find even more opportunities to thrive.

We get better at recognising more of the things/experiences/emotions we habitually look for. So if you steep yourself in negativity, you’ll spot negativity a lot more easily in your life. And the opposite is also true.

So, if you get in the habit of seeing the positive potential even in the midst of your challenges, and if you can pause long enough to recognise blessings even in tough times, then you train yourself to never be beaten to the point where you can’t push on. Sure, after some hard hits you may need to recover, but they don’t break you forever.

Then, even when things are challenging, you’ve built a habit of finding enough goodness in life to buoy you up. You become more likely to persevere, to find joy and fulfillment, because you’ve learned to filter and focus the light in your world so it lifts your spirit and keeps you moving forward and never giving up.

Every life is characterized by ups and downs. Even when the downs are heartbreaking or the challenges last for decades, remember to look around and find the beams and the pinpricks of light that shine into your space.

Feel the hard feelings, and process them for as long as you need, so you can work your way around or through them and eventually step forward. And feel the joys, too, so you can laugh and celebrate and stash them into your memory to sustain you through the downs that may be next.

Do this and learn to curate positive energy for yourself. That’s today’s tip, just for you.

Image by andrewydk on pixabay.

How often do you laugh it off or push it down when someone tests your boundaries? How often do you stand up and say “enough”?

You need a balance so you don’t get triggered over minuscule things but don’t become a doormat, either.

What are you working on to achieve that balance?

As things shift in and around your life, what are you allowing yourself to release? What has kept you stuck or limited, up to this point? What are you allowing yourself to become, to see, to feel? WHAT ARE YOU CHOOSING?

I’m feeling joyful as I invite you to join me on this complimentary journey to:

🔭 get clarity about your vision for your life

😩 recognise what’s getting in the way, and

🎯 get focused on achieving your desired outcomes.

We start tomorrow and run for an hour each day until Sunday. A pre-program resource will be emailed to all who sign up by today.

🌟 Register at MarciaNB.com/personal-power-program today. 🌟

Bonus: further discussions will take place in The Thrive Collective during the event.

You can keep pushing hard but if you’re finding it harder and harder to show up, guard against a crash.

Try pressing pause and refilling yourself before the next push.

It’s easy to ignore how badly you need to top yourself up if you’ve been juggling everything and pushing your needs down forever. So silence your busy, ever-running mind and just tune in to how YOU are. Then do what is right for you right now. Remember, a pause now can ensure you stay in gear for a longer period and make a bigger contribution overall.

Sometimes, your job is simply to shine your light by standing up for yourself.

Not accepting being gaslighted or abused.

Being heard and seen instead of allowing someone to walk over your opinion or your truth.

Staying connected to who you are.

Holding space for yourself.

Some days are sweaty, still-in-nightshirt-at-midday, loving-life-anyway days. Reminding you to find your joy even in the pinch.

Breathe. That’s a big part of the answer.

Empty your lungs to a count of 4, hold for 4, and fill up deeply all the way to the lowest part of your lungs for 4, then hold again for 4. And repeat.

Feel your stress leak away and vitality seep into your cells.

Hello! Is anyone out there?

It feels like that sometimes, doesn’t it?

You wonder if anyone sees your posts.

You wonder if you’re adding value to others with your tips and tools and stories and vulnerability.

You wonder if you should listen to that inner voice that says you’re just shouting into the void.

And then someone reaches out. A comment, a DM, even sometimes a phone call. And they say they look forward to your posts, or you make them feel seen, or you help them keep going under the onslaught of life’s challenges.

Just a reminder: your experiences are never just yours alone. It may feel that way, but others are coping with a version of the events you face, or are praying about a version of what you’re praying about, or are learning from the pains you’ve been having too, or are feeling isolation or leaning into hope just like you.

Whether people say it to you or not, you’re not shouting into the void. Your life matters. Your voice matters. Your sharing through your posts matters. Because if you make a difference to even one other person, you’re having such an important impact!

So keep going.

Connect with nature today. Take a walk in a garden, just watch the clouds…
…Breathe out your worries and breathe in ease.

Gift this to yourself today: steal away into a silent moment and commune with your deepest, truest self. Loving and being compassionate to yourself, knowing yourself - those are the key to letting go of much of the pain you feel and creating the life you long for.

Sometimes life feels like it’s crushing you or leaving you behind and you can’t find the extra will to keep going, trying, fighting, loving, hoping, believing.

You matter, even if you feel isolated or uncared for, or can’t seem to drag yourself forward mentally, emotionally or physically. Hang in there. Know I’m holding your hand and sending love your way. Catch this week’s short episode here:
https://anchor.fm/marcia-nathai-balkissoon4/episodes/Your-Reminder-Not-to-Give-Up-e26m52g

Having some fun on threads. Nice to play without rules a little.

Which of my first few posts will you comment on? https://www.threads.net/

You’ve just stepped into the second half of 2023! So what are you waiting for?

✅ Consider where you stand in the various parts of your life and work.

✅ Ask yourself where you feel stuck and what one small action you can take, today, to make a positive change.

✅ Identify what’s really going well for you, then celebrate and be grateful for that.

✅ Take the time to pause and refuel yourself so you ride into this half of this year with renewed positive expectation and motivation.

A real spark of gratitude just flooded into me - for you, reading this post, for connections that are supportive, and for life that allows me to continue the journey of self-discovery and service.
What are you grateful for today?

For many years, when someone overstepped my boundaries, I used to say nothing. Nice people smile and suck it up; so I thought. Except that doing that was never kind to me.

Every time I pushed my own boundaries and needs down, my resentment and anger grew. Over the years, I lost the joy in one of my most beloved jobs as people overstepped and mistreated me more, and it got me physically sick. In my personal life, it led to someone continually emotionally and physically abusing me as an adult.

Now, I guard my boundaries. I feel comfortable saying no to requests I don’t have the ability to fulfill, or even ones that don’t FEEL aligned with me. I feel good informing people of my boundaries and enforcing them.

Now, I feel seen and respected, and manage my time so I can work on the things that truly fit within my job and personal things that matter to me.

I have the power to choose how I spend the 2160 seconds I have in my day, each day. There is no guilt from saying I am not available to do something. Plus, an explanation is not always given, if I am deciding how to use my personal time.

If you feel disrespected, unheard, overloaded or under-appreciated, can’t sort out how to stand up to oversteppers, struggle to decline instead of always saying yes to every request, I get how challenging it can be.

But shifting is the best thing you can do for yourself. Being kind to others should come naturally for you but never at the expense of being kind to yourself. You deserve to feel good about your commitments and decisions. You aren’t just a resource, but an independent person whose first responsibility is to listen and see to your own needs.

What did you think about as you read this? How are you doing with communicating your boundaries and enforcing them to others?



(Photo by sweetlouise on pixabay.)