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đParent SOS from our Support Groupđ
Q: âWhat do I say or do when he doesnât respond to another kid.?â
So many of our families are eager for their child to connect and play with other kids. For some, âeagerâ might not even be the best word to describe it. âDesperateâ might feel more fitting. At least you can find that in my diary. đ It is a desire so deep that it stings so much when things donât go well.
This carousel post is a collection of strategies, or âanswersâ to this common question. â
I have used these strategies to support my neurodivergent clients, and my own children. It certainly isnât an all inclusive list and it looks different for everyone, but this is a solid list to help you take ACTION because I know you are thinkingâŚ
âI worry if they donât take these small steps now, how will they ever make friends?â
Am I in your head? If yes, I want to invite you to join us for our support group this summer because I know we can help your family. We Zoom every Wednesday night- check out bio for details. Plus, we are fun to hang out with! Maybe you need more friends who understand? đ
â¤ď¸FOLLOW if you are doing your best to raise or support a neurodivergent child and find specific examples helpful to guide you!
âCOMMENT & SHARE đ
Feeling frustrated when your impulsive child acts out? đ
Youâre not alone! Instead of punishment, letâs focus on teaching them valuable skills and supporting them better.
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Problem Solving
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Emotional Regulation
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Sensory Supports
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Playful Learning
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Environmental Modifications
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Clear Expectations
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Donât Co-Escalate
And just to be clear on what not do do:
âExpecting a child to be a mini-adult
âSelf control when they arenât regulated
âInhibition with an adult who doesnât have it
When children can manage their impulses and make good choices, they feel confident and capable. This boosts their self-esteem and equips them for everyday problems, positive social interactions, academic achievement, overall mental health, etc.
While addressing immediate behavior is important, donât underestimate the power of investing in your childâs future by nurturing the skills theyâll need to thrive.
Hereâs are my secrets đ
1. Sometimes grown-ups forget what it was like to be little.
2. Kids are kids. They arenât mini-adults.
3. Itâs hard to learn a âruleâ if your parent isnât following it
Being a grown-up means being aware of these âdouble standards.â Self-awareness is crucial for parenting because it allows you to be a more thoughtful, effective, and connected caregiver. This is especially true when raising a neurodivergent child!
Hereâs how:
â¤ď¸Reduces Frustration: By recognizing double standards and your own triggers, you can avoid getting caught up in power struggles and yelling matches. This creates a calmer environment for everyone.
â¤ď¸Improves Communication: Self-awareness helps you understand your own emotions and motivations. This allows you to communicate with your child more effectively.
â¤ď¸Empowers Positive Change: Recognizing your own biases and past experiences allows you to parent from a place of understanding, not just reaction. You can then make conscious choices to break negative cycles and model positive behaviors.
â¤ď¸Strengthens Relationships: Self-awareness fosters empathy. By understanding your childâs perspective and your own, you can build a stronger emotional connection and a more trusting relationship.
â¤ď¸Promotes Emotional Regulation: Children learn emotional regulation by watching their parents. When youâre self-aware and manage your own emotions well, you provide a valuable model for your child to learn from.
Overall, self-aware parenting is about creating a space of mutual understanding and respect. It allows you to be more present, patient, and attuned to your childâs needs, fostering a healthier and happier family dynamic.
đĽ°FOLLOW if you are doing your best to raise or support a neurodivergent child and find specific examples helpful to guide you!
âď¸SHARE this list with someone who might need it! đ
𤯠Itâs a game changer for your child if you can master these things.
Your childâs regulation is the foundation for everything. All the things you desire- the shared joy, language, social connections, relationships, and ability to roll with the punches (because, letâs be honest, there will be punches). đĽ
Guess what? They need a steady leader to teach them how to manage their BIG thoughts + feelings. Thatâs you. đI know it can feel heavy, like the weight of the world, but guess what else? Itâs also ridiculously uplifting.
The saying âif you are the problem, you are also the solutionâ might sound contradictory, but it holds immense power. It highlights that we have a significant influence on the situations we find ourselves in, including how we parent our neurodivergent child.
Review the slides (because letâs face it, parenting is like a never-ending PowerPoint presentation!), figure out what needs a tweak, and then BOOM! Just like that, youâre moving smoothly from âproblemâ to âsolutionâ territory.
9. Quality Time: Engaging in activities together creates a natural space for connection and conversation.
10. Use âIâ or âmeâ Statements: Avoid accusatory language. Try âI feel worried whenâŚâ or âit helps me understand you whenâŚâ
11. Build Trust: Be patient, consistent, and show your child unconditional love. This is especially true if you are repairing a relationship.
12. Strengths and Interests: These are the things that are emotionally invested. Let these be a bridge to start and sustain deeper connections.
13. Be a Good Listener: This feels like a lost art these days. Actively listen without ego, judgement, or interruption.
If you have read this far, đđ. Who thinks this should be a 1-page Printable PDF?
âĄď¸âĄď¸âĄď¸ Was this helpful? Save it for later, and share!
Follow for more like this đĽ°
This was our #1 Downloaded Resource for 2023.
Hereâs the thing, our words matter. Yet emotions flood logical thinking so parents often tank when trying to find the precise words to use.
Comment âSENDâ below for a copy! And TAG another professional or friend to spread the freebie:)
Iâm not sure who needs to read this message, but I feel pulled to share this morning. đ
â¤ď¸ If you needed this
Join us
How many of you have BIG FEELINGS about transitions? I bet, many! The work is split between how you manage yourself, and how you support your childâs capacities.
Remember- if you are the problem, you are also the solution! Zero judgement. Only reflection and change. Becoming a better version of yourself will lead to improvements in your child, and I know you want nothing more than that.
Hold tight, you got this.
Just going to leave this hereâŚ
âĄď¸share to spread this message
Who needed this reminder today?
Just released a video on the importance of PACING in IG.
Go check it out and follow along.
Sharing a picture from a recent client session. â
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5 minutes before this picture, I noticed he was trending towards a dysregulated state- increased mouthing, faster movements, elevated shoulders, tension, less social engagement. â
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Since attunement is essential to my work, I instinctively knew I needed to support his regulation. Instead of using language, which would likely dysregulate him more, I simply sat in the body sock and looked at him with calm, inviting anticipation. He circled around and then choose to join me. â
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The response was instant. He melted- so much that you can barely see him in the picture. â
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If you do this...
You will have more awareness and confidence to hold an expectation or boundary for your child.
And that is a beautiful area to grow in.
3 therapists and 2 moms with neurodivergent kids created this list for our community!!
We feel good about these purchases!
I will play with your childâs favorite thing. All. Day. Long.
Because I know that is where the magic happens.
Emotional Investment + Safe Play Partner = Authentic Growth
So proud of all our clients!!
This is always our starting point.
Find your inner calm so that you can be available to support your child's regulation.
Practice using fewer words. Excessive talking can be very dysregulating.
Soften your voice and practice pacing. This will help your child move out of a heightened state.
If you model what you want to see, it's a natural invitation for your child to match your state.
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Being a play partner doesn't come naturally to all of us. It's so easy to fall into the role of director or teacher.
Let's try to break this habit and instead shift our focus to simply being present with our kids.
Many of the parents we serve are planners - constantly thinking ahead and wanting to do all we can to expand our children's skills. â
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But we need to take a moment and pause. â
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Always meet your child in the moment and begin with the foundations of regulation and social engagement.â â
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Here are some examples:â
- Attune to your child's nervous system (aka slow down!)â
- Connect with warmth (aka manage your emotions and reactions)â
- Respond with intention (aka put down your phone)â
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It all starts with safety. â
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A "behavioral challenge" is a child's adaptive response to the experience of stress. Our number one job is to create a safe relationship and environment for our children to connect, learn, and grow.â
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Hoping this Q&A serves you. If you have a question for your own child, just drop it in the comments below and our team will respond. â
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Anyone need fresh ideas for a toy that their child plays with again and again?
Drop it in the comments and Iâll send back some ideas.
When engaging in collaborative problem-solving...
Some kids say "I don't know" or they don't respond at all.
Here is what that might mean:
1) Your wording is off. đMaybe your child doesn't understand what you are inquiring about?
2) Your timing is off. đConsider how much anxiety and time pressure you are adding?
3) He really doesn't understand what his concern is about. đMaybe they feel it, but haven't actually given the "concern" much thought.
4) Maybe he is still betting that the original plan will still work. đYou need to become a trusted partner who solves problems collaboratively with him to open this perspective up.
5) He is reluctant to say what is on his mind. đMaybe there is some history of arguments so he now wants to keep it to himself.
6) He is buying time. đMany kids say "I don't know" instead of "Let me think about that for a minute," because adults are often rushing responses.
Reference: Raising Human Beings by Dr. Ross Greene
We start in 7 days!! This course is being taught by myself, another OT, and a speech therapist. What?!? Yes, all 3 of us with extensive training and experience.
Q: When is it?
A: Starts 4/27! We meet every Wednesday 7-8pm EST on Zoom. You watch 4-7 minute pre-recorded videos in between our classes. There are about 50 videos on the most popular topics released week-by-week.
Q: What exactly is it?
A: A 12-week training program that helps families shift away from medical/behavioral models to a relationship-based, developmental approach. MORE DETAILS ARE IN THE LINK ON THE FIRST COMMENT.
Wishing you a week filled with #3 & #6!
Drop me a comment if you are a chronic #2
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Almost every family I support has trauma.
Some call it that.
Others have yet to name it that, and thatâs ok too.
Find rest today wherever you.
Building emotional intelligence often looks or sounds different than adults anticipate.
So if you are complicating things (saying that with tons of love)...knock it off!
Go back to the basics today and simply play with your child.
Think about how much STIMULATION surrounds us at every moment of every day. â
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Stillness and silence feel elusive to most. â
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Yet- it is our responsibility to attune to each other. â
Tag a friend or share with your community.
Follow along on IG
Mondays invite a fresh start!
Share this post with your community.
And follow along on IG
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Happy Tuesday Everyone!
If you feel lost or need to re-focus
please start with REGULATION.
Your physiological state is essential to everything else.
Many families ask "how do I know when he/she is regulated or not" so we created a printable checklist. If you don't have it already, it is on the home page of our website.
đLink in comments.
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