Kutaf’ta amani

Make no mistake. 🙌🏾

Weeks are not all the same and just because one may have been a horror show dun’t mean it’s gotta be written all over your face yeah? Blessed to see yet another Friday and for that I make shukr. Jumuah Mubarak lovelies! 🌸🌸🌸

My reacquaintance with one of my first loves- Tennis 🎾

Sunday mornings would never be the same from this moment on - 31 October 2021. My friend, madisa, invited me to play with him and I was so excited! It had been over 10 years since I held a racket in my hands.

What a beautiful day it was. So much fun, we even started a tradition, drove our sparks, (🚗🚙 so cute!) to have a post tennis breakfast of champions. 😁 awesome stuff, restaurant of choice, . Delish. 🙌🏾

02 Oct ‘21

Round 2 of celebrations. Accompanying my sister to her marital home for acceptance from her in-laws. 💛

The Raphahlelas welcomed The Twalas with such warmth, we felt at home - comfy enough to send off our child with style and jubilation. There was delicious food, awesome music, beautiful people and such an inviting environment 🙌🏾

Such a blessed occasion. Lord bestow upon my sister and her household bounties and mercies abound. 🤲🏾

Thala Twala Nontobeko Aadilah Dlamini Thipe Twala Thipe

25 Sept ‘21

Then it was time to finally celebrate my sister’s wedding. 🙌🏾 Thala weds Hussein vibes ♥️♥️♥️

She was a stunning bride… all dressed in white bringing Emaswati and Bapedi together, joining two formidable families.

It was that day I realized that darkness hadn’t consumed all of me yet, I still had joy inside of me. On this day I truly and genuinely was happy, happy for my sister and her beautiful family.

What a blessed day. AlhamduliLlah 💛

20-23 Sept ‘21

And after two weeks of lamenting my broken heart over yet another ‘Almost’, I ran into the arms of my family. People who have no choice but to love me anyway, flaws and all.

I still remember how Mamogolo would just laugh with me over how deja vu this all was. Apparently, in my schooling days when I still lived with her, I also had a heart made of marshmallows then too. I loved, fell and cried hard then too. ♥️

She and my cousin sister did so much to cheer me up: made me tea and biscuits regularly, cooked for me, took walks in the neighbourhood with me, even took me out for lunch. We’d sit and reminisce about back in the day, the crazy full house we were with different personalities from every sphere and stage of life- and where everyone is now.

There was not a soul Mamogolo and Ramogolo (God rest his soul) turned away. The people who sought refuge and grew up in that household (myself included) are truly blessed to have had even a portion of their life’s stories be set in that home. It was amazing being back home and being embraced that way again. So much comfort. Truly a sacred space for my weary little heart. 🌸

God bless Mamogolo and her home. 🙌🏾

Musings of a broken heart - part 2

Do I really matter?

Going throughout life, at some moment we pause and look back on the road that has lead us to where we are. And if we’re lucky we smile upon that journey and all its highs and lows, but sometimes it happens where we wonder if uhambo lwethu meant anything at all.

The most harrowing realization is that we have walked such a long way filled with thorns and roses yet we have left no footsteps behind.

Even so…

The simple truth remains… You matter. It may not feel like it most times. But you matter. Even when you feel like you have nothing left of you and in you , let alone to give or to offer… even with nothing, you matter. You were divinely validated in your creation by The Creator; therefore, by virtue of your existence and the grace of waking up everyday yet, you are worthy. You matter.

It’s hard to find meaning in our lives especially after trauma that has left our hearts in shreds. To even follow our purpose any longer feels hollow- there are moments we even ask the question: what is the point anymore? When most of what we know is pain and pressure, it can feel like there IS no point. So why even bother?

You may not realize it in that moment but this is a critical point in your journey. Slow down, when that storm is brewing in your heart and even your mind feels cloudy and your whole being is broken… slow everything down. Have conversations out loud with yourself and instruct your mind to take a break from the downward spiral towards plunging into that darkness, sit down on the floor cross legged and fold yourself in, hold your heart in your palms and soothe yourself, then once you approach any semblance of quiet within yourself…

Refocus your energies.

This is by no means easy but it is crucial. It takes most people a lifetime to realize, let alone learn. So be patient with yourself. Do it nonetheless because this is that turning point the determines whether you grow in or you waste the next leg of your life’s journey and whatever is waiting for you along it’s path.

Again, this is where my faith is my personal saving grace. At some point I figured, if I can’t quite grasp my aspirations and ambitions for this world, maybe it’s time I shifted my focus. The best thing I can do is relinquish all that is of this world, and give myself completely to the Determiner of my Destiny.

Afterall, any sense of control we have is really just an illusion. What we misconstrue as ‘taking control of our destiny’ is simply a happy coincidence that our efforts towards a certain goal were sanctioned by the Most High. It is never by our might even though it feels like it. And this is apparent in the continuous failing at things that were NOT sanctioned by Him. leaving no stone unturned in that pursuit NEVER to attain it… why? Because the Almighty has either said No! or Not yet. And He has the last word.

That existential tension we live under between ourselves and what we want for ourselves is only beneficial when it serves as what drives our progress and growth towards what is meant for us. But, if we remain ignorant and stubborn to the truth in this epiphany of how much control we really have, it can become the catalyst that feeds and accelerates our lack of fulfillment and that void where passion, purpose and zeal should be.

This critical point is where you have to empty your heart and mind of what you thought was best for you in favour of what the Almighty is showing you of goodness.

Be still.
Listen.

Pray and train your spirit in acceptance, patience and consistency of the remembrance that what is delayed is not necessarily denied and even if it is denied, consider… isn’t it better to defer to the Wisdom of The All Wise, The All Knowing, and Best Disposer of Affairs?

Musings of a broken heart…

A two-part series of contemplations and reflections with each offering beginning with a question to ponder over. I hope you enjoy!

Part 1.

I mean sure he doesn’t want me anymore but does that make me any less worthy?

Too often we hitch our worth to the cart of the approval of others… there’s something to be said of the relinquishing of our agency to the judgement of those we hold dear to us. As if without their buy-in, whatever we take on has no meaning, no value.

For a while now, I’ve been struggling with the question of my worth…

As a woman of faith, even questioning whether this is truly the life The Almighty designed for me to live- the constant neurosis and depression over the attempts to fulfill the wishes and dreams I have for myself and failing at every step. Is what I want and what I go for not aligned with my divinely designed path? Should I be doing something else? Or is this the time for me to just be still?

I mean I am a striver of note, one of my philosophies for life is to ‘leave no stone unturned’. I am intimately acquainted with regret and along the way, I decided that I was enough with regrets, and from now on if I failed at anything, it would not be for lack of trying. This included relationships.

I thought I was special, immune to being fooled and humiliated by the pursuit of love. But, life showed me that nope! I am just as susceptible as the next person to have my heart broken by someone who stopped caring for me along the way, somewhere unbeknownst to me, if he ever did anyway…

Somehow he realized that he couldn’t give me what I really wanted yet said to me, “you deserve all that you want”. All I could say in return was “I want you”. And when he walked away anyway, my heart broke into a million little jagged pieces at the realization that the one thing I really really wanted was not meant for me.

That the man I wanted to live the rest of my life with did not or could not love me enough for it to be the right thing for both me and him.

All I could do then was push myself to the acceptance of letting him go because he could not be who I so desperately needed him to be for me, and that is - mine. At the same time, I could not help but lament over the agonizing sorrow that came with the loss of yet another person who was my hope, my chance at a ‘forever’.

All I seemed to be able to think of was how everyone leaves, how that very hope for a ‘forever’ just kept evading me, and how each ‘almost’ broke my weary spirit even further. I couldn’t help but question whether I would ever lend myself to truly trusting anyone else who entered my life and promised to be my last.

And now, all I am left with is the traumatic aftermath of another ‘almost’…

It’s still dark, and I’m not very hopeful. Every blog, article and advice column I read says, it gets better… well truthfully, it doesn’t feel like it will this time… Resilience is my strong suit, but this time, it feels like it really may be over. It really feels like I may no longer be worthy, like the only thing left to do now, is to pack it all in and just wait on time.

Could this really be it?

Today was a day of celebration. Of life and of achievement. Too often we go throughout life taking for granted, the beauty a blessings God has surrounded us with. I just pray Allah’s Grace and Favour upon you, Allahumma ameen. Also, my friend’s son completed Hifzh today! Halala🎉🙌🏾 MashaaAllah! May Allah grant him the good of this world and the next and continue to keep him and guide him and brighten his path all the days of his life. Allahumma ameen. 🤲🏾 What a blessed day it has been. AlhamduliLlah 🌸

Ahhh… 30.

A very interesting age to reach. You dread it and wish for the road to it to slow down a little coz you wish you had had yourself a little more figured out or put together before you embraced it… on the other hand you have 40 and 50 year olds tell you, “oh but your still sooo young, you have your whole life ahead of you” even though you don’t feel like it much. 🙈

Today, I’m just grateful. Grateful for life and for divine favour. I have friends who didn’t make it past 25 let alone got to the 30. God rest their souls. So, for still being here and to be given another day, and Godwilling another year to fulfill my life’s purpose, I welcome that favour.

Life hasn’t always been kind. It hasn’t always been pleasant even, but the thing about this age is it comes withh maturity, whether you like it or not, you’re faced with it coz you can no longer use the “I was young and stupid” phrase to justify your blunders moving forward. Your 20-somethings are gone… fr good and maturity has settled in, and that maturity comes with a built-in gratitude for not only the good and fun times but especially the challenges and heavy moments of life you’ve faced thus far.

Today I reflect, especially on those challenges. With the happy times, it’s easy right, I just smile and thank God for them. But with the challenges, well now those… the easy thing would be to lament over them and throw myself a pity party, but see gratitude, now that forces me to look fondly back on those heavy moments and appreciate having gone through them because… they have given me the opportunity to sharpen my character and resolve.

I am working on liking and even loving who I’m growing into, even who I AM at any given time on this journey because you know what, ha ayo o mongwe Thato Daumas. Well I mean I have a cousin with the same name and surname 🙈 but you know what I mean. God created my soul and in His Magnanimity, I cannot fathom it to have been for no purpose. No other soul was like me before I was created, so I have to believe, He saw it fit to have me be apart of all of this. And you know what, no soul will be ever be like me after me, so if I don’t like who I am and who I’m growing into, wouldn’t that be an insult to Who created me?

He has kept me and He has seen me through those heavy moments of life, He gave me the strength to get up when I was down and the insight to see those challenges as opportunities to learn and be better. All praise is due to Him through it all. Without Him, there is no me, there is no 30. So today on the 30th anniversary of the day I was born, I am just grateful.

I received this verse of the Holy Quran today from a friend, I suppose there is no better way to start the next year, the next decade but with such an important reminder,

“O you who believe! Do your duty to Allah and fear Him. Seek the means of approach to Him, and strive hard in His Cause as much as you can. So that you may be successful.” _Surah Maidah 5:35

AlhamduliLlah Rabbil Alameen. ♥️
You have been Faithful and Merciful, Lord. I attest that there is none worthy of worship but Allah and Muhammad (Peace and blessings be upon him and his family) is His messenger.

Peace. 🌸

At the risk of seeming vain coming right out of Ramadan, I just thought to share how I celebrated a in Kigali. 🌙 This is what we do back home, we dress up to the nines, go out and eat good food with good company. 😁 Now, alas, this year I find myself yet again on my own, this time in a foreign country not having made friends yet, so I only could do 2 out of the three things... but oh well, AlhamduliLlah ala kulli hal. I still dressed up and went out to have good food 🥘 if I count myself and Victor Frankl the author of this awesome book I’m reading, then it was a complete eid afterall coz I can definitely check the good company box. 🙌🏾 Eid Mubarak Wishing all the Muslims who observed this beautiful and special month of Ramadan an amazing eid-ulfitr. May Allah accept all our efforts and forgive us all our sins and missteps. Enjoy!!!

Then how traumatized must one be to be all of the above? 😓

I’ll be sharing my story of how Quran has been a major feature in my life and how it has affected me. Maybe you may be able to relate, check it out. Tune in tomorrow at 10am InshaaAllah ♥️

If you are in need of any graphic design solutions... here’s your answer! 👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾

Beeeeeeeeing 🐝 beautiful for a a beeeeeautiful Jumuah. 🥰🥰🥰 Love all around! ♥️♥️♥️

Spent the day with such a calming energy, wholesome love and much needed company...♥️♥️♥️ loml 🥰🥰🥰 took me such a breathtaking place, Northcliff. Had a blast. Friendship at its best. ♥️♥️♥️ @ Worlds View - Northcliff Hill

Celebrating life 💐

Courtesy of Rayghaana Abrahams-Stellenboom. A very important reminder for self. Here’s to hoping to holding onto this commitment 🤞🏾

The river that is quite literally my backyard. Such a blessed place to call my home. Motsweding Village, my sacred space 🙏🏽 Alhamdulillah 🙌🏾♥️♥️♥️

Such a beautiful weekend with my beloved family celebrating unity and love. ♥️ Being home is truly unparalleled. It’s a blessing like no other 🙏🏽 Allah is indeed the greatest 🙌🏾 A Daumas Christmas 😍😍😍

Then as if the weekend was not blessed enough God showed me He was not done shining His light on me. 😇😇😇 my dear dear dear friend visited me. Drove a WHOLE 70kms just to see me! Whaaaaat?! 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾 I am still so overwhelmed by the love she showed me. 😭😭😭 I have nothing but gratitude 🙏🏽 What an amazing day. 15 years in the making. Haese mang le mang. ♥️♥️♥️ lifelong friendships. ♥️♥️♥️

A throwback 12/12/20 to when we showered with all our love and good wishes ahead of her amazing wedding. ♥️♥️♥️ spent the day with . A day filled with wholesome friendship, pure love and blessings. 🌸🌸🌸 friendships for life.

Then it was time to put on my new shoes, get ready for an afternoon of love, dance and joy ♥️♥️♥️ As we accompanied to the rest of her life with her hubby. I got to meet her mom, Mama Elma, and I also got to spend the day with ’s family... such a vibe 🙌🏾 Oh what a BEAUTIFUL 😍 ceremony. Congratulations Pale 🎉🍾🥂

Day 2 of the girls’ trip. Today I was reminded that nothing is in our control even when we have that sense. I had to learn to dampen my emotional responses to situations that I have no control over and I was not graceful about it. And I’m not proud of it but now I know that next time I find myself in that situation to remember that I never had control in the first place. All in all a good day. 🥰