Holistic Mental Health and Guidance

What to do to protect your assets during a divorce .
1. Close all joint accounts
2. Open your own personal account
3. Protect your valuables:
4. Protect your assets or possessions: If you are in an abusive relationship or believe your spouse will destroy or hide valuable possessions hide them. Keep in mind, though, any valuables you have that were purchased with marital funds will need to be valued and split during the divorce process. You do have the right to protect these assets , you do not have the right to hide that you have them. When you file a list of Marital Property with the court you must include the things that were in possession during your marriage. Also do not sell any assets . If you were to do so you will be expected to pay monies made with your spouse.
5. Do not incur more debt . If you need to purchase things for a new home or furniture you need to do so in a way that will not be on your credit score .
6. Get copies of both credit reports .
7. Open a PO Box : everyone wants to think your spouse will fight fair , they however probably will not .
8. Make sure there is not an imbalance of power: this another powerful one for DV : you need to get your own phone , your own PO Box , get your own bank if you need to then change direct deposit . Get your license or be in the training , keep your job , if you are stay at home try to enroll in school , get a job , see job and family service if necessary
9. Seek for therapy for yourself and your kids . Non negotiable plus the judge will look favorably on it . Divorce is not only a trauma but a stress that really hurts their growth, social maturity, and help with abuse in the home .
10. Don’t ask for alimony: go over with you attorney some other name because alimony is taxable income .


* I have more info for DV people going through this on this write up . Any questions ask me

A letter to my sociopathic ex girlfriend:

-You thought you could flirt with me and charm your way into my heart, and you were right.

-You thought you could use flattery and s*x to hook me, and you were right.

-You thought you could trick me by playing a game with me that I wasn’t aware I was playing, and you were right.

-You thought you could begin to subtly attack my self worth and I wouldn’t notice (at first), and you were right.

-You thought you could control me by withholding affection (bread crumbing) and keeping me trying to please you, and you were right.

-You thought you could keep me confused by gaslighting me, and you were right.

-You thought you could begin to abuse me and I would stay, and you were right...

———————————————————

-But when you thought you were smarter than me and I would never see through any of this, you were wrong.

-When you thought you could start treating me like s**t and I would stay, you were wrong.

-When you thought you could keep crossing my boundaries and I would submit to you, you couldn’t have been more wrong.

-When you thought you could keep escalating the abuse and I would stick around, you were sadly mistaken.

-When you thought you could manufacture a love triangle with me and another and I would stay, you were out of your f-ing mind.

-And when you thought you could break me and turn me into your mindless slave, you were DEAD fu***ng wrong.

This is what a relationship with a narcissist is like. This is what narcissistic abuse looks like. Normal healthy people enter a relationship looking for love. Psychopaths, sociopaths, and pathologically narcissistic individuals enter a relationship looking to use and abuse. This is their playbook: Idealize, devalue, discard. Recognize the signs. They prey on normal healthy people looking for love. They are parasitic, emotional toddlers, incapable of change. Narcissism is becoming an epidemic in today’s world. I was blindsided by it... now I’m spreading awareness. Please share this with anyone who might need to hear it and thanks for reading. Hugs 🤗

How to help yourself in addition to your therapy and medical program....
1. Eliminate all fastfood , it’s just not good for you . Even Subway, Panera, anywhere that claims to be healthy . You think oh that can’t be that bad for you but try this.... give up fast food for 1.5 weeks then eat a fast food meal and notice how you feel . You will feel heavy, and for lack of better words gross.
2. Eliminate all drinks except for water, unsweetened tea , and coffee with almond milk or dairy alternative . You should be drink have your body weight in water . If you weigh 120 lbs you should drink at least 60 ounces of water a day.
3. Stay away for energy drinks or sports drinks . These contain a lot of sodium and if you are drinking them you could raise your blood pressure even though you think you are making a healthy choice .
4. Fruits and veggies need to be the stars of your meals . Pinterest and social media has plenty of healthy and tasty recipes.
Try to switch out your dairy to dairy alternatives , almond milk , almond yogurt, almond creamer . These have less fat and contain calcium and have less sugar .
5. Make exercise a daily part of your routine . It doesn’t have to be a lot to start off with just start . Exercise causes your brain to release feel good hormones you will soon enjoy the “high” you get from exercise . Also it will help keep you feeling better , you are less likely to put drugs , alcohol, and ci******es into a body that you are working hard to heal . ( note w**d is not considered a drug in many states . Also it can be a natural way to help with sleep disorders, anxiety, and depression. This being said it is a natural plant base remedy but you should still respect the laws of your area.)
6. Join a support group . Not only will you help yourself but you will be able to help others like you . You get to share your experiences and positives ways you cope . This has been very important to me . Due to my migraines I have not been able to attend my group like I used to however I like to think I have been able to help so other women.
7. Remember to look in the mirror everyday and tell yourself that you are awesome, beautiful, and worthy. Keep saying it until you believe it .

These are important things you can do to help your recovery . My psychiatrist tells me all the time that she has never had a patient who takes such an active role in their health . So let’s show people that being active in your health is the new norm . Each of you can help others make some changes to give them a better health check.

I faced my stress head on . I felt anxiety building and I told it go to the back seat and don’t touch the radio because this is my life not fears life . What did you do ? I also upload some things for my mental health page. If one person learns something from it then it is a success.

Cutting is most often linked to pre teen to young adults however it can be a problem for adults as well . For those of you who do not know what cutting is , it is using a sharp object like a razorblade, knife, or scissors to make marks, cuts, or scratches on one's own body — is a form of self-injury. The person participating in the self harm will usually use their fore arms and thighs to cut . Even though they are doing it they are also embarrassed that they do so they will often try to hide the scars .
I have a friend who was like my little sister and it wasn’t until she had been comfortable with me for a year that she started wearing short sleeves and then allowed me to see all the scars for her cutting.

Parents need to be aware and really pay attention . If you see behaviors and clothing style changes like jeans in the summer where they used to wear skirts and shorts , or wearing long sleeves no matter what the temp this is a red clad that something is up . It can be hard to understand why anyone would hurt himself or herself on purpose. Learning that your own teen is doing it can leave you feeling shocked and upset — and not sure what to do or how to help.
-About Cutting
For most, cutting is an outlet for extreme
Stress or emotional pain . People who cut often find that the physical pain they inflict will distract them from the mental pain . Cutting normally is not a su***de attempt ; however since they are used to the pain and the blood that comes with cutting it may make it easier for them to commit su***de .
Cutting affects many teens and preteens . Many teens worry about a friend who cuts, they don’t know what to do or who to talk to . Many teens will face pressure from peers to try cutting as a daring thing to do. Just like drinking , drugs , s*x , cutting can be something that teens will experience peer pressure to do . Luckily teens are less likely to start cutting when they are not dealing with a trauma because the pain and blood is just not appealing to me .
In many cases, cutting and the emotions that go along with it are something teens struggle with alone. They feel a greater stigma when it comes to cutting so are less likely to reach out for help . The feel embarrassed and when a teen feels embarrassed they can and will go to great lengths to hide things . This does not mean that there is not things that we can do to help teens who cut .
A. Parents need to be aware of changes in behavior . All to often parents want to blame the school and in some cases this may be true but in more cases it is the parent who should be looking and paying attention to what their teens are doing .
You see your kids everyday from dinner time and until the next school day and then the weekend , let’s compare this to the 40-50 mins a day teachers see your children .
B . Parents can help and You need to start helping as soon as you find out the self harm is occurring . First parents need to educate themselves first . Take a step back and look at your teens life from the outside in, if you have a close family friend ask them to oil at what has lead up to this and see if you can pinpoint when this happen .
C. Parents you can not blame yourself or feel bad for yourself . This is not the time. This is when you need to focus on your child . This doesn’t mean ignore your feelings but what I am saying is put yourself in therapy and have the therapist give you tools to cope yourself and your teen . Remember it is not your fault but it is your duty to get your child help .
D. Learn about cutting , learn what trauma you child has endured . It maybe something you don’t have to look into , there was abuse or domestic violence , is there bullying, do they feel pressure ? Do a little digging . Have they stopped hanging around with friends? Has there been a breakup ? Are they avoiding the phone or school which could point to bullying .
E. Be ready to support and love your children NO MATTER WHAT . Even if you can’t understand , you act as if you do . You will only discuss your doubts or questions with your counselor. If the teen doesn’t believe you they will not trust your help .
F. Make journals - on for your and one for your child . The journals will help the teen to express themselves on paper and then you can keep track of there behavior , little nuisances you notice , and then your families

WHEN MY FAMILY WAS GOING THROUGH A HARD TIME AND MY CHILDREN AMD MYSELF WERE
SUFFERING EMOTIONALLY, WE WENT OUT AND BOUGHT NOTEBOOKS THEN AFTER DINNER WE WOULD TAKE 3 THAT WERE POSITIVE AND GO AROUND THE TABLE AND THEN 1 NEGATIVE AND WHY THEN WHAT WE CAN DO TO CHANGE IT .

Communication is key to making it through this . You child needs to know they are able to talk to and that you are there without judgement. If you attack them or say you just don’t understand they will not tell you . Communicate with the child’s counselor allow them access to you notebook and what you have noticed throughout the week. Do not take the teens notebook that’s their notebook . You can broach a subject if they don’t engage don’t force it . Just revisit later .

GO TO THE SCHOOL GUIDANCE
COUNSELOR , ASK IF THEY HAVE NOTICED A DIFFERENCE IN THE BEHAVIOR OR GRADES OF YOUR CHILD . I HAVE DONE THE FOLLOWING GIVE YOUR EMAIL TO THE COUNSELOR HAVE THEN SEND OUT EMAILS TO THE TEACHERS AND ASK TO EMAIL THE GUIDANCE COUNSELOR AND YOURSELF IF THEY NOTICE ANY CHANGES , IF THEY ARE DOING WELL IN SCHOOL, HAVE THEY NOTICED A PEER GROUP CHANGE, AN ATTITUDE CHANGE .

Keeping yourself in the know and even if you feel invasive it doesn’t matter . You are the parents not the friends . Be a parent . Then make sure you are getting professional help yourself as well.

Stay positive
* Let your teen know you'll be there to talk to when feelings are painful or troubles seem too hard to bear.
* Help your teen create a plan for what to do instead of cutting when pressures get strong.
* Encourage your teen to talk about everyday experiences and put feelings, needs, disappointments, successes, and opinions into words.
* Be there to listen, comfort, and help your teen think of solutions to problems and offer support when troubles arise.
* Spend time together doing something fun, relaxing, or just hanging out. You might take a walk, go for a drive, share a snack, or run some errands.
* Focus on positives. While it helps to talk about troubles, avoid dwelling on them. Make sure what's good about life gets airtime, too.

You can help your child . Be ready for some setbacks with your progress. It’s like a child in recovery take time make sure they make all there appointments, respect your child’s privacy do not tell everyone. Allow them to have a life . Make sure they check in like you would always do but don’t hover or punish them when they have done anything wrong . Flip side of that , if they do something hold them accountable still because they need to know they have boundaries and structures and this doesn’t just get rid of these boundaries. Any questions ? Message me or comment .

Let’s talk about the importance have having a support system when it comes to sobriety . I have had many people talking to me who are each day living in recovery . The sad part of this to me is that often these sober people are living in homes with people who treat them as if they should be guilty and watched over like a misbehaving child . This is not helpful when it comes to keeping up with our mental health and holding onto our sobriety . If you have a friend or child that is dealing with sobriety let’s talk about some things
A. Most addicts are addicts because they have experienced trauma . Rather then knowing how to properly deal with this trauma they will turn to their drug of choice .
Let’s go over what some examples of things that people self medicate with . Drugs street or prescription, alcohol, cutting, food , exercise.
B. Many recovering addicts will end up back at home or living with family or friends who often tend to be very controlling .
Let’s get this straight .... they do not need to be parented , hovered over like a child , or not be allowed to make their own choices . The most common thing I hear from those in recovery is that they feel stuck because they need help to get back on their feet while learning to live sober and yet those who they live with treat them as children . They have to follow a certain set of unreasonable rules or risk not having home , having rides to doctors, group appointments. This is re traumatizing the person in recovery and causing them to feel horrible about themselves.
C. The people who stay is recovery are those who have support not controlling support systems.
You can not expect to treat people like they are small children unable to take care of themselves and put extreme pressure on them and then wonder why they return to the addiction
You can not be supportive , treat them as an adult, make it easy for them to get to their doctors and their groups then you are not the person to be there in their sobriety trials . They need supported not controlled .

So let’s talk about our minds. They are amazing things . The organ that controls our human suit, Regulates our bodies functions , is where we store our knowledge, our personality and all the potential it has to yet be discovered . You of course can meditate to keep your mind active and healthy just like the other parts of body and yet in to many cases our minds will convince that we are not enough, will make us sad , feel alone, and sometimes we just feel like we are losing our minds . You have to remember , and this is serious, our minds play tricks on us . They tell us we aren’t good enough , smart enough , pretty enough . Depression and anxiety can take over and make us feel helpless and stuck within that sad state of our minds . Don’t allow the brain tell you that you are anything but worthy . We know the depression and all mental illness show that our brains work differently then a completely healthy mind and once you know this you can teach yourself a new narrative . Rewrite your story . When your brain is upsetting you tell it to be quiet and push through because what the truth is, is that you are special . Don’t let your brain make you feel otherwise . I love that there are so many beautiful people that show up on my feed and I’m sure everyone has had to brush yourself off at one point and tell your brain that you are in charge and refuse to feel anything other then happy . We are here to fix the wrongs and the crazy chaos of the current world . You can’t fight a battle outside yourself while fighting a battle with in . Don’t give up because everyone of you has inspired someone along your way even on social media platforms and that’s all it takes to make a difference .

Do something today that will make you better tomorrow no matter how small that is 💕

Here are four of 9 steps you can work on to begin to understand trauma bonding and what steps you can take towards making changes to yourself and the way you Beira your current relationship and future relationships.

I will work on presenting some more steps later this week . These posts take time and research so be patient

Breaking free of trauma bonding means breaking the denial that prevents you seeing the abuse, overcoming the patterns of attachment to an abuser, stop meeting their needs to feel loved and letting go of the fantasy of being loved. Breaking free from toxic abuse means loving yourself and protecting yourself from abuse.

Most people who end up in a abusive relationships often have suffered trauma / abuse as a child . As children the only thing we can do is try and make the best of a situation. Learn to read faces, recognize agitated or angry behavior, and conform their behaviors to the environment.

9 Ways to break traumatic bonding

1. STOP THE SECRET SELF-BLAME.
The internal dialogue in your head that says
-you are to stupid or weak to leave
-that you deserve this
-that it’s the best relationship they can get .
You are going to have to start de programming the behaviors learned throughout your life .

2. START REALITY TRAINING.
Once you are able to recognize that it is not you who is to blame but that you are a victim and need help, that is the time to change your perception of reality. You can start training you mind to see through the imaginary story that you have been told.
-Make a records of what is happening day to day, this will allow you to step out of yourself and take another look at what has happened . Sometimes it takes another perspective to open the eyes to the truth . In order to do this safely you must make sure it can not be found by the abuser . I recommend if possible calling a trusted friend and giving them a verbal account and have them write it down so that only they have the written copy
-Each day give an account of the key points of what happened between you and your abuser . What was said , what interaction you had, what was said, what physical encounters you had. This will need to be factual only . You can report the good things as well . After a week or so ask your friend if they are seeing any patterns, are you seeing any patterns .
-Turn your life and relationship into a story that happened to someone else , when we remove ourselves from the front and center aspect of the relationship we are able to turn off the part of the mind that keeps us locked into the fantasy that is how we see our abuser .

3. ASK GOOD QUESTIONS.
Asking questions is a good way to gain more clarity.
-Avoid why questions. There is to much play in the why, it can lead to spiral out of control. Why do they do this? Why can’t you just leave. These questions are not helpful and can only send you into a whole other layer of confusion.
-How long ago did this start?
-Did they start with flattery and promises ?
-how many of those promises have they held up?
-what is your ideal relationship? What does your partner do that matches that ideal?

Now it’s time for the “I” statements. You will use them to help strengthen the feelings about yourself
-I am worthy of that ideal relationship
-I am deserving of true and sincere compliments
-I am deserving of people who words have meaning
-I am deserving of love
-I am deserving of a true relationship built on mutual respect.

4. SHIFT PERSPECTIVE
All it takes is a shift in your perspective to gain clarity and perspective. This you can do easily with out writing anything down or being hyper vigilant. Take a look at what’s going on in your life as if you were your best friend, your mom , your dad , hell you can even just take a look from an unknown person s perspective. What if you were a stranger at the store watching you interact with your abuser ?
-would they see a happy couple
-would they see you walking behind them with your head lowered looking at the floor
-would there be loving interaction and lively conversation or just quiet and seeing you answer only when spoke to
-would there be insults thrown at you


Now think about your younger self . What would you want them to see ?
-happy body language
-affection
-equality
-compliments

Now work on these 4 exercises in your journal and alongside your therapy if you have already started to attend . There are 5 more steps we will go over coming soon for now you have enough to work with . You may find that you occasionally fall back into old habits and that is fine . Remember though that you will never be back at the beginning you will always make some headway just keep trying over and over and have those who love and support help you .

💕 Trauma bonding: this occurs as the result of ongoing abuse that triggers our reward and punishment reactions that create powerful emotional bonds, these bonds are difficult to change .

Signs of Trauma Bonding

-making excuses that removes blame from the abusive partner and placing the blame on yourself and/or others

*they didn't mean to get angry, it was my fault

*they put up with me and my flaws that must
mean they love me

*they had a horrible childhood, they can’t help
Who they are its not their fault they grew up
Like this

*I can be the person who loves them enough
To help them change

*everyone deserves a second chance

-confusing trauma bonding with real love. Many people who have lived through abusive situations will often mistake their fear and walking on eggshells for that of real love.

-Not able to see what is happening in its true light . Friends and family will often try to make you aware of what is happening but the victim will often feel as if they don't understand, whats really happening, and the victim often wants to remain blind to reality, or has to remain blind because it is what keeps them safe at this very moment

Fear of what will happen if they leave . Often times they feel like they are unable to take care of themselves. This is usually a result of constant brainwashing by the abuser. Some examples of these fears are as follows
*I can not leave no one else will have me, like
He/She has told me I’m not going to find
someone who will put up with my stupidity

*I don't have anywhere to go. What will I do from
Here I don’t know how to deal with bills,
Finding a home, I don’t have money .

*If I were not so worthless this wouldn't happen.

This is just an overview of what trauma bonding is. This is a very real aspect of abuse and these types of relationships often continue even after the victim leaves the first abusive relationship. As victims this is what we know . Often the new relationship will be different which is usually all it takes to start the trauma bonding all over again.

*They are not like my last relationship

*Im so hard to put up with that I am lucky
All they do is yell at me

*I am not able to remember or do things like
I should , I’m just not smart or capable.
This is why I can’t handle the money
Have a car , take myself to work, I am not
Smart enough to work

*i am a terrible parent, the children will not be
Okay if I try to leave

We will continue to revisit this as the weeks and months move on . Even if you suffered abuse as a child you probably are still doing the things listed above, they are programmed in our minds and shadow how we view the world and love.

PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU DO NOT CHASTISE PEOPLE IN THIS CYCLE .

It will take a lot of strength and support to change a behavior and a way of seeing themselves and the world after being conditioned to see things and themselves this way .

let me know if you see any of these behaviors in yourselves , friends, or loved ones. you can feel free to message me you don not have to put it out here for everyone to see.

Journal prompt - what do you want your legacy to be ? What do you want to be remembered as ?

We all have those dreams that we want to accomplish but many of us have so little faith that we can accomplish those dreams . That is when you need to recreate the dialogue that is happening in your mind . It’s not what you can or can’t do , it is what you will do . We are on the cusp of changing our world; you choose if you are part of the change or part of the stagnant energy that is holding the world back . Each one of us are here to make a difference . Do something today that will make you better tomorrow , do something for others each day to make a positive impact tomorrow . Love yourself today so that you learn your worth tomorrow. Sending love to all of you 💕

With the amount of depressing news , division of people, with the weather , the fires , destruction occurring on Mother Earth , disease, and politics we are all probably feeling some radically depressing and oppressive energy flying around . There are things you can do ....
-unplug - get off the phone , check social media only when necessary. You would be shocked at how much social media can impact your mood .
-Make sure to get the following vitamins , you need your daily vitamin, must have vitamin D and magnesium. If you feel sluggish add the B vitamins as well
- take care of your gut health . Use some fiber and probiotics to help detox your body
- get extra sleep
- make time for exercise
- try to keep your space clutter free, if you have had a depression and you have kinda lost control of you clutter call some friends and have a Netflix and clean day
-if you feel like your home and rooms are dark try using lighter color palettes and use fairy lights all Christmas’s lights to make your space more fun and bright
- spend time with family
-take time for self care
IF YOU WOULDN’T SAY IT TO YOUR BEST FRIEND OR CHILD THEN DO NOT SAY IT TO YOURSELF change your inner dialogue .

Love you guys 💕

Okay so I am about to come clean here . Yes I have had non stop migraines and that has been one reason for my disappearance, I am also ready to admit that I have been isolating myself . I have come to the point where I have jarred myself out of the denial that I am not just sick , which I really have been, but that I am also not doing things that I normally do because I have hit a point where I have began to isolate myself . I have stopped doing things that normally bring me peace and joy . I have started spending more and more time alone . I have also found communication awkward . Now there are people in this group that know I enjoy things In my life . I am part of a support group that I had stopped attending many of the days because I had constant migraines and the other days because I just didn’t feel like I had anything to offer the people I was supposed to interact with . I have known I was in a depressive moment but I had yet to accept the fact that I was making excuses to keep away from those who I care about . On the days where I could have looked at the phone screen and kept up on things I found myself unable to do it . It gave me anxiety . I started to feel like it wouldn’t matter if I was on or not , if I went or not , if I was wanted or not . We are all here for a reason and I m sure most of us have had these periods in our lives , these depressive episodes . This isolation was a symptom of something else . I have already been diagnosed with PTSD and Bi polar and have felt the symptoms of a shift coming for awhile now, the problem is that I fell back into isolation behavior . The pain only compounded the feelings of depression, loneliness, and not feeling like it mattered whether I went and did things or kept up on my hobbies and interests. I started to feel like no one noticed my disappearance ( which I know is bull crap ) but it’s what depression can do , it makes us feel things that are untrue and then add constant pain and medication to that and you have yourself a full blown episode . I am not writing this for any other reason then to hold myself accountable for not taking better stock of my own behavior . I knew deep down what was happening , I just didn’t want to admit it . We are all going to have these moments and it’s okay but let’s try and remember to keep ourselves aware of what we are doing so that we don’t allow ourselves or others to fall deeper into a depression. I do this page to educate others , and to let people know they are not alone . I wanted to share with you my epiphany so that if anyone else is going through it to they know they are not alone, however we should go talk to someone . If you notice your friends or family pulling a disappearing act check in . It’s a fragile thing our mind especially with the stress we encounter daily so make sure that you treat yourself with compassion .