Daily Snippets The Musings of Madwomen

Be so divinely in tune with yourself that nothing shakes you. 🙏🏽♥️

I have such strong feelings about taking care of the men in your life..I don't care if they are your friend, your lover or your spouse. Our men need to have that space to breathe, to be their authentic self, to relax, to feel safe from the conditions of society, to know that taking time for themselves is paramount to the health and well-being of every person they touch in their life. Every minute spent with this man here is time well spent. The space we hold for each other is amazing, the encouragement and advice that is shared out of love and understanding is second to none. Never down play the role men hold in our lives on whatever level. When a man feels safe to be vulnerable a new world opens up and is limitless. It is up to us to promote and protect them in ways that only a woman can...I will never fail the men in my life and that is a promise out of the purist intent. ❤ Kerri 2021

There is just something about black and white photos that move me ~ We are lucky enough to be in each other's life ~ so, I know his story but if I didn't ~ this picture would tell it all...the strength in his arms, the representation of his roots, his body posture and his pants forever being unzipped..Always look passed what you initially see...look for the details ~ that is where you find their soul. We're forever connected...I've got you in your darkest moments and I've got you when you are shining bright...Thank you for holding space that allows me to be soft, nurturing and genuinely happy ~ Thank you for challenging me on issues that no one else would dare bring to the table...you are a beast in the most unexpected ways~
Is this a love letter? Nah, it's appreciation from one soul to another.
Go be you and be great at it ✌❤🙂 Kerri 2021

How Long Has This Been Going On?

A few months, a year??? How about many life times~
You sought me out and I thought to myself...He finally found me...the attraction was immediate...I was taken with your mind, your s*x appeal, your grind, your smoothness has never faded, the way you hold your own is so strikingly attractive. ..all of this is so familiar...Our time spent talking, writing, silently watching...has been unwinding our life times together. Uncovering everything we can not explain.
The partners, the flings, the one night stands...mean nothing...they are only temporary no matter how we've loved them.
We collide together no matter of the time, space or distance...over and over again...
Yes, I lure you in because I know what works...yes, you respond with your smoothness that you have cultivated through the years...
The primal urge...to have you is tempered by just wanting to be consumed by your presence.
How long has this been going on....how long will it take to remove the self imposed barriers. Sir, you're the one that has to pull me in ~ it's been written in the stars...I dare you to be brave enough to let me love you...love you the way you have needed and longed for in this life time...Loving you is what I am destined to do...How long do you make me wait?
Love, Kerri

"I was drawn to you in ways
I did not understand
like a moth to a flame
you invoke a sense of exhilaration
making me feel alive
the very thought of you
makes my blood boil
my heart thundering inside my bones
butterflies crashing into my ribs
you can seduce with just a word
as I shiver in anticipation
dying for your touch
you are all things forbidden
and everything I crave
I am addicted to the way you make me feel
you are everything I want and I would do it over and over again."
KM 2020

This was the first break-up..
..and I know one thing for sure...love does not conquer all...because no matter how patient I am ~ if you're not there you're not there.
I am not hoping for some grand gesture of love from you...I just can't keep on wanting more...it's not fair for either of us.
So, Thank you for the good times and showing me that I have it in me to really love someone...I need for someone to choose me and love me as fiercely as I love them...

This was the second break-up...F**K YOU!
I liked the simplicity of it...direct and to the point 😉

Kerri Melroy Nov 2020

Dangerous Man~ KM

Pull the monster back that's being edited out of you! Allow it to reveal itself within your sophisticated way of being.
You are not a well behaved lap dog!
An obedient citizen does what society says...it asks you to violate your conscience little by little until you lose yourself.
A dangerous man will say NO to being obedient!

A dangerous man being a good man is better than a good man being obedient and weak.
As a dangerous man you have the possibility for mayhem but you have it under voluntary control and disciplined.
You have broken more rules than most...but you have clued in. You are learning how to control the monster.
You go places mentally/physically that others can't imagine and that makes you dangerous and victorious.

I've always thought about this passage in the Bible because it never made sense to me until I found that it most likely was translated incorrectly...
The meek shall inherit the Earth...meek is "weak"...
What I have learned "meek" translates more like...
Those who have swords and know how to use them but they keep it in the sheath.

You my love are a dangerous man that is a good man...never edit out that monster inside! It is a part of you ~ others want you to be obedient to lessen your natural power because they are scared at what you can accomplish!
You will inherit this Earth and I will support and love you as you embrace the monster within. I know it is there to serve you well.
You are a dangerous man that is a good man 💋

Indulge Me Please ~
by Kerri Melroy Oct 3, 2020

I sit here in my head...wondering how you came to be. What made you into the man I see.
You appear to be tapped into who you are...the way you hold a conversation, the way you are so well versed on the most unique of topics.
You present your confidence in the boldest of ways ~ it comes across as smooth and assertive...Attractive in the most mysterious of ways.
Oh sir, I like what I see ~ Although I like meeting people where they are...I can't help but want to explore how you came to be.
No matter if it was struggles or privileges that made you...you.
Do you know you got it right?
Let's take a Sunday drive with the music down low, let's grab a bite to eat from a vendor on the street... Indulge me with everything you...feed my wonder lust, my body and my soul.
As things settle in and we long for a sweet treat...Come closer to me...take my hand I've got dessert planned...I know the perfect spot....where indulgence and desire meet.

Did you see it coming? By Kerri Melroy 9/2020

Only you can answer a certain question...
Maybe the answer gives you pause...maybe the answer feels oddly comfortable...
Or maybe the answer is just an answer....nothing more....
Did the stars align when the universe heard our wishes we once wished worlds apart under the same sky...
I don't know how things would change...with an answer in my ear.
Look, I've already turned my notifications on for you..let me be clear....I have never done that for anyone. No one has ever peaked my interest the way you do ~ There is substance to you...there are depths to be explored...there are paper products to buy...I won't lie....I think about you often and look forward to our ebb and flow...I think it is clear how we feel...Does it grow or stay right here...I guess that will be up to you fine sir ~ I am always going to be all in when it comes to you...why?
Because there is nothing I'd like more than to explore with you....You speak my soul language, you make me smile at my phone, you flip my s*xual desire into over drive, your intellect makes me crave more conversations with you....So, once again fine sir...it's up to you if it grows or stays right here.
I am forever in motion physically and mentally ~ I will never force what does not fit. I promise you I am not like the masses...because I have worked my ass off and invested in me..I will always love over hate, I will always seek to learn and not blame...there is a realist that lives in my romantic heart so, I know...just because the stars and the universe conspired to bring us together doesn't automatically mean it is our time....it happens all the time ~ wrong place, wrong time....but on the other side when we are able to lean into what is in front of us...that is where the magic is ~ that is where dreams are lived out loud...
You're a very intelligent man...you're not like the masses...You've known all along it's up to you if it grows or stays right here. After all I am just a Nordic girl that lives amongst the wolves...and you are the King....as you write your will so mote it be ~

Same Moon~ by Kerri Melroy 9/7/20

Driving home late last night ~ I looked up at the moon and thoughts of you would not leave my head!
How do you sleep? Just you and your skin between the sheets....a tee-shirt and sport briefs...
Do you fall fast asleep or do you toss and turn before settling in...Did a conversation between us sweep through your mind before you closed your eyes...

Waking You Up ~ by Kerri Melroy 9/1/20

Laying next to you wondering should I wake you up? ..I watch the sun dance through the slit in the curtains. As it hits your skin it I find myself tracing the sun on your arm. Your skin is cool to the touch...thank you for letting me sleep with the AC on.
Waking you up ~ you will find that I am real...I am a different type of woman that's for sure. One that openly loves, one that has no image to keep up, one that has mastered herself and all that comes with that, One that will be passionate about you but will always put self care above everything.
Waking you up means you will feel chaos and try to make sense of it all. When the simple truth is I am what you wanted all along. It's only chaos because everyone else you've encountered wanted you to fill them up..emotionally, spirituality, physically..when in reality that is a task that's an inside job for them.
I am only here to make your happy happier ~ I am here to challenge you to be you ~ I am here to stand beside you and watch you shine.
I am complete and stand in my oneness ~ Come closer to me...I don't bite...oh, wait I do....but you seemed to enjoy it late last night.
After dinner was such a delight....
I would not wake you up if my intentions were not pure.
As you reach for me in bed you will find that I am not there....I've made my way to the kitchen to make you breakfast in bed...after all you are the King....

Your Style~ by Kerri Melroy 9/3/20

You have this flare about you. As you stand on the sidewalk drinking your coffee. You look stunning with your leather jacket on and the gray in your beard. Even with the obvious...there is more to you. There is this confidence that is just there and can draw someone in. There is that well written writer that is smooth with his pen. There are pops of the "foodie" in you...the places you eat the food you choose. Rather you are enjoying your food in gray sweat pants or in that tailored shirt and tie...There is so much more to you. The glimpses of the world around you are very inviting. The drives from place to place...the music that you play tells me stories that you don't share. The workouts at the gym...the seemingly calculated stories you write. You share little by little. Then sometimes you retreat to a world I do not see...Just know sir you are seen, you are appreciated for what you share and oh that voice...that voice of yours is one of a kind...I always hope your days go as planned. As I'd hate to see an ounce of disappointment in those gorgeous brown eyes.
To the man with style...you are so much more than what meets the eye.

The Drive ~ by Kerri Melroy

As I watch you drive through the city I wonder...what would it be like if I was riding with you.
Would I be my normal playful self...touching your arm when you said something witty. Turning the radio to find the blues station.
Would you drive me to the hot spots in town or the side roads that have that chill vibe.
Would we talk about art, literature, food...or would we have deep conversation. Maybe we would just enjoy the company of each other.
Would you catch me looking at you intensely...I would be reading your energy. Hearing every word you do not speak...
Would you take me to your favorite spot...or would that be too intimate to share.
As the drive comes to an end...How would we say good bye....Just a flirty good bye, A hey that was fun.. good bye, Would we move in for a kiss....would we be that vulnerable. Would I be my no holds barred self and move in for a hug, make eye contact and know in that moment I was kissing you...my lips softly pressed against yours, my nails softly running down your neck...as I bite your lip on the second kiss...I'd say good bye...
Would you let me leave or would you pull me back to stay just a little longer....
It's 9pm and these are the random thoughts that pass through my mind before I drift off to sleep.

He's The One

He's the one reason no other relationship has ever worked out. No matter how much effort I put in.
He is the one that I connect with on every level. He is the one that I hate to leave...even to go do the things I love.
He is the one that has this attractive confidence that draws me in.
He's the one I want to run a hot shower for.
He's the one I want to watch dress...causal or suited...he wears it well
He's the one that lights a fire within my soul.
He's the one that pulls me near and the world disappears.
He's the one that I want to bring peace and calm into his world.
He's the one I'd stand out in the rain with.
He's the one that stirs every emotion within me...
He's the one I want to go through this adventure called life with as I hold his hand tight ....He's the one~
Kerri Melroy 9/30/20

I was not prepared by Kerri Melroy 3/25/20

I was not prepared for the call I got...the voice, the hesitation, the silence..the primal scream that left my body seemed to have split my soul in two. I do not remember how I got from upstairs to being half way to the hospital in another town.
I am not sure I put the SUV in park as I ran up to the hospital. I heard a voice beside me that said what's wrong..I grabbed his hand and brought him with me..he was a life long friend that needed to be here. I am not sure how he got lost in the crowd or when I let go of him...As I entered the ER room it was very clear. The smell, the sounds my senses were in overload. Then it seemed that everything was swirling around us and the sound stopped and it was just us in that moment in that vaccum of time. As I leaned down to look at him, my hand came to stroke his face and head. My hand came down behind his head and it was the most heart stopping jolt of reality that I have ever had. His skull was crushed and my hand was laying inside a puddle of blood and brain matter. I did not notice until much later that I was standing in it as well. I was pulled away from him for a minute but I couldn't stay away. I was assessing him from head to toe. Noticing that his hands were broke, his stomach was extended, his teeth were broken. As, I realized this was horrible I felt myself beginning to barter for him to be ok and at the same time knowing it was not. I needed to be in this moment with him I couldn't fail him. I was all but on top of him and as I put my head on his chest I heard what was possibly his last breath. 28 years of memories ~ 28 years of life together gone. The hospital was filling up with family, friends and loved ones. I had never seen so many people. I brought his best friend back to say his goodbye in private along with our immediate family. We stayed back with him for what seemed like forever. There were a few other people that filtered in but I don't recall much during that time because I couldn't stop focusing on him laying there. I couldn't leave his side. I was asked to sign papers and make decisions on his behalf. I walked down the hallway of people that I had nothing to say to. Silence was all I had to offer until the rage came. I tried to contain my rage, I wanted to but it consumed me to the core. That day I lost my husband, my best friend, the father to our children. It was the day that changed my life forever. Through this traumatic situation, through the agony, through the pain was a very long journey of reflection and self discovery that I can only now appreciate. I honor him in some fashion everyday. I call upon his strength more times than I care to admit. Death changes us all ~it reshapes families, it can break you and it can transform who you are...

Mama's Hand

As a young child Mama's hand is what keeps us safe
As a toddler it helps us move from place to place
As a teen Mama's hand strokes our face
As an adult it shows us how to find our space
At the end of her life Mama's gentle hand helps us keep our grace
©Sara Correll
3/6/2020

The Creek

In the spring of my 13th year I was allowed to explore farther out away from my grandparent's cabin.
One morning I grabbed a backpack and put a compass, flashlight, pocket knife, matches, a whistle, a small blanket and a book in it and slung it over my shoulders, prepared to find my first real adventure.
I promised Grandma that I would be back before dark. She handed me a paper sack with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, some chips, and an apple and a mason jar of water. Which I added to my backpack. She gave me a hug and told me to come back with stories about what my day was like.
I set out on my adventure as prepared as I thought I should be. I had on my rain boots because with the spring rains the ground was muddy. I wore a light rain coat, in case it started raining again, over my jeans and a long sleeve shirt. The sun was shining and there was a light breeze blowing the new leaves on the trees. The temperature was perfect for a spring day.
At first there really wasnt much remarkable that I found. I was walking through the woods in familiar areas. Eventually I came to a slight hill that had always been my turn back point. Today I decided to see what lay on the other side. It was a little difficult because the ground was muddy and the trees were too big to grab hold of. But I finally made it to the top. I'm not sure what I expected to see when I got to the top but all that was there was more of the same from the side I had just climbed. A bit disappointed I decided to keep going and go on down the hill. Remember how I said the ground was muddy? Well my boot hit a slick spot and down I went. On my butt. Sliding down the hill. At one point when trying to get myself stopped I turned sideways and rolled and bumped and tumbled my way to the bottom. Out of breath, covered in mud, leaves sticking out of my hair I'm sure I must have been a sight! I was so glad no one was around to see me.
I got myself up off the ground, checked to make sure nothing on me was damaged and thankfully the only thing that didnt completely survive was my peanut butter sandwich. It was flat and mangled. But I knew I would still eat it. The biggest surprise was the mason jar of water was still intact. It apparently had been cushioned by the sandwich.
With no one around to witness my clumsy decent I was able to maintain my dignity and continued my trek.
The trees were a little less dense on this side of the hill so I had more sunlight to help dry the mud a bit. I had walked a ways when I started to hear moving water. Now I knew I hadnt gone in the direction of the river so I wasnt sure what I would find. I rounded a bend in what was a much worn animal path and came upon the creek.
The creek wasn't particularly wide or deep. But with the recent rains there was enough water that it was pretty full. I followed the creek for a bit until I found a clearing in the trees. There was this big rock in the clearing. My Grandpa had shown me one before in a different part of the woods. He called it a "puddin' stone." Said that it had been pushed down from the arctic by a glacier many, many, many years ago. This stone was almost as tall as me, was wider than my arms spread out as far as I could spread them and had an almost flat top. It was kind of dipped in the center. I crawled on top of it and sat Indian style in the dip and the dip was bigger than me. But it fit me well. I took off my backpack and used it to cushion my head as I looked up at the sky at the clouds. The breeze had died down to almost nothing by this time and the clouds were almost stationary. I laid like that for a few minutes. But then my stomach reminded me that I hadnt eaten for quite a while. So I ate the sack lunch Grandma had given me and drank the jar of water.
Since I had eaten the food I figured my bag would be safe from prying animals and not seeing any sign of any other humans around I decided to leave my backpack on the stone and walk a ways down the creek. So I grabbed my flashlight and compass and headed off. It was so quiet walking along. The only sounds were the melody of the water rippling over the rocks and the occasional twitter of a bird. I was very cautious about where I stepped, making sure I didnt step on any small animals or trip in a hole.
I didnt go far. I wanted to get back to the rock again and soak up some of the warm sun. I headed back to the rock and crawled back up to sit in the dip again. I read some of the book I brought and when it felt like it was getting late afternoon I gathered everything up and headed back to the cabin.
Grandma was happy to see me home. She poured hot water in the big metal tub so I could wash off the mud. She laughed as I told her about my trip down the hill and oohed and ahhed at all of the appropriate times when I told her about the different things I saw.
That summer I traveled to the creek as often as I could. I would spend hours walking in it. We had a dry summer so I could actually walk in the creek. I would sometimes find a pool of water in a hole and I would watch the tadpoles swim around. Over the summer I watched them grow in to frogs that would hop on the rocks as I walked the creek. I also learned to look for crawdads in the holes on the creek bank.
One day, early on, I found a huge, weird looking bug so after I drank my water with my sack lunch I poked some holes in the lid and scooped it up to take back to the cabin to see if Grandma and Grandpa knew what it was.
Neither did. But Grandpa pulled out an old, dusty book that had all of the animals and bugs that were found in our state. And so we sat at the kitchen table and poured over the book looking for it. We eventually found it. It was called an Assassin Bug. Which creeped me out so I took it and dumped it out in the woods. I knew it couldnt get out of the jar but I was not taking any chances. My Grandma did scold me for punching holes in the lid. So from then on I would take that lid with me on my treks so she only had one that had holes in it.
The book went with me on each trip after that. I would put a check mark beside each bug and animal I encountered on my trips. Grandpa and I would look at it every evening to see what new "critter" I had come across. And I would sometimes bring a bug or flower or berry of some kind to show off. I even found a crawdad shell once and put it up on the bookshelf when I got back that day.
In the fall I spent time crunching through the leaves that fell in the woods on my way to the creek. I loved looking at the reds, oranges, yellows and browns of the leaves. And I loved the smell that came up from the wood's floor as I stepped on the leaves. I would sit on the puddin' stone and watch the squirrels scurrying around picking up nuts, filling their cheeks so full I thought they would pop. Then they would scamper up the trunks of the trees that lined the creek bank, setting themselves up for the winter. The frogs were still about and I would hear them splashing in the creek when they jumped from whatever rock they would sun themselves on. It would get dark earlier which meant less time spent in my little special place.
Then winter came and I didnt get to the creek as often because it was harder to get there and back with snow on the ground. When I did go I always took a walking stick with me to help me balance on the way up and down the hill. I learned from the very first day that sliding was the hard way of doing things.
When I did make it to my creek I would clear a patch in the snow, gather sticks and light a small fire to help keep me warm. I would lean against the big stone or if there wasnt much snow I would put my little blanket down and sit beside the fire. I would read my book and eat my sack lunch. There were less animals out and about but once in a while I would get a surprise visit from a muskrat or a mink. One time I even startled a beaver that was chewing on a small tree trying to dam up a section of the creek. I dont know which of us was more startled. It ran off and I went on about my walk.
The year I turned 15 Grandma died. I was devastated. She had always been such a big part of my life. She taught me a lot of things that most kids my age had no need for. But I knew that anything she taught me would be something I might need later on in life. "Everyone needs to know how to cook and sew. Doesnt matter if you're a boy or a girl" was what Grandma always told me.
I spent more time at the creek that summer. I didn't even want to be in the cabin because everything in it reminded me of what I had lost. Grandpa seemed to be in his own world too so we just did our own thing and as long as I was back for supper he never said a word.
That went fine for both of us until one day I made a mistake.
I had left early as usual, right after daybreak. I had my coffee and bowl of cereal, packed my own sack lunch, gathered my stuff in my backpack and out the door I went. I cant even remember if I said bye to Grandpa.
So I went down my trail that was now a pretty worn path from all of my trips to the creek. I climbed up the one side of the hill and down the other, rounded the bend and came to my place. The place I ran to for solace. I felt like I could talk to Grandma here and she would hear me. I cried a lot that day. My heart hurt so much. I was so involved in my grief that I didnt keep an eye on the weather like I usually did. I would normally watch the sky and clouds and if it looked like it might rain I would pack up and hurry back to the cabin. This day I didnt. I didnt realize what was coming until the rain started. And when it started it came hard and heavy. It was the thundering downpour that soaks you in an instant. That you can't keep dry in unless you are already under shelter when it starts and I sure wasnt! I grabbed my backpack and jumped down off the rock and headed toward the cabin. I could barely see because the rain was hitting me in the face. It felt like little bb's hitting me. It stung. I kept wiping my eyes and kept my head down to try and see where I was going. I finally made it to the hill but couldnt get up it because water was pouring down it at me like a river. I had never seen it rain so hard. I walked along the bottom of the hill looking for a bush or something to crawl under and couldnt see anything. Finally I saw something sticking out of the side of the hill. I had never come this far before so I had never seen this part of the hill. When I finally got to what was sticking out I found that it was a huge flat piece of limestone. It jutted out from about the middle of the hill with an area under it that made me think it was a cave. But it didn't go back that far. It did, however, go back far enough that I found some dry ground to sit on. I took my blanket out of my backpack and dried off as much as I could. I found some dried leaves and twigs and piled them together and started a fire. Thankfully I kept my matches in a waterproof box in case I ever fell in the creek. The leaves made it kind of smoky but it eventually died down. I kept putting twigs on the fire until I couldnt find any more. I was hoping that the rain would stop, or at least let up enough that I could climb the hill so I could get back to the cabin. As I sat there it started getting dark and I knew it was past supper and Grandpa was probably mad because I hadnt gotten back yet. My stomach was grumbling at me and I was a little chilly. I scooted closer to my little fire to get what heat I could to help me stay warm. As I warmed up my eyes got heavy and I tried to fight to stay awake but I was just too tired. I dozed off but I dont know for how long. Something startled me awake. It took me a minute to remember where I was. I was stiff from sitting up with me knees bent and my head on them. The fire had died out and I was cold again. Then I heard what must have woken me up. A voice. Loudly calling my name. I knew that voice. It was Grandpa. I scrambled out from under the limestone overhang and hollered back. I saw a flash of light ahead, between where I was and where I usually crossed the hill. I hollered again and the light moved faster in my direction. Now mind you, my Grandpa was not the type to much show his emotions but I could see the relief on his face when we met up. He gave me a strong one-armed hug and with a crackly voice said "I thought I had lost you too."
I told him what had happened and why I hadnt come home. He told me that before the rain had stopped completely he made his way out to look for me. He knew that something was wrong when I hadnt made it home for supper but he couldnt see anything when it was raining so hard so he prayed and asked to keep me safe until he could get to me.
We made it back home, muddy, tired and emotionally spent. He put my plate on the table and a cup of hot coffee. I ate and we talked. About my trip to the creek, about Grandma and how we both missed her and about how this cabin meant so much to her and to us. I washed up, put my pajamas on and made my way to the couch to curl up in my blanket and fall asleep.
I stayed pretty close to the cabin the rest of that summer. I did visit the creek. I even took Grandpa with me a couple of times. We talked about the different animals and plants that made the creek their home.
In the summer of my 18th year I lost Grandpa. I went to the creek one time that year. To say goodbye to the 2 people who made it possible for me to live the life that I had. And to promise them I would continue to honor them and their lives by visiting the creek whenever I could.

©Sara Correll
March 2020