Rick White Comedy

I thought I’d post the video of Provolone, by cousin Frank.

Provolone My parody of Alone by Heart, about my favorite cheese.

Here is an important song about poultry!

https://www.instagram.com/tv/B_atWydjcj_/?igshid=YjVjNjZkNmFjNg==

This video is about chickens.

Hey Rick White Comedy friends:

Would you consider following my musical project with my wife? It would mean the world to us. Thanks, and may the bird of paradise build a nest in your enemy’s armpit.

Kim And Rick - Pop, Rock, and Country Hits

My muffin top is more like a loaf explosion. Just sayin…

Brillliant

Hey friends. Check out this timeless classic.

https://www.instagram.com/tv/B_atWydjcj_/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

This video is about chickens.

Here is a very important article I wrote about artwork, ketchup, and the criminal justice system.

Freda, Paul and Red

It was midnight, and Freda had no idea where Paul was. He had left the house around 8:00 pm to run to the sporting goods store to pick up some tennis balls. Paul was a world renown condiment artist. His technique consisted of drilling several holes in tennis balls, filling them with ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise and relish, and then throwing them at a canvas. Paul was old-school. While the other artists were working with new types of sauces, such as hollandaise and sweet and sour, Paul would never leave his basic condiment roots. That is one of the reasons that he was so well respected in the FFA (Food Fluid Art) world. He stuck to the more pure form of the genre. His position was, if it couldn't be created using the four basic condiments one would find at a baseball game, then it didn't need to be created.

Freda was really starting to worry. The sporting goods store was only a 10 minutes drive away, and Paul had been gone about 4 hours. She thought about calling the police, but they were not Paul's biggest fans. One of his most famous paintings was called "Green Lives Matter". He meant it to be a tribute to law enforcement. Without a blue condiment in his palette, Paul was forced to use relish to represent the policemen in his painting. Due to the chunkiness of the relish, the policemen looked more like The Incredible Hulk with a bad case of acne. So, in the end, what was meant to be a tribute to law enforcement was seen as an insult. The anti law enforcement factions of society used "Green Lives Matter" as a rallying tool to insult and belittle cops. Although this was never Paul's intention, the police didn't see it that way. In their minds, he was an instigator, a rabble rouser. So Freda was in a pickle (pardon the pun). She couldn't call the police to help find Paul. In fact, she suspected that the police may have been involved with his disappearance.

Freda hopped into their 1967 Ford Mustang and headed over to the sporting goods store. What she found when she got there would change her life forever. Paul and several other men were passed out in front of the store. There was ketchup everywhere. Upon further inspection, Freda realized that the men were all firemen. Paul was a big hit with firemen due to his photo realistic work entitled "Men in Red with Yellow Hoses", a work honoring firefighters done exclusively in ketchup and mustard. They felt this painting so captured the essence of their daily lives, that fire departments everywhere began hanging a picture of Paul in fire houses all over the country. They also began creating a ketchup based fermented drink in honor of Paul. The drink came to be known simply as "Red". Paul and the firemen were passed out from over indulging in Red.

This was the last straw for Freda. She loved Paul deeply, but this was a big betrayal. Paul's addiction to Red had caused so much turmoil in their relationship. After a year at a rehab facility, Paul was able to get the tomato-based monkey off of his back. He had been clean for four years. At least that is what Freda believed, but now she was wondering how long he had been leading this double life. Paul had assured Freda that he would be able to use ketchup in a purely artistic way, and that he would never, under any circumstances, let it ferment. Looking back, she realized that it was naive to trust that Paul would be able to withstand such constant temptation.

It all started making sense. Lately, when they would go grocery shopping, Paul seemed to be restocking his ketchup supply at a rate that was much greater than the other three basic condiments. Yet, since "Men in Red with Yellow Hoses" was completed, he had been working on a holiday piece entitled "The Grinch Who Stole The Mayo". This work was mostly green and white. Constantly needing to restock the relish and mayo would have made sense, but not the ketchup. Freda suspected that Paul had returned to making home-brewed Red.

Later that night, her suspicions would be confirmed, as she would find the hidden ketchup stash and a still made from the old antique hair dryer that her mother left them.
But for now, Freda had a decision to make. She could no longer trust Paul. In fact, she felt so betrayed that anger began to seethe in her like a marinara that had been forgotten on the stove. There was only one way to pay Paul back for such a betrayal. She called the police to the scene at the sporting goods store. Red had become a Class A regulated substance and possession of this quantity, combined with illegal home brewing, could send Paul and the firemen away for a long time.
After calling in an anonymous tip to the Police, Freda parked the Mustang across the parking lot, turned off the engine and lights, and waited for their arrival. After about 10 minutes, three cop cars showed up and six officers got out to inspect the scene. Once they recognized Paul, passed out in a pool of fermented ketchup, they were thrilled. This was their chance to finally arrest this troublemaker, and put him in a place where he would not be able to make his hate inspiring art. Sure, there are condiments in prison, but tennis balls are contraband.

After 5 years, Paul was released from the Federal Correctional Facility in Lakewood, CO. Freda had divorced and remarried a juggling circus performer who worked exclusively with gourds. The five years in prison forced Paul to kick the Red habit. Because of his crime, he was kept in a condiment free ward and had to eat all of his food dry. As Paul began his new life without Freda, without ketchup or the other three substances that had been such a part of his daily existence, he actually felt a sense of freedom.

Over the following years, Paul again became a productive member of society. He authored a book on condiment abuse called "Living the Dry Life". It won critical acclaim. But Paul could not deny the artistic muse that was such a part of his DNA. Knowing that he could never go back to condiment art and tennis balls, Paul found a new passion. Noodle sculpture. His piece, "King David and the Philistines - in Rotini and Linguini" now sits at the Pennsylvania Museum of Food Art and Dry Cleaning Technology in Philadelphia. But don't worry about Paul. He is very careful to avoid all sauces. Stay dry, Paul. Stay dry.

Copyright 2022 - Rick White - All Rights Reserved

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I remember hearing about these guys when I was a kid...

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These days, everyone could use a laugh.😆