Fit Glitch Gal

TW : body image

body image is a touchy topic. it’s raw and real - something most people on this app don’t know how to process. ✋🏼

as a fat in this world, I feel particularly awkward and uncomfortable with confrontation regarding bodies.

98.9% of the time, fat people are the butt of a joke or that negative thought in your mind when your clothes don’t fit you right. you know what I mean “ugh, I feel fat today”. shaaatup - even I, a fat, have said that s**t before.

internalized fatphobia is a thing. it’s something I’ve been unlearning for years now. I have never been thin. never society’s standard of beauty. certainly not the beauty standard to people around me and that let to a lot of self hate.

I have spent a lot of time preaching body positivity to my inner circle and really anyone I can get to listen but the truth is - that s**t is toughhh y’all.

what do you do to tell yourself you love YOU? do you recommend affirmations?

I would love to know and let’s spread some self love on this bitch (Instagram).

with love,
Ry

🌚

TW : inner child / trauma

ahhh, trauma. we all have it in some sort of capacity and that s**t is haunting to be quite honest. 🌚

traveling into your adult life, wreaking havoc, and damaging one thing after another. what a pain in the ass, am I right?

without going into too much detail…

life growing up was hell on this side. an unstable and abusive mess that led to so many issues in relationships (romantic, platonic, and professionally).

let’s face it though, life is tough without the additional deck of s**t cards you’re dealt with when you come out the womb.

what’s something you’ve done to heal your inner child? to overcome the trauma you dealt or are dealing with?

I’m working on answering this myself. I think going to old childhood places like zoos or museums has been particularly healing.

I’d love some insight though.

also, therapy - therapy is fu***ng mint.

with love,
Ry

✨

TW : weightloss surgery

let’s talk about it.

the nitty gritty and the who/what/where/why the f**k did I do this to myself? 😬

so, I am officially two weeks post gastric sleeve surgery. it’s still super early on but since I want to be able to discuss this in the future, I might as well start now.

this decision - similar to many of my fellow wls internet friends - was not a walk along the yellow brick road. we didn’t just decide after eating too many pizzas that we wanted to take a shortcut to be healthy again. it wasn’t an overnight decision for me and I know it isn’t for most people.

in my case, this decision was more than twelve years in the making. more than twelve years of exercise, being vegetarian 80% of the time, and restricting until I would nearly pass out from starvation and dehydration. this decision was made after multiple doctors visits over the years which always ended in sobbing and endless suicidal thoughts.

getting weightloss surgery is something that has been shamed for years. we are told that we are cheating. we aren’t seen as real athletes. we are bombarded with fear mongering and articles about death counts and so on. there isn’t a space for us that doesn’t come with backlash in the fitness community and that’s ok.

the truth is though…

this s**t is *tough*. this s**t is expensive. this s**t is invasive. it is scary, hard, and in some cases embarrassing to admit to the wrong person. but it’s worth it. it has given me hope. I have proven to myself time and time again that I am strong as f**k and I’m overcoming generational issues by taking this leap.

I am still recovering but if you’re on the fence or need someone to discuss the *very real* process that is gastric sleeve surgery, please reach out.

remember, you are worth it. wanting to be healthy doesn’t mean you hate yourself or your body. being fat does not equal unhealthy. no matter what you choose to do, it’s your body and your motherfu***ng choice - through and through.

with love,
Ry

🥀

TW : relationships

let’s talk cis het relationships. as of the last year, I came out as pans*xual - so it’s fairly recent - meaning most of my adult life has been relationships with heteros*xual men. 🥶

this won’t be a place to trash talk *all men* because there are like… two or three that are great. lmao I digress. but let’s be fu***ng real here…

fat women and relationships with hetero men are triggering to say the least.

if you don’t know what I mean, count yourself lucky babes.

we’ve all experienced the “bob and weave” that is avoiding commitment and public displays of affection after having the most mediocre s*x with a hetero *man*. the only coming over at night when he wasn’t busy aka when none of his friends or family would ask his whereabouts. we all know the love bombing and disturbing obsession followed by “oh, I’m sorry, I wanted to be friends with benefits”.

friends with benefits?! friends with motherfu***ng benefits. now I say “go f**k yourself” but then (aka 10 months ago) I was all about it. the lack of confidence and feeling like I’d never find someone who was physically attracted to me again was real.

personally, I never had an issue getting attention from hetero men but keeping them around…

without paying for s**t?
without s*xually putting out even when I didn’t want to? without accepting their mistreatment and abuse?

ah, that’s a different story.

what are some things you’ve learned in your relationships over the years?
what would you tell your younger self?

my advice to little Ry and generations after mine would be to know your self worth. understand that you’re enough even when you don’t agree. set your boundaries. raise your standards and never settle.

what a s**t show that I have yet to fully figure out.

spill the tea below, if you feel open to do so.

with love,
Ry

💓

TW : my journey

staying anonymous is hard because I want to be as transparent as absolutely possible so you can relate BUT it’s better this way, for now. 🥰

it goes a little bit like this…

an active child who started putting on weight way too young. a round of doctor appointments that led to being told (time and time again) to just stop eating and all will be fine. an angry mother and tons of bloodwork that said there were thyroid issues but ultimately just a “fat, inactive child who needs to get out more”.

several injuries from athletic activities.
years of competitive cheerleading.
training and completion of a half marathon.
gym membership by age fifteen.
myfitnesspal downloaded and self hatred activated.

you see, like most overweight women (and maybe men but I can’t speak for them) - I was turned away, degraded, and left to fall into a terrible eating disorder and no results even when I’d starve myself. that was the worst part. even when I wasn’t eating, I couldn’t lose weight.

something was wrong and it wouldn’t be until recently that I’d get the help I deserved, that we all deserve.

diagnosed with diabetes and high blood pressure (and a few more chronic illnesses), put on insulin and a slew of other medications to manage my recent “issues”. relief is all I felt. someone was listening and actually helping *me*, which after so many years of neglect, made me feel undeserving.

to keep it a buck with you - weight loss surgery has been on my mind for quite some time. after being put on so many medications to manage my diagnoses, I decided to go through with getting surgery to jumpstart my body in the right direction since I had cut my levels in more than half and my doctor encouraged me to go for it.

it isn’t the “easy way out” though, by any means. this journey has been one of the hardest things I have gone through with my body - thus far. this is a quick rundown of my story and my vision for this account is to keep you updated on my weightloss surgery progress, discuss trauma, recipes, relationships, and more.

can’t wait to see how this unfolds.

with love,
Ry