Curious Soul Philosophy

This was a fun interview to do with Céline Leboeuf on "Why Philosophy?" There's a whole bunch of these interviews, check 'em out.



https://celineleboeuf.substack.com/p/why-philosophy-monica-vilhauer?fbclid=IwAR1q4KgTcU6XXQp83iIkhbdu6jkCNYTbA6VbLxgrgbdZNtzedjv8SZRqR_Y

Why Philosophy? Monica Vilhauer Perspectives from a Philosophical Counselor

Thanks to Katerina Apostolides for her rich article on philosophical counseling, how it is unique in its approach to human well-being, and how it differs from popular forms of psychotherapy and life coaching.

Philosophy, Therapy and the Search for Meaning | Katerina Apostolides The number of people accessing psychotherapy is on the rise. While most therapy focuses on emotional well-being, for many people philosophical counseling may lead to better outcomes by putting meaning-seeking and meaning-making at its core, writes Katerina Apostolides.

On Listening and Asking Questions

One of the things that got me into philosophical counseling in the first place was a problem I kept experiencing as a counselee — whether in traditional therapy, academic advising, career counseling, or business coaching.

The problem was this trend of advice-giving without actually getting to know the client (me), the uniqueness of my situation, the particular challenges I was facing, what I'd already tried, and my particular goals, values, and commitments.

Counselors or coaches would quickly figure out which "bucket" to put me in, label me, treat me like a data point in the studies they'd read, and give me their one-size-fits-all formula for some external version of success that was theirs and not mine.

I thought — it wouldn't take much to do A LOT better than this for another human being. It wouldn't take much to stop treating another human being as merely an example of some pre-conceived "rule" of human behavior, or something to predict and control to achieve a pre-conceived belief about what is "good" for them.

I started to ask myself, what would it be like to table the assumptions you might have about another person, to ask them good questions, and really listen to them? What would it mean to really get to know them, get to know their specific situation and challenges, their unique strengths, passions, and aspirations, and all the ways in which they are irreplaceable in this world?

What would it be like to see this other in their true specificity, to see the way they bring something to the world that never existed before, to nurture that, and help them to cultivate a future out of it? What would it be like to help them find and create their unique path, for which there is no prior "formula"? What would it be like to collaborate with them in the examination of their life, in deliberations about their possible choices, and in creative acts of freedom . . . rather than act as an authority giving advice? What would it be like to be a true partner to them?

One of the most alienating and lonely things in this life is feeling like no one really sees you, hears you, or knows you. That you are just exchangeable with anyone else. Another of the most alienating things in this life is feeling like someone else is trying to dominate you. I've come to realize that the most powerful thing I can do in philosophical counseling is to offer at least one relationship that is humanizing, individualized, empowering, and caring. That is the first step in combatting daily alienation. That has remained my north star in what I do. We could call it a fundamental ethical orientation in which one treats another as "an end in themselves." We could call it the key to functioning dialogue — a kind of openness to the other. I think it's not inappropriate to call it an activity of love.

I'm grateful to be included in this article about philosophical counseling, and love the idea that a philosophical counselor is like a personal trainer for your soul! Thank you to the writer, Jennifer King Lindley!

This Therapy Is Like a Personal Trainer for Your Mind—and Your Soul When we feel rudderless, we crave answers. But in the growing field of "philosophical counseling," the real power is in asking questions.

Glad to be a part of this new (ancient) movement to make philosophy personal, practical, public and relevant to everyday life.
https://dailynous.com/2023/07/31/personal-practical-public-philosophy/?fbclid=IwAR0MZ9EsSpbOycYDPRXWHVYGAZUMKYQO-X4eSFAAmBRhBoEuLuHPqx_CP8U

Personal, Practical, Public Philosophy - Daily Nous “Starting around 2010, however, there was a striking change, surprising to someone trained in the 1980s. Some philosophy professors began to write a lot more personally; they tried to show how philosophical ideas had affected and might affect their own lives.” That’s Crispin Sartwell (Dickinso...

Dear friends,
A reminder that the Early Bird Discount for our upcoming "Living Authentically" online philosophy workshop at Curious Soul Philosophy expires this Sunday, July 9.

We'll be talking about and applying Simone de Beauvoir's approach to combatting alienation -- especially the alienation brought on by society's expectations and gender-scripts concerning who we should be and what we should pursue in our lives.

We're reading Skye Cleary's new book "How to be Authentic: Simone de Beauvoir and the Quest for Fulfillment" -- this is your summer-empowerment read!

The workshop is online, Sundays, August 6, 13, 20, 27, 10:00am - 12:00 pm Pacific Time. Click the link to learn more and to register!

https://www.curioussoulphilosophy.com/living-authentically.html

Living Authentically: Online Philosophy Workshop - Curious Soul Philosophy Explore Simone de Beauvoir's philosophy of freedom, authenticity, and fulfillment. Apply new insights to your own life.

Dear friends,
I'm excited to announce an online philosophy workshop I'll be leading at Curious Soul Philosophy in August.

It's called "Living Authentically" and it's about Simone de Beauvoir's approach to combatting the alienation brought on by society's expectations and gender-scripts that (society says) we must follow. It's also about learning how to pursue freedom and authenticity for a more personally fulfilling life (and a less socially oppressive world).

We're reading Skye Cleary's accessible and engaging book "How to be Authentic: Simone de Beauvoir and the Quest for Fulfillment," and applying new insights to our own lives.

The workshop is online, Sundays, August 6, 13, 20, 27, 10:00am - 12:00 pm Pacific Time.

Click the link to learn more and to register!

https://www.curioussoulphilosophy.com/living-authentically.html

Hey there, I've got a new profile up on Therapy Den for Philosophical Counseling. I invite you to check it out! As a philosophical counselor, I help folks who are seeking more clarity, meaning, purpose, and empowerment in their lives. I use the ancient philosophical approach of examining old assumptions, clarifying values, and creatively developing a philosophy of life that you can put into practice for a more intentional existence. I draw quite a lot on ancient Greek, existential, and feminist philosophies. Check it out, and send the link to a friend! I can see clients living anywhere via Zoom.
Link:
https://lnkd.in/gEvbudbD

Hello, I'm a human being (my name is Monica) and what I write here are ideas generated by me out of my human experience in the world. I address and reach out to you, other human. xo.

Today I'm prepping a Nietzsche lecture for a group of psychotherapists who are interested in learning about the theoretical roots of existential-humanistic therapy. I came across this passage in Nietzsche's Gay Science that took my breath away.

To me, this passage expresses so well the experience of an existential crisis. The loss of direction, meaning, orientation, the old beliefs that used to support you, your old compass -- and what happens when you face infinite possibilities and realize it's up to you to find your way. An existential crisis is more common than you might think, and philosophical counseling is a good place to work through it.

"In the horizon of the infinite. — We have left the land behind and boarded the ship! We have burned our bridges — more than that, we have demolished the land behind us! Now, little ship, watch out! By your side lies the ocean; true, it does not always roar, and sometimes it lies there like silk and gold and daydreams of kindness. But the hours are coming when you will recognize that it is infinite, and that there is nothing more terrifying than infinity. Oh, the poor bird that felt itself free and now collides with the walls of this cage! Alas, when homesickness for the land comes over you, as if there had been more freedom there — and there is no longer any "land!" (Nietzsche, Gay Science, Sec. 124).

Learn more about philosophical counseling for an existential crisis at Curious Soul Philosophy: www.curioussoulphilosophy.com

How Philosophy Can Help…
Part 5: Combat Alienation

This is a big one, so pardon the long-windedness. It seems like all our interactions these days are set up to alienate. In our jobs, in school, in sports, in hospitals, on a support line for your software that isn’t working (which is now a typed interaction with a chat bot), and yes, even in counseling, business coaching, or other mentoring programs. It seems everywhere you go you are given the “one size fits all” treatment, judged as being this or that kind of “thing” or “type” before anyone even gets to know you . . . and then handed the “boiler plate” language. You’re treated as if you are just like anyone else -- that you have the same situation as everyone else, the same concerns, values, struggles, and that you are in effect totally replaceable.

Martin Buber would have called this the “I-it” experience. I suppose it’s all in the name of “efficiency”? Profit? No wonder we feel invisible half the time. No wonder we feel like no one really knows us, like no one really values us for WHO we are, like no one can really help us when we need it BECAUSE even the professional helpers are not willing to get to know who we are. Instead, they judge, diagnose, advise, even command at times before they know anything about our real situation. They won’t really listen. It’s infuriating.

This is the central problem that I’m combatting in philosophical counseling sessions with my clients every day. We have to find a way back to a human and humanizing way of relating (Buber’s I-Thou relation). We have to find a way to create it in our sessions, and then use that experience to recreate it in the world to the extent that we can.

So, this is how it goes. In philosophical counseling, there’s no preconceived judging of “what your problem is” or what your unique solution might be. We’re going to find out together in a collaborative inquiry. There’s not going to be any diagnosing or pathologizing. Your narrative will be listened to and taken seriously as reflecting what’s really going on in your world. There will be a real effort to get to know you, your situation, your struggle, your goals, values, and strengths. And we will find a way to use those strengths of yours to help you move forward.

No one is going to tell you what to do or how to think. No one is going to take that freedom away from you (because that just re-alienates). Instead, you will have a partner who helps you to open up your horizon of possibilities and their implications so you – unique, weird, wonderful, and irreplaceable you -- can make the choices that are purposeful, empowering, and fulfilling for you.

How Philosophy Can Help…
Part 4: Claim your freedom

There are a lot of forces at work in this world, in childhood and adulthood, that want to convince you that there’s a certain way things just “have” to be, and that you can’t do anything about it. It’s the “nature” of things, and you must obey.

Some people want to convince you that a job, for instance, is in its nature a kind of drudgery, and you just have to accept that toiling your life away in a cubicle doing something you hate for a tyrannical boss is your destiny. The search for meaningful, creative, or exciting work outside the cookie-cutter options everyone else is caught up in is futile. The hope for a collaborative working environment where your skills and ideas are valued is just a pipe dream. Getting to have a life outside the office – impossible.

Others may want to convince you that because you were born into a particular family, area of town, or body that there are certain limitations on your life that you just can’t change. A small-town girl can’t travel the world. The potential friends across town are "not your kind" or “out of your league.” You’re “too big” to be a dancer. You don’t have enough muscle to be attractive. The school you attended was not fancy enough for anyone to take you seriously.

And maybe there are certain roles they try to tell you are “natural” for someone like you – girls, get ready for your life as wife, mother, house cleaner, cook, emotional care-taker for everyone in the family, people-pleaser, social coordinator, part-time subordinate at work. And that’s the way things are “meant to be.” (You’d think we were beyond this in our culture by now, but we’re not).

I can’t tell you how many clients I meet who are staring down the tunnel of one of these supposed “obligatory” life destinies, believing there’s no alternative -- they're in despair and do not want to go on.

Well, thank the universe for philosophy, because it can help you call all this bu****it about what's "obligatory" into question.

Human beings can interpret life differently. YOU can interpret the world differently from the way you've been told. Human beings can assert a different set of values and change their lives accordingly. Human beings can move beyond the past and springboard into new possibilities, new futures. Human beings can say their “sacred no.” And then, with a little innovation, they can say a new “yes” to something that may have never existed before their badass self showed up on earth to prove everybody wrong.

Look, I know there are a lot of obstacles, a lot of push back, a lot of pressures to do what you need to do to feed yourself and survive. I know change is a long haul, especially culture change. But when you feel yourself looking down the "tunnel" -- know that you still have choices. There are “windows” of freedom still there, if we can learn to see them. Let’s find them together.

Monica Vilhauer
Philosophical Counselor

Curious Soul Philosophy Experience the practical relevance of philosophy in individual philosophical counseling, conversational workshops, and experiential learning retreats.

How Philosophy Can Help…
Part 3: Create meaning and purpose in your life

Losing one’s sense of meaning and purpose is a lot more common than you might think.

Sometimes the “loss” happens when a big life change hits – you lose your job, your kids go off to college, you get divorced – and your old compass that used to orient “the point” of your daily existence. . . breaks. You find yourself confused and asking “what’s the point of my life?” or “why am I even here”?

Sometimes the “loss” happens through an experience of disillusionment or a “loss of faith.” It might be a loss of religious faith, or a loss of a belief in “absolute” meaning. Or it might be a loss of faith in principles that always guided you having to do with law and justice, or democracy, or education, or healthcare, or the basic humanity of people. (I often hear: “I’ve lost my faith in humanity”).

Perhaps you experience a tension between your old ideals and the reality you’re facing. Maybe you’re wondering whether your old ideals were naïve. Perhaps you find yourself feeling as if your efforts in what now appears to be a corrupt or dysfunctional system are just futile. You’re lost. You need a sense of direction to go on. You need to figure out your “why” in life.

In philosophical counseling, we can work to re-orient your life. We can discuss what kind of thing “meaning” even is, where it comes from, and how you might generate it. We can discuss your values, your old beliefs and what caused the disillusionment, and we can work on establishing new revised beliefs, taking into consideration your recent experience. We can also come up with experiments for you to try out to see where you might find new activities that are worthwhile to you. Meaning and purpose are still possibilities!

How Philosophy Can Help . . .
Part 2: Examine Old Assumptions

Most the time we direct our lives on autopilot, letting old assumptions -- judgments, beliefs, values, interpretations – guide us without even being aware of their influence on our feelings, choices, actions, and the general ways we approach our lives. We live on autopilot, without ever stopping to take a look at, question, or revise our assumptions when they are causing us problems. One of the most wonderful things about practicing philosophy, in my opinion, is learning to see what is familiar to us (what seems “obviously true”) as strange and questionable.

Identifying and questioning mainstream beliefs and values, and then examining their truth, is Socrates’ legacy. For instance, Socrates called into question popular beliefs that the “good life” and “happiness” mean money, power, reputation, or pleasure. He asked whether those things really bring about the most profound human flourishing and the most fulfilling kind of life. Continuing the philosophical legacy, existentialists called into question popular beliefs that human beings have some pre-determined essence or destiny to fulfill, and instead they showed us that "who" we are is up to us to create through our own projects and choices. Feminist philosophers called into question popular beliefs that a woman is “meant” first and foremost to be a mother, stay at home, and do domestic chores. They asked whether women were capable of many other things and could choose for themselves the purpose of their own lives.

Philosophy has always been subversive. It has always involved cultural critique. And, in my experience, that is part of what makes it such a liberatory practice for so many. We easily trap ourselves in beliefs handed down to us, assuming they are “necessarily true” without critical thought. Philosophy helps us to decide for ourselves. With philosophical examination, if we choose to re-affirm and re-adopt those old beliefs, at least we know why we’re doing it and we do it with reflection and consent. And if we realize those old beliefs have some problems, we can revise them, also with our own reflection and consent.

But here’s the thing. We all need a philosophical buddy for this examination process. We need someone with a “different” point of view who can help us see alternatives, who can pose questions where we have trouble seeing anything questionable, and who can test truth claims along with us. Those are some of the things, among many others, that a philosophical counselor can offer you!

How Philosophy Can Help
I am often asked how philosophy can help people with everyday life problems. I’m starting a little series of posts to answer that question. This is the first!

Part 1. Diversify your thinking

So . . . we all get stuck in our thinking from time to time. We build up a kind of rigidity in the way we interpret things, either out of habit or because we’ve learned to fall in line with the mainstream interpretations of others. It’s also possible that we were pressured to adopt some dogma in our youth, and we did -- but then forgot to question it later in life. For instance, you might have come to think of your value in terms of one particular role that you perform in your family or in your job. In your job, it’s probably synonymous with your title. It’s the thing other people in the office ask you for help with. Perhaps you get a little nervous when you’re asked if you could chip in in a different role, because you’ve come to internalize this “one thing” as your scope of expertise. And not only your scope of expertise – you see it as your scope of “being!” When people at dinner parties want to know who you are, they ask “what do you do?” The notion that your whole being and your whole value can be (and should be!) distilled into this one professional role is reinforced everywhere in our culture. You’re a pigeon in a hole. A one-trick pony. It’s your “brand.” And you’ve come to believe it. Your thinking about yourself is contained in that box.

Suddenly you find out that your role is going to be dropped, discontinued, deleted. You’re in a tailspin of fear and confusion about who you are and what your worth is. The narrow thinking about yourself – about who you are and what your value is -- is causing you some big problems. You feel like you’re being erased. You’re lost. Perhaps you are even in despair.

Ok . . . how might we diversify your thinking about who you are and what your value is? What are all those skills that you've developed that no-one ever recognizes, but should? What are some of your other activities, talents, and passions? What are the different relationships you maintain in your life? What value do you bring to the world through those other activities and relationships? What is special in your life that is just for you? In philosophical counseling, we can break out of the kind of restricted thinking that is causing you to feel lost and in despair.

Just so you know you're not alone . . . Hey, Facebook friends! What’s an example of a thought that has held you captive? How was it causing you problems? What helped you to think in new ways?

Ready to try philosophical counseling? Send me a message!

The most beautiful sound a philosophical counselor can hear: "Wow, I never thought about it that way before." Second most beautiful thing: "You just did more for me in the last 30 minutes than years of psychotherapy, meds, and ketamine."

Grateful, always, for the power of philosophy.

When should you try philosophical counseling?

When you feel lost, stuck, angst-ridden, disillusioned, demoralized, or dissatisfied with life, those feelings are often signs of deeper philosophical struggles.

You might be . . .
• rethinking your core beliefs and values
• searching for meaning and purpose in your life
• grappling with ethical dilemmas
• dealing with social pressures or abuses of power
• going through big life changes and shifts in your identity
• trying to create more freedom and authenticity in your life

If you find yourself in an infinite loop of questions about any of these topics, then congratulations! You’re paying attention to the difficulties of the human condition! And that takes a lot of courage.

I know it seems easier to run away from these difficulties, but a life-crisis is a great opportunity for growth and change.

This is your chance to create greater clarity, depth, intention, and personal fulfillment in your life.

In philosophical counseling, we can…
• uncover old assumptions and ways of thinking
• see what’s working for you and what’s not
• try out more empowering and inspiring perspectives
• and put new insights into practice for a more self-determined life.

There’s no pill, drink, shopping spree, or vacation that can solve the problems we all face in trying to live a life of purpose, integrity, freedom, and authenticity. (Believe me, I’ve tried).

When you are ready to go deep into conversation, make change, and become the architect of your own life, reach out for a consultation.

Monica Vilhauer, Ph.D.
Philosophical Counselor
www.curioussoulphilosophy.com
[email protected]

Curious Soul Philosophy Experience the practical relevance of philosophy in individual philosophical counseling, conversational workshops, and experiential learning retreats.

Just a little reminder. The value of your life is far greater than your instrumental value for bringing about someone else’s profit, power, reputation, or empire. That is all.

Here's my little thought from the last few weeks of philosophical convos: If it looks like a cage, and functions like a cage, and continues to function as one no matter how much you try to re-interpret it as your safe and cozy home . . . it's still an f-ing cage. The problem is not always psychological. There are actual cages. They aren't all "just in your head".

More philosophical song lyrics.

For your ethical dilemma . . .

"but then what kind of scale
compares the weight of two beauties
the gravity of duties
or the ground speed of joy?
tell me what kind of gauge
can quantify elation?
what kind of equation
could i possibly employ?"

Ani Difranco

Coming soon in October — our online Alienation workshop at Curious Soul!

Feeling like a stranger in relation to nature, in relation to your own work, and even your own body and instincts?

Wondering how that happened?

We'll be digging in to big alienation philosophers Rousseau, Marx, and Nietzsche for answers. We'll brainstorm some possible remedies to get back in touch with ourselves, our world, and our humanity. Then we'll try out our ideas in practice and discuss. Time to get experimental, lovers of wisdom.

*Philosophy Workshops at Curious Soul Philosophy are for philosophically curious working (or retired!) adults. Topics are relevant for everyday personal and political problems. We emphasize accessible language, practical relevance, and engaged dialogue.

Alienation: Online Philosophy Workshop - Curious Soul Philosophy Examine the roots of our modern estrangement from our natural selves, our work, and our very humanity. Experiment with ways to relieve alienation in your life.

More philosophical analysis of song lyrics . . .
"In the desert you can't remember your name, 'cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain"

aaaaaaaand go!

Ha!

Love this!

Lately I've been tuned in to philosophy coming through in song lyrics. I thought this would be a pretty fun thing to share with each other. Got some philosophical song lyrics? Post them and we will discuss.

"Nature gives us shapeless shapes, clouds and waves and flame. But human expectation is that love remains the same. And when it doesn't, we point our fingers and blame, blame, blame." (Paul Simon)

Discuss!

Hello Curious Souls, you may not know that part of my counseling work is devoted to helping members of the gymnastics community examine longstanding cultures of abuse, build empowerment, and create healthy and positive futures. Though the post below was written for the gymnastics community, it's relevant for any sport (or school, or job, or high pressure activity where abuses of power are common). I hope it helps anyone who is struggling in a toxic or dehumanizing situation. You deserve more.

Counseling for Gymnasts - Curious Soul Philosophy Examine gymnastics culture, build empowerment, and create your own positive future.

"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."
Viktor Frankl

Need some help reclaiming your freedom?

Join us for the online "Search for Meaning" workshop on Viktor Frankl's work.

Last chance to register!
The welcome emails go out in three days on Thursday, April 7th.

We'd love to have you in our group!

The timing of the workshop is best for US West Coast and India this time around. Learn the details and register below.
https://www.curioussoulphilosophy.com/the-search-for-meaning.html


https://www.curioussoulphilosophy.com/the-search-for-meaning.html

The Search for Meaning - Curious Soul Philosophy Explore the importance of meaning and purpose for human life, and find ways to restore them when they're lost.

The Stoics have grown in popularity in recent years. Their philosophy is well suited for times of uncertainty, chaos, violence, and political upheaval. The Stoics remind us that philosophy is not just an abstract intellectual exercise for people hidden in an ivory tower. It's for our everyday lives, even in the hardest of times. It's born of struggle.

First principle of Stoicism: Learn to distinguish between what is in your control and what is not. Put your value, your focus, your energy into what is in your control (your thoughts, your actions, your reactions). And what is not in your control? -- "be prepared to say it is nothing to you."

This is a nice summary of Stoic principles that can help you every day.

Need help working through turbulent times? Visit the Curious Soul Philosophy webpage and check out philosophical counseling, or send me a FB message.
https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20220308-what-ancient-philosophers-teach-us-about-uncertain-times

The ancient guide for uncertain times For many people, the world is in a state of upheaval that can feel difficult to cope with, but can the teachings of the Stoics help in these troubling times?