Breaking Eggshells
My cathartic blog, my journey of healing, resilience, tips, strategies, & new beginnings after abuse.
28/08/2023
Whatever you're trying to today, Whatever challenges are weighing you down physically or emotionally. Reminder to you, you've already overcome and accomplished so much.
Maybe it doesn't feel like that but trust me, you have.
Write a letter to yourself saying remember when, list the things you've achieved or overcome.
Not to be too cheesy, but you've got this, you'll overcome or achieve this too.
Wishing you certainty and strength today 💪 ❤️ 🙏
27/08/2023
I've just finished re-editing my blog post of what I know for sure speaking of the importance of focusing on what is within our control.
If you're struggling with a sense of feeling powerless or angry this may be helpful for you.
https://www.breakingeggshells.com/post/the-girl-from-ipanema
Have a great Monday 🌺
27/08/2023
Working poolside while my kids hang out today. Worklife balance as best I can 😊
This is kind of a long post for social media but I think it is worth it.
Especially if you are feeling drained by the length of your separation, and how long it is taking to get everything resolved with your ex so you can move on with your life, just as you intended to when you first left. Then take solace in the silver linings I believe come from time.
Like the burning of sugarcane before harvest so it can be cut down easier, and regeneration burns designed to enable successful regrowth, leaving an abusive relationship requires us to burn down the person we have become to survive within an abusive relationship.
At some point, all of the beliefs and behaviours we have created to survive within the relationship, which served to keep us and our children safe as we walked on eggshells need to be let go of and replaced with new beliefs and behaviours which will help us to thrive.
For me, I am still working towards my financial settlement, and it is taking a long, long time. In the meantime, in two weeks, I will officially be divorced and rather than wait for everything to be finalised, I'm going to celebrate this milestone with my friends which will be so much fun. As a former event planner I'm loving the distraction of planning my party and having something joyful to look forward to.
And, here’s the silver lining of taking a long time to obtain a financial settlement and to prepare for court. The Carolyn I am today, versus the Carolyn I was when I first left my relationship in 2019, over 4.5 years ago, is a version of me who has been attending therapy, spending time with people who I love and who love and support me back, experiencing the world outside of the numbing and often crippling judgements of my ex, designed to keep me from becoming confident, joyful or growing stronger within myself, strong enough to leave.
Now I am the Carolyn who knows she is valuable, worthwhile, intelligent and deserving of a good and happy life with her children. Someone who will stand up and fight for us, and not just give in to keep the peace.
I am regenerated, and I am ready for this fight and ready for this beautiful new chapter in life.
So, if it is taking a long time for you to work through things with an abusive ex and in the meantime you are experiencing abuse including financial abuse and coercive control designed to keep you broken.....
Create moments of peace within your every day, surround yourself with people who will support and uplift you, do the work you need to do to unf**k your brain like therapy, workshops and learning new skills which will build your confidence, because you've been stuck in survivor mode for too long, and map out your amazing new life free of all of the feelings you have been engulfed by which kept you trapped for so long.
I wish you peace, joy, strength, safety and certainty.
Cheers, and happy Saturday.
Have a fabulous weekend, Carolyn # # #
17/08/2023
I believe in the power of words and
love affirmations. They hang from my walls and adorn my wallpapers on my phone and computer. I also have lots of different hands-on tools such as these beautiful cards.
Today's I drew the word courage, and it's so appropriate as I embark on my newish journey into writing.
Our biggest risk is not that we might fail but that we will be too afraid to begin...I'm leap frogging over that and do***ng deep and working on my writing today.
Wishing you courage today 😘 ❤️
Believe in yourself, you've overcome all life has thrown at you, you'll overcome this too 🌺
03/08/2023
It's important when you're in the thick of difficult times like court proceedings for family court to remember to take care of yourself.
This morning a little me time after dropping my kids at school.
Do something for you today 🌟
27/07/2023
So true
26/07/2023
Standing at the edge of a new chapter can be scary. The desire to run back into the pages you know so well, is more than tempting. But you must keep moving. Chapters end, even the good ones. And if you linger in the past too long, your story cannot unfold the way it should. And you might just miss the most beautiful moments of your life, whilst grieving the ones gone by. It’s scary at the edge my friend, I know. But just jump. You have so much ahead. And the good stuff behind, will always be there.
By Donna Ashworth
15/07/2023
My blog and website are finally live. I will be adding more content regularly but for now, I am glad to finally take the dive and share what I have been working on. Feel free to share your thoughts, ideas and journey with me too. Cheers, Carolyn x
www.breakingeggshells.com
10/07/2023
My former husband loved to use my past mistakes to hold me back and make me feel small, unworthy.
I love this perspective by Salma Hayek which I have thought to be true for a long time.
Mistakes are valuable tools that provide
opportunities for growth, learning, and discovery.
They are stepping stones to wisdom, offering
chances to begin anew with greater intelligence.
Mistakes do not define us but instead allow us to
refine ourselves and shape our destinies.
Your mistakes are yours. Don't let anyone else hold your mistakes against you, to try to take your power from you. Take your power back 💪 🙌
10/07/2023
28/06/2023
Saying yes to this 😘
27/05/2023
26/05/2023
One of the hardest things I had to stop doing when I left my abusive relationship, was to stop making decisions based on what I thought was least likely to upset him.
It literally took me years to change that mindset and finally make decisions based on what is in the best interest of my kids and myself.
When I first made that shift in my mind, my body would react and I would feel ill and sometimes get sick, it was that hard.
Since then, Yes, he has been pi**ed off many times, including at the moment. But let's face it, he was pi**ed off even when I was trying not to p**s him off.
At least now I'm putting my kids and I first and if that p**ses him off....well that says more about him then it does me.
19/05/2023
Good morning thoughts, long overdue.
Learning boundaries has been one of my biggest challenges.
I've allowed others to walk all over me, in all areas of my life.
With my former husband, a long drawn-out separation and divorce sometimes take their toll. Five years on and only now preparing for court so we can finalise everything,
Getting to this point has required a lot of change in my mindset from trying to do whatever I thought would keep him happy so he wouldn't be abusive to making decisions where I put my children and my needs first.
This morning, I stepped away from a business relationship that I could see was not healthy.
This for me is growth. I respected my boundaries and am stepping away before the relationship becomes toxic. Allowing preservation of my peace of mind.
Like most people pleasers, I used to think boundaries were unkind to others.
Over the past few years, I have come to understand that the sense of disrespect I would feel when my boundaries weren't respected, was all down to what I allowed.
As Brene Brown said, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.”
Establishing boundaries is good for you and the people around you. When you're clear about your boundaries, people will understand your limits and know what you are and aren't OK with, and they'll adjust their behaviour.
As the saying goes "The only people who get upset when you start setting boundaries are the ones who benefited from you not having them." I'm learning to let go of those people without negativity and just let them do them and I'll do me.
Piece by piece, step by step I am redrawing my boundaries as required, healing a lifetime of disrespect and boundaries not maintained.
I hope by putting this out into the universe I help someone else, and that I open the door for me to step through to the possibilities and opportunities that surround me every day, including sharing some of my thoughts and experiences with you, whoever you may be, for both of us to heal 🪷🙌
08/01/2023
https://www.instagram.com/p/CnKKvtTsQGb/?igshid=OGQ2MjdiOTE=
It takes strength to take that first step.
Leaving an abusive relationship is like a marathon.
It takes planning, a team for support, mental and physical stamina, determination.
Whatever stage you are at, take your time, breathe and plan so you can leave safely.
Planning takes time and is the first brave step 🙌🔥
I am in the flow for sure. Finally writing more and more from the heart, allowing myself to show up on the page and just be me. I’ve been up working on my blog since about 3.30am…no surprises there. I’m sharing this little video of how my workspace looks. I do have an office, but I almost always work at the dining table. I was tempted to move the salt, the cards, and the homework sheet but then it wouldn’t be real, and that’s one of the most important ingredients to writing my blog. My gorgeous silly Miss Tilly who keeps me company is another essential ingredient. Not long now until I will be ready to publish. I’m estimating one to two weeks as I edit the overall site and rejig some of the articles I have written to take on more of me.
I had my final family mediation session.yesterday Final because despite my former husband initiating the process, he has now ghosted the mediator. WTF. Possibly this was all just another rouse to get me jumping through his hoops. I didn’t even want to participate but I did, and it turns out it was what I needed.
Gratitude this morning to my former husband for arranging family mediation because without that I wouldn’t have received the professional confirmation I had convinced myself I needed before I was willing to step up, trust my instincts and do what I have known in my heart for a long time I need to do to protect my children from further emotional abuse and threats of violence and found some alternatives that will allow my children to choose if/when they interact with their father in an activity based arrangement so they can still stay connected with him. Hopefully their father will take this opportunity to be more present and kind and to shine in those interactions and to have a more positive relationship with our children.
The first affirmation card I drew this morning from my Insite Mind 'Oh happy day' cards was
I breathe in confidence and breathe out fear.
Seems appropriate this morning. Cheers to Friday and a great weekend ahead 😊
12/10/2022
It's not through healing that you will love yourself. It's through loving yourself that you will heal 🙌💕 Now read that again # # #
12/10/2022
It's not through healing that you will love yourself. It's through loving yourself that you will heal 🙌💕
01/09/2022
Thank you for these beautiful words ❤
HERE’S TO THE FRIENDS
Here’s to the friends,
who give us grace to cancel the plans we made, when we were a different version of ourselves.
Here’s to the friends,
who never say ‘I told you so’ but instead, sit down and get comfortable, to hear the entire story they predicted already.
Here’s to the friends,
who send little videos of the things they know bring basic joy to your day.
Here’s to the friends,
who have our secrets in their pocket, and keep them safely guarded.
Here’s to the friends,
who show up for the happy, and the sad.
And see the importance in both.
Here’s to the friends,
we just could not be without, on this rollercoaster ride.
Here’s to the friends,
who bring in light, when light is scarce.
Here’s to you,
and here’s to them,
we’re blessed indeed,
to have that friend.
Donna Ashworth
From ‘Life’: https://amzn.eu/d/9Y6E6kz
Art by Amit Bera
20/08/2022
Sometimes healing begins with the conscious decision that it's time to heal.
02/08/2022
Yes, this is so true. When you feel like you can't go on, just remembered what you have already survived, overcome and achieved. Just keep going 💪🙌💕
02/08/2022
I love this post by Tiny Buddha 🙌💕
19/07/2022
A much needed positive step in providing more support to victims of domestic abuse 🙌💕
Photo from article in The Courier Mail
19/07/2022
A much needed positive step in providing more support to victims of domestic abuse 🙌💕
A much needed resource in the fight against Domestic and family violence 💕
Photo courtesy of Courier Mail.
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