Gabriel Firth Coaching

Fed up with your job? Something (or someone) at work getting in the way of you enjoying it? Do you dread Mondays? To the extent that you actually hate Sunday afternoons too?

And you’ve given this a lot of thought. And talked about it with a couple of people. But you’re still stuck and don’t know what to do. And you’re getting fed up with getting stuck in the same dead ends every time you try to work out a solution.

Can you coach yourself? Not really. But you can get started. Want to download 10 self-coaching questions in order to start thinking differently about it all? Here you go: https://lnkd.in/eFqjpPiY

FIRST EVER OUTDOOR COACHING CONFERENCE? I don’t normally post about things I’ve done/places I’ve been, but this feels absolutely appropriate. I have spent the weekend digesting the fabulously jam-packed-with-interesting-people-and-sessions first ever outdoor coaching conference. What an amazing day! All outdoors at Henley Business School. So thank you, especially Alexandra Burn, Jonathan Passmore, Anna-Marie Watson, Paul Jefferies, Lesley Roberts and Karen Liebenguth. And if you’re interested in why outdoor coaching is a thing, here’s my blog on it: https://lnkd.in/eGPBRPk5

Can you coach yourself? Not really, BUT you can get started.

In fact, it’s quite a good idea to do some thinking before you get going with coaching. Getting clarity about what you’re dealing with is essential if you’re going to succeed in making progress towards a solution.

SO – introducing: 👉10 DIY coaching questions 👈which will help you at least get your head around what you’re dealing with and what your challenges really are. They might not be what you think!

Sign up for my freebie here: https://gabrielfirth.com/10-self-coaching-questions/

What are these people talking about?

“…because of being outside and focusing on my surroundings and on walking, my mind was free to open up and find the issue creating the problem… and work out how to deal with the problem in a way that’s acceptable to me… with the confidence to begin the process of moving forward.”

“… you don’t have the pressure of someone looking directly at you… (it) took away the element of worry or stress… it was nice to walk around and feel free… much nicer than somewhere in an office…a more open and relaxed atmosphere…”

Outdoor coaching! Almost everyone who tries it loves it. The above testimonials are from two of my clients. Find out more on my blog:
https://gabrielfirth.com/guide-to-outdoor-coaching-benefits-of-walking-and-talking/

IT’S SPRING! FINALLY!

The days are longer and the blossom is out, and it feels like time to spend more time outside.

And time to come out of hibernation and get going on our plans for the year. Mine include starting a blog – a new thing for me.

And spending much more time outside in the green and blue.

So I’m going to encourage my clients to think again about outdoor coaching – walking and talking – which those clients who have done it absolutely love.

Why?

· Because an hour outdoors in the fresh air, looking at trees and water and grass and flowers and birds is good for everyone
· Because talking side by side is less intense than face to face and allows for a more comfortable feeling while you’re talking about difficult things
· Because silences are ok – you don’t have to talk; sometimes the best thinking is done without talking
· Because clients say that being outside helps them to think more easily, more creatively and – even – more quickly
· Because the physical motion forwards encourages thinking about progress and moving forwards with whatever it is you’re struggling with

So – if you’re interested in outdoor coaching, check out the outdoor coaching page on gabrielfirth.com or message me here on FB.

Coaching question #3 (in an occasional series)

Situation: client tells a story about a disagreement, argument, misunderstanding they have had with someone - relative, friend, boss, co-worker, team member.

Question: I want you to pretend to be the other person - can you me what happened from their point of view?

Making a genuine effort to tell the story from the other person's point of view, and thinking about why they might have behaved and spoken the way they did will probably loosen up your thinking about the whole situation. It won't make you see things the same way they did, but it will help you shift your single - and often stuck - interpretation of what happened.

January is really the cruellest month, although TS Eliot had it right that new beginnings can be a curse. January is the totally wrong time to make ambitious plans for new leaves and grand goals. We should be taking our cue from the natural world which knows that now is not the right time for that. Now is time for hibernating, staying warm, sleeping more, conserving and using the resources we have accumulated over the previous year, and looking after ourselves.

I’m suggesting that the new human year should really begin when the natural world does – perhaps the March 20th solstice? In the meantime, we can certainly think and reflect on what the past year has brought: What’s gone well? What not so well? And why? Who’s been good for us? And who not so much? Who have we served? Who have we overlooked?

So my Call to (in)Action is this: put on an extra pair of socks, get your hands around a mug of hot chocolate or mulled wine, settle yourself in a comfortable chair, and think, reflect, maybe journal if writing helps you with this kind of thing, and just allow yourself to remember, restore, ponder, wonder.

Coaching question #2 (in an occasional series)

Situation: a big decision to be made - a new job, moving to another city/country, a new project or job situation, having another child

Question: If you say yes to this, what will you be saying no to?

This is a really good question to get all the pros and cons out into the open. It helps you to look at how the consequences involve more or less money, more or less time with family or partner, more or less stress, mental health implications, career implications etc.

Keep this one handy for your next big decision.

Coaching question #1 (in an occasional series)

Situation: "I'll never get promotion because my line manager doesn't like me"; "I always get really nervous before I have to speak in front of more than 2 or 3 people."

Question: "When has this NOT been true?"

We tend to generalise and tell ourselves absolute narratives about what always or never happens. Think about the times when the generalisation hasn't been true - Why was that? What made the difference? Is there anything you can learn or reuse from that situation to help you with this one?

Try it - it could help. Has anyone already tried it - did it work?

September always feels like the new year to me. After 30+ years in teaching, now is the time of year that feels like a fresh start – turning over a new leaf – it even sounds like an autumn metaphor (yes, I know it’s not).

If you want to get out from under that feeling of “Is this what my career is now?” (but don’t know how), or change your job (“To what?”), or shift something/someone that’s getting in your way, or take a different look at something you’re stuck with ("I could never do that"), I can help. Here’s what some of my clients have said:

"Gabriel has an exceptional ability to track details without losing sight of the big picture, and was thereby able to help me better understand my own goals and to refine a set of discrete objectives."

"Gabriel approaches the problems with a proactive and no-nonsense attitude, but approaches the client with compassion and an optimistic, nurturing outlook."

"I enjoyed working with Gabriel. The sessions gave me space, time and a structure to explore where my career could go."

My clients have been teachers experiencing stress and burnout and seeking a better work/life balance, people in business (the tech industry in particular) who want to make a creative change in their careers, and people having difficulty with a life transition - a new baby, retirement. What they all have in common is the desire for meaningful change in their lives and for a plan to make that change happen.

Message me and we can talk about how to turn over your new leaf.

"People prefer the certainty of misery to the misery of uncertainty." (Virginia Satir)

Why do we go on doing the same thing even though it's making us miserable?

It's partly our brain expecting things to be the same, which may keep us safe, but isn't necessarily the right thing for us in the 21st century when newness doesn't necessarily equal danger, but is more likely to mean change or opportunity.

We also have to beware the "old goals, obsolete values and outdated self-perception" which are the "core planks of a life narrative" (Dan McAdams) - we have to consciously and deliberately override the brain's automatic processing and rewrite our story.

DIY? It's possible, but much more doable with a coach. If you've lost the joy you used to have in your job or career, but you don't know exactly how to find it again, DM me and we can talk.

Looking forward to the weekend already?

Is it because you're not happy at work? And stress and burnout doesn't even start to describe it. You're only really happy between Friday afternoon and Sunday afternoon. Because on Sunday afternoon you've already got that dread in your stomach thinking about Monday morning. While the people around you are enjoying sunny drinks in the garden/pub garden on a Sunday afternoon, you're in a gloomy funk, preoccupied by repeating thoughts about how much you don't want to go to work tomorrow.

That's 76% of your waking life spent not enjoying it. A coach could help you see your way out of that. Maybe/maybe not - but wouldn't you like to find out? Message me for a free conversation about what you're going through and how I could help.

Q: Why Outdoor Coaching?
A: So many reasons!

1 Have you ever noticed how much easier it is to talk to someone when you’re not face to face? Walking side by side makes talking less intense and more comfortable.
2 Being in the outdoors is both enjoyable and relaxing, and being in a different environment from an indoor coaching setting feels liberating and energising.
3 The walking journey with coach and client side-by-side reflects the dynamic of the coaching conversation: a collaborative exploration of the client’s challenge or obstacle, a feeling of greater equality between client and coach – the coach isn’t the ”expert”.
4 60 minutes walking outside is good for everyone’s physical and mental health.

So what are the benefits?

1 Clients say they think more clearly and creatively about their issues when they’re outside.
2 Some clients even say they think faster when they’re outside!
3 Being in nature allows you to “get out of your head” and experience an increased awareness of the senses, which adds a new dimension to the conversation.
4 Nature itself sometimes plays a part in the conversation, which can open up new avenues of thought.

Interested? If you’d like to talk about outdoor coaching with me, DM me here or contact me at [email protected]

Last week I went on a foraging and wild medicine walk in Borehamwood, Herts., guided by the wonderful Katy Neale. I felt that in order to do real justice to outdoor coaching, I needed to up my game from just recognising nettles and dock leaves :)

What an eye-opening experience - not just learning how to recognise different plants, trees and flowers, but to the amazing range of edibles and medicines in a park just outside London.

And then a foraging feast! Nettle soup, then pastries made with wild garlic, elderflower tea, and finally a shot of sloe gin.

Below are pictures of two plants I learned - one edible and one poisonous. Any ideas what they are?

Yet more proof (if you need it) of all the benefits of being on our feet more, outdoors more, and moving more.

The walking cure: why we should all be putting one foot in front of the other Walking is the simplest and most natural thing to do, but its impact on our health and wellbeing is dramatic and far-reaching, says Anna Fielding

Wise and useful advice for anyone facing a layoff or possibly the end of a relationship:

The many stops of life transitions Know where you are to decide where to go. When something abruptly ends, or when we reach irreversible conclusions, something else begins, and a transition process starts.

Q: If you could have any superpower what would it be?
A: Serenity...

Great article (link below) on how to maximise your serenity - 5 main suggestions, with some tweaks from me:
1 Get Stoic: looking at your worries from the perspective of the vastness of the world and of time, and how brief life is is a cliche, but how many are you now left with? If you're reacting negatively - with frustration, judgement, blame - these are things you can decide to control. It's the basis of CBT.
2 Escape into music - pick your own soundtrack and go and listen to it under the stars/trees or near some water.
3 Go and look at a picture - choose one which grabs your attention for some reason, and look at it, really look at it. Get lost in it and see where it takes you.
4 Write a haiku (5,7,5) - it's very calming. Write about something in nature - even moreso.
5 Find your flow - being completely absorbed doing almost anything we love can bring us into a state of flow which creates serenity. Do more of whatever that is.
Marcus Aurelius: "The nearer a man is to a calm mind, the closer he is to strength."

Five ways to be calm – and why it matters Is being calm about passivity and numbness, or is it a superpower that makes us strong? Lindsay Baker explores the ideas behind serenity, and ways that we can achieve it.

AWE IS REALLY GOOD FOR YOU

New research by Dacher Keltner at UC Berkeley in an article by Henry Wismayer shows that the key to a happier, healthier life is... AWE: an "essential pathway to physical and mental well-being".

By counteracting self-focus by taking us out of ourselves, and merging the self alongside the rest of humanity and the universe as a whole, it proves what Romantic poets and transcendentalists in the great outdoors have known for centuries.

Keltner is now researching the science behind this hitherto mysterious connection, with data from 26 different cultures. Read the article in Noema magazine https://www.noemamag.com/finding-awe-amid-everday-splendor/ for detail of the experiments, e.g. the egocentricity scores of people answering questions about (and drawing) themselves in a natural setting vs. surrounded by buildings. Also how awe activates the vagus nerve, which we are increasingly seeing as alleviating depression, anxiety and autoimmune conditions. The most powerful positive emotion to counteract elevated cytokine levels (inflammatory proteins in the immune system) - by three times? Awe.

"Looking for new connections"?

No, not that kind of post. It's what your brain is doing right now. New research out of MIT published in Neuroscience News suggests that adult brains have "silent synapses" - meaning that the mature brain has significantly more learning capabilities than previously thought.

These "highly plastic synapses ... can be recruited" but "require activity-dependent plasticity to mature" - rough translation - they're just sitting there waiting for us to use them for new learning and memory making.

I find this very exciting - our brains want us to do stuff! In contrast to the mountain of data about aging and cognitive decline, this feels like an incentive - learn Mandarin, or coding? start painting again? finally take that holiday to Peru?

What activity-dependent plasticity are you going to mature YOUR synapses with?

Silent Synapses Are Abundant in the Adult Brain - Neuroscience News The adult brain contains millions of "silent synapses", or immature connections between neurons that remain inactive until they are required for learning new information and storing new memories.

Best thing I've read for a while on procrastination - quite long and a two parter, but an easy read and great fun.

Why Procrastinators Procrastinate — Wait But Why The full story about why procrastinators routinely ruin their own lives.

Frogs or birds or tomatoes?

Productivity advice is everywhere right now - are you doing the Pomodoro (tomato)? method? Or are you eating the frog first? Or are you getting things done bird by bird (just one thing at a time)?

Peter Bregman's article on getting stuff done when you're overwhelmed suggests a combo of all three. To start with spend 15 minutes doing the quick easy tasks - just crossing as many off the list as possible (bird by bird) . Then turn off all distractions and commit 35 uninterrupted and timed minutes to doing the most stressful or highest priority task (eating the frog). Finally - take a 10 minute break. Repeat (pomodoro).

Couldn't find a hybrid image for all three techniques, so here's a tomato frog and a frogmouth bird.